


Keeping Afloat

by billie758657



Series: Keeping Afloat [1]
Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alcohol, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon Compliant, Comedy, F/M, First Person Perspective, Fluff, Gen, Love, Lust, Non-Canonical Character Death, Other, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Canon, Sad, Slow Build, Smut, Violence, Wordcount: Over 50.000, crossover between movie and book
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-18 21:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 103,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3584493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billie758657/pseuds/billie758657
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ebony is the only girl in a glade full of boys. It's a good life, or it could be worse anyway. After a close encounter with a Griever, she hands in her runnie-undies, but that's only the start of the drama. When the other gladers start to act strangely, she realises that she still has a lot to learn. </p><p>WICKED has it's variables on standby.</p><p>OR</p><p>The one where you can live vicariously and see life in the Glade well before Thomas arrives with the added bonus of your fave being in love with you. But who will you choose?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written as a reader insert on tumblr so apologies if there are any stray (Y/N)s lying around. There's also no regular update schedule for this unfortunately, I'm just writing when I can.  
> The story is un beta'd right now. I plan on going over it all and fixing mistakes when I'm done.  
> Thanks for reading and I'd really appreciate any feedback that you have about it. X
> 
> Amazing cover made by [stydiuhs ](http://stydiuhs.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: 26/5/16 - I've redrafted this chapter. It was getting on my nerves mainly cause it felt like the intro to a cheesy 90's chick flick which - while it isn't necessarily a bad thing, it isn't what I'd like for this story. I feel like my writing has improved a lot since I first started writing too so yeah. I'm happier with this version for now. I'll get round to redrafting the whole thing and fixing all the mistakes etc when the story is finished but here this is for now.
> 
> If you happen to have any thoughts about the new version, or anything at all really I'd love to hear about it!

 

>   
>  _Something was going on.  
>  _ _At this point, I wasn’t sure what exactly, but they were up to something and I was sure I’d be caught up in the middle of it soon enough._  
> 

It’s dark when I eventually join the Gathering - Most of the Keepers have been in there for a while now. I was supposed to be in there a while ago too but truth be told, I’d been putting it off. If Alby asked, I was just going to blame Paul or something but he didn’t, just motioned for me to take a seat instead. He’d wanted me to be part of this discussion so maybe he’s just glad that I actually turned up. Gotta hand it to him, he always seems to value my opinion. Minho and a few other keepers shoot me welcoming grins before going back to their debate in hushed voices. 

Looking round the room, I find it hard to believe I’ve been in this box for nine whole months. Doesn’t feel that long, but then at the same time, it feels like I’ve lived here my entire life. Of course, that would have something to do with the fact I can’t remember ever being anywhere else. Probably.

It’s not like this is the worst place in the world right? Although, I’m not the best person to answer that at the moment. That’s how I felt before, so I suppose I should stick to that for now. All things considered, and recent traumatic experiences aside, this place isn’t so bad.

I can’t help but feel a little bitter about the whole thing though. Maybe angry is a better word for it. Cheated. Scared is another one. The whole debacle really left me at a loss at what to do with myself. But then, no one else has ever been chased down by a shuck Griever and nearly gotten themselves locked inside the maze before so there isn’t exactly a precedent for this sorta thing. I’m one of the lucky ones, I know that; even if I don’t feel so lucky. A lot of shanks better than I am have gotten stuck behind those walls so the fact that I’m still here means a lot.

At least no one objected when I made the decision not to be a runner anymore. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly maybe, I think they were relieved. Another part of me thinks that they would have stopped me themselves if I hadn’t come to that conclusion on my own. Even the mere thought of going into the maze fills me with dread now. I just can’t face it.

It sucks though. I can’t help but feel like I’m letting everyone down by not going back in there. Minho keeps telling me that I’m not and how much I help everyone just by being here but - I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve got this itching to run again now that my leg is better and I feel restless all the time, completely out of sorts with the lack of routine and structure but I can’t run anymore so I suppose there’s no point in thinking about it.

It’s stupid - I keep running through section 6 in my head, out of habit I suppose - ‘cause I’d be there if it wasn’t for all this mess. I know exactly where the other runners would be when they stop for lunch, how many left turns they’d have taken to get there, how many crossroads they’d have passed. I guess it’s just going to take some time. That’s what Jamal keeps saying anyway. 

Watching the Keepers debate around the room as though I’m not even there makes me feel equal parts touched and annoyed. Lately, the boys been so overbearing I’ve wanted to thump them. They’ve only just stopped treating me like a ticking bomb for the most part though so I’ve decided to call it progress. I have to keep reminding myself it’s because they care about me. Any luck, once I have a proper job again, things will get better.

“She can’t be a Med-Jack Fry, have you forgotten about what happened on her trial?”

“So what? Who hasn’t set fire to something at one point or another?”

I roll my eyes in good humor, smirking at Frypan. When were they going to let that one go? It could have happened to anyone.

“Look there’s no point in arguing Clint, she can’t ‘cause of the blood anyway.”

“Oh yeah. That’s a no for the Slicers then too.”

“What if she just looks after the animals and doesn’t do the slicing bit?”

Winston sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “She can’t have her cake and eat it - we’ve been over this. She can’t do half a job. She won’t want to do half a job anyway y’know how she is.”

“What about being a Cook then?”

A collective hush washes over the room. “That could work.”

“Ebony ?”

I’m caught off guard when Gally addresses me, diverting everyone’s attention my way. It’s just lucky I was paying attention to this bit.

It takes a moment of gaping like a slinthead before I catch up. Scratching at the back on my neck I manage to make my point. “I can do it yeah. It’s just a bit - no offence Fry - I just - standing round all day peeling veggies? I don’t know if I can stay still for long enough. Pretty sure I’d be jacking up within a month.”

Humming thoughtfully Newt nods along with my words, brow furrowed in concentration. 

Frypan snorts a little, flashing his teeth in my direction. “Don’t worry about it shank. You were rubbish at it anyway.”

Chuckling at that, I grin a little at my feet before shrugging. “I don’t know guys. Can’t I just pick up the slack here and there? Maybe I don’t have to pick just one job.”

I catch Alby rolling his eyes. Most of the keepers sat around the room groan in frustration like they’ve been over this already. Which, to be fair, they have but I’m just stubborn. Gally shakes his head at me, eyebrows raised while Minho on the other hand, is shaking with silent mirth, concentrating on the hole on the floor.

Zart speaks up in the end seeing as no one else seems to be volunteering anything constructive. “There’s an order for a reason Ebbs” 

His tone is soft enough and I know he’s right really but I’m just so frustrated.If there was a way I could just run without having to go into the maze then I’d be sorted. That isn’t even remotely possible though, seeing as that’s the whole point of running. Obviously.  A collection of nods and murmurs of agreement echo round the room and I can tell that’s that.

Sighing in defeat, I standing up from the stool. I really don’t see how I can help them decide, I have no idea what I should do. At least they’re not making me do the trials again. “Right-o. Well how about you all carry on talking it out and let me know? Whatever job you want me to do I’ll do it, just so long as I’m doing - something.” I shrug and while the grin I shoot them doesn’t quite catch my eyes, I’m more interested in being outside. 

Ducking round the door quickly I already feel a bit better. Being indoors for any length of time really seems to get to me lately. That might have something to do with the Maze of course. It also might have something to do with the amount of time Clint has kept me in the Medjacks hut since then too. He went a little overboard in my opinion but I’m not the best patient.

Scanning round the clearing, I figure most of the gladers are in Homestead. I spot the new boy sitting outside on the crates with Ben and Dave. He’s our resident Greenie - At least for a few more weeks anyway. He seems nice enough from what I’ve heard, but I’m not really supposed to talk to him for the first few weeks. Alby’s idea. I’ve never really given it much thought ‘cause being a runner doesn’t give you a lot of free time but I suppose it makes sense. Being the only girl does makes me stick out and we’ve got to make sure he’s not completely whacked or something. Better safe than sorry I guess.

That’s one good thing about being in the glade more often, I’ve gotten to know the shanks that live here better. I find it kinda fascinating how there’s so many different personalities stuck in one place and that it just sorta works y’know? Obviously it’s not always smooth sailing, but for the most part it’s alright.  

I decide to head down to the bonfire in the end seeing as it’s deserted. The fire is almost out so I stick some more firewood in and fan it ‘till it catches on and the heat comes through a little stronger. Plonking myself down on the floor I lean against one of the big logs. I’m forever getting caught up in the sky, especially at night; dotted with stars that never seem to move and no moon in sight. It makes me wonder where on earth we could be.

I wonder about a lot of things actually. We all do I know that, but no one ever has any answers. Maybe we’ll get them one day.

Who am I? Do the stars look the same outside of these walls? What are we here for? Why am I the only girl here? What is WICKED? I wonder what happened to my parents? Why haven’t we been sent a goat? Do I have parents? Who am I? I wonder if Sam didn’t come back 'cause he’d found the way out. What does cheese taste like? 

I loose track of time sitting there, watching the flames dance in front of my eyes. My head gets heavier and heavier and while I find it hard to stay awake. In my defense, I haven’t been sleeping much lately.

The next thing I notice is being shaken gently by someone calling my name. I jerk bolt upright and collide heads with someone, recoiling backwards, clutching my head.

Squinting in the dim light, I catch sight of the boy mirroring me. “Sorry.”

“Sorry love. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Newt grins sheepishly, taking a seat above me on the log. I chuckle looking up at him and wave him off so he knows it’s not a big deal. 

Yawning,  I look around to see the rest of the keepers trudging off in the direction of their usual sleeping places. “Decided my fate?” I add, trying to keep the bitter down. Its not like it’s his fault, or the other Keepers for that matter.

“Sure have. You’re with me and the track-hoes.” Track-hoes. I mull the thought over in my mind a little. That doesn’t sound so bad. I wasn’t awful at it back when I was a Greenie either. It’s physically challenging too - I hope it’s enough.  He doesn’t say anything else for a little while, it’s nice to just sit sometimes. I’m too tired to think of much to say anyway.

“Good that.”

Newt nods slowly, hauling himself upright. “You should probably get some proper sleep though Ebby, you’ll need it for tomorrow. Trust me.” He adds, holding his hand out to pull me to my feet. I figure he knows what he’s talking about seeing as more often than not he’s working in the field himself.

“Good that, Newt.”

He makes a point of walking me to my little patch of grass. Something I’m rather grateful for. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been offered a room in homestead but I just can’t do it. It’s easier to relax out in the open. I’d tried it at first but in the end I asked Gally if he could make me a hammock and claimed a little area as my own.

“I’ll see you tomorrow love.”

“Yeah, night Newt.”

“Goodnight.”

Even though it still takes me a while to fall asleep, I feel a little lighter. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


	2. Good mornings, long days and surprise packages.

_*Whrrrr - Click Click*_

_I stop in my tracks and press myself into the wall among the ivy. The griever 30 yards away from me is blocking the only route to the closest door out of the maze. It hasn’t noticed me yet though, I still have a chance._

_I try to concentrate on recalculating my route but fear is creeping in. My stomach drops when I realise how far I have to go to get to the other side. Shuck it. I speed off faster than I’ve ever ran before. Louder than I’ve ever dared to._

_I’m making good time - I hope. Two rights and the second left. Not long now. My body screams in agony from the punishing pace. Not long now._

__*Whrrrr - Click Click*_   
_

_No! There’s a griever behind me. I don’t waste time looking behind me, I know what I’d find. It’s getting dark. There’s not much time._

_I finally see the eastern door to the glade. There’s no one there to watch. They’ll be round by the other door. They’ll never know I almost made it. Not much farther but my time is up. I wonder if the grievers will leave my body for Minho to find in the morning. -_

Dripping in sweat I find myself plummeting to the ground. I spring up to my feet ready to run, trying to get my bearings. I’m in the glade, it’s still dark, I’m next to my tree. Oh - I fell out of the hammock again.

I groan in frustration as I try to catch my breath. Every night it’s the same dream. Hopefully I didn’t scream this time. 

After a few minutes I manage to calm myself and check the time. There’s still a few hours before the sun rises and the door opens. No one else will be awake for a while so I decide to run a good few laps around the glade. Running is the only thing that seems to settle my nerves. I don’t make a habit of running now though, at least not when I’m being watched. The slintheads I live with can tease me enough without having any extra ammunition. Besides, I’m trying to act normal - they’ve only just stopped treating me like a ticking bomb.

Satisfied, I look at the time again. Minho should be up by now. I jump up the steps to homestead and clamber over the bodies to his room. I chuckle to myself when I find him sprawled out on his bed, snoring loudly. 

"Hey shuckface. Minho wake up." I nudge his sides. "Minho. Get up!" 

"Wha-? Ugh no." He rolls over still mostly asleep. For someone who woke up so early every day he was definitely no morning person. Rolling my eyes I suck in a deep breath and shove him off the side of the bed. 

"Argh!!" I perch myself on the edge of the bed as he pops his head up, scowling at me. I flash him my best smile. "Time to rise and shine shank. Day’s a-wasting’"  With that I bug out before he can catch me. 

I quickly head off to the shower, the gladers tend to use it in the evenings after the days work so I’m generally uninterrupted. Its not until I’m on my way to see Frypan that someone comes crashing down on me from behind. 

"Ooft." I stagger under the weight but I’m proud to say I held my ground. "C’mon Ebby! Carry me to Frypan!" Minho cheered gleefully.

"Uhh don’t think so slinthead. You’re too heavy - I’m gonna fall." I bend backwards so he falls off my back and I poke him in the ribs. He pouts at me but I can tell he’s only joking.

"Race you then!" He darts off before I have the chance. I’m fast, but not Minho fast. Its not much of a competition really but he claims his victory, dancing about the kitchen. I laugh with him and shove his shoulder playfully. It’s so easy to relax with Minho, he doesn’t take things seriously unless he has to.

Frypan emerges from the makeshift larder and rolls his eyes. It doesn’t take him long to scrape together some breakfast for us and one by one the other runners emerge rubbing their eyes. 

"Be careful out there Minho." I mutter to him as we stand out in the glade, waiting for the northern door to open. He looks at me carefully for a moment and sighs. He looks like he is trying to say something but instead he grins at me. "Always am Ebbs, always am." He winks at me before running into the maze. 

Rolling my eyes behind him I’m reminded of Newt. I’m so out of sync with the routine in this place I’d forgotten I have an actual job to do today. I jog off to find him already at work in the field. He looks up to see me coming and grins. 

"Hey Newt." I grin back at him, he stands up, dusting the dirt from his hands and places them on his hips. "You ready Ebony?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. "I was born ready Newt!" I wink at him feigning enthusiasm. I shrug as he laughs at me and beckons over to follow him to the hut. 

"Lets get you started then."

Being a track-hoe wasn’t so bad. Actually, it was very engrossing. Not to mention there’s a real feeling of making an actual difference to the glade - providing food and whatnot. Being out in the open air is great even if under the sun is hot, but it feels good and there’s enough work to keep my mind occupied. The company is pretty good too. 

It took me longer to get to know Newt than the other gladers. He’d had some sort of accident in the maze when I first appeared in the box so he was in the med-jacks hut most of the time. I’d become a runner shortly after he reappeared so there wasn’t a lot of time to talk then. He seemed pretty quiet. It was only after a few of Gally’s ‘special drinks’ at a greenie bonfire that we got to know each other. He’s a pretty special guy.  

The work day ends earlier than usual with the box alarm going off. I’m used to it now although curiosity gets the better of me and I huddle round with my fellow gladers to look at what supplies we’ve been given. 

Gally leaped down into the box with practiced precision and started passing the boxes and crates of supplies to the others. I grab a smaller crate and rummage through the contents. Some oil, wax paper, extra rope. Good. 

"Uh… Ebony?" I look up to see who called my name so nervously. Its the greenie. I can guess by some of the glares he gets - particularly Gally - that he’s been told not to talk to me. He looks at me apologetically, he probably thinks I’m jacked. The day of my maze incident just so happened to be the same day he popped out of the box. 

"What is it Greenie?" 

"This box. It has your name on it."

"What?" The gladers chorus round in confusion. We don’t often get written communication from the creators. I get up from the crate and walk over to the greenie and the box.

Gally calls out after me. “Slim it Gally, it’s just a box.” I shrug. I hear him huff behind me as he climbs out the box. Not doubt giving me the eyebrow. 

I hesitate slightly before opening the box. In large black letters, just like the plaques throughout the maze, I can see my name. I rummage through it feeling the eyes of the gladers burning through me.

"Clothes. Just clothes and a hat. Nothing to see here. Go back about your business." A few shanks release the breath they’d been holding. I don’t know what they expected it to be, or what I thought it’d be for that matter. 

Up until now, I’d been sharing clothes with the gladers. It could be a bit baggy at times sure, but it was ideal for running in, cool enough in the sun but warm enough in the shade and when a breeze came in from the cliff. 

"I guess they thought you’d need different clothes? Seeing as you’re a track-hoe now." Alby was beside me going over the outside of the box in case I’d missed something. "Guess so. Weird though." I murmur. Alby just nods. 

A short while later, I sit up at the lookout tower watching the doors. The runners were due back now and sure enough, one by on they emerged. They paused briefly, catching their breath, before heading into the map room. I waited until the last runner, Dave, came through before joining them.

I knew better than to say anything when I entered the map room, I just watched them as they leaned over the paper concentrating. I missed this. This was my favorite part about being a runner, being able to bring something new to the table that might just help to solve the bugging maze. I’m careful not to get too close so not to distract anyone, I know first hand how difficult it can be to remember if the 32nd turn was a left or a right. 

Paul was the first to look up. “Hey shuckface.” I grinned at him, Paul was the one who took me into the maze and showed me the ropes. We bonded really well and had an easy relationship where we insulted each other at every opportunity. I knew I could count on him. He poked me in the ribs and sat beside me waiting for the others. After the others had finished we sat deliberating the ins and outs of each section. 

"Right. Food. There’s nothing new today." Minho declared. 

The runners poured out of the map room, Paul and I were the last to head over to the kitchens. “So how was it?”

"How was what?" I quiz, eyeing the shank beside me.

"I dunno slinthead, whatever job you’ve ended up with. Not that you’ve told me or anything." He adds casually.

I laugh, “Track-hoes, slim it klunk-head. Dirty. Still, it was better than I thought it’d be.”

"You could do worse… Still not the same though - is it?" I look over at my friend who’s watching me carefully. I think it’s the most serious thing I’ve ever heard him say. Besides ‘Don’t die Newbie’. 

"It won’t ever be the same Paul. Things change." I leave him standing outside to find my dinner.


	3. Food fights and shucky greenies

Over the next couple of weeks, I managed to get myself into a pretty good routine. Working hard in the field every day was finally paying off because I’ve been sleeping for longer through the night. Newt knew what he was talking about when he said I’d need the rest. He knew how I felt better than most being an ex-runner himself. 

Secretly, I’m glad WICKED had sent those clothes up for me. I hate to give them credit for anything but it was far too hot working with the old ones. Not to mention that scrapping with the boys to claim clothes was getting old. These new ones are made of something thinner, and they fit properly too. I’m grateful for the shorter sleeves under the sun, some of the tops didn’t have sleeves at all. Definitely kept me cool. The shorts were more of a compromise because the long grass made my legs itch, but it wasn’t so bad.

I’ve been going to the map room less and less lately too. Only gone once this week so far. I knew I wasn’t being very helpful, even if no one had said anything. Not to mention that it was getting more and more frustrating to be seeing the maps without having one to draw myself. It was pretty disheartening, we’d mapped the maze fully at least twice now. There’s been no change since. Minho and the other runners were as hopeful as ever though so the last thing I wanted to do was bring them down.

I stretched my back out at the end of another day’s graft. I’d just put my tools away when I saw Gally walking over to homestead. I skipped over quietly and launched myself on his back.  I covered his eyes with my hands.

"Guess who?"

"Hmm. Well, you’re hands are pretty soft, so I’m going to guess… Minho." 

I let go of his eyes and playfully smack his shoulder. “Wrong. And I’ll tell him you said that.” Gally, just chuckled and carried on walking with me on his back. He was really strong.

"Go ahead girlie. I’ll tell him myself if it makes you feel better." I roll my eyes but before I have chance to reply, Minho came running across the glade. Gally called out to him.

"Minho!" He stopped in his tracks, concerned. "You have really soft hands!" Minho’s face broke out in a spectacular grin. "Aw, thanks shank! Didn’t realise you’d noticed!" He winks over to us before carrying on to the map room. 

I roar with laughter all the way to homestead, still attached to Gally’s back. 

I am most definitely on the mend. Had to admit for a while there I thought I was jacking up, stuck in a dark hole somewhere in my mind. All that seems like years ago right now. I am happy right here.

My good mood seems to be having an impact on everyone. Looking round the room, there are plenty of happy faces. I slide into the bench after Gally, sitting across from Alby and Newt. I realise how hungry I am and look wistfully over to Frypan and Steve who are rushing around the kitchen. Newt catches me red handed.

"Hungry love?" 

"Very." I grin at him. 

Minho arives at the same moment and slides into the bench beside me. He smiles down to me and I nudge his shoulder. We haven’t spoken as much lately and I realise I’ve missed him.

"Shank."

"Girlie."

I raise an eyebrow at him, he’s never called me that before. Frypan and Steve choose that second to make an entrance with pans full of food. Cheers vibrate around the room and I forget all about Minho being weird. Food! 

The room is filled with lively conversation through dinner. Minho starts telling me that the greenie - who’s name is Adam apparently - is all set to be a runner. I figure the grace period for the greenie is pretty much over seeing as the next one will be here in a few days so I don’t think twice about talking to him. He starts telling me how exited he is, whats more I really do believe him. I kind of admire how positive he is. Reminds me of how eager I was to crack the maze when I fist got here. 

"And of course, I don’t think I’ll be pulling an Ebony either. I can handle my emotions pretty well, Ben said he’d never seen a greenie pull himself together as quickly as I did."

By the time Adam had finished his sentence, everyone had gone silent. I hadn’t moved, still looking at Adam as I had been for the last few minutes. I felt like I’d been winded, smacked in the pit of my stomach. Did he really just say that? Is that an expression now? Wow. The next moment passes in an uncomfortable silence. Gally is the first to move. He starts to rise up off the bench growling in his throat with whatever he is about to say next. I quickly move my arm across his chest and glance at him. 

"Don’t." I had this. Gally wasn’t happy but he stopped. I turned back to Adam who had winced slightly, preparing for Gally’s attack. 

I grin at Adam which throws him off slightly. “How many hours have you spent in the maze Adam?” I ask him politely. 

"None yet. But-"

"Right-o. But you’ve seen a griever though, yeah?"

"No. I mean - I was going to, Newt took me but it wasn’t there."

"Okay." I calmly look over to Newt who nods and shrugs, watching me closely. Everyone else seems to be holding their breath.

"How about this then, Greenie." I add quietly. "If a griever is snapping at your rear end and you end up half a second away from being locked in the maze for the night - which is a death sentence by the way - and you manage to handle your ‘emotions’ better than me, then I give you full permission to talk as much klunk about my inadequacies as you like. Till then, keep your shucky slinthead mouth closed about what you think I can and can’t do. Got it Greenie?"

I think he might have klunked himself. “Got it. I’m sorry.”

I look down to my plate and poke about at the mashed potatoes. I’m not in the mood for a fight. Not like this anyway. 

"I know you didn’t come up with it all on your own either, but at least you are enough of a shank to say it to my face." I pause, loading my spoon with mash. "One last thing though Adam," He looks up at me when I use his name. I take the opportunity to launch my food directly at his face. 

Nothing happens for the next second. I hope this works out.

"FOOD FIGHT!!" Minho yells. The next few moments are filled with food flying everywhere. I manage to cover Alby in gravy before he calls to put order back in place. 

I look around at the mess, Newt has mash matted in his hair, Winston has mince dripping from his ear and - Gally takes the opportunity to shove a pie right into my face. I didn’t see it coming and make an awful noise upon impact which only makes everyone laugh even harder. Minho licks the side of my face. 

"Uggh get off! - Minho!"

"Frypan you’ve really outdone yourself tonight. I thoroughly recommend the pie." Frypan bows as I try to scowl at them all. I can’t quite manage it.

Ably raises his voice to be heard above the commotion. “I hope you shucks enjoyed it while it lasted ‘cause not one of you will be sleeping ‘till this place is cleaner than Frypan’s prized meat cleaver. We all chuckle, I catch Newt rolling his eyes at Alby. 

A few hours later I’m clean as a whistle, sitting up in my hammock, looking at the stars again. There never seems to be any clouds. Why can I remember the clouds but not the rest of my life? 

I can’t help but think about what Adam said. How many gladers think that I’m weak? Which ones? Should I have gone back in the maze? The thought makes me shiver. Am I letting everyone down? I sigh to myself and look down at my hands, picking dirt out from under my nails. 

"Hello love." I jump, thinking I was alone. Looking up, I realise Newt is standing just off to my right. 

"Hey Newt." My voice is quiet but I do my best to smile up at him. "Pull up a hammock." I shift over to one side of my bed to make room.

He smiles warmly and eases himself next to me. We don’t say anything for a while, watching the sky. 

"You’re not y’know."

I look at him carefully. He is concentrating on the sky but I can tell I have his full attention. I sigh softly. “How do you do that?”

"What?"

"Know what I’m thinking." 

He grins, looking down almost apologetically. “I can guess.” 

Another moment passes between us. The thoughts in my head are all jumbled. I groan gently trying to mask my frustration. Catching Newt looking at me from the corner of my eye gives me a warm feeling. “I don’t know Newt.”

Although he doesn’t say anything I feel like he’s just willing me to go on. What’s more, I want to tell him - but where would I even start? 

"This month has been really hard." I swallow, playing with my fingers. "I feel like such a mess. Just like a greenie all over again." I suck in a breath and let it go slowly, rocking the hammock slightly out of habit. Images of closing doors flash in my mind. "I was so scared," That’s about all I can manage. I point blank refuse to cry, not now.

After a long minute, Newt starts to talk.

"Y’know, we were all waiting at the northern door for you. Every single one of us Ebony. We all thought you would make it. Just one more second and we’d see you in the corridor." He runs a hand through his hair and shifts about in the hammock beside me. He looks uncomfortable, but I don’t want to interrupt. I’ve never heard the other side to my story. 

"When the doors - when they started to close. It was the most awful thing to have ever happened in this shuck place. We were crying out for you but we couldn’t hear a thing. Not even a griever." The boy looks down, frowning, he starts playing with a buckle on his trousers. "When it closed, we sat at the door for a long time, trying to hear something, anything. Any sign that you were still alive. Started talking about all the things we should have done to keep you safe. It was horrible.

"Gally found you. He couldn’t sit there any longer so he walked off towards the forest or something. Started yelling. I’d never been so happy to hear his shuck voice Ebby. We thought we’d lost you." 

I realise at this point that I’m crying. It’s awful to hear the hurt in his voice, to know how much it affected the other gladers. I’d never thought about it that way before. I hear a sniff from beside me but I don’t look over, he seemed to be lost in thought. I reach over and slowly take his hand, entwining our fingers. 

"It’s okay. I’m okay now." I whisper to him. I don’t know how to make this any better. It’s all shucked.

Without letting go of my hand, Newt brings his arm around me and I lean into him. Clearing his throat he continues. 

"My point is, love, that so many people here care about you. And its not because anyone thinks you can’t handle yourself. You get along with almost everyone here, even Gally. That’s not an easy thing to do - ‘cause everyone has different personalities. Don’t be listening to some slinthead.

"It took a lot of guts to tell us you didn’t want to go into the maze anymore. I could tell you were worried about what we thought. If I’m honest, I was relieved. I didn’t want you to go back in there. Either way," He rushes, "it doesn’t make you any kind of unstable. Okay?"

I look at him for a long moment, his words clicking into place. I finally get what he’s trying to say, that I’m not weak and that no one thinks badly of me. He’s looking down at me closely with a small smile on his face. Everything about him is warm.

"Good that Newt." 

"Consider yourself told."

"I’m bloody inspired." I grin, mimicking him.

We chuckle and sit in a comfortable silence for a while, not moving from under Newt’s arm. I don’t want him to leave just yet, this is so peaceful.

"Newt?"

"Yes, love?"

"Would you watch the stars with me for a while?"

"Of course."

He shifts his weight around in the hammock so we are lying next to each other. My head leans gently on his chest listening to his steady breathing, watching the sky. The hand that isn’t holding Newt’s I lay against the top of his stomach. 

I don’t remember much of anything else.


	4. Greenie day.

I  haven’t spoken to Newt since that night. By the time my bad dreams had woken me up he was gone. He wasn’t in the field yesterday either, but I did see him talking to Alby at dinner so I knew he was okay. It did cross my mind that he was ignoring me but I’ve settled on the fact that he’s just busy. Find out tonight anyway.

Greenie day is the best day of the month, everyone looks forward to it. It’s the one day a month where we let off steam at the bonfire, drink some awful thing Gally came up with and sing and dance ‘till we drop. I missed the last one and from what Paul was telling Adam last night, it was pretty subdued with my dramatics taking over. Tonight will be brilliant. 

After waving Paul and Minho off into the maze I make my way over to the field. I’ve already eaten so I figure the more work I can get done before the greenie arrives, the less I’ll have to do tomorrow. There’s also the fact that I’d like to be busy right now. I don’t pay much attention to anything else for a while.

I’m concentrating on pouring water over the vegetables so not to drown them. Maybe if we sit down and work it out, we could figure out a way to do this without running buckets back and forth. The box alarm sounds off - a bit earlier than normal, not that it’s ever a set time. I dump the dregs of the bucket on a thirsty looking cabbage and head off to the shed to put my tools away.

Gally catches up to me once I’m done. “Better make yourself disappear girlie.” He winks at me and I nod. “Good that.”While the other gladers start to gather round the box hole I head off towards the western door, near the deadheads. No one comes over here unless they need to so I usually wait here till the greenie is out the box. I plonk myself down and pull at the grass underneath me. 

Suddenly, I hear panicked shouting coming from the other side of the Glade. I jump up to my feet. What’s going on? Was something else in the box? Just because it’s always been a greenie, doesn’t mean it will be this time. We can’t trust the people who put us here. Is everyone okay? I fight the urge to sprint over.

"Hey!"

"Someone grab him!"

The voices echo over to me. I see a figure darting over this way, running like his life depended on it. He’s pretty fast. 

"He’s headed for the door!"

I realise where he’s headed in the same moment I hear Clint yell. They’re all too far behind to catch him, he’s faster anyway. Shuck it.

I bolt for the door. The least I can do is try to head him off, I doubt I’ll be able to bring him down if I go over to him anyway. In his blind panic, he doesn’t notice me. He’s still about 20 yards away when I block the door off, stretching my arms across.

"Wait! Please, you gotta stop!"

He stumbles to a halt. He doesn’t know what to do. I’ve seen the look in his eyes before. I panic trying to say something that will help.

"Look I know it’s scary. I do. I came up in that box. But you’ve got to believe me. There are things out there. You’re safe in here. Please."

"Ebony get away from that bloody door!" Newt growls over to me, slightly behind the others.

I slowly take a few steps forward, distancing myself from the door, suddenly very aware of the opening behind me. I wave over to the others to stop. I’m sure I can talk him down, just give me a chance. I don’t take my eyes of the boy in front of me. Nearly six foot worth of muscle, he looks strong enough to run me over, built like Gally and some of the bricknicks - but he doesn’t know that yet.

 ”My name is Ebony. I came here 10 months ago. Exactly the same way you did. That’s how we all got here. No one is going to hurt you. Just don’t go through the door. Okay? We’ll explain everything. Please?”

I let my arms drop, trying to let him see that I’m not going to fight him. He watches me wearily, panting and shaking trying to figure out what to do. Huffing, he slowly starts to straighten up and look around. 

Alby and Newt both look at me before approaching him. Newt claps him on the back, eventually steering him back towards homestead. I let out the breath I was holding and dodge out the way from the door. Far too close for my liking.

 The other gladers disperse towards the greenie for a better look, chatting away eagerly about his speed and build. Gally was still there glaring at me with his arms folded. I wander over to him sheepishly. I’m in trouble.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" I wince at Gally’s words. "That greenie could’ve bowled you over getting into the maze. Or worse, dragged you in with him! You were so close to that door Ebony - what if a griever had gotten too close?"

I look down at the floor by his feet while he scolds me, chewing my lip. He had a point, but I hadn’t concerned myself with it at the time, I’d even dismissed the sheer size of the guy. I got lucky I suppose. It’s not like Gally to shout at me.

Mulling it over in my head I remember what Newt said the other night. Gally was worried, afraid even of something bad happening to me again. Looking up at him, I mutter. “I’m sorry Gally.” 

I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry.” I repeat quietly. He sucks in a breath to argue with me, but relaxes instead, holding me in his arms. He sighs me in frustration but I don’t let go, pressing my face to his chest. I think I need this hug more than he does.

"I couldn’t just sit there and let him run into the maze. Not when I was able to do something Gally. I got lucky, I know - but I had to." I realise I’m shaking, probably from the adrenaline. Nothing this eventful has happened to me for a while.

Gally pushes me away from him slowly. “Next time, just sit there. I’d rather us loose a greenie than you. Okay?”I don’t want to argue with him but I’m not going to roll over either. I did what I felt was right - no it wasn’t sensible, but I would do it again if I had to.

"He was just scared Gal. We all know what that’s like."

"I don’t care. You don’t go running after jacked greenies. Got it?"I frown at him.

"What set him off in the first place?" 

"Hard to say, greenies pull all kinds of slinhead stunts coming out of the box." He shuffles about, looking uncomfortable. I’ve never seen a greenie come out of the box but I think there’s more to it than that this time. I’ll let it go for now. It might just be me but everything had been a bit weird lately. 

"I’m hungry."

Gally shakes his head at me, his face is unreadable. I smile at him quickly.

"I’m going to sweet talk Frypan, see you tonight!" I jog off before he can say anything else. 

Frypan does not disappoint. I sit on his worktop eating some warm bread while  he prepares vegetables for tonight.

"Can I ask you something Fry?"

“‘Course shank.”

I pause trying to put my thoughts into words.

"Do you think everything is okay?"

He stops, mid-carrot and looks at me. “What do you mean?”

"Um. I not sure exactly. There’s been a lot of changes lately and er - people acting a bit different. Nothing bad really, just -weird. I trust your judgement Frypan, just wondering if I should be worried or not."

He rolls his eyes at me and chuckles. “You need to relax Ebby. The bonfire will us all good tonight.”

I grin at him. Maybe it’s nothing after all. “I definately need it Fry, been too long.”


	5. Bonfire night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Use of alcohol - or whatever it is that Gally makes.

After dinner, I give Frypan a hand to clean the kitchen. Steve was on his way to the med-jack’s hut, he’d managed to cut his finger open or something like that. I’m just glad I didn’t see it. No thank you.

By the time we head over to the bonfire, everything is in full swing. The fire is an impressive size and the glow it gives off illuminates the glade. Forty-plus boys are gathered around, laughing and darting around. I find Paul and Minho stood behind a log with their backs to me. I skip the rest of the way, closing the distance and hop up on the log, wrapping my arms around Paul taking him by surprise.

"Well hello to you too!"

He suddenly grabs my arms, locking me in place and spins on the spot. I have to hook my legs around him to hold on. 

"Aahh Paul!" It only makes Minho laugh harder. 

When Paul eventually puts me down I am so dizzy. I sway on the spot and Minho holds my shoulder to steady me. 

"That’ll teach you for sneaking up on me." Paul grins wickedly. I stick my tongue out at him, my eyes still spinning. Laughter erupts around the fire and I plonk myself on the floor and lean against the log, unable to maintain a scowl.

After, finding my feet, I end up talking to Winston. He tells me about some chicken eggs he has that are due to hatch in a few weeks. He’s really exited about it and it’s kind of contagious. 

"Can I see them hatch?"

He beams at me and nods, going over to Zart who’s waving at him. I decide Winston isn’t as creepy as I thought, I’ve given him a wide berth most of the time seeing as he’s usually covered in some kind of blood. 

I turn around to find Gally walking over to me. I smile and walk over to him.

"You alright Girlie?"

"Yes, yes I am. Glad its greenie night." I chuckle to myself. 

"Good that." He produces two jars from behind his back. "I can’t tempt you can I?"

It’s become some sort of ritual between Gally and I - he offers me a drink, I roll my eyes and refuse. Our own private joke. 

I actually am temped this time though. I grin at him instead and take a jar. “Don’t mind if I do.” He raises an eyebrow at me in amusement. 

"Oh things just got interesting around here!"

I take a sip, not taking my eyes off Gally, I’ve tried this before, not long after I arrived in the Glade, so I’m somewhat prepared. It burns down my throat and warms my belly. It’s the aftertaste that is the real trouble, I’m determined not to wimp out on this though and swallow it down. Gally gapes at me. 

"Thanks captain." I wink at him and wander off.

This stuff isn’t so bad when you get used to it even if I do feel a bit different after the first few sips. I perch on a log watching the boys wrestle about on the ground. Everyone’s waiting for the greenie to wrestle Gally. Normally it isn’t much of a competition but this guy is huge. Definitely give him a run for his money anyway. 

It’s pretty impressive in the end. I don’t know if Gally was nervous but he didn’t show it. The greenie was - though he had definitely calmed down from when I last saw him. They were pretty evenly matched in strength but Gally had the technical experience to back it up. The greenie set a new record for lasting in the ring but Gally won in the end. If I didn’t know any better I would say he quite likes this new green bean.

Some of the boys start singing and banging on their drums. I love nights like this. Taking in some more drink I put the jar down next to Gally’s and wander over to Newt. He’s watching me closely.

"Dance with me?"

He smiles at me for a long moment before getting up to his feet, holding out his hand for me to take. We spin around in some kind of clunky, over exaggerated waltz, throwing our arms up and down. I can’t help but laugh. Newt has a playful glint in his eye and spins me around under his arm really quickly. I loose my balance and tip over. I’m caught before I hit the floor and end up face to face with Newt. 

He laughs gently before standing me up, holding my waist. I hold onto his shoulder to steady myself, grinning. 

"Can I cut in?" I look to see Alby standing next to us. 

"Of course." Newt straightens up a bit then Alby grins and steers him off to the side. 

What? Oh, I thought Alby wanted a dance. I pout after them. 

"You owe me a dance Alby!" He laughs and waves me off. Someone taps me on the shoulder. 

"My turn yet?" Minho smiles, taking my hand. 

I ended up dancing with Minho, Fry, Paul and Clint. Gally doesn’t do dancing apparently. Miserable shuck. Speaking of which at this point I’ve managed three quarters of a jar of whatever is in the jar. I feel bloody marvelous. 

Everything feels fuzzy, in a good way though I suppose. And like it’s moving really fast. Someone’s talking to me now. I can hear them laughing.

"I think someone’s had a bit too much."

"The first sip was probably too much Minho, she’s nearly downed the jar."

"Guys, I’m good." I protest. "Relax already."

"If you relax much more you’ll be comatose." 

"Will not. I’m comfy that’s all"

More laughing. I bury my head into the shoulder I’m currently leaning on. Paul? Gally? I don’t know. It smells good.

"Bet you can’t walk."

"What? I can run rings around you Fry, of course I can walk." I stand up and walk forward to prove my point.

"Oh, there she goes."

"Catch her!"

"Whoops."

Somehow I end up on the floor. What a lovely floor it is. I start giggling and soon tears roll down my eyes as I end up shaking in silent hysterics. This is so funny!

"Do you think she’s okay?"

"Relax slinthead she’s just letting off steam."

"Yeah, but I’ve never seen her like this before."

"And she’s had a tough month. Leave her be."

"Do you think she can hear us?"

"I’m drunk not deaf!" I blubber through my mirth as though I’ve just said the funniest thing ever. I should drink this stuff more often.

"Right, bedtime for you."

"Aw no." I whine. "I’m alright, just give me a sec." I huff at myself trying to stop laughing and keep a straight face. Who am I kidding? I snort with laughter and the silent giggles continue.

"Uh huh, off we go." Someone scoops me up in their arms. I protest, pushing against their chest but I’m not up to much. The cool air hits me as we move from the fire and the drink starts to take more of a toll. 

"Put me down, I can walk"

"You can barely hold your head up princess, never mind walk." 

My legs sway to and fro, it’s relaxing really. And he’s really warm. This isn’t so bad. 

"Right. Lovely hammock with your name on it." 

"I don’t want to go to sleep."

"Why not princess?"

"I don’t like sleeping anymore."

I feel the warmth slipping away as I’m lowered into the hammock, everything’s too fuzzy now. I try to grab onto it before it leaves.

"Hey, hey Ebby it’s alright." He shushes me and I feel a hand stroke my face softly.

I try really hard to stay awake but I can’t.


	6. The morning noon and night after the night before

_Faster. Run faster. Faster or you’re shucked._

I meet the ground unexpectedly and swallow a lungful of air. Everything hurts. Acid rises in my throat and I vomit on the grass. 

Where am I? Who am I? What is happening to me? 

I squeeze my eyes shut on my hands and knees and I focus on my breathing for a moment. In and out. Nice and easy. Things start to slow down. A dream. I was dreaming - a nightmare. I’m okay.

I squint my eyes and look around - it’s dark. Grass, trees, hammock, buildings over there, walls. I’m in the Glade. I’m okay. Things start to slide into focus. 

What was I doing last? I remember music - of a fashion, the bonfire. It was greenie day. I remember dancing, something about a chicken. Feeling dizzy. 

I groan as I remember Gally’s drink, cursing it into oblivion in my head. My poor head which pounds and swirls about as I force myself to sit up. My mouth is so dry, I don’t remember ever being this thirsty. 

I wobble as I stand up, aching all over. It doesn’t help that I still have the shakes from my nightmare. Fat chance of any run this morning. 

I need water. In the ‘if-I-don’t-get-any-soon-I’ll-dunk-my-head-in-a-trough’ kind of way. I trudge over to Homestead clutching my head. 

I try to be quiet but I’m much more interested in the multiple cups of water I drink before holding my face under the stream. I’ll probably be embarrassed numerous times today no matter what I do so shuck it.

Feeling considerably better, I wonder how I made it into my hammock last night. I struggle to pull any memories but the last thing I can remember is dancing with Clint. He was joking about having to fix me up in the morning. I resolve not to give him the satisfaction. Checking my watch I realise it’s pretty early, I still have a little while before the runners wake up. 

I feel bloody disgusting - still covered in dirt and sweat. I need a shower. There’s a bit of a problem though, my clothes are in Newt’s room.

Because I prefer to sleep outside, Newt offered to let me keep some things in his room. When the delivery of clothes came a couple of weeks ago, I put them in there. Normally, I get a fresh set of clothes out during the day for the day after but I didn’t do that yesterday - I could blame all the commotion of the greenie and the bonfire but I just forgot really. My fault. 

Hopefully I can be quiet enough. Hopefully, he’s tired enough not to wake up too. I step over a body or two to get to Newt’s door. Sucking in a breath, I open it slowly. 

I hear gentle snoring that tells me he’s still asleep. Looking over to his bed, I can just see a mess of hair poking out from under the cover. Good. My boxes are over in the corner opposite the door under the beside the drawers - easy peasy.

They’re not there. Shuck!

I double check the boxes before straightening up - smacking my head on an open drawer overhead.

"Shuck! - Bloody - Ow!" The headache I woke up with amplifies the impact. It’s really painful. I sit down on the floor clutching my head as it throbs.

"Who’s there?" Oh bloody shuck. He can’t see me from the edge of his bed I suppose. I hold my arm out up high. 

"S’me Newt. Just me. I’m sorry."

"Ebony?"

"No, the other girl that lives here."

He scoffs and comes into view. Messy hair sits on top of his head, I keep my eyes fixed on his face - because he doesn’t have anything on his torso.

"I was just getting clothes. Sorry. I tried to be quiet."

"How you feeling this morning?"

Changing the subject much? I suppose I should expect this from everyone today - I must have been really bad. How much did I drink?

"Fine."

"Really?" He raises an eyebrow not convinced in the slightest.

I sigh in defeat. “What do you want me to tell you Newt? That I feel like I’ve gone ten rounds with Gally? That I woke up this morning with a mouth like sandpaper? That I realised Frypan’s cooking tastes even worse the second time round? I just need a shower Newt.”

"Wow. You’re pretty grumpy today aren’t you."

"Do you know where my clothes are?"

He grins at me which only annoys me more. “In the drawer - the bottom one.”

He put my clothes in his drawer? Oh. That was nice of him.

I reach into the drawer and take what I need, huffing at myself.

"Thanks. I’m sorry." I mutter quietly. 

"Good that love, don’t worry about it."

"It’s still pretty early, if I were you I’d get some more sleep." I move onto my feet. Let me run away now before my face catches on fire please.

"Why aren’t you still asleep?" He’s watching me closely again.

"Well, I woke up - so now I’m up." I shrug at him vaguely. 

"Right."

"Right. See ya - and, um, I’m really sorry!"  I dart around the door before I can be interrogated any further.

It’s not that I’m ashamed that I’ve been having nightmares or even afraid of what those other shanks will think. I just don’t see the point in talking about them - there’s nothing anyone can do. It is getting better though anyway. In the beginning it was every night like clockwork. Now, or at least up until the last few days, it’s only been every few nights. 

I feel better after the shower. Clean and fresh. I gulp down some more water. Maybe I can function normally today. 

"I did not expect to see you this morning. Not after the stunts you were pulling last night anyway." I round the corner into the main room to see Minho, hands on hips, smirking at me.

"Surprise." I don’t bother to feign any excitement. 

This is going to be a really long day. 

I couldn’t face breakfast, the thought of any food made my stomach shift uncomfortably. After shrugging Minho and Frypan off, I went straight down to the field - the doors hadn’t even opened yet. Determined to keep busy and to keep the water down, I started to work.

As each shank clocked eyes on me, they each threw out their own variation of Minho’s ‘greeting’. There was only so many times I could grin and laugh sarcastically before it turned into glares and huffing. I was definitely in a miserable mood. 

I worked through lunch, deciding that if I had to take any more jokes at my expense I’d loose it. Besides that, I still felt queasy,

Some of the stories they’d come out with were actually possible. The most convincing of which involved me vomiting on everyone and slurring about the shuck place. Others were ridiculous, the one where I serenaded the greenie was obviously a lie. Ears would bleed if I started singing.

Zart has to yell at me before I eventually down tools and head in for some food. It’s getting dark now anyway. Maybe they’ll have cooled off a bit by now.

"There she is!"

"Our little songbird!"

"Don’t be sick now."

Apparently not. Ignoring the jeers, I head straight over to Frypan.

"Soup?"

"To go please."

He grins at me knowingly and hands me a bowl.

"Make sure you eat it all Ebony, you look really pale."

If it was anyone other then Fry, I might have taken offence. Instead, I nod and turn to go back out.

"Going so soon?"

I look up, recognising Gally’s voice. 

"Don’t start."

"I’m not doing anything girlie, it’s not my fault you decided to give us a show last night." He is grinning at me but there’s something different about it. Laughter echos around the room and he looks over to the other gladers. For approval? To show how good he is? 

That’s enough. I’m done. Addressing the room I start to fume.

"Right-o Captain - when you’re quite finished laughing at me you should know I’m not in a patient mood today and I’m at my limit right now. If I were you I’d quit while I was ahead, otherwise, push on at your own risk ‘cause if I have to put up with any more slintheads today I will not be responsible for my actions. I’ve had it."

I storm out of homestead before anyone has chance to say anything and stomp off to the southern side of the glade, through the forest towards the deadheads - soup in-hand.

I curse as my mind reels. Empty threats, not my place to say, chain of command, whatever. I’m angry. I throw myself down on the ground. Picking at my soup, huff at myself - at them. 

I feel bad enough just waking up and those shucks have to wind me up so I feel like complete and utter klunk. Not that I wasn’t embarrassed enough already, they have to make up stories to blow it out of proportion. Even Minho. Even Gally. And Paul. I growl in frustration.

Logical thought starts to creep in and I hate it. I don’t want to see reason, I want to be angry.

But it was me that decided to drink that awful stuff. And to be fair I’ve done my fair share of teasing and winding other gladers up. Not only that, but they don’t know how bad I feel inside - sure I told Newt I was rough but I didn’t go into great depth.

The only reason I’m in such a bad mood is because I can’t remember what happened.

That’s it. The realisation that I’ve been avoiding and blaming others for all day hits me in the face. I can’t remember.

I’ve forgotten everything about my life, my full name, my parents, how I got in this shucky maze in the first place - and that’s only the big things. I can’t remember what cheese smells like, or what it’s like to feel the wind in my hair. Everything. I know about things, places maybe - but I don’t remember them. WICKED took those memories from me and I don’t know if I’ll ever get them back. Now I’m throwing memories away drinking some shucking awful concoction that rots your insides. 

My soup is cold. 

Maybe I’ve been a bit melodramatic.

Tears prick in the corners of my eyes, I rub my face vigorously to get rid of them. Standing up, I start walking. All the way through the forest to be specific. I don’t know how late it is. 

Emerging through the other side, I spot Alby near the wall. Curiosity gets the better of me and I wander over to him.

"Alby?"

He looks up, doesn’t seem to have been expecting company.

"Are you alright?" My previous anger has evaporated. He looks over to the forest behind me.

"It’s just me Al."

He sighs and runs his hands over his face. Definitely not okay. I look over to the wall that he was so engrossed in. It’s the place where we mark our names. I spot mine easily - the names of my friends soon after. I try not to look at the names that are crossed out, even the names of people I’ve never met are painful to see. A long moment stretches out between us.

"I didn’t get the chance to talk to you yesterday, after the stunt you pulled."

Stunt? Am I really in trouble now?

"I wanted to thank you." 

Wait. What? 

"Alby, you’ve never said thank you to me the entire time I’ve been here. What’s wrong?"

He chuckles and closes his eyes. It’s a while before he starts to talk. “It was really hard when we first got here. A lot happened.

"There was a guy called Issac, I woke up next to him on the first day. The easiest way to explain it is that we became best friends, did everything together." His words carry a lot of pain. I want to say something to help but there’s nothing that will. Best to just let him carry on.

"There was a lot of fighting, a lot of death, it was a real struggle to do anything - eat, sleep, y’know? It was awful. Nothing like it is now.

"We hadn’t slept for days, exhausted. Another fight broke out and he just changed. He ran. He ran straight for this door."

The greenie yesterday ran for this door. Poor Alby. It’s hard to imagine the glade as a dangerous place. I hate WICKED more than ever in this moment. I pull him into a warm hug, he wraps his arms around me protectively.

"I’m alright Ebbs. I am, it’s okay. I just-" He sighs, resting his chin on my head. "I just wonder how things would have changed if someone had stopped him, like you did with that green bean."

I nod slowly. “It’s hard not to. I’m sorry Alby. I reckon I would have liked him.”

He laughs, letting me go. “Most likely - he would have loved you I’m sure.”

Deep and meaningful talk over. “What’s not to love? Apart from my mood swings and amateur dramatics, obviously.”

"Obviously." He rolls his eyes at me. "Want to know what really happened?"

"Am I that transparent?"

"Yes."

"Please Alby."

"You drank too much, obviously. Then you danced with pretty much everyone full of love and klunk. Fell over, and giggled yourself into hysterics - we actually wondered if you could die from laughing. Anyway, after a good half hour of it you started falling asleep so someone put you into your hammock."

"Someone?" I yawn, not that it really matters but I’d like the memory anyway.

"Didn’t see for sure, think it was Minho." Alby just shrugs.

"That’s not so bad."

"No, no it isn’t. C’mon, bed." We walk back over to the clearing together and say goodnight. 

Closing my heavy eyes on the stars, I decide that tomorrow will be better.


	7. Close calls.

I was pretty apprehensive about seeing the gladers after the display I made in front of them with Gally in homestead. It was definitely too much, although I did feel justified at the time. I woke up later than usual which worked in my favor. Everyone would already be at breakfast. 

I saunter into homestead determined to slot back into the normal way of working. There’s a lull in the conversation as I slip into the bench with Newt and Alby, but it’s relatively painless.

"Good morning." Newt smiles over to me, passing a bowl.

"Hey Newt." I grin at him, this is going to be fine.

"So, how are you feeling today?"

"Much better."

The room seemed to sigh in relief and the noise levels rise again. I roll my eyes as I stuff my face with porridge. I’m so hungry. 

The next week seems to pass without any incidents, I don’t know exactly what, or if, anything else was said about my tantrum, but everything had gone back to normal - or to what it was before greenie day anyway.

I’m on watch up in the tower again, double checking that the runners come in on time. It’s still a bit early yet, so I’m keeping myself entertained by watching the gladers down below. 

  
Zart is trying to fix a bucket that some slinthead put his foot through and conveniently forgot about. Gally is on a roof, fixing some broken slats. Frypan is cooking up a storm in homestead as per usual. It smells so good. Most of the other gladers are finishing up their jobs for the day and packing up. Winston is giving the cows some more water.  

Alby and Newt are walking around the glade, oh they’re looking - waving even. I over exaggerate when I wave back . I can see them both laugh at me before carrying on into homestead. I’m bored.

I wonder how high I would have to go to feel the wind. Is wind even a thing anymore? The only thing even remotely like it is the slight breeze than comes from the cliff sometimes in the maze. I’m not that desperate.

Now that I think about it, I should probably apologise to Gally. Justified or not, he is third in command around here and it really wasn’t my place to give him an earful. He was only doing what the rest of them were anyway and he is my friend - my friend who has barely spoken to me in the last few days.

Minho comes into view nice and early. He waves at me and runs into the map room. In quick succession, three more runners appear. I turn slowly on the spot waiting for the other four. A few minutes later Dave and Jamal jog through the doors and I can rule the eastern and the northern doors out for the night. Two runners per door - unless something is wrong. Another runner belts it through from the west. Just Paul left. 

I check the time. No, he should definitely be back by now, maybe I missed him. I climb down the ladder and run over to the map room, opening it as quietly as I can. A quick headcount shows 7 out of 8. 

"Alby!" I yell as soon as I’m out of the room.

Newt appears instead, Mr second-in-command. I don’t need to explain. “It’s Paul. Southern door.”  He nods and we walk over together quickly in silence. He shoots me sideways glances but I’m too worried to think of anything to say.

He still has time. We call the cut off early so everyone has chance to make it in before the doors close. He’s probably gonna come through just as we get there. He’d better come through by the time we get there. 

After the first few times I stop checking my watch. Time isn’t moving. An arm drapes around my shoulder and I jump. Minho grins apologetically and moves his arm back. “He’ll make it.” I nod slowly keeping both eyes on the opening.

I catch movement in the corridor. It’s Paul! We start shouting at him to move his sorry shuck behind and he jogs faster, exhausted and limping. What happened to him? Panic flares in my chest. 

"Paul, Move!!" 

I could get him here faster if he puts his arm around me. I can support his weight and run with him. We’d both make it back through in time then. Shuck it. 

As I make a move to run into the maze, strong arms seize me round my middle. I can’t move. 

"No you don’t!" 

I spin my head around to see Gally holding my waist. I shoot him a desperate look.

"He’ll make it Ebony." He looks furious but I really don’t care.

I stop fighting him but he doesn’t let go. I watch helplessly as Paul gets closer and closer. Not far left. The doors haven’t started to move yet, there’s still time.

Paul’s eyes seem to be locked on mine. I carry on yelling at him and he doesn’t slow down, edging nearer to safety. I decide the southern corridor must be the longest. I hate this shucking door. Almost there.

He passes the threshold to cheers from the boys who have gathered at the door and carries on towards me. I’m not released until he is within touching distance. I fall into his arms and he buries his head in my neck, panting and shaking slightly. I remember how to breathe and suck in a deep breath.

"It’s okay, you’re okay. You made it." I rub his back to try and steady him - reassuring myself at the same time. At that moment the door roars to life and  starts to close.

"See? Plenty of time!" Minho laughs and claps Paul on the shoulder. "Well done shank."

Paul looks up and grins. “Yeah. Easy peasy.” I’m not so easily convinced.

"Med-jacks. C’mon." I steer Paul off in the other direction, away from the door, wrapping his arm around my shoulder for support.

Hobbling across the clearing, I quiz him. “What happened?”

"Greenie mistake really, I tripped one of my own vines and fell. Just as well I didn’t stop for as long for lunch or I wouldn’t have made it back."

A vine? A shucking Vine. I gape at him in disbelief.

"Paul! A vine? You shuck. You nearly-" I growl at him. "A vine?"

"That was what I said." He comments dryly.I shake my head, refusing to speak to him until we reach the med-jacks. Clint starts working on his leg and shoos me out in case he’s managed to cut himself as well.

I sit on the step and bury my face in my hands. We nearly lost the slinthead because of some stupid vine. Of all the things that could have happened to him.

Someone clears their throat. I look up to see Gally in front of me. His face is unreadable. Oh no.

"Don’t make any plans for tomorrow." I almost wince at the sternness in his voice.

"Um, why not?" Like I have a busy social calendar anyway.

"Because you’ve earned yourself 24 hours in the slammer. Starting from dawn tomorrow."

Shuck! The slammer? He’s really gonna put me in the slammer? I look at his face again. Nope, that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Shuck. Why am I going in there? I think wildly for a moment.

Oh yeah, the maze. I nearly went in the maze - that was stupid. There are only a few rules around here and I suppose I almost broke one. I’d forgotten about it really, I was always allowed in the maze - being a runner. Shuck.

Gally is still watching me. Is he expecting a fight?

"Alright Gal."

His eyebrow twitches but I still can’t tell what he’s thinking. Now would be a good time to apologise.

"Look Gally, I wanted to apologise for the other day - just not really seen you since. I was out of line. Just in a bad mood really and I, um, well, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Especially not in front of everyone."

Gally looks at me hard for another moment and raises his eyebrows, huffing at me. In exasperation maybe? Without saying anything, he walks away shaking his head.

Well that went well.

"What did Grumpy want?"

"Be nice. He was letting me know that I’m in trouble."

"So you should be. I saw what you almost did. You’re lucky Gally was there."

"I know. I could do without the lecture Paul. I’ll have plenty of time to mull it over in the slammer tomorrow."

He laughs at me which really doesn’t help, I’m trying to be annoyed.

"It’s not funny."

"It’s the slammer though. You’re going to hate it."

"And why is that funny?"

He huffs at himself to calm down a bit. “Sorry, been a long day. I can just hear the profanities coming out of you after being in there for a while. There is absolutely nothing to do Ebbs.”

"Yes Paul I know that. Can’t say I’m very exited."

I stand up off the steps. “Food. You can go laugh at someone else for a while.”

He slings an arm around me on the way to homestead. “Me? Laugh at someone? Never.”


	8. Beetle blades and sandwiches

I woke up well before sunrise. No dreams this time, just my body clock being a pest.

If I was going to be locked up all day and night then I was going to make the most of my freedom while I had the chance. I took off at a slow jog around the perimeter of the Glade, stretching out neglected parts of my body. I hadn’t ran for over a week. After a few laps, I started to sprint. Shuck this feels good.

It’s not like running in the maze, in there I’d always have to be alert, always have to keep track of where I was - my life depended on it. Here though, I let my mind turn blank. The only thing I was vaguely aware of for a while was my breathing. 

Feeling oddly relaxed, I come to a stop near the northern door - the closest one to homestead. My watch tells me I have enough time for a shower and some food before Gally hunts me down. I make my way over to the building when I notice a figure leaning against the wall.

"Someone’s feeling energetic today."

I roll my eyes at Minho, I didn’t think he would be up and about yet. Maybe my run lasted a bit longer than I thought.

"How long have you been standing there exactly?"

Minho shrugs. “Long enough.” 

"Right."

"Still running huh?"

I shift about under his gaze. It’s not uncomfortable, but I’m not so good with personal questions.

"I couldn’t just cut it off altogether, been doing it too long Minho. I’m not hurting anyone." I add, wondering if I’m in more trouble. He is a keeper after all.

He smiles at me. “Relax Ebby, it’s okay. If I’m honest, I was wondering how you’ve managed this long without running at all. I thought-“

He runs a hand over his head, his hair springing back. 

"Thought what?" What’s up with him? 

"Well, what you did yesterday. I just thought it might be some pent up energy or something. I was gonna tell you to start running it off." He shrugs apologetically. "But I guess you already do. You’re always up early."

I nod at him. “Yeah, most mornings anyway. I’m not a runner anymore though so I suppose it feels better to do it when no one’s watching. Yesterday was stupid.” I really hadn’t given it a lot of thought before. My body needed to run so I ran. 

"You’ll always be a runner to me."

It’s a nice thought to have, Minho always knows what I need to hear. I grin at him.  
  
"Well, this runner needs some food. I’ve a busy day doing nothing ahead of me so I need all the strength I can get. Problem is, I’m in enough trouble so I need you to raid the fridge while I have a shower. I’ve got a feeling Gally will be up before Frypan today."

"What would you do without me?"

"Starve, obviously." I wink at him.

Minho rolls his eyes at me 

"Suppose it’s the least I could do considering I voted for you to go in the slammer too."

"I figured as much." All the keepers have a say in punishment. They must have had the quickest gathering in the history of the glade - considering how quickly I was told about it. 

Minho sighs gently. ”The rules are there -“

”- To keep us safe. I know Minho. I was a slinthead - I do understand.”

He shrugs again. “It could have been worse.”

"I know."

He grins at me, serious talk over. “Food is it?”

"Please."

I link my arm in his and we head into homestead. 

The slammer is the most boring place in the universe. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put me in here is a cruel shuck. I can’t even see anything going on in the glade. There’s a wobbly chair but that’s it. The ground is mostly covered in rat klunk and the smell is rotting my nose. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my sense of smell. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. There was really no point in me having a shower.

I don’t even know how long I’ve been in here. Gally took my watch after he’d marched me over to this shack. I can’t decide if I’m hungry or not or if I feel sick with all the klunk or not or if I’m tired or not. 

I even gave one of the rats a name.

His name is Aris. Smelly Aris and his little friends are creeping me out. I don’t usually care about this kind of thing but usually I’m not trapped in a hot box. 

I shuffle my chair into the cleanest corner of the room and lead against the wall. I suppose I’d best dedicate some of my time here to thinking about my wrongdoings. I replay yesterday’s events in my head. Seeing Paul, hobbling down the corridor.

My first mistake was not checking the time. Gally and Minho both knew that there was enough time so if I’d have checked my watch then I would have known too. That’s what watches are for.

Rule number three: Never go outside the glade, unless you’re a runner. Minho was talking such a load of klunk. ‘You’ll always be a runner to me’. So I’m a runner who can’t go in the maze. I groan internally. An honorary runner. Good that.

That was my problem, I’ve been a runner since my second month in the glade. I’ve been allowed to go in and out of there for months. Things have changed now. In my panic, I suppose I’d forgotten. 

Twice in two weeks, I’ve gotten really close to going into the maze. I consider the idea, however pointless, of going back into the maze. No, no thanks. I shudder at the thought of being enclosed in those walls, even during the day. I’m relieved in the knowledge that I don’t want to be a runner any more. That makes things much easier, no one would let me go back in there anyway.

The beetle blade scuttling through the small barred opening in the door diverts my thoughts.

I shucking hate these things. I try to make a point to ignore these things on principle. In the maze, it’s obviously different, the beetle blades are the first symptoms of an incoming griever attack, so it’s plain stupid to ignore them. Here in the glade though I can actively pretend they don’t exist. Apart from now, because I can’t leave. The rats apparently can though because they’re all gone. How did I miss that?

I take back what I said about Aris. I’ll take him over the beetle blade anytime. 

It’s the apprehension that’s the worst. I don’t ever remember anyone being attacked by one of these things, but there’s a first for everything and I’m feeling kind of claustrophobic right now. The beetle blade crawls vertically in sloppy figures of eight around the wall in front of me, it’s head looping around. I hope WICKED are bloody enjoying themselves - someone may as well ‘cause I’m not.

Shucking disgusting. I’m scared now. I only have a chair to fend myself off with but with the size of this box, I wouldn’t survive it’s blast anyway.

I consider shouting for help but the thing hasn’t tried to get any closer yet. I’ll be the slinthead girl who lost it over a beetle blade. These things get everywhere - I’d never live it down.

Nope, all I can do it wait it out.

It seems to take forever but it moves closer and closer to the door again -teasing me. Shucking shucks. When it finally crawls back through the gap I become aware of how tense I’d become. 

I spend a while trying to concentrate on relaxing my body, cramps would not be helpful. Breath in and out. Through my mouth - don’t be sick. 

"Ebony?" I stand up from the chair. My backside is really numb right now.

Peeking through the door, I spy Adam, new runner, ex-greenie. I prop myself up against the door with my hand, stiff as a board. It’s getting dark outside.

"Hey Adam."

"Got some food here for you."

Wow, they really are making a statement sending a newbie instead of coming to see me. Lesson learned I suppose. I don’t really want to eat in here but I am hungry.

"Good that. Have I missed much?"

"I’m not supposed to tell you. Not that they’d know ‘cause they’re in a gathering right now but I don’t fancy ending up in there myself." Ah, so that’s why they haven’t come, statement probably still stands though.

"Why not? It’s really lovely in here Adam." I retort dryly. 

"Knock yourself out then." He hands me a couple of sandwiches - better than nothing but I was hoping for something warm.

"See ya." With that, he’s gone. I don’t think Adam is that bad really. Doesn’t seem to mind my sarcasm anyway.

I make myself eat the sandwiches slowly, pacing about in the small space. 

Why are they in a gathering anyway? Has something gone wrong? I’m sure if anyone was hurt they’d tell me - wouldn’t they? Adam didn’t seem out of sorts. They’d already assigned the greenie to the builders with Gally, big surprise, so it wasn’t that. Was something going on?

I’m a pretty nosy person generally. I prefer the term interested personally but whatever works. I’m usually pretty knowledgeable about the comings and goings of this place. Alby tells me most of the time, other times I hear gladers talking - they’re not exactly being quiet about it. My friends vent to me a lot when things go on and I’m a good listener. My point being, there’s nothing wrong that I know of to warrant a gathering tonight and I would know.

I rack my brains but I’ve got nothing.

I yawn to myself, wondering what time it is. I may as well try to get some sleep, I’ll be up before those shanks anyway. It’ll make the time go faster. Hopefully.

I resume my position in the corner, leaning against the wall. No way in this lifetime am I sleeping on the floor. I’m very grateful for this wobbly chair right now.

I wish I could see outside. I really don’t like sleeping indoors. I’d take homestead over this though. It’s the shucking concrete that’s bugging me mostly. The slammer is the only thing in the glade made of the stuff, unless you count the maze.

I am never breaking - or almost breaking the rules again.

Well played shanks.


	9. Invalid for the day

I hear someone call my name. A rattling of the rusty lock. 

"Ebony?"

My eyes have needles in them, they must have - they hurt a lot. A few hours ago, I might have believed it was the grievers who put them there. Being left to your own thoughts in here isn’t a good idea. I’m surprised I didn’t scream in my disturbed sleep. If I did, no one came to see.

I look up slowly, neck aching, to see Gally in the doorway.

"Shuck, you look awful."

"Can I come out now?" My throat itches.

"Yeah, time’s up."

I don’t make any observations, I’m much too tired and sore. It’s surprising how doing nothing takes it out of you. How much sitting still makes you feel stiff. If I had arrived during the glade in the dark days, I would not have lasted. Alby is a wonder.

I wince as I get up from the little chair and straighten up, stretching before squeezing past Gally in the doorway.

"Are you alright?"

"Peachy." My humor is still intact apparently.

"No, really. Are you okay?"

"What time is it?"

"Dawn. It’s been 24 hours Ebony."

"Right." I knew that. I didn’t but I did. Whatever.

Gally is saying something else but I’m too busy wandering off to where my hammock should be. If it’s that early I can sleep for a bit. Someone will get me to make sure I’m not slacking off. No slacking.

It was the concrete. It drove me completely nuts. The amount of times I dozed off to dreams of grievers of and being shut in the maze overnight was, quite frankly, ridiculous. I hate concrete. Give me a tree any day. I like trees.

I decide to curl up on the grass next to my tree, it smells good. I’ll only fall out the hammock anyway. I need to ask for a bag.

I’m so tired.

_Someone is shouting my name, leave me alone! Something is on my arm, my stomach, my face. Get off. Get off me!_

I wake up groggily in a room. I blink a few times and my vision slides into focus. Med-jacks. I’m in the med-jacks hut.

"She’s up."

"Good that, I’ll go let Alby know. Keep an eye on her for me?"

"I’m not leaving."

"Good that."

I groan to myself trying to make sense of things.

"Can you hear me love?" I hum in reply.

"Would you drink this for me?" Drink what? 

Oh this. I’m so thirsty, I gulp it down quickly.

"Easy, easy love. You’re alright."

I concentrate on the voice. Newt’s face is attached to it. 

"Newt."

"That’s me."

"What happened?" Newt picks up my hand gently. It helps to steady my head.

"You’re dehydrated love. That slinthead Adam was supposed to give you water yesterday. Gally said you were sweating something awful when he got you out. you collapsed on the floor on your way to your hammock. He was following you so he brought you straight here. You’ve been asleep for a while love."

I groan again. Everything hurts. I take in some more water.

"I meant to sleep on the floor."

"You did?" 

I hum in reply, closing my eyes again.

When I next open them I feel considerably better. Blinking to clear my eyes, I take a look around the room - still in the hut.

There’s a number of figures taking up the space in here. They all look huge. Newt, Gally, Minho, Alby, Paul, Clint and Fry, are all grinning at me.

"There she is."

"Fancied joining us today did you?

"About time you woke up."

"Told you she’d be fine."

I make an attempt to sit up, feeling really heavy.

"Take it easy Ebby."

"Hi guys."

They’re all still smiling at me, it’s bloody weird.

"Don’t you all have day jobs or something?"

"And she’s back." Paul winked at me. "Sarcastic shuck."

"Shut your shuck face, you’ve obviously all missed me, wherever I’ve been."

"Minho cried himself to sleep last night, ‘cause you didn’t sit with him at breakfast." Newt says, leaning in. 

"I did not - I just said it wasn’t the same."

Laughter erupts in the hut. I smile warmly to myself. There are many worse ways to wake up.

"Right, you all know she’s okay now so bug off. She might be out later."

"I’ll stay with her Clint, I don’t mind." Gally offers.

"No, I can handle it and she needs rest so shoo." Rest? I’ve only just woken up!

"C’mon Gally, she’ll be fine." Alby steers him and herds the rest of the shanks out of the room. They all yell goodbye as they’re ushered out of the door.

I’m fed some warm soup and have to drink periodically. I really do feel much better. Clint even lets me stand up and stretch about after I chew his ear off for an hour about it. He still has to go about his daily business whilst looking after me.

"I’m bored though, c’mon."

"No, you’re not going out yet and that’s that. Would you sit down?"

"I feel fine Clint. Please?"

"But you’re not fine though are you. Fine people don’t sleep for nearly two days after fainting from dehydration."

"I didn’t faint. I went to sleep!" I throw my arms in the air, this is the third time I’ve had this conversation.

"You want to convince me you can go out?"

"Obviously."

"Well go lie back down right now. If you manage that, I might let you out at dinner."

I open my mouth to say something then snap it shut. That’s the best offer I’m going to get. I craw back under the cover. 

"That’s a good girl" I throw a mock scowl at him which makes him laugh.

Alby comes to visit me in the afternoon. He sits on the stool next to my bed, telling me about the last couple of days - he doesn’t mention the gathering. Apparently Adam’s been given a roasting, Winston is glad the eggs haven’t hatched yet ‘cause I’ve been asleep and the roof on the extension to homestead is finally finished.

"Ooh, I wanted to talk to you about  a couple of things actually Alby."

"I’m all ears."

"First off, would you ask down for another sleeping bag? I don’t think there’s any spare."

"Don’t like the hammock?"

"I love it, I’m just not very good at staying in it."

Alby laughs. “Clumbsy shank needs a bag. Got it. Anything else?”

"Right, yeah. Well y’know how that greenie darted off the other week?"

"Yeah."

Tact. Use tact. Otherwise you’ve got no chance. “Someone wound him up didn’t they?”

He chuckles quietly. “How did you know?”

"Because Gally can’t lie to save himself." We laugh at the thought of me interrogating him - poor shank.

"That’s what happened. What about it?"

"I was thinking, that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to make things a bit easier for them. Y’know?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well." I pause, he’s not going to like this. "The greenie calmed down when he saw me. Maybe, If I was the one to get them out of the box, it wouldn’t be so bad."

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments.

"I’d thought something similar myself. It’ll have to go to a gathering though - don’t know how that’ll go for you." Wow, Alby and I are on the same wave length for a change.

I raise a eyebrow at him. “They’ll never go for it.”

"Just as well you’ve got me then, isn’t it?"

"Suppose so."

"There’s a gathering tomorrow night. Come along for the start of it and you can make your case."

Another gathering? Bunch of old fishwives the lot of them. They’ll have to call them sleepovers soon. 

"Good that."

"It wasn’t supposed to be so traumatic for you." He’s talking about the slammer.

"It’s alright Al. I know."

Clint walks me over to homestead. I managed to toe the line all day and drink extra water to show my dedication to getting better. Obviously, Clint just laughed at me - seeing through my plan, but in the end he let me go.

I’m just glad to get things back to normal. I’m still a little wobbly, but so long as I take it easy I’ll be fine. Entering the room, the boys seem engrossed in conversation.

I snake my arms around Minho, who has his back to me in a bench and rest my head next to his on my arm. Taking him and the others by surprise.

"Will you sleep better tonight if I eat dinner with you?" I beam at them all. I adore this lot.

"I didn’t cry shuckhead."

"Now, now, there’s no shame in it - and I don’t for one second think you were the only one either. Bet you were all sobbing on each other. Can’t function without me eh?" I tease them as Newt winks at me.

"Well the glade hasn’t fallen down yet so we’re good." Gally rolls his eyes at me.

"Can always count on you to keep me grounded Gal." I wink at him. Mr serious. "Bet you were the worst."

Everyone bursts out laughing and I slide into the bench. 

We fall into easy conversation - I don’t need to think much. Fry brings my plate over for me, some of that warm soup again - I’d complain but it really is good. I make myself eat it slowly, Clint says I’ll be sick otherwise. I’m done being ill. 

I get sent to bed early, everyone seems to be in overprotective mode. Normally I’d be chewing their heads off for bossing me about but I don’t mind so much seeing as I am really tired. Minho walks me over.

"So you’re okay, right?"

“‘Course Minho. Don’t be talking like that or Clint will lock me up in the hut for another night just in case.” I shove him playfully. He rubs his shoulder in mock agony. 

"Alright then. - It’s just you don’t tell anyone when something’s wrong Ebbs." He runs his hand through his hair, concentrating on the grass. 

I think it over. Was there really anything wrong? Not really I suppose. Just the bad dreams and flashbacks of the maze - was that a problem? What could they do anyway?

"I would if I thought there was something that could be done about it. There wasn’t so I didn’t. I am okay though y’know." 

He sighs at me and shakes his head slightly, everyone keeps doing that. Why does everyone keep doing that?

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?"

"I dunno." I eye him suspiciously, I’m getting tired of these shanks acting strangely.

At the same moment we arrive at my tree.

"Well, goodnight." 

"Yeah, night Minho."


	10. New arrivals and gatherings

I slept in. I swear, I’ve never slept so much in my entire life than I have the past few days. Everyone is already at homestead by the time I get in there.

I scan the bench for a seat but these shanks are spread out all over the place. This is better - I’m much more used to fighting for everything than being made a fuss of.

I push at Gally and Paul’s shoulders, making little impact.

"Budge over klunk-buckets. Lemme sit down."

“‘Please’ wouldn’t go amiss, shuckwit.”

"Not likely. Move."

I squeeze into the space and they shuffle slightly to make room, I’m barely touching the bench, half-sat on them both. I wriggle in the gap.

"You don’t need that much room girlie. Stop it."

"Oh yeah? Excuse me O’ Captain, but my backside is bigger than that so if you don’t mind." I shove his arm. He barely moves.

Gally just laughs at me. “If you say so. Apologies, didn’t realise your backside was so big.”

"Exactly, now shift."

They eventually make enough room and I help myself to what’s left on the table. They didn’t leave an awful lot.

"Animals the lot of ya." I roll my eyes while stuffing my face.

The great big greenie’s name is Tim. I like him immediately. He hasn’t even said two words to me but watching him wind up Ben about some incident with a cow is a joy. He catches me laughing at their exchange and winks. Good, he’s not afraid of me then.

I was back in the field soon after, I’ve missed this. There’s something relaxing about being so methodical, working with row after row of plants. It’s good to be doing something again. I feel better than I have in weeks.

In the corner of my eye I spot Zart, Clint and Steve talking together animatedly. It wouldn’t be weird seeing as they are best friends but it’s during the working day. I guess it’s not against the rules, Zart and Clint are keepers anyway. I’m supposed to be working, not being nosy so I try to concentrate on pulling this weed. Suddenly, Steve gestures over to me without looking and Zart slaps hand down.

I shake my head in frustration, frowning. I’ve had it with these Gladers.

Something was going on.

At this point, I wasn’t sure what exactly, but they were up to something and I was sure I’d be caught up in the middle of it soon enough.

I straighten up, wiping my brow to see Newt looking at me. Busted. He looks puzzled, maybe he didn’t see. He moves his head as if to remind me I’m supposed to be working. I wave my trowel at him grinning and get back to it.

I’d just have to wait and find out.

After lunch, I’m back in the field, lugging a bucket of water over to the potatoes. There’s got to be an easier way to do this. 

"Ebony!"

I look over to where the noise came from, It’s Winston. He’s waving like mad from the slicer’s hut.

"Hey Winston!" I call back over, not entirely sure why he’s calling me.

"Chicken time!"

What? That shanks been spending too long with the pigs. Completely jacked. Shame really. Always did think he was a bit strange. At least it doesn’t look like he’s covered in blood right now.

He jogs closer, puffing slightly. “The egg, it’s hatching.”

Eggs. Ooh the egg! I’d totally forgotten about that. I nod at Winston, grinning, and look for Zart, I can’t leave without his say so. Rules and all.

He’s nowhere to be seen. Typical. If I miss this I’ll wrangle the shuck’s neck. I spot Newt over by the herb garden. Perfect. I run over to him, abandoning my bucket.

"Newt!"

He looks up sharply in concern. “What’s wrong?” He quickly gets up to his feet.

"Nothing, nothing’s wrong. Winston’s eggs are hatching and he said I could watch - is it okay if I go? Please?"

He visibly relaxes, grinning at me. “Of course you can.”

"Thanks!" I sprint off to the hut. Winston is there waiting for me.

He leads me into the back room where there’s some sort of apparatus in the corner on a bench.

"It keeps the egg warm." He explains. I nod slowly, edging on some memory somewhere.

"What happened to the other eggs?"

"Stopped growing." He shrugs, a man of many words is Win.

"Oh."

Looking the egg over, there’s a tiny hole in it’s side. If you squint a bit, you can see something moving ever so slightly.

"It’ll take some time, but you can sit there and keep an eye on it for me. We need it to pull through."

Me? That seems like a lot of responsibility, I don’t do well with responsibility. He’s already wandered off though and I’m not following him through to the other rooms here. I don’t do well with blood either.

There’s nothing else to it, I sit myself down and watch.

At first, there’s not a lot to see. But, just when I’m sure it’s dead or something it jerks about a little. A while after, the hole cracks a tiny bit.

I don’t know how long I’m sat there grinning at this little egg. It’s amazing. A whole great big chicken is tucked up in that tiny thing. It jerks a bit harder and the egg spins slightly. I gasp in a slight panic, biting my lip. I’m not allowed to touch it, just look - that was Winston’s only rule.

There’s a crack running around one end of the egg now, I don’t think it’ll be much longer. I glance at my watch that Gally returned to me when I was in the med-jack’s hut. I’ve been here for hours - and I’ve missed dinner.

Well that’s it then little chick. You have to pull through, otherwise I’ve gone hungry for nothing - and I like food.

I feel a bit guilty for having a chicken sandwich for my lunch now.

That’s a morbid thought: Here I am exited about watching this chick enter the world when I’m only going to help eat it one day. 

I’m my own worst enemy sometimes. 

What if that’s what the creators are doing to us? Watching us grow, for no other reason than for their own gain. What’s the point?

The tiny chick tumbling out of it’s egg distracts me from my thoughts. It uprights itself slowly and sits in a ball, all wet and gooey. I am so insanely proud of this little thing right now. I’m glad I’m here to see this. I laugh to myself at this little wonder and prop my head up on my hand, watching it for a while. It starts to dry. 

I need to go get Winston now - and remember to thank him. 

I call out for him but he isn’t here, he must have gone in to homestead for dinner. 

Running into the room, I scan about for him but I don’t think he’s here. I spy Paul who’s looking at me already.

"Hey, have you seen Winston?"

"Nope, but I might know where he is."

I roll my eyes. “Care to share?”

"Maybe."

"C’mon Paul, I need to get him. Don’t be a slinthead."

He sighs dramatically in mock defeat. “Okay fine, you’ve twisted my arm. Come here.” He beckons me closer - such a drama queen. 

"There is such a thing, as ‘a gathering’ in progress. He’s probably there."

The gathering. Oh klunk, I’m supposed to be there!

I clap Paul on the back before running out again. “See ya!”

I straighten myself up before knocking. Alby opens the door and gives me a small smile. Doesn’t look like I’m in trouble. 

"Was just going to send someone to get you."

"Sorry."

"It’s alright, Winston told me what you were doing. Some of the others were late anyway."

"Is he in there?"

"Yep. C’mon in."

I’ve been in here countless times. For someone who isn’t a keeper, I end up sitting in on these meetings more than I probably should. I spy Winston on the far side.

"Chick is out Win. Looks good to me anyway."

"Great. Thanks Ebony. Alby, I really need to go check on it."

"No problem, you know what’s going on, so don’t worry about it."

'What's going on'? That's not how these meetings normally work. Sleepovers, I'm serious. These shanks are loosing it.

"Winston?" I stop him as he’s going out the door. He turns back to look at me.

"Thanks." He smiles at me warmly and nods.

I plonk myself down next to Alby, grinning at my friends around the room. They echo my gesture but there’s something not quite right about it. Is it forced? Anxious? 

"Right, first things first. Ebony has an idea which I think needs looking into. You want to explain?" He’s talking to me. I snap out of my thoughts.

"Sure, sure. So basically, it’s about the problem we had with Tim when he came out the box - when he over reacted a bit and ran for the door."

Remember to use tact. I glance over at Alby and he nods at me to continue. I’m pretty nervous all of a sudden. 

"So it makes sense to me to try and make it easier for them. Most of us here have came up in the box - we all know how terrifying it is."

"Good that. Take it you have something in mind?" Zart comments, I can see a few others nodding in agreement. So far so good.

"I do, yeah." I take a deep breath. "I think it would work better if I’m there."

Already the gladers have a lot to say - talking over one another. I can’t hear anything positive. Or even remotely constructive for that matter. 

"Not a chance girlie."

"Are you jacked?" 

"It’s not a good idea."

"No sense of self-preservation at all."

"Slim it!" I yell above the noise.

"Shut your shuck faces for second and listen. I’m not just saying it just for the sake of it." The room falls silent again. 

"Who’s the one who gets sent to cool off the slinthead who wants to punch someone in the shucking head? Who gets sent to sort Gally out when the rest of you have spent all day winding him up something awful? Who stopped the greenie from going in the maze?

"I’m not saying I’d do it on my own and I’d obviously have to be careful. But for whatever reason, I calm you shanks down. We might as well use it to our advantage. The more gladers we have the better."

No one says anything, they just look between themselves sheepishly.

"Say something." 

Gally clears his throat.

"Look, I get your point - but have you ever even seen a greenie come out of the box?"

"No."

"Right, well I have - I’m the one who gets them out of the box right now. Sometimes, yeah - it’s okay and they’re too scared to do anything. Other times, they come out swinging. That right there is my problem with this. We never know how they’re going to be."

There’s a few murmurs around the room. 

"Well said." Clint chirps in. "I’ve seen you in my hut too many times lately."

Oh we were not going down the invalid route. 

"So I don’t go in the box till we know. He can’t climb up on his own straight away anyway. Based on how he reacts to you, we can judge if I need to go in or not. I’ll just be there if I’m needed."

"But what if he tries to attack you once he’s out - gotta think of that."

"Give me some credit, Zart. I’m the fastest one in the glade - with the runners gone." Minho winks at me. "Besides, I’m more than capable of handling myself. You know this - it’s only been since the close call I had in the maze that you’ve all been acting weird around me." Did I say that out loud?

Newt and Minho laugh audibly, the other keepers grin to themselves. 

"That’s us told then."

"Anyone got anything else to say before we vote?" Alby takes control of the meeting again. 

"Just that there should be some sort of order to it - like how and when she goes in."

"Yeah, someone’s got to make that call."

"Why are we talking like it’s been decided here - we haven’t voted yet."

"Because she’s good at getting what she wants." Newt winks at me, I roll my eyes at the slinthead.

They have a show of hands which turn out in my favor. Good - it’s about time these shanks listened to me for a change.

"Right, next greenie day we’ll try it out. Take it from there." Alby concludes. 

Good that. I get up to leave, walking behind my chair.

"Where are you going?" Alby’s looking at me.

"Well, I’m just going to leave you lot to get on with your other ‘important business’, I’m not a keeper so -"

"No, you’re staying."

"I am?"

"Yep." Alrighty then. I look at Alby for some sort of explanation.

"Oh no, not me Ebbs. Them. They’re the ones with something to tell you."

I frown in confusion. What’s going on? I scan around the room but I can’t tell. No one seems very forthcoming, in fact, Frypan is the only one who can meet my gaze. He gives me a small, apologetic smile.

"Okay." I say slowly, leaning my elbows on the back of my chair. Maybe I’ll finally find out what’s going on.

We sit in silence for a while, the gladers shuffle about in their chairs.

"Y’know someone’s gonna have to say something soon, you’re scaring her."

"I’m not scared Fry. Concerned maybe." I had nothing to be scared of - right?

Minho is the first to speak. 

"You’re a girl." Well spotted Minho - only all my life. What is that supposed to mean.

"We know that. But-" Another glader continues and they all start talking after each other.

"Recently, it’s been a bit different -"

"We though you’d died-"

"Then your clothes-"

"And we sort of-"

"It’s difficult to explain really-"

"You’re always so full of life-"

"Laughing and playing about-

"Nice to everyone-"

"Hard not to think that way really-"

"Suppose its just nature isn’t it-"

"You’re so pretty and all-"

"Can’t help it in all honesty-"

"What the shuck are you shanks trying to say? Spit it out already!" Brow furrowed, I rub my face in exasperation. I am so confused right now. Have I done something wrong? Why are they talking about me?

"I told you she didn’t know."

"It’s just that-"

"It’d be easier on us all if you’d just-"

"No, we just wanted to tell you-"

"Ask you -"

"Oh for goodness sake, enough!" Alby shouts over the din. He turns to me in frustration, arms flapping.

"The pathetic shanks here have decided they’re in love with you and they’re doing my head in. If you could just pick one of them and be done with it I’d be grateful."

_What?_


	11. Remembering how to breathe.

"Say something."

I’m staring at a small hole in the wooden floor. 

It’s from where some kid fell in his first few weeks in arriving in the glade. He was carrying something heavy and it had made a dent - trying to fix it, somehow it had progressed into a hole. I’d found him just sitting there, crying. He’d panicked even more when he realised who I was - when he realised he wasn’t supposed to talk to me. I missed my dinner that day calming him down. I took the blame for it and a half hour lecture from Gally about how difficult it was to keep fixing things when he was busy building what we needed. We haven’t spoken since. I think his name is Josh.

"Ebony." 

I look up. Everyone is staring at me. I scan around the room slowly. I don’t think anyone is breathing.

Oh right. This. 

What do they want from me? ‘Pick one’. ‘In love’. I can’t get past the words in my head. It’s strange. Like they’re from a foreign launguage.

"Would you say something? Please?"

They’re expecting things from me right now. To tell them something. Whatever it is, it means a lot to them, obviously. Maybe it will change things. The room is tense. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’ve never been in a situation like this before. 

The air in here is thick, and heavy. Everything feels like it’s closing in. I’m vaguely aware that my chest is heaving trying to find some oxygen and I get an overwhelming surge to run. 

I can’t do this. I don’t even know what ‘this’ is but I can’t do it. 

I spin on my heels and dart out of the door.

I don’t stop once I’m outside, sprinting away from the building. I want to run away, hide, something. Somewhere where I can be alone.

Someone is shouting my name.

The lookout is my best bet. I throw myself up the ladder. I don’t know what to do with myself now that I’m here. I still feel trapped though the air is considerably better here. 

Sitting down on the platform, I try to steady my breaths. In. Out. Slower. Slower than that.

It’s a long time until I find myself capable of actual thoughts. I’m going to need to figure this out.

What actually happened in there? Everyone talking at once, saying nice things about me, how I didn’t understand, how they weren’t sure about something. 

Alby said they were in love with me. 

Who’s ‘they’ first of all. The keepers? The gladers? All of them? Just a few?

Secondly what did he mean by ‘in love’? I know that it’s a feeling rather than a thing. I love things I suppose, like Frypan’s food and the smell of the bonfire. I love spending time with my friends and I love it when we manage to laugh and take things easy. It that what they mean? Somehow I don’t think so. He said it differently. ‘In love’.

In context, maybe it means something more than just being friends. If you love something you like it more than other things - right?

I try to pull up memories. It’s times like this especially that I really want them all back. Maybe someone told me about love once. Maybe I’ve felt it before. It’s so frustrating to know but not know - like I’m missing something, inadequate, naive, stupid.

And why do I have to pick one? Pick who for what? I mull the word ‘pick’ over in my head and it feels dirty. I don’t like this at all. They’re my friends. 

What confuses me the most is why I ran away like I did. I ran away from those shanks and from words I don’t completely understand. I did more than just run, I panicked. Completely klunked it and bolted.

They were all looking to me for an answer. Maybe I am worse at dealing with pressure and responsibility than I thought. I’m not handling this well at all. Maybe I’ve hurt them running away like this. 

I can hear someone on the ladder. Peering over, I see the top of Alby’s head. I can’t exactly tell him to go away. I shuffle back into the middle and look at a the sky. Alby sits nearby and does the same.

We don’t say anything for a while. Eventually he speaks to me carefully and gently.

"You’ve never acted like that before."

"No one’s ever expected answers to something like that from me before."

He doesn’t say anything to that.

"A warning would have been nice Alby."

He laughs gently at me which makes me frown. “Like you would have settled for a warning. We both know you wouldn’t have let up until I told you and they were supposed to be the ones to do it. They thought it was pretty obvious - I said you didn’t have a clue. I suppose it could have been handled better though.”

"You don’t say?"

He rolls his eyes at me and stays quiet. My mind is reeling with things I don’t know enough about.

"Who are the ‘pathetic shanks’ exactly?"

He sighs and rubs his face. “It’s easier to say who they aren’t in all honesty.”

"Oh. Go on then."

"Well me for starters - no offence. There’s Frypan and there’s Winston."

"That’s it?"

"Well that’s all I can say for sure. Some like you like that more than others -some of which you’re going nowhere near as well for that matter." ’Like that?’

"So Gally?

"Yep"

"Newt?

"Yes."

"Minho?"

"Yes, Ebony."

"Even Paul?"

"Are you even listening to me? Clean out your ears shank."

"I don’t get this."

"Obviously not."

"No, really Alby - I’ve been here for ten and a half months already. Suddenly, the fact that I’m a girl is a problem now? It makes no sense."

"You really don’t get it, do you?"

"That’s what I said."

"Can I ask you something then?"

"So long as it doesn’t involve the word ‘pick’."

"Yeah, alright. I get it, I’m tactless. Are you feeling angry about this?"

I mull it over in my head 

"A bit I suppose."

"Just a bit? So how do you feel then? It’s really hard to tell Ebby you’re not giving anything away."

What am I feeling? 

"Lost I think." 

"Lost?" 

"Yeah." I don’t elaborate. How can I explain when I don’t understand?

Alby rubs his face again, brow furrowed. ”Why don’t you just sit on it for a while then? Try to get you’re head around it. I’ll make sure everyone leaves you alone for a bit - give you some room.”

I don’t know if it’ll work. “Good that.”

He sits with me a little while longer then says goodnight. The hard wood isn’t exactly comfortable but at least I’m outside. 

I don’t move from my spot all night.


	12. Hide and seek

It was still dark when I gave up trying to go back to sleep.

I must have managed to sleep for a little while though because someone had draped a cover over me without being caught. I dozed in and out mostly.

My dreams were a bit strange - full of blurred faces and mumbling. I was never quite able to figure out what was going on. Something else I know nothing about. 

I decide to make the most of my early start. Hopefully, getting a good run in will clear my head some more. Or relax me. Or give me something to do for a while that doesn’t involve dealing with anything at all. 

I start off slowly but the pace I end up taking is punishing. My ankles ache, not used to the strain after not being used properly in so long. The sun rises but I don’t stop. I need this. 

It’s like I’m running away from bad feelings, bad thoughts. The more I push myself, the better I feel. Even if that means I’m dripping in sweat. 

I’m trying to remember which lap I’m on when I notice a beetle blade in my path.

Shuck!

I dart out of the way in the last second, flinging myself over to the side. Loosing my balance, I go barreling over in the long grass - landing with a crunch.

Not my finest moment but at least no one has to scrape me off the wall today.

After running so fast for a while, the sudden lack of movement makes me feel unsteady. I’ll just lie here for a bit. I need to catch my breath anyway. That was really close.

Staring up at the sky I realise that the other gladers will be up and about. A quick look at my watch tells me I’m right - the doors will be opening anytime now. 

Sure enough, as I have the thought, the doors scream open. It’s an awful noise really but I’m used to it. 

I can hear people shouting.

"Minho wait!"

"What is it?"

"Ebony is missing." No I’m not. " Did you see her at the door?"

"She wouldn’t go in there." That’s right - I wouldn’t.

"You didn’t see her last night Paul."

Wait a second. They actually think I’d go in there? I force myself to sit up, my muscles aching in protest. Nope, no one can see me from here. I’ll have to get up.

I walk over to where the lookout is, I can seen Newt and Alby on the top darting about - trying to find me presumably. They’re not doing a very good job seeing as I’ve been running in circles for a few hours. Some of the others are running into the different buildings, calling my name. 

"You really think I’d go in there?"

Everyone seems to come to a stop. Heads spin around, poking around doors and peering over the lookout.

"I know I want some alone time right now but I’m not that desperate!" I yell loud enough for everyone to hear. Honestly, was last night really that bad?

No one says anything for a second. 

Alby calls down to the glade from above. “You heard her shanks. Don’t be bugging her today - got it? Now quit crying and go back to your business!”

Everyone slowly wanders off but I catch Gally still staring. It doesn’t feel obtrusive but I’ve got nothing to say. He eventually turns away. 

Still covered in dirt and sweat I head to Newt’s room to get clothes seeing as he isn’t there and wander off into the showers. 

I don’t like this, it’s all awkward. There’s a good reason that I don’t ever get mad at those shanks - I miss them almost instantly. 

I’ll just have to fix it.

The shower feels really good. I feel positive for the first time today that I can sort whatever is going on out. 

I must have really hurt their feelings if they actually thought I could have run into the maze. They must be worried. I’ll have to talk to them today about it all - get Alby to hold another gathering. 

I grin to myself, another sleepover.

Problem was, what was I going to say? I still couldn’t understand what this thing was all about. Ridiculously frustrating doesn’t even begin to cover it.

My stomach growls at me - I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. All of a sudden the only thing I’m concerned with is finding food. Just as well everyone has gone to work for the day. 

I peer round the door into the kitchen. Frypan is busying himself prepping food for lunch. Alby said he didn’t like me ‘like that’ - so it should be okay to talk to him. He was the one who smiled at me in the gathering yesterday. I’m too hungry to hide from Fry anyway so shuck it.

"Hey." 

He beams at me when he looks over.

"Hey shank."

"Any chance of a favor?" My voice is smaller than I’d planned. 

"Food right?" He raises an eyebrow at me. This shank can read my mind.

"Oh my goodness. Yes! I’m really hungry." I rush into his kitchen.

"Good. I was getting worried. You’ve not eaten much."

"I’d forgotten." How could I forget food? I am so hungry right now. "But I’ve remembered now so if you wouldn’t mind…"

"Way ahead of you." He reaches into his larder and pulls out a pack of sandwiches. "Made these this morning for you. Wasn’t sure where or when you’d want to eat."

"Thanks Fry. Can I sit in here?" I start scoffing the sandwiches before he replies. He’ll let me anyway.

Frypan rolls his eyes. “As if you have to ask.”

I end up eating my own body weight in food or at least it feels like it by the time I eventually stop eating. So good.

This might actually be a good opportunity get a better idea of what it is I’m missing. Fry never seems to push, he just lets me do my own thing. 

"You look like you’re a million miles away."

 I grin at him. “I was actually wondering if you’d mind me grilling you for a bit.” 

He laughs at my bad food pun. I am the funniest person ever, obviously.

"What do you want to know?"

I search for a question but nothing I come up with makes much sense. “I’m not sure.”

"You’re off to a good start then."

"Slim it."

"Well, if you want to, just talk. I’ll listen and maybe the questions will come out."

"That might work."

"Only one way to know."

I suck in a deep breath. “So the thing is, I’m just really confused. I’ve got no clue about anything right now and it’s making everything difficult. It feels like everyone needs an answer from me about something but I can’t give it to them and it’s all a load of klunk.

"I don’t get what they mean. ‘In love’. What’s that all about - because it seems like it’s important, and I know about love ‘cause I love things like the sun and the sounds the animals make and the way the fire moves and stuff but I don’t think that’s what they mean. 

"What do they mean?"

Fry looks at me hard for a minute considering my question.

"Well, they mean something a lot more than the way you love the sun shank."

"More." I consider the word carefully.

"Yeah. I suppose it makes sense that you don’t know. Those shanks only figured it out when they started talking about it."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"I’m only going off what I’ve been told, but it’s a lot more to do with emotions. Like when they’re near you they feel warm inside, or if they touch you in some way they don’t want to let you go. If they see someone else spending time with you they get jealous and annoyed. They want to just curl you up in their arms and keep you safe, make sure you’re always happy."

That all sounds quite nice actually, apart from the jealous thing. 

"Then there’s the whole biology of it all." He waves his hand about in the air, dismissing the notion. 

Biology?

"No, don’t skip that bit - I don’t know about that either."

"Do I have to? It’s pretty embarrassing."

"Well, can you be vague then?" What’s so embarrassing about a body?

Fry sighs, he’s blushing slightly. “Alright. So when a boy is attracted to someone, they get these urges, touching and kissing and - other stuff. You can find out what the ‘stuff’ is in your own time. I don’t know how it is for girls ‘cause you’re the only one I know.”

Kissing? I think I remember what that is - in the same way that I know what cars and bikes are.

"So they want do to all that stuff with me." It’s more of a statement than a question. I’m trying to get my head around it all. 

"Basically. Look it’s more complicated than that - feelings and stuff. Everyone sees it a bit differently but you wanted vague and that’s all I can give you. You’d have to talk to them about it."

"Am I supposed to feel like that with them?"

"That’s entirely up to you."

"All of them?" It sounds exhausting.

Fry laughs at me. I frown a little, feeling defensive. “No Ebony, just one.”

"Oh." ‘Pick one’. That must be what Alby ment.

"I’ve never thought about anyone like that before Fry."

"That’s all right y’know. There’s nothing wrong with you. You should tell them that though - they just don’t understand."

I decide that I will. 

"Why is it only now though? I’ve been here for a while. They’ve only been acting weird recently."

"That’s because up until recently you’ve been in the maze every day so they haven’t had to think about it. Those clothes the creators sent for you haven’t helped. It did come up when you first got here y’know but Alby put a stop to it."

Clothes? What was wrong with the clothes? I decide to focus on the bigger picture for now. “Oh. But now they’ve decided not to listen to him?”

"No they still listen, that’s why no one’s tried to get you to feel anything for them like that. But it’s becoming an issue - those shanks aren’t able to concentrate as well as they should be."

"So it’s my fault then?"

"No. No it’s not. But we thought if you did have feelings like that for someone, then everyone else could get over it and you and whoever could be happily ever after or something like that."

"Right."

We don’t speak again for a while - I’m too busy thinking anyway. I’m glad Frypan is here.

I think I know what I’m going to say.


	13. Bloody sleepovers.

"You want a what?"

"A gathering."

"Another one?"

"Yup."

I didn’t see what was so hard to understand about it. If everyone else can call a gathering for the slightest thing, so can I.

"What for?"

I raise both my eyebrows at him, really?

"Oh. Right. I didn’t realise you wanted to talk about it."

"Well I do."

Alby rubs his face in exasperation - he’s been doing it a lot lately.

"You are hard work sometimes."

"Is that a yes?"

"Sure." He throws his hands in the air. "Everyone’s to be there?"

"Well, not Winston or Frypan if they don’t want to - but they can. Oh and Paul too, tell him to go. Please."

He looks at me for a long minute then stalks off muttering to himself.

"I don’t even know. I’m only the bloody shucking leader if this place…"

I grin behind him and stroll off to my hammock. It’s been a weird sort of day. 

Steve has spent all day in the med-jacks hut because he took off the tip of his finger whilst chopping a carrot. I don’t think he should be allowed around sharp things anymore but that’s just me. Either way, I helped Frypan to make both lunch and dinner, only to hide when everyone came in to eat it. Frypan kept laughing at me.

Besides from my run I’ve done almost nothing. It feels very strange.

Hidden in my hammock, I wait and watch the boys wander into the hut. I’d rather be the last one in there than have to sit awkwardly and wait.

Newt is the last one to go. He pauses and rests his hands on his hips for a minute before going in. What’s he thinking?

I give it a couple more minutes before I go in trying to psych myself up for it. I’m nervous - a first when it comes to dealing with these shanks. I hope it goes well.

The room dies when I walk in. Oh no, that’s not good. Everyone In here - except Frypan - and Paul actually - looks very nervous. No pressure. I promised myself I would be totally honest here. So do it.

"Right, first off you can stop klunking your pants. This isn’t supposed to be painful for us so if you could all just relax a bit that’d be great."

"I will if you do." Minho shoots me over a grin. 

"Deal."

We all laugh, trying to clear the air and I sit down on a chair, leaning in slightly.

"Look, I owe you all an appology. I shouldn’t have ran away yesterday."

"So why did you?" Newt asks carefully, obviously the question of the day.

"I panicked. I didn’t know what to say or do and I could tell it was important. Fight or flight kicked in and I bolted." I say simply. "There’s a bit more to it than that though."

I throw a look over to Fry who nods slowly. I stare at the floor trying to concentrate on getting everything out. Sucking in a deep breath, I continue.

"You need to understand something and it’s difficult to explain. You all seem to have these feelings that you have all figured out. That’s great I suppose. Thing is, I’m way behind you. Really, really behind. 

"I’ve been talking about it with Fry ‘cause I just hadn’t a clue how to even begin to approach what was said and I realised that I don’t even know what those feelings are. I don’t think I’ve ever had them.

"I don’t remember what it’s like, or if anyone ever told me about it. I’ve been completely oblivious to anything to do with it up until yesterday."

"So you don’t know what love is?" I look up to see Gally. His expression looks soft and his voice is gentle.

"Not in the way that you mean it, no. I panicked so badly ‘cause I felt like I couldn’t give you the answers you wanted, ‘cause I didn’t know what you were talking about."

"But you do now?" Clint’s brow is furrowed, he looks as confused as I feel.

"No, not really. I know a bit about it I suppose from what I’ve heard but I can’t say I understand. I hate it being so awkward though, I’ve missed you all today."

"We’ve missed you too." Paul smiles over to me. He’s not been allowed back in the maze yet since his accident with the bloody vines. I smile back at him.

"Should hope so. I’m amazing." I wink dramatically and we all laugh again.

"Well that’s all I really had planned to say. I suppose if anyone else wants to talk about it’s okay with me. I promise I won’t run away." I laugh feebly at my little joke but it doesn’t really catch on. Bad joke. 

"Maybe it’s all a bit much at once for you Ebony." Gally speaks up while the rest of them look between each other. "You’ve never reacted like this the entire time you’ve been here. We shouldn’t have put this much on you."

"Maybe not Gal, but I don’t know how else it could have been done." I swallow slowly. "I’m just a slinthead really."

"No love, you’re not a slithead." Newt is looking right into my eyes. "It’s not your fault you didn’t know. You are the only girl here. We’ve got each other to compare this kind of thing to. You’re trying to figure it out on your own - it’s got to be overwhelming."

There are nods and words of agreement to both Gally and Newt’s words. I just want to hug every single shank in this room right now - they are so lovely. But I’m not one for the whole ‘oh-pity-me-I’m-a-girl’ thing so let’s change the subject.

"But what happens now though?" 

"What do you want to happen?"

"I don’t know Alby, obviously things will change."

"Not if you don’t want it to"

"Of course it will. It’s not fair that everyone else’s feelings get ignored. But at the same time I’m not going to pretend I have those feelings if I don’t."

"What if we had some sort of competition? If we take it in turns to show you how we feel and you can pick the winner?" Zart suggests casually. 

What? I don’t like the idea - how can I go about my business if I’m constantly being judged or watched or anything? I open my mouth to protest but I get cut off.

"No." Paul says flatly. 

"I’m not doing that."

"That wouldn’t be fair on Ebby."

"Isn’t there enough games going on in this shuck place without making our own?"

I close my eyes and grin. “What they said.” 

"Alright, alright. It was only an idea - no one else is coming up with anything."

"It’s okay Zart."

No one else says anything for a few moments.

"We don’t actually have to do anything." Gally speaks up again.

"What do you mean?" Surely we have to come up with a plan to deal with this or something. 

"Well, you’ve only just found out about these feelings. When I first found out about them I recognised them more. Maybe now you know, you’ll just be able to tell - in time."

"So nothing has to change?"

"Nope."

"Gally, that may be the best idea you’ve ever had." Newt remarks, clapping him on the shoulder.

I like this idea. I don’t really want things to change. There’s not a lot of pressure in it either - it’s just if everyone else is happy with it too.

"I’d go for that. If everyone else was okay with it?"

"Let’s have a vote, seeing as this is nothing like a normal gathering anyway -we might as well do something right." Alby takes over the meeting again.

They have a show of hands, almost everyone goes for it. I don’t really know the shanks who don’t but it’s a majority vote.

I feel pretty relieved that I can figure this out in my own time. No pressure really. 

A while after I sit by the dying fire on my own. I love the smell of the smoke. Leaning against one of the logs in my usual position I look for shapes in the stars. There are a few that are in a perfect line. Some that make a lopsided triangle and there’s a face in there too.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead Paul." I’ve missed this shank lately. He’s been really quiet which isn’t like him. 

"You okay?"

"Oh sure. Always am klunk-for-brains." He winks at me, grinning. 

"Uh huh. Like I’m buying that."

"Think what you like." Someone clearly doesn’t want to talk about it.

"Sorry."

He sighs and runs a hand down his face. “No I’m sorry, I’ve been a bit of a slinthead. I’m just waiting for this shucky ankle to fix so I can get back in there.”

"Frustrating isn’t it?" I’d done the same about four months ago so I knew how he felt.

"Yeah, I take back what I said about you over reacting."

"About time."

"Whatever."

We sit for a bit in silence, I’m just enjoying his company. It’s so easy with Paul.

"Listen, I wanted to tell you something." Oh? Sounds important.

"All ears chief."

"Yeah, I dunno what Fry or Alby or anyone else has said about me, but I wanted to get a couple of things straight."

"Okay."

"I don’t feel the same way about you that the others do."

"You don’t?"

"No. I mean, I do like you kid, I just - it’s not the same."

"Right. I don’t get it."

"You are important to me. You are. And I want you to be safe, and happy and stuff. But I don’t want anything more."

"More?"

"I mean, I don’t want to call you mine or be with you in that way."

"Oh, gotcha."

"We’re close Ebbs. We have been since you were just a greenie. We can talk about anything and it’s always been good between us right?"

"Of course."

"Well that’s all I want. Just that. No changes."

"That’s all I want too."

"You do?"

"Yeah, and I’m kind of glad you don’t feel ‘that way’ in all honesty."

"You are?"

"Yeah, I was wanting to talk to you about it earlier but I thought it would have been too weird."

Paul laughs, throwing his head back. “No, you can tell me. Just don’t go into the details if they ever come up - that I don’t want to know.”

"Details?"

"Never mind. But if any of those shanks hurt you Ebony, you come to me okay?"

"I don’t think they’d hurt me."

"Most of them, I’d agree with but some don’t care enough about you. Just be careful."

"I’ll be fine. Especially with you looking out for me." I wink at him.

"Ew. Okay lovey-dovey stuff over. Go to bed."

"I was going anyway."

"Whatever."

I wander over to my hammock, exhausted by all the deep thinking I’ve had to do. It doesn’t take long for my eyes to start drooping.


	14. Water and dirt.

It took three more days for Clint to let Paul go out again.

Even then, he had to spend two full days of that running around the glade to prove that his ankle could take the strain. I spent a lot of time winding him up about it.

I lean against a tree at the edge of the forest beside him, waiting for the doors to open. The southern gate leads to his usual area, 

"You’d better be back early shank."

"Or what?"

"Or I’ll thump you."

Paul laughs at me, shaking his head. “Then you’ll be banished. What good will that do?”

"You’d best just come back early then we won’t need to find out then will we?"

"Slinthead."

The doors scream open drowning out my reply, he winks at me before running into the maze. I make my way over to the field. 

Things had gone back to normal almost instantly after the last gathering, for which I was incredibly grateful. I don’t think anyone else like the awkward way things were going either. 

I’d thrown myself back into my work, weeding and watering everything possible over the last few days. It had paid off - there wasn’t much to do today. 

"Ebony!" Zart calls me over, I jog towards him.

"There’s not enough work for everyone today so you’re on water duty."

"Water - Zart." I start to whine.

"Don’t bother. You’ve gotta do something and that something today is water."

Being on water duty was the most boring job on the glade. Usually, the sloppers do it in their spare time. All you have to do is lug a bucket of water around the glade and make sure every single glader has enough to drink. I’ve done it a few times so I can safely say it is soul destroying. 

I huff at Zart to show how disappointed I am in him before trudging off to get the bucket.

It’s taking forever to get around everyone. I get stopped almost constantly by gladers looking to slack off from their jobs for a while. It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually had something interesting to say. I point blank refuse to go in the slicers hut and have to shout them from outside to get their water. No can do - sorry. It does give me the opportunity to ask about the chick though. By all accounts it seems to be doing well. 

Clint decides to give me a long talk about how important it is to make sure everyone gets enough water. Not that I’d know anything about it after collapsing - sleeping - from the lack of it not long ago. Ironically enough, his talk keeps me from actually getting my job done but I can’t say I mind too much. If anyone falls down from lack of thirst - bearing in mind that they have legs of their own and can get their own bloody water - I can blame him.

I end up at the bricknicks and builders last. I don’t see Gally about but I do see Aiden. I don’t know him very well if I’m honest but he is the keeper for the bricknicks so he’ll have to do.

"Aiden!"

He looks over his shoulder, arms full of wood.

"Hey Ebony."

"Got some water for you shanks."

He calls over the other gladers, who almost empty my bucket. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve had to refill this thing.

"How did you end up on water duty?"

"Just got lucky I suppose." I wink at Aiden, laughing at myself. He grins at me, returning my gesture.

"I guess we did too."

Gally comes into view on top of the roof they’ve been building.

"Gal! Water!"

He looks over at me with an amused expression and starts making his way over. What did Aiden just say? He’s wandered away already.

I soon forget what I was trying to figure out when Gally takes a drink from me and grins, covered in dirt and sweat.

"Water duty huh?" I can hear the gleeful insults just in the tone of his voice.

"Slim it. I didn’t volunteer for the position." I grimace in his direction. 

"Why not? I almost thought you were getting sick of potatoes for a minute there."

"With some of the conversations I’ve endured today? I adore potatoes."

He laughs loudly and I grin back at him, unable to maintain the facade. He’s in a good mood today. That makes one of us.

"Oh come on, cheer up."

"Yeah, yeah. You do water duty tomorrow and see if you’re still grinning away to yourself then. "

Gally helps himself to another drink.

"I’ll pass, some people have important work to do."

"I would have important work to do - only I’ve done it all."

"That’s what you get for being such a goody-two-shoes."

Did he just say that? That’s it. I take cup of water out of the bucket for myself.

"Would a goody-two-shoes do this?" I tip my cup of water over his head purely to prove a point.

He gapes at me for a second before flinging the contents of his cup onto my face.

It’s freezing cold which makes me gasp. Without hesitating, I reach down for the bucket and cover his front in water. Oh shuck!

There’s no doubt about that look in his eye. I send the bucket crashing to the ground and sprint off, Gally right behind me.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that Gally couldn’t run. But he can. He’s just more use to the glade as a builder seeing as he is so strong and has a knack for that kind of thing. He has been in the maze before though - I don’t know the full story but I do know he was stung by a griever. I’m glad he pulled through.

"Gally! Stop! I’m sorry!" I scream behind me in mock terror. He doesn’t reply.

I dart across the clearing and over towards the field. Looking behind me to see if Gally was still giving chase was my first mistake. My second one wasn’t really my mistake but I ran right into Zart who tried to stop me from falling. By the time I had wriggled out of his grasp, Gally was much closer. So close I didn’t look at the muddy patch that had formed by the water running away from the crops. 

I slip in the mud, not used to running on a slippy surface, and end up flat on my back, mud covering half my body. I roll over completely coating myself so I could spring back up but it’s too late.

Gally’s face leans over at me smirking.

"I was gonna get you back for that but it looks like I don’t need to."

I reach for his legs quickly and pull him towards me, knocking him off balance. He lands with a wet splash, spraying me with the stuff. I grin at him wickedly. 

"Hi."

"Oh it’s on!"

I don’t for one second think I’ve got a chance against wrestling Gally, but that doesn’t mean I have to make his life easier by rolling over and playing dead. I pounce on him before he has a chance to move, trying to rub his face in the mud. I don’t have much on an impact but he’s going easy on me seeing as I’ve not been pinned yet.

"You’re getting soft." I wink at him as he holds me in place above him. "Bet the next greenie throws you out of the ring."

That’s enough to push him over the edge and he pins me to the floor in one swift movement - tickling me mercilessly.

"Ahh Gally! Please! Argh no!" I thrash about in the mud for ages before he stops. My sides ache from laughing so much and we both collapse in the puddle. Gally’s arm is underneath me somewhere. We have become one with the puddle.

Actually, I have mud in my mouth. It’s disgusting. I go to wipe my tongue with my hand but I’m covered completely in the stuff. Sitting up, I spot a clean patch on Gally’s shirt and use it to wipe my mouth out.

"Did you just do what I think you did?"

"Yup." I flop back down in my puddle. I’m already filthy so there’s no damage.

"You’re disgusting."

"Says you."

I stare at the cloudless sky with Gally for a few moments, catching my breath from laughing so harshly. Newt appears upside down above us.

"Hey there Newt."

"You both having fun?"

"Yep."

"Well, when you’re finished, you can clear up for the day. Frypan is finished with dinner." He’s trying to be firm but he’s failing miserably. I can actually see him fighting the grin on his face. He walks off before a winner is declared.

"You’re welcome."

I look at Gally in confusion. “For what?”

"Cheering you up."

"You also got me covered in mud."

"You did that one not me."

"That’s against the point."

Gally laughs at me and I grin back, knowing he’s right. I am in a much better mood. 

He goes to clean himself up but I go over to the southern side and wait by the door for Paul to come in instead. He manages to get in one minute early.

"Cutting it close there pal."

"What can I say I walk on the wild side." He looks up after panting for a minute and stops in his tracks, eyeing up the mud.

"What the shuck happened to you?"

"What? I always look like this."

He looks at me like I’m completely jacked for a moment before shaking his head and jogging past me into the map room. 

Satisfied that he’s alright, I go to pick the mud out of my ears.

Dinnertime is especially rowdy with Zart and a few other gladers filling Minho and the rest of the runners in on the mud fight. 

"She threw the bucket and we all thought she was totally shucked. She just ran off -"

”- Next thing, they’re both covered in mud!”

"I saw them fall in."

"No you didn’t."

"Well that’s what happened."

"I bet Gally got her all muddy." Laughter carries around the table. 

There’s something different about the gladers at the far end of the table. I can’t quite put my finger on it. 

Newt nudges my side.

"You alright?"

“‘Course.” I concentrate on my mash hoping I’ve convinced him. He doesn’t say anything else.

The laughter soon dies down into easy conversation, this I can do. No one moves from the table for hours. It’s amazing really that so many people can live together in a relatively small space. 

I turn in for the night nice and early, leaving most of the shanks still at the table. Hopefully that sleeping bag will come tomorrow so I won’t fall on my face anymore. I was seriously gonna hurt myself soon if I carried on. 

Swinging in my hammock really relaxes me. I wonder if I went on a boat when I was younger? Or if my mother rocked me to sleep at night? Either way, the swaying to and fro makes me feel tired instantly. 


	15. Potatoes.

I duck into homestead nice and early. I’ve got this strange rhythm in my head - almost like a song although I wouldn’t sing it. It’s catchy. 

No one is up yet so I’m free to spin about and weave my head from side to side without anyone questioning my sanity. I head over to rummage through Frypan’s larder, bobbing my head. He usually keeps something to the side for people to pick at when he isn’t there.

I hum to myself quietly and spin around so I’m walking backwards. Movement in the main room catches my eye.

"Having fun?"

Oh shuck. Focusing on where the voice came from I spot Jamal in the corner of the room, sat on the top of the bench. He has an amused expression on his face. 

"How long have you been there exactly?"

"Long enough." He grins at me. This shank has been spending too much time with Minho.

I roll my eyes at him, refusing to look embarrassed. 

Jamal is one of the 8 runners we have in the Glade, he’s probably the quietest of the lot but he is also one of the kindest. 

"You eaten yet?" I carry on into the larder, raising my voice so he can hear me. 

"Yup."

Emerging with a small loaf of bread I look at Jamal closely. He isn’t usually up this early. 

"Everything okay?"

"Oh yeah. Just woke up early for a change. Saw you running about but I figured you’d rather be left to it. You looked like you were miles away."

I chuckle gently. “Suppose I was, I didn’t see you.”

"Are you okay?"

There’s something about his gentle nature that makes me rethink my usual reply. It’s very easy to be completely honest with Jamal. We don’t talk an awful lot but when we do I always feel better. 

"Still having some trouble staying asleep." I shrug towards him, sliding into the bench.

"Grievers?"

"Grievers, the maze, beetle blades, concrete, blurry faces - and you lot getting shut in the maze really. Bit of a mixed bag." This bread is good.

He take a sip of his drink, nodding knowingly. 

"Anything I can do?"

"I don’t see what anyone can do really. It’s all in my head anyway - I know I’m safe here."

"Yeah - I thought they were getting better?" I had already had this conversation with him not too long after my incident in the maze. Jamal was the only one who didn’t think I was loosing it, he cares about me for sure but he doesn’t worry or make a big fuss. It makes things easier.

"Compared to how they were,  they are better. Still pretty bad though."

"Just give it some time. Things will get better." That’s his universal piece of advice. His mantra if you will. I’d roll my eyes at him but its genuinely good advice in this place. It takes ages for most things to happen but it all works out in the end. We’ll get out of here in the end. 

Dave and Adam fall into the room laughing loudly. I grin at him but he quickly gives me a small apologetic smile. He’s not one for talking in front of other people. 

The other runners soon pour in, Frypan not far behind. Minho drapes his arm around my shoulders as he tells me some of the antics I missed out on last night. Ben and Tim had apparently started some kind of tough guy competition. 

”- and then he headbutted the door full force. Knocked himself out!”

Roaring with laughter, I rock in the seat beside him. Sounds like they’ll both be out of commission today. Bunch of slintheads if you ask me - but it’s hilarious.

The rest of the gladers pile in later on. I leave with the runners to wave them off. It’s easier watching Paul go out now that I’m sure his ankle is holding up. 

"Be careful. Don’t die."

Minho winks at me before disappearing around a wall.

The rest of the track-hoes and I are stood by the side of the field. Zart is deciding whether or not the potatoes are ready to harvest. It’s supply day, so if they are we’ll all need to flog it to get it all done in time. 

In all honesty I think they’re ready. The leaves have been withering for a few days now. 

"We’re good to go shanks."

It’s going to be a busy day.

I am filthy. This is actually an awful lot of fun. We’ve worked out a system where Newt and I dig out the potatoes row by row while the others run them back and forward to the store.

We finish a row and stop to have a break, Steve had brought our lunches out for Newt and I seeing as we didn’t want to stop when the rest of the track-hoes did. They had headed into homestead, dragging dirt through the place. 

I sit in the dirt next to him and dust off the loose soil from my hands. Newt passes me my sandwiches and we eat together in a comfortable silence. 

It’s hard to think of this place as a prison. I’ve heard some of the gladers call it that before. They hate this place so badly. They’d do anything to leave. 

It’s not that I want to live here forever - I obviously want to get out. I don’t hate it here though, I can’t. It’s really not that bad - a lot of the time I would go so far as to say I’m happy here. Besides that, I don’t know what ‘out there’ is like now. I just think there must be worse places to be than this box. 

"I think I’ve just eaten a worm."

I look over at Newt, eyebrows raised. 

"You have?"

"No. Just checking you were still alive." He looks at me with a lopsided grin. 

Shaking my head, I chuckle at him. 

"I’m still here."

"Good that. There’s still all those bloody rows to do and I’m not doing it on my own."

He places a hand against my shoulder. I look at him with a puzzled expression. He winks at me playfully before shoving my shoulder hard and sending me crashing sideways into the dirt.

Apparently, I’m having another fight in the dirt.

Thing is, I actually have a chance of winning this one. Not to say that Newt isn’t strong - he is. It’s just that we have a similar build so it’s not entirely doomed from the start.

After taking a moment, I spring back up and throw myself towards Newt, taking him by surprise.

"Aaargh!" 

We roll for a short distance, struggling against one another. Newt tries to grab my wrists to hold me back but I wriggle out of his hold and push him down. 

Sitting on his stomach I grin at him triumphantly. He didn’t put up much of a fight but I’ll take my victory anyway thank you very much.

"Ha!" I rub some dirt in his hair for good measure.

He takes it as an opportunity, trying to grab me again - it works. He flips me underneath him and pins my hands above my head. I can’t even use my legs to buck him off because he’s sitting on top of my thighs. Shuck.

He hovers over me for a few moments, not saying anything. He’s looking into my eyes with a soft smile on his face.

I don’t think I’ve ever looked at Newt for this long before. He looks much better when he smiles. He should smile more. 

I grin at him, rolling my eyes. “You win Newt.”

He blinks a few times and laughs, getting off me slowly. I stretch out on the ground before sitting up, digging potatoes all day isn’t very kind on your back.

I catch his eye and we laugh again. 

"Thought you two were keen to get on?"

I look up to see Zart, arms folded across his chest. His expression is soft so I’m not worried. Technically, he can’t shout at me because Newt outranks him anyway. 

We finish all the rows before the box alarm goes off. The other track-hoes are still busy sorting out the potatoes, storing them and making sure the other crops are ticking over nicely. I’ve been given the rest of the day off - Newt can do what he likes. 

Some of the gladers are getting worried that the box won’t come up today at all. I just lie on the ground, eyes closed taking a well deserved break. It’ll come up. It always does. 

Right on queue, the alarm blares, making me jump slightly. I don’t move though, I’m too comfortable. 

"You coming shank?" 

"Nah, shout me if anything interesting happens." 

I wave off the glader, not knowing who it is exactly.

It’s so peaceful and quiet now, all the gladers are gathered around the box and the runners won’t be back for a few hours at least.

With so many people in a small space, moments like this are strange. It’s not difficult to be on your own, but you are almost always aware of someone, something going on around you. I indulge in the silence.

A piercing cry startles me and makes my blood run cold.

"Help! Someone give me - Clint! - Help!"


	16. Needles.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Non-cannon character death.

Flying to my feet, I hurl myself towards the voice. It’s still screaming for help, growing horse in desperation. Everyone else is at the box getting supplies. I’m the closest one to the door.

The door.

It’s a runner.

I pelt across even faster, unable to recognise the voice. I’ve never heard anyone like this before.

I spot Minho before I reach him, an unconscious figure being dragged along, half draped over his shoulder. He looks exhausted.

"Minho!" I yell as loud as I can, not letting up my pace.

"Ebony! Get Clint now!" I skid to a halt, surely we could take him there together.

Half a beat passes before I spin on my heels, bolting for the direction of the box. There was no time to debate it, Minho knew what needed to be done.

"He’s been stung!" He bellowed after me. This was not good.

This is the first time someone has been stung since I arrived in the glade. I’ve heard some stories, whispers about what happens but no one really talks about it. It happened to Gally once, I only know about it by accident. He survived though, so hopefully this will be the same.

I don’t even know who it is, I didn’t get a good enough look. Maybe that’s a good thing. I need to focus. Clint.

The gladers come into view quickly. They are passing out the boxes and crates like normal, oblivious to everything. I scream over to them from a distance.

"Clint! Where’s Clint?

Heads snap round, locking on me, they jump in some kind of shock.

"Are you okay?"

"Someone’s been stung! We need Clint over by the eastern door!"

I spot Clint running towards me. I’ve never seen him move so quickly. Some of the gladers follow suit. I spot Gally throwing himself up out of the box.

"Ebony! Run to my hut and get the serum!"

"Where?"

"It’s in a red crate as you go in, it’s a needle, you won’t miss it."

I waste no time replying and tear off towards his hut. It makes sense, I’m faster than he is. I just hope I can find it.

I rip the door open, throwing myself inside. What was it? Needle, red crate.

Clint knew what he was talking about, the crate was right there. I take two syringes out for good measure.

I hit my shoulder on the way out, running too quickly to care.

I’m surprisingly composed on the outside, barreling it over the clearing in determination. Inside, my heart is racing, the icy feeling in my body stings and the adrenaline sets my mind on fire.

Who is it? Will they be alright? Are they still alive?

I overtake Newt and a few other gladers walking over to the door. I’d imagine there’s enough boys there to deal with whoever it is by now. Newt can’t run very fast with his limp, but he doesn’t have to right now.

"Where is she?"

"She’s coming Minho. Calm down."

"Ebony!"

I skid to a halt next to Clint and the unconcious boy. He takes the syringe from my hands and shouts for me to move back. It’s hard to see the boy underneath the gladers holding him down. I step backwards, heart in my mouth.

It’s Jamal.

The small boy was fitting underneath them now. Screaming in pain.

It was only this morning that we were joking about my bad dancing. This morning we were in homestead  talking like normal. How did this happen to him? He’s a smart kid.

"Minho - move! We’ve got him!"

Gally’s voice brings me out of my thoughts. Minho is hovering over Clint, blocking his light. I’ve never seen Minho so agitated before. His hands are balled up in his hair. He looks so confused, angry even.

"Y/N, get him out of here."

All the other gladers were on the ground, trying to help hold Jamal down. I was wrong with what I thought I saw before - not all of them had gone over to help. They must be doing something else.

"Minho! - Ebony!"

Swallowing, I slowly come up behind Minho and take his hand. He looks around at me wildly for a second. I nearly flinch, unsure of what he’s going to do. Instead, I concentrate on his eyes.

"It’s alright Minho. C’mon, we need to leave them be."

"I can’t leave him." He sounds lost.

"I know. We need to for now. They need to help him and we need to get you looked at too."

"I’m fine."

I look Minho over, there aren’t any cuts on his face fortunately but he looks so exhausted. Who knows how long he had to carry Jamal for in there.

"Come with me Minho. Please."

He looks me in the eyes and lets out a groan. Defeated, he lets me walk him away from our friend. I take him over to homestead and sit him outside on a crate in the shade of the building. He stares off into nothing.

He is covered in dirt. I wonder for a moment how many times he fell dragging Jamal along.

"Wait here."

I run into homestead and fill a bucket and grab a rag and a small towel. I had to make him better, I don’t recognise Minho like this. It’s awful. I don’t have any words in my mind that would work, maybe this will.

I return to find Minho in the same position as I’d left him in. I kneel in the space at his feet and hold his hand again.

"Minho?"

He doesn’t reply, lost in thoughts I can’t see. His face is expressionless.

I wring out the rag with cool water and reach for his face. He flinches at first but I try to be as gentle as I can with him.

Starting off with the side of his face - which is covered in dirt,  I move to his forehead then his cheeks. He closes his eyes silently as I do it. His breathing starts to steady. I think this is helping.

I stand up carefully, realising I’m shaking from the aftermath of the adrenaline. I wash off the back of his neck which is glistening in sweat. He bows his head slightly to give me more room.

I grab the towel and dry him off. He looks a bit better now. I repeat the whole process with each of his forearms, taking off his wrist guards and pushing his rolled sleeves up further slightly.

I can still hear Jamal screaming. I’ll never forget this sound.

When I’m done I sit on the floor again in the space at his feet. He still isn’t saying anything but I think he’s more aware now. He doesn’t look so lost - just sad. I don’t know what to say to him.

"Minho."

Alby’s voice makes both of our heads snap up. He’s stood a small distance away, a couple of gladers are behind him.

"Yeah?" It’s upsetting to hear how wrecked his voice is.

"Come with me." Alby’s voice is soft enough. Hopefully he can help Minho more than I can.

I stand up too, walking forward. I’m not intending to follow them really. I just don’t want to stay so close to the noises now I don’t have to. Someone grabs my elbow.

"Not you Ebby." I look round to see Aiden, watching me closely.

"Yeah, I know." Taking my elbow back I walk away from him. I don’t know where to go really. Jamal’s screams echo round the glade. The walls are shut now, there’s nowhere for the sound to go.

Alby took Minho over to the western side of the forest so I wander over towards the eastern side. It’s safe to say I won’t run into them. I’d go anyway to get away from the noise.

I feel so helpless not being able to anything for Jamal. It seems selfish to run away from his screams when he is in so much pain but I’m scared. I’m scared of the noises he makes and the way his body twisted in agony on the grass. That could have been me once. Still could I suppose if I ever found myself in there again.

No thanks.

I end up deeper in the forest than I intended. I find Gally’s hammock, which is about as far away from homestead as anyone sleeps. The smell of manure takes over if you go much further. My hammock on the other hand is on the very edge of the forest looking on the clearing.

He isn’t here.

Part of me feels like I’m invading his privacy. But this is Gally though, he won’t mind. He doesn’t keep many of his things here anyway. Alby wont bring Minho over this way either, just in case Gally is here.

I lower myself into the hammock, siting upright. It’s bigger than mine. I suppose that’s because Gally is bigger than I am. I wish Jamal could stop.

I hug my arms and let the hammock sway slightly. I hope he’s going to be okay. He has to be. He always is. He’s always telling other people that things will get better. The irony makes a dry sob rise in my throat.

And what happened to Minho? I’ve never seen the shank so jacked. When Sam didn’t make it back, he completely trashed his room. This is something different though. Something worse. I hope we can fix him.

"Hey girlie."

I look up at Gally who’s watching me carefully. He looks a bit sheepish. I try to smile at him but I think my mouth only twitches.

"Are you alright?"

Am I? I suppose I am. I wasn’t the one who had to drag someone through the shuck maze. I wasn’t the one who was stung by a griever.

No. No I’m not alright.

I can’t bring myself to look Gally in the eye. I feel pathetic - not everything is about me. I stare at his shoes and nod my head slightly. I’m just fine compared to my friend. That’s all that matters.

He sighs and sits beside me. I feel his warm arm wrap around my side, I lean into him comfortably.

"It’s okay girlie."

"He isn’t though."

He pauses for a moment before continuing. “It happens.”

"Is this what it was like for you?"

Gally stiffens beside me. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to make anything worse.

"You know about that?" His voice is quiet.

"Only that you got stung some time before I came." I mutter quickly. "I overheard it once, I’m sorry."

I feel him relax, drawing his arm in a bit tighter.

"It’s alright." He doesn’t say anything for a while. I wish he would, the screams are awful.

"This is what it was like."

"Okay." I don’t push anymore. I’m not sure I want to know anyway.

Gally is warm. He smells good, the smell of wood and of his skin mixed the hot sun. I think it’s calming my nerves.

"I’m worried about Minho."

"He’ll be okay. He takes these things personally sometimes that’s all. He was the same when we thought you - "

He doesn’t finish his sentence but he doesn’t need to. I bury my head into his shoulder. I mean to say something nice but I can’t decide what so we sit in silence instead. He strokes his thumb over my skin absentmindedly.

Silence.

I jump up to my feet, taking Gally by surprise. With new found courage I bolt away from him towards the hut where Jamal was taken. Gally is shouting my name but I need to know why he stopped. I need to know he’s okay.

I’m not the only one either. There’s a small group of gladers gathered around outside the hut.

We stand around for a little while with bated breath. Waiting for news.

The door flies open, bouncing on it’s hinge. I jump in surprise at the sudden movement. Minho flies out of the hut, barging past the gladers, cursing as he goes. I don’t get a proper look at his face.

Alby steps out of the hut next. He stops in his tracks when he sees our worried faces. Looking at his feet for a moment he shakes his head.

"He didn’t make it."

My hand flies to my mouth trying to stop the gasp it’s making. He didn’t - What?

I immediately feel responsible. Like there was something I could have done to help Jamal. He woke up earlier than normal this morning. I was too busy talking about my bad dreams. I asked but I could have done something else. He shouldn’t have gone in there today. I should have known by how Minho acted.

My thoughts snap to Minho. This was already so hard on him.

I look over to Alby and catch his eye. He inclines his head in the same direction that Minho took. Nodding slightly to him I turn to go find my friend. He needed someone and it was the least I could do. I push all thoughts of Jamal as far away as I can for now.

It’s a pretty safe bet to think he’s gone to his room. I seem to be the only one who bothers him in there so its quite a peaceful place for him. It’s a good place to start as any.

I open the door carefully. He’s here.

Minho is sitting on the edge of his bed, his back to the door. He is bent over, fists in his hair again. The lines in his arms and neck tells me he’s really tense.

I sigh softly but I don’t think he hears me. Crossing the room I kneel on his bed, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

Startled, Minho jumps up, knocking me off.

"What do you want?" He’s angry.

"I’m sorry." I get out quickly. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Alright?" His voice goes higher, louder. "What part of this is ‘alright’ Ebony? Tell me, please. I’d love to know." The words drip with sarcasm.

What could I say? This was shucked. All of it.

"You brought him back Minho. No one’s ever done that before. You gave him every chance."

"How do you know that? How do you know that’s what I did? You weren’t in there."

I don’t answer immediately, phased by his outburst. The only noise is the sound of Minho panting.

"Because I know you. That’s how. I know that as soon as you found him you dragged him back here as quickly as you could. I know you Minho."

His sudden flare of energy disappears. He looks at me strangely with lost eyes and lets himself fall back onto the bed. We don’t say anything for a while.

Still kneeling on his bed, I shift my weight slightly so I’m sitting level with him. It wasn’t very comfortable before anyway. I’m so worried about him. He’s completely shutting down.

"Let me in Minho. Talk to me."

"Why?"

Not the response I was expecting. “I want to help. Do something, anything to make it easier.”

"No I mean - why should I talk to you? You never tell me what you’re thinking, or how you feel. I ask you all the time but you don’t let me in. You even talked to Jamal - never me. Why should I let you in?"

I wince internally at the use of Jamal’s name so soon. Forcing myself to focus on Minho, I stop to think about what he just said.

He’s got a point. I suppose I’ll need to stop being a hypocrite and talk to him. I feel guilt run through me. If I’d let him in instead of being stubborn, then maybe he’d talk to me right now. Maybe I can fix this.

"What do you want to know Minho?

"What?"

"I’ll make you a deal. From now on, I talk to you and you talk to me. You can ask me any question you want and I promise you - right now, that I’ll answer as fully and as honestly as I can."

"What’s the catch? He frowns at me.

"You have to let me in. Talk to me about all - this. What’s going on in your head - something at least. I hate seeing you like this."

After a long pause Minho speaks. “I think I can do that.”

I let out a sigh of relief. I’m getting somewhere. Mild panic replaces it quickly. What did he want to know?

"Any question right?"

"That’s what I said."

"Alright." I wish he’d just ask me already.

"Tell me about the things you don’t like here."

"That wasn’t a question." I nidge him lightly sending him a small grin. That’s a big question.

He rolls his eyes. “Will you tell me about the things you don’t like here?”

"There we go."

He doesn’t say anything waiting for my reply.

"That’s a big question."

"You said-"

"-I know. I know I did. Give me a minute."

Open and honest confession. Right-o.

"Obviously, the griever and beetle blades. The creators. The fact that we’re stuck here. People being upset, getting hurt, sick, dying. That you could all guess.

"I don’t like blood. Y’know what happens there. Um, I don’t like cucumbers. I don’t like the bad dreams I have. I -"

"What do you dream about?"

I look at him carefully, coming away from my thoughts. That was more than one question. But, if I wanted him to open up I suppose I had to do it to.

"What happened to me in the maze mostly. Only I don’t make it back. I have to run for my life until I get caught by the suckers. I wake up before I find out what happens next. There’s other things sometimes, blurry faces that could be memories, watching other people get locked in." I trail off, not having much else to say. Minho nods, satisfied.

"I don’t like the lack of clouds in the sky - I mean, where are we anyway? Or the fact that we can’t see the moon." I swallow, running out of things. There was some other things, personal things, but should I talk about it? Maybe this is what he means. Shuck it.

"I hate the fact I can’t remember things from before. I wish I could - anything.

"I don’t like what the whole ‘feelings’ thing has done to the friendships I’ve made. Even people I don’t know are acting strangely. It makes me nervous sometimes.

"I especially don’t like the fact that no matter how you spin it - I’ll end up hurting someone with the agreement we made about it.

"I hate the fact that I was relieved when I found out it wasn’t you or Paul that had been stung and I don’t like how confused I’ve been lately. I wish I knew what to do."

I take a deep breath in, feeling oddly better for my long rant.

Minho doesn’t say anything for while. The air is much more comfortable in here though. I don’t mind it so much.

"I found him in the corridor.

"I’d only just left him, he wanted me to check something out in his section so we ran together until lunch. There was nothing there.

"I was going to do a quick loop around sector 2 but I left my pack where we stopped. So I thought ‘Shuck it. I’ll just stick with Jamal’. It wasn’t even half an hour.

"I didn’t hear a griever, or see one. I just heard him scream.

"I got there as fast as I could y’know? He was on the floor, sticking out at funny angles. It was shucked.

"I couldn’t leave him there. Gally - well. I thought he would make it if I got him back in time. I just. I -" His voice breaks slightly. I gently take his hand.

"That corridor is deep in the maze. I know exactly where you mean. It’s a wonder that you managed to get him out at all. You both might not have made it." I squeeze his hand for good measure.

"I had to try."

"Of course you did. You brought him home Minho. He had the best possible chance of making it - because of you."

"Didn’t save him though, did it?"

"You can’t save everyone."

"I can’t save anyone."

"You saved me once. Remember?"

"That doesn’t count."

I raise both my eyebrows at him. “Excuse me? It most certainly does. I was lost. Completely and utterly lost. If you hadn’t have found me then I wouldn’t be here right now.”

I want to shake him. Anything to make him see the effect he has on everyone. He looks so sad.

"Good that."

He lies back on his bed, closing his eyes and stretching out his body. Should I stay? Does he want me to leave?

"I’m so tired Ebby."

Oh. “Do you want me to go?”

His eyes flick open open. “No.”

It looks like he wants to say something else so I don’t speak, keeping still.

"Would you - you don’t have to but - would you stay with me? For a while anyway. I just don’t want to be alone."

I smile at him, relaxing slightly. “‘Course I will.”

He smiles back at me although it doesn’t reach his eyes and budges over on his bed, giving me room. I shift myself so I’m lying on my side next to him. 

"I’m sorry about Jamal Minho."

"I’m sorry too."

I lay my free arm on his chest. He brings his arm around me so I’m resting on his shoulder. 

"It’s gonna be okay though. You know that right?"

"I don’t know what I know right now."

"Well I do. So trust me okay?"

"Good that Ebbs."

He doesn’t say anything after that. Eventually his breathing becomes deeper and evens out.

I don’t mean to fall asleep on him, but his warmth settles me to the point where I don’t care anymore.


	17. Papering over the cracks.

_"Jamal!"_

_I’ve lost him again. It was only a second ago I heard him call my name. I was sure he was just behind this wall._

_If I didn’t find him soon I’d have to leave. Time was getting on and I wouldn’t last the night if I didn’t make it back in time._

_It’s hard to keep track of where I am in the maze while I’m frantically searching down the rows for him. I have to though - I can’t just leave him._

_Echos whisper down a corridor. My curiosity gets the better of me when I see an unfamiliar face in the distance. Where am I now?_

_Looking down at my watch I decide to abandon everything and bug out. It’s later than I’d realised._

_By the time I make it to the doors there is no opening, no light, no air._

_I suffocate in the silence bearing down on me, hope fleeing my body, ice floods my veins._

_I start to run._

_Chilling sounds begin to chase me. I don’t dare to look for the cause. I can barely breathe as it is._

_There’s a mass in the path in front of me. I skid to a halt to find a lump of hair and skin, sticking out with bony structures in all the wrong places._

_I found him._

_I fly between the walls, my lungs ready to pack in. The Grievers are close now, I can feel them._

"Ebony! Ebony wake up!"

The grievers must have caught up with me. Everything is dark and stale. Maybe it’ll be quick.

"Ebby! It’s okay, shh. Wake up please. C’mon."

I roll out of the way falling off a piece of broken concrete and manage to back myself into a corner. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done. It’s hard to see here. My heart is bursting out of my chest, I try to swallow lungfuls of air but it doesn’t help.

"What the bloody hell is going on? Minho what did you do?"

"I didn’t do anything! She’s having a nightmare!"

"Shuck. Ebbs. Ebby wake up love, you’re dreaming. Hey it’s alright. It’s not real. You’re safe. Look at me."

"I don’t think she’s awake."

I claw desperately at the concrete wall trying to find a vine to climb but there’s nothing here. What are they waiting for? 

"Ebony!!"

The noises stop and I fall to the side, sliding along a wall. There are hands on me. I push them away.

"Get off. Get off me!"

"Hey Ebby love, it’s alright."

My eyes flare open in panic. I cant suck in a big enough breath. Is this hyperventilating? Where am I?

I stop fighting when I hear Newt’s voice. What’s going on? I squint in the dark to see familiar shapes.

"Breath Ebony. In. Out. C’mon love."

"Slower now. It’s alright."

My eyes start to adjust to the darkness. I’m in a room. The voices are familiar. The hand on my face is warm. 

Minho. I was with Minho. 

Warm arms take my weight so my shaking body doesn’t have to worry about falling.

"Shhh. It was just a dream."

I was dreaming? But it was so real. Oh no. I don’t want this fuss. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep here. Must have been really bad.

"Ebony, would you breathe? You’re white as a sheet."

Sucking in a big breath seems easier now. I manage to use actual words.

"I’m okay. Fine." I move to get up but firm hands keep me in place. I need to be outside. I’ll feel better out there.

"Stay sat down Ebby. Minho, go wake up Clint."

"No!" I try to wave Newt away again but he keeps hold of me. "I’m fine. Just need some air. Let me be. I’m alright."

Minho is still heading for the door, ignoring my words.

"Please Minho! This has happened before. I’m alright - I promise. Just let me calm down. I just need a minute. Please don’t make a fuss." I plead with them to understand. Maybe I should have talked about this more.

Newt and Minho exchange a worried look. Maybe I am more ashamed of these bad dreams than I first thought. I’m embarrassed enough right now without everyone getting involved - that is, if I haven’t already woken them up.

I internally scold myself. Get it together Ebony. Stop it. Breathe properly for shucks sake. 

Slowly I start to come down. The boys in front of me don’t move their eyes. Newt is still holding on to me like I might disappear.

The air is still too stale in here - it isn’t helping.

"I need to go outside."

"Good that."

They help me to climb over the sleeping bodies to the door. I flush with relief - I mustn’t have been that loud.

The fresh air hits my face and it feels wonderful. I really don’t like being inside. My mind starts to unjumble, no longer feeling trapped. I’ve made a complete mess of this.

Sitting down on a step outside homestead, I slow my breathing right down. I could do with a run but I don’t think these two shanks will let me. I’m still trembling slightly but that won’t go for a while. It’s still dark outside.

"Ebony?"

"I’m okay Minho. I’m sorry."

"Sorry?" Newt shakes his head at me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I up look at him carefully. They both look very tall right now, standing over me with their arms folded.

"What did you mean ‘it’s happened before’?"

"Oh." Me and my big mouth. "I get dreams like that sometimes, wake up in a state - that’s why I’m usually up before everyone else. Any why I run in the mornings sometimes too. It clears my head."

The boys in front of me look mildly horrified. “It’s fine, honestly. I’m just sorry I freaked you both out.”

"It’s fine? How is that fine? How long has that been going on for? Does anyone else know?"

"Woah twenty-questions. Slim it." The more I wake up properly, the more uncomfortable I feel talking about it. I don’t like them looking at me like this. "It really isn’t important. I deal with it, it’s alright."

"Is this what you meant about your bad dreams last night?"

I sigh as I look up at Minho. “Yeah.” I wish they’d just drop this. 

"I still think Clint should look you over." Newt frowns softly at me, I think he’s just worried.

"There’s no point Newt. He can’t do anything for me, we’ve talked about it already." That wasn’t technically a lie - we did talk about it a month or so ago. Last month feels like a lifetime away.

"So this happens every night?" I’m not doing a very good job of playing this down. 

"No. Not anymore, just when there’s stuff going on - y’know, stress and stuff. It’s not usually that bad either." I look at them sheepishly. Drop it, please?

They don’t say anything for a little while, sitting on the steps beside me.

"So that’s why you were up so early the day after the bonfire?" Newt asks me quietly

"Yeah."

"Why didn’t you tell me?" He sounds hurt. 

I feel awful now. Doing my best to look at him apologetically, I mumble my reply. “What could you do?”

He runs a hand through his hair, staring at the ground. Minho is leaning back on the steps looking at the sky. 

I sigh dramatically. These shanks need to cheer up - why is it that I’m the one who has to do it when it was me that had a panic attack in the first place?

"If all you two are gonna do is mope then I’m off for a shower. Go back to bed, both of you. There’s still time - and if you," I look directly at Minho who opens his mouth to protest. "don’t want me to put up one hell of a fight about you going in the bugging maze today then you’ll do what you’re told." 

"You can’t -"

"Just because I’m not a keeper doesn’t mean I can’t get things done. Try it shank. Just try it."

Minho snaps his mouth closed, raising en eyebrow in amusement. 

"If you’re going in there you need more sleep than what you’ve had. Honestly, I’d rather you didn’t go in today at all but that’s just my selfish opinion. I know you’d rather be doing something."

Newt eyes Minho carefully. The traces of the lost boy who couldn’t face the night alone have long gone, buried behind his grin. He knows what I’m talking about, even though I’d never say it out loud. 

"I won’t go too deep today, don’t worry about it."

"Yeah ‘cause that will stop me worrying when you’re running on no sleep." I raise my eyebrows at him, waiting 

Minho throws his hands up, chuckling playfully. “Fine! I’m going! You win. You look better now anyway.”

I wave at him sarcastically and he rolls his eyes, turning and heading back into homestead. Newt hasn’t moved at all.

"You gonna tell me off too?"

"Will it work?"

"Nope."

"There’s not much point then is there," I huff Newt, who’s looking at me kindly.

"You sure there’s nothing I can do?"

"If there was, I’d have asked you by now."

"I wish there was."

"Me too. They were getting better - honest. The last few weeks just haven’t been good for my stress levels."

"Just weeks?" There’s something about his tone that make me think his question is rhetorical.

I look at Newt more closely. Frankly, he looks exhausted. More than a interrupted night’s sleep kind of exhausted too. 

"Are you okay?"

"Me?" Newt’s eyebrows shoot upwards.

"Yes you. You look terrible."

"Thank you very much."

I roll my eyes at the shank. “Not what I meant.”

"I know."

"You’re avoiding my question."

"I’m not." He won’t look me in the eye. 

"Clearly, you are." I retort dryly. 

"Are you always this relentless?"

"Have we met?"

Newt laughs gently. “I’m just peachy love.”

I narrow my eyes at him, not satisfied in the slightest. I’d be a hypocrite to push him for answers when I don’t want to give him any myself - Minho taught me that much. 

"Alright then. About time." I nudge him gently, grinning. 

"Just so you know though - if you don’t feel so peachy one day, I’m here for you and well - whatever. Y’know?" I’m not very good at being sincere. The smile he gives me makes me think it might have done the trick. 

"Good that love."

The day passes incredibly quickly. After the harvesting yesterday there is more than enough to do. I throw myself into the physical labor, keeping my mind, hands and thoughts occupied for hours on end. 

I have the quickest lunch break ever. Scoffing down my food as fast as I can because I’m starving but also so I can get back to work. Frypan actually hugs me which probably means he’s worried about me but I don’t think I need to fix him too. 

I just need to keep busy that’s all. I don’t feel like talking, or explaining myself, or making other people feel better. I don’t think I have any room to deal with that right now. I managed to do it yesterday - this morning too I suppose but I’m done for the time being.

Maybe the others know. They’ve left me alone all day.

I carry on until the doors close, ignoring someone calling me in for dinner. Steve eventually runs some out to me saying that Frypan will get me with his cleaver if I don’t eat.

After putting my tools away in the shed for the night I spot a large figure by one of the doors. Upon closer inspection I realise that it’s Tim. He seems miles away, looking at the closed entrance into the maze. I can’t help myself - curiosity wins and I walk over to him despite my stubborn, anti-social behavior today.

"Hey."

"Shuck. Ebony. Hi."

For someone so tall and strong, he seems pretty uneasy right now. 

"Hell of a month to be a Greenie huh?"

He scoffs without replying for moment. Probably finding the whole thing bizarre. “Is it always like this?”

"Nah. This is a bad month, one the worst I’ve seen anyway. It’ll all work itself out soon. Things will get better Tim."

The words sting as I echo my friend. I’ll never forget them.

"You weren’t kidding about ‘things’ being out there."

"No I wasn’t." I follow his gaze out to the concrete wall. It makes me feel cold, my stomach lurches at the thought.

"Have you ever seen what’s in there?"

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes, forgetting that this Greenie wasn’t around when I was a runner.

"Yeah." I don’t elaborate, he doesn’t need to know the rest.

He nods slowly and a few moments pass in silence between us. I start to walk off from him when he turns to me.

"Thank you Ebony. Seriously. I haven’t found the right moment to talk to you about it before now but you saved my life when you stopped me."

I wave him off casually. “Don’t worry about it Tim.”

"But that could’ve been me." He’s talking about Jamal. 

Sighing, I clap him on the shoulder. “It could’ve been any one of us. Best not to think about the ‘buts’ and ‘what if’s’. We’ve got to move on, keep going y’know?”

"I hate it here."

I don’t know why his words have such an impact on me. He isn’t the first Glader to say it and he won’t be the last. Maybe it’s the emotion behind his words, speaking with utter conviction and dripping with venom. At the same time it’s desperate and so very, very sad. 

A beetle blade scuttles across the wall in the distance. They’re watching us.

The thought suddenly angers me, makes me determined to say something meaningful, profound even. Something to keep Tim going and at the same time, tell the creators that they aren’t going to break us.

"Well make sure you make it out then. Keep going ‘til we get out of here. Don’t let them mess with your head Tim. Keep your head on - don’t jack up. Make the most of things while we’re here. One day we’ll be out of this shuck place for good and things will be better. Don’t give them the satisfaction of messing you up inside."

I walk away from him at that point.

I’m sorting out my hammock for the night when I feel someone watching me. Turning around, I see Gally just off to the right.

"Hey Girlie."

"Hi Gal." I smile at him softly.

He walks closer to me, holding something under his arm.

"Got that bag for you. Came yesterday but, y’know."

Bag? Oh, sleeping bag! How did Gally know about that?

"Oh. Gotcha. Did Alby tell you?"

"Did Alby tell me what?"

"That I asked for a bag. ‘Cause it’s not that I don’t love the hammock you made it’s just-"

Gally holds up a hand, stoping me mid-rant. He grins at me.

"No, Alby didn’t tell me. I was the one who told you to ask for a bag - remember?"

"What? No you didn’t."

He laughs as he slouches into my hammock, instantly making it seem smaller.

"I definitely did. You said that you keep falling out of this thing so I said - ‘Why don’t you use a sleeping bag instead?’ Then you said - ‘But there’s none left.’ So I said - ‘Ask Alby for one from the box then.’"

"I don’t remember that conversation." I narrow my eyes at him playfully.

"I don’t suppose you would - you were drunk."

At the bonfire? I told him there? Where all the other Gladers were? Oh shuck. 

"Oh man. I bet everyone heard me too."

"Why would they have heard you?"

"Because I was blabbing at the bonfire - wasn’t I?"

"Nope. I’d brought you back here and we talked for a bit. That’s when - o one else heard."

"Oh." I thought Minho took me back to bed. "Alby said it was Minho who got me back here."

Gally laughs, closing his eyes. “No Girlie - he was going to though. Shank had had a skinful himself so he would have dropped you. I took you.”

"Oh."

Gally seems to be enjoying my complete and utter confusion. Slinthead.

"So - what else did I say?"

"Nothing much."

"I don’t buy that for one second Gally. Tell me." I whine at him, arms folded. It only make him laugh more.

"We just talked y’know?" 

"No I don’t know."

"You want me to tell you exactly what we said?" He looks like I’ve just asked him to do the impossible. I roll my eyes as I slide into the hammock next to him.

"Please."

"Fine.

"Um. Well I was trying to put you to bed. You said you didn’t want to go so i asked you why. You said you were afraid of going to sleep and got a bit upset."

Oh no, let me die now. 

"So we talked about that for a while. You told me about your dreams and how much the maze scares you now. How when you eventually wake up you can’t tell if it was real or not. How you fall out of this hammock here and hit your head. I couldn’t think of anything to stop the nightmares but I thought you’d be safer on the ground if you thrash about. 

"I was going to give you it last night, but you weren’t here so - y’know" Gally sounds a bit nervous towards the end, laughter gone.

I blush at that, remember how embarrassing the morning was. “Yeah, I scared the klunk out of Minho and Newt this morning.”

"You did?"

"Yeah. Didn’t you hear about it?" Surely it’s the talk of the Glade?

"Nope. What happened?" He sounds sincere enough.

"Oh, I just fell asleep in Minho’s room then freaked out like some jacked up, shucky slinthead when I came to."

"So that’s where you were." He’s missing the most important piece of information - nevermind. The less fuss gets made about it the better. Even though Gally never seems to flap about like the others.

"I don’t like sleeping inside."

"Me neither Girlie."

I feel oddly comfortable sitting here, talking about these things. It’s probably ‘cause he already knows, the hard part is over.

"Thank you Gally."

"What for?"

"Well, the bag. And the whole taking-care-of-the-drunkard thing too."

"You’re hardly a drunkard."

"My point still stands."

"Well your welcome I suppose. It wasn’t so bad."

"If you say so. I don’t remember anything. I’m not drinking again."

Gally throws his head back, laughing again. “If you say so Girlie.” He echos me with a dramatic wink.

"I’m gonna turn in - it’s late." He slides out of the hammock, leaving me swinging. 

"Good that Gal. Goodnight."

"Night."

The sleeping bag takes some getting used to but eventually I manage to drift off.


	18. Pick me up.

The next week or so passed without incident. I kept myself busy, constantly finding things to do, even after the work day was through. 

Things seem to be getting better, as the days go on the atmosphere seems to pick up and the laughing and joking begins to return. 

The sleeping bag seems to be helping - a lot more than I thought it would. I’ve been managing to stay asleep for longer. Maybe it’s the added warmth it gives off. 

Greenie day has come around really quickly this month. Tim seems pretty happy about not being the new guy anymore too. After my run, I find him laughing with Paul in homestead.

“Hey Greenie, someone’s happy today.” I wink at him as I nudge Paul, sliding into the bench next to him.

“You can’t call me that for much longer y’know.”

“That’s why I’m makin’ the most of it now Greenie. ‘Cause I can’t call you Greenie when the next Greenie comes up, right Greenie?”

“You are hilarious.”

“Of course I am.” I flash my teeth at him dramatically which makes him laugh again. 

Paul turns towards me. “How you doing kiddo?” 

“Not so bad chief. Miss your shuck ugly face actually now you mention it.” 

I haven’t spoken properly to Paul since Jamal was attacked. He found me a few days ago finally having a moment to myself behind the tool shed and held me, not saying anything for a long time. 

“You feelin’ alright?” He puts the back of his hand against my forehead for added effect.

“Obviously not if I’m wanting to spend more time with you.” I wink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Well if you manage to stay sober tonight, we can catch up at the bonfire.”

“Good that shank. Thanks for the reminder. Bet Greenie here thinks I’m stuck on it.”

Tim raises an eyebrow at me. “I was more baffled by how you managed to drink the stuff - it’s disgusting.”

“I’m too stubborn for my own good Greenie that’s all. It’s not so awful the second time round.” I like that Tim knows nothing about the whole I-nearly-died-in-the-maze-and-freaked-out portion of why I was so determined to drink, and I’m not about to tell him either. 

“Either way, I don’t plan on making a repeat performance.” I mutter to myself filling my plate with food.

“Yeah, yeah. Quit cryin’ slinthead. It wasn’t that bad.”

“Whatever.” I shove the arm that’s propping up his head, making Paul nearly headbutt the table.

“Hey! Oh, I hope the new Greenie rips your head off in the box, save me the trouble.”

“Be careful what you wish for.” Today was Greenie day, which meant that I’d be going to the box for the first time - hopefully to help. I can’t help but feel a bit nervous about it though. 

“Well, maybe not then. Be careful kid.”

“Yes sir.”

I was pretty exited about getting to the field. We got some strawberry seeds in with the box suplies a few months ago. Any day now they’d be ready. The temptation to pick one just to satisfy my curiosity was overwhelming. I remember what strawberries are, but I’ll be damned if I know what they taste like.

Turning round the corner towards the tool shed, I find some of the bricknicks, sloppers and track-hoes talking in hushed voices.

“Two rashers and no more Aiden. I don’t care enough about what he does.”

“Fine. Zart, I’ll wager you my whole lunch against that claim. No way this one’s going smoothly.”

“I’m tellin’ ya, we won’t get two the same so close together. If you want to give me your food then that’s fine by me.”

“I’ve got a feeling I’ll be eating just fine.”

“Shuck, Ebony!”

The boys spin around. I look at them, trying to contain myself. You’d think by the way they were acting, that I’d just discovered some big secret. As though I didn’t know they spend every Greenie morning placing bets on how the new Greenie will react. 

“Morning fellas.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to know that Aiden here is going to go hungry tonight. Anything you didn’t bet?”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Uh huh. Let me know how that works out for you.”

“You want in?”

“Nope.” I start to carry on towards the shed. 

“You scared? Think the Greenie will be more than you can handle?”

“I have better things to do than to put my food ration on the line for the sake of your ego Aiden. Apologies.” I send him a sarcastic wink and salute him before walking off. 

I don’t know what it is about him, but I just have no patience for Aiden. He’s always out to prove he’s better than others, in charge or something. I’d much rather he dropped the act and just pitched in with everyone else but what can you do?

It sounds like they’re betting on me just as much as the Grennie today.

I’m mid-rant in my head coming back out of the tool shed. Zart is leaning against the door waiting for me.

“Want some good news?”

“Ooh, yeah.” We can always do with good news around here.

“You can pick the strawberries today.”

I let out a small gasp.“Really? They’re ready?”

“As far as I can tell. I’ll give you a hand with them, get it done before the box goes off.” Zart chuckles at how exited I am about it. 

I narrow my eyes at him slightly. “You just wanna make sure I don’t eat them, I see your games.”

He holds his hands in the air. “Ya got me. We can keep each other in check.

“Good that Zart.”

We set to work, filling four whole buckets with the berries. My mouth salivates in anticipation of eating these suckers later. I work my fingers as quickly as I can so I have less time to be tempted. 

“Can we not just -”

“No Ebbs.”

“But-”

“No.”

I huff in frustration. “Where did you get your self-discipline from Zart? Send some my way would you?”

“Nah, it’s all mine.”

“But I really want one Zart.”

“I know. Later.”

As if on cue, the Greenie alarm starts blaring. I share a knowing glance with Zart before starting to pack up. We’ve managed to pick all the strawberries between us.

Coming back out of the tool shed I spot Gally jogging over to me.

“You ready Girlie?”

“As I’ll ever be!” I grin at him.

“Y’know you don’t have to do this if you’ve changed your mind right?”

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Yes Gally, I realise that. I’m good. Lets go.”

We don’t have to wait long for the alarm to stop. Every single Glader is here. I gape at just how many of us there are, it’s a wonder we all get on so well. Alby does us all proud. 

Time to meet the Greenie.

Gally reaches down and opens the metal grate. Already, I can hear a number of sounds coming from the box. What’s in there? Is it always like this?

I’m eager to prove that I can do this so I do my best to remain calm and composed. 

The grate reveals a number of boxes and crates just like a normal delivery. There’s a slim looking boy curled up in the corner, his arms over his head. The strangest thing about it isn’t the boy, but the pair of goats in the opposite side of the box.

The Gladers around me shout and jeer in excitement.

“Looks like you got your goat at last Winston!” Laughter erupts from around the box.

I watch Gally take a good long look at the boy, waiting for his call. Curiosity gets the better of this Greenie and he looks up at us. 

I remember how terrifying it was to be in that spot. All those faces looking down, laughing. They soon stopped when they got a good look at me though. I didn’t even realise I was different at first - figuring out if I what gender I was wasn’t high on my priorities at that moment. I made them klunk their pants - they didn’t have a clue what to do with me. 

Gally catches my eye, giving me a small nod. Here goes nothing.

I lower myself down into the box slowly. The jeering subsides as they wait to see what will happen. I crouch down to the boys level, he presses himself as far back as possible.

“Hey there.”

He does nothing. His eyes are wide in fear. Think of something Ebony.

"You’re alright, it’s okay. My name’s Ebony. It’s okay."

I hold my hand out for him to take, ignoring a growl from above. He flinches at first, probably thinking I was going to hit him or something. I keep myself still, waiting for him to make a move in his own time.

He pants as he tries to speak, shaking in fear. It crosses my mind that he might be sick on me.

"Where - What’s going on?"

"He speaks!" I swear I’m going to thump the lot of them if they carry on laughing at him - it’s not helping.

"Slim it!" I take a breath to calm myself, trying to see this from his eyes.

"Lots of questions right? We’ve got the answers for you but it’ll take time. For now, just know you’re safe here okay? No one’s gonna hurt you."

He glanced at my hand, still outstretched for him to grab. There’s something about the way he looks at me that overwhelms me slightly, some deep kind of gratitude that I don’t feel deserving of. He brings a shaky hand out and takes mine gently.

"Welcome to the glade Greenie."

It’s at that point that something yanks on my hair, sending me backwards slightly. I whip round to find one of the goats trying to snack on my head. My ears ring with the laughter from above and I roll my eyes. It was all going so well.

"Lets get you out of here. Make yourselves useful and pass the buggin’ rope down!" I convince the Greenie to hold on while the others hoist him up towards the sky. Alby gives me a nod, letting me know he’d take it from here.

Most of the Gladers leave at that point, too noisy to help out with the rest of the supplies. The keepers stay behind all grinning at me except Aiden. I think that went well.

I don’t waste any time in passing up the other supplies, Gally, Fry, Newt and Aiden take the various boxes and crates from me. Winston and Zart rig up some ropes to hoist the goats up.

What the - the last box just moved. 

"Shuck!" I mutter, startled at the now-stationary box.

"What is it Ebony?"

"You alright?

"What’s still down there?"

"Slim it shanks!" I call above the noises. I squat next to the small box and carefully peel it open.

I gasp softly when I see the contents of the box.

A small puppy gaped up at me, waddling around the small space, unable to contain itself. It didn’t make any noise but it’s stubby tail whipped round almost knocking the thing over. 

“What the bloody hell is it Ebony?”

I scoop up the pup in my arms, holding it close to my chest. I’m afraid to leave it in the box, as if it wouldn’t be safe.

“We got a dog!” I announce, squinting up at the boys above me.

“A dog?”

"Look!"

"Woah. Cute lil’ thing."

Winston holds out his arms to take it from me. I hesitate for a second, forgetting that I’m not in charge of the animals. Reluctantly I hand the pup over. After throwing the empty crate up, I take Gally’s hand and he lifts me out of the box.

"Well done Girlie."

Win took the animals over to the farm where they belong. I can’t help but feel a bit sad about not keeping the dog but it’s not like we don’t live in the same place. 

I end up helping Frypan and Steve with Dinner. One, it gives me something to do and two, it means I get to smell those strawberries as they are cut up ready for later. They still won’t let me have one though.

"Just one Fry, half of one even. I won’t tell a soul I swear."

"Would you quit your cryin’ shank? You’ll get some later." 

"Yeah but they smell so good! Please?" I wine at him, pouting for added effect.

"Oh I give up. Hush your yapping and I’ll give you one."

"Really?

"Yeah. You tell anyone and I’ll thump you." He hands me over a plump strawberry. "Don’t say I don’t do anything nice for ya."

"Wouldn’t dream of it." I beam at him and he winks in return. I adore this shank.

I take a bite out of the berry, it’s delicious and fresh. It’s the sweetness that hits the spot for me though.

Taking another bite, I let out an involuntary moan. It’s really something else. We should ask for fruit more often.

I hear something drop onto the floor behind me. Spinning round I spot Newt in the doorway, holding an assortment of vegetables. He’s looking at me with his mouth hanging open slightly.

Busted.

"This isn’t what it looks like."

Steve bursts out laughing beside me. Newt’s lips curl into a grin quickly after.

"It isn’t? ’ Cause it looks like you’re eating a strawberry when Zart told you not to."

"Right. Yeah that is exactly what it is." I feel myself blush slightly, wondering how much trouble I could get in for this.

"Pass me one over Fry, they look bloody tasty."

I grin at him as he bites into it. He closes his eyes slightly.

"This is good."

"No more for either of you. Gotta share it all out between the lot of us."

I nod, still smiling. “Good that. You dropped an onion Newt.”

He quickly scrambles to pick it up before handing the lot over. I walk him outside after being shoo’ed out of the kitchen.

"You ready for tonight love?"

Now that I think about it, I was really looking forward to it. The last couple of weeks have been pretty shucky and think tonight should help me if not everyone else get to some kind of normality.

"I can’t wait Newt. Think we need this one."

"Good that." He pauses for a moment, looking off across the clearing. "You did a really good job before Ebby."

I chuckle softly. “It’s no big deal Newt. I didn’t do anything special.” I shrug at him when he raises an eyebrow at me.

"Last one to go that smoothly was Minho and it’s not like we had anything to do with that. The shank doesn’t have it in him to panic. Trust me. Your plan worked."

"Alright then. That’s a good thing I suppose. I still don’t get why it works though but if the boot fits." I frown trying to remember where I first heard that saying. I wish I knew.

Newt grins at me and slings his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it love. Just watch out for the goats next time.”


	19. Spinning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mild smut (kissing)

I lie down on a log by the fire while the other Gladers finish getting things prepared for tonight. It feels odd not helping, but no one will give me a job to do and I seem to be getting in the way everywhere else.

As the darkness creeps in, the flames grow in intensity, carrying shadows around the glade while I watch, engrossed in the patterns it makes.

Something yanks my arm and I fall off the side of the log, crying out as I hit the floor. I look up to see Minho and Paul who are doubled over with laughter.

"Couple of slintheads. What was that for?" I grumble as I crawl back up to the log.

"Serves you right for being lazy." Paul manages to mutter between breaths.

“You’re getting soft.” Minho prods me in the side.

"Thanks for that. I’m gonna spit in your strawberries now."

They both straighten up, looking at me intently. “They’re ready?”

"Yeah. Don’t think there’ll be anymore afterward though."

"What? Why not?

"Well apparently I’ve gone soft so clearly it’s just not good enough so I don’t think I’ll bother next time." I deadpan, laying on the guilt trip.

Paul rolls his eyes, not buying my display in the slightest. Minho on the other hand, slouches onto the log beside me.

"Aw, you know we didn’t mean it Ebby."

"Yeah well just cause I don’t run all day doesn’t mean I don’t do anything. Get it? Some sorry shank has to grow these things, they don’t just pop up themselves y’know?" I wink at him and grin right at the end finally letting him know I was only joking.

He narrows hits eyes and shoves me playfully almost sending me off the log again, he grabs my arm before I fall and pulls me back.

He stands up, resting his hands on his hips. “Well your coordination is slipping at any rate.”

"Yeah yeah, tell me something I don’t know."

Minho waves me off, grinning before he turns and jogs over to help Gally who is carrying over crates of jars. Paul sets himself down beside me.

"Hey kiddo."

"How’s it going chief?" No one has told me anything about the maze lately. Probably cause there isn’t anything to report but it doesn’t hurt much to ask.

"Same old same old. Still can’t figure out how Jamal managed to get stung. Minho swears he wasn’t far away and couldn’t hear it but there must have been something. I don’t suppose we’ll ever know now." He sounds exhausted.

I concentrate on his face for a moment, trying to think of something helpful. Maybe the Griever went up over the wall? But that wouldn’t make sense because surely it would have gone for Minho since he was close by. I have no idea.

"I don’t know. It’s not normal Griever activity either way. It’s strange."

"Amen sister."

Steve and Fry emerge out of homestead, carrying a crate full of bowls each. The gladers had all gathered around at some point and cheered when they caught sight of them.

Steve winks at me when he hands me a bowl causing Paul to raise his eyebrows but he doesn’t say anything.

The next few minutes were quite possibly the quietest in the history of the glade. Everyone was savouring the fruit as though it was the last time we’d ever taste it.

Maybe it would be.

I hum happily into the food, closing my eyes at each bite. I’m the last one to finish. By the time I’m done the noise has picked up again.

"So how are the potatoes?" Paul grins at me, it’s good to see him smile.

"Same as you’d expect. Not exactly anything to shout about."

"I dunno about that. Those strawberries were pretty special."

I hum again in agreement. “They were perfect.”

Paul lowers his voice slightly, I have to lean it to hear him properly. “Is everything else okay?”

Everything else? What does he mean - Jamal? I know I was upset the other day but unfortunately you have to get used to it.

"What do you mean?"

He rolls his eyes. “I mean with these shanks. They’ve been okay with you?”

"Oh yeah! Course they have."

"Sure?"

"Yes. I told you everything is absolutely fine."

He looks at me expectantly. “So… anything?”

Is there some kind of code I don’t know about? “What are you talking about Paul.”

He knocks his knuckles against my head gently. “Hello? Is anyone home? Do you not remember the gathering a few weeks ago? Feelings, love and klunk. Ring any bells slinthead?”

"Oh, that."

I feel a pang of guilt at his words. In all honesty, I hadn’t given it much thought. I don’t even think I’ve noticed anything different.

"I don’t know Paul. Everyone’s been really nice." Except Aiden but he’s a slinthead.

He frowns. “You haven’t even given it a second thought have you.” Busted. This shank knows me to well.

"Not exactly."

He shakes his head at me. “Ebony. You said you would.”

"Why are you annoyed with me? You said you didn’t feel that way."

"I don’t." He makes his voice soften. "People talk Ebby, they’re trying to figure out what you’re going to do about it. Remember what Alby said about it becoming a problem? If you don’t like any of them that’s fine but you’re gonna have to figure it out."

I look back off into the fire. He’s got a point and I did say I would try to figure it out. Shuck.

"Yeah alright."

"Listen, I’m not trying to be a cruel shuck. I just don’t want things to go wrong. I’m not here during the day y’know? It worries me."

“What would go wrong? I’ll get my head around it - honest. You don’t need to worry though. I’m okay, nothings going to happen.” I don’t really get why it’s such a big deal. I’ll need to get it all figured out.

Around us, the party starts to pick up. Whooping and cheering carry over from the other side of the glade. Paul still hasn’t said anything, I wonder what’s wrong with him.

“Relax, it’ll all be okay Paul. Let’s just have a good night.”

He sighs. “Good that Ebbs.”

“Got the Greenie out.” I offer casually. Let’s just change the subject for now, he says I always forget to tell him things anyway. .

“Alby was telling me how it went earlier. Everyone seems to pretty impressed with you y’know. Must’a done something right.”

“It wasn’t so bad. Did you hear about the dog?”

“Dog?” I’ve got his full attention now.

“Yeah, they sent one up. It’s just a pup - really cute Paul.”

“No way!” His smile couldn’t get any wider if he tried. “Where is it?”

“Winston took it to his hut I think.” I make a mental note to visit the pup as soon as possible. 

Paul jumps to his feet, eyes lit up like the fire beside us. “I need to see this.”

"What now?"

"Yes now, when else am I going to get the chance?" He’s got a point - runners didn’t really get a lot of free time. Mostly they used it to sleep.

"Good that."

"You comin’?"

"Nah I’ll go see it tomorrow. You go have a look if Win will let you. I’ll be here when you get back."

"I’ll just dazzle him until he can’t say no." He winks dramatically which makes me laugh. As I throw my head back he jogs of to find Winston.

I’m not on my own long before I spot Gally coming over towards me. I grin at him knowingly.

“Can I tempt you?” He raises is eyebrows suggestively as he produces two jars from behind his back.

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. “I’ll pass Gal. But thanks anyway.”

“You sure? Last chance.”

“I’m sure. But you owe me a dance later on.” I wink at him. 

“I don’t owe you anything Girlie.” He has a playful smile on his face as he takes a sip of his own jar but I’m determined to make him dance this time.

“We’ll see.”

Fry says the new Greenie is called Jeff. Tim and Clint are talking to him over in a quieter area of the clearing when Alby appears beside me. He doesn’t say anything which makes me nervous.

“You alright?” I give him a sideways glance.

“You did really well with him Ebony.”

I look back over to Jeff. He does seem pretty settled. “He seems to be okay.”

“Better than okay. I owe you an apology.”

What? I squint at him. “What for?”

“For making you sit out. You’re just as capable of handling yourself than any of us. When you first came up here I figured you’d need looking after - boy was I wrong.” I smirk at his words.

“I have my moments, same as anyone.”

“Exactly. I shouldn’t have treated you differently. I should have realised that when you proved yourself enough to be a runner.”

“That’s okay Alby. You were only doing what you thought was right.”

He smiles warmly and claps me on the back before walking off to talk to Zart. 

“Right. You’re done sitting. Convince me you’re not turning into a lazy slinthead.”

I look up to find Minho standing over me from behind. He pulls me up to my feet and we start to dance.

I don’t remember ever laughing this much, lost in the sounds of the gladers around me I spin and dance with Minho and Fry. The sounds stop all of a sudden and I’m brought down off my high as we gather around Gally and the Greenie.

It’s a bit of a shame.  The poor kid really is no match for Gally although to give him credit, he really does try to stand his ground. He keeps picking himself up of the floor, ready to try again. These shanks here are pretty impressed - so am I really. Everyone cheers him on and claps for him when Gally finally throws him out of the ring.

"How’s that for going soft?" Gally growls in my ear as the crowd dissolves.

"Well done you. I’m very impressed." I retort sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I’d almost forgotten how I teased the shank about his wrestling skills. He seems satisfied with my reply as he goes on to cheer with the others.

I scan round for Newt, he owes me my monthly dance. In the same moment I spot him disappearing through the forest, I feel a gentle hand on my back. Looking round, I find Aiden grinning at me sheepishly.

"Any time for a dance with me?"

I look him over properly. By this point, he’s probably had a good bit to drink - but it’s not like that’s ever stopped me. It does change how people behave sometimes though. His smile seems genuine enough, maybe he feels bad about being against me earlier.

"Sure, so long as you stop acting like a slinthead." I grin back at him and he takes me by the hand.

"I think I can do that."

Aiden is actually a really good dancer, he holds my waist gently and guides me round in circles to some silent rhythm. I feel very light on my feet. I love dancing.

We stop when one of the other bricknicks call out for Aiden. He winks at me before joining them.

“What did he want?” Paul materialises beside me, frowning.

"Just to dance." I shrug. "How’s the pup?"

His face lights up again. “Beyond adorable. It’s a girl and she is so sweet and cute and fluffy. I love her.” His smile is contagious, hearing him gush about the dog makes me feel warm inside.

"Winston says I can name her." This slinthead is so excited he may actually wet himself.

"Wow! Any ideas?" I feel a surge of gratitude towards Winston. Paul hadn’t been quite right for a while now. I’ve never seen him take things so seriously in the entire time I’ve been here.

"Nothing yet but I’ll think about it."

"Make sure you let me know."

"Good that slinthead."

I end up dancing with Paul and Clint too. It’s not until I stop to catch my breath that I realise that Newt hadn’t returned from the forest. I wave the other gladers off who by this point are too merry to notice much.

It takes me a while to find him. Heading in the same direction I saw him leave in, I walk for a good while, eventually finding myself in the deadheads.

I don’t make a habit of coming over here. It reminds me too much of the gladers who didn’t make it. I find the place where we buried Jamal last week - it was awful. The place generally gives me the creeps.

I look around quickly, not wanting to be here at longer than I need to be. I hear him before I see him. A loud sniff from behind a tree. I spot his foot sticking out to the side.

ls he sick? He looked just fine earlier. It’s not often one of us gets sick around here so I’m sure I would have noticed.

I walk up to him slowly. His face comes into view, I don’t think he’s noticed me yet. His eyes are shiny, red and puffy, elbows resting on his knees with his hands knotted in his messy hair.

Oh no. I think he is crying.

He cried in front of me once. I’d refused to look at him then, afraid of what I’d see I suppose. It hurts to see him so upset. What’s wrong?

It’s not until I sit carefully in the dirt beside him that he notices I’m there, jumping in surprise. He rubs his hands over his face while I wait patiently. We sit together in silence for a few minutes until I can’t take it anymore.

“Not so peachy?”

He swallows, Adams apple bobbing slightly. Quietly his voice shakes.“Not so peachy.”

How do I fix this? I don’t understand - he was laughing earlier, teasing me about how the goats were going to eat all my hair in my sleep. What’s happened since then?

I slide closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from the side. Laying my head so my cheek is resting on his shoulder, I can feel him shaking slightly, trying to get his breathing under control. We stay like that for a while longer.

“Two years.” He doesn’t say anything more, choking on a dry sob.

“Two years for what Newt?” I try to speak as gently as I can, I’ve never seen him like this. If I’m honest, it scares me a little. 

He takes a moment before speaking again. “Me. I came up in that shuck box two whole years ago today Ebony.”

The realisation hits me and it’s all I can do not to gasp. I try not to think about how long we’ve been here. It’s easier to go day to day. I haven’t hit the year mark yet, avoiding thinking about it for as long as I can. I’ve never seen anyone take it this hard though.

“Two shuck years I’ve been in this bloody place and I’m still no closer to getting out.”

I move my head so my chin is on his shoulder now, frowning slightly. I don’t know what to say, he sounds so lonely.

“We.”

“What?”

“We Newt.” I take a deep breath. “You’re not alone y’know. We’re going to get out one day.”

“How do you know that? Two years. We’ve mapped the buggin’ maze and we still haven’t found a way out Ebbs.” Fresh tears roll down his face as he blinks. “We can’t get out.”

“Of course we can. There’s a reason why we’re in here Newt. You know that as well as I do. There will be a way out. I know it. Don’t let them get in your bloody head. You’re not alone in this.”

“I feel alone.”

His words bring tears to my eyes. How can I make him see how brilliant he is, how much everyone loves him? How he makes everyone feel better about themselves. How pretty much every single shank would do anything for him, follow him anywhere. How did he get so shucked?

I pull him in tighter and he brings an arm around me. I bury my face into his shoulder. What can I do?

“What can I do?” I mutter into his arm.

“What love?” 

I pull my head away slightly. “How do I make it better? I want you to feel better Newt, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think there’s anything I can say, I just want to fix it.” I’m going for total honesty here. I think it’s better than not saying anything, or saying something that doesn’t really mean anything.

Newt turns his head towards me. Taking a small breath he opens his mouth to say something before snapping it shut again, huffing quietly. He turns his head back scolding himself silently.

“What?”

“What? I didn’t say anything.”

“You were going to.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Newt.”

“No Ebony. Forget it.”

“So it was something?”

“Leave it.”

“Tell me! I just want to help. You thought of something so tell me.”

“No.”

“Please?” I start to ramble. “Now that I know there’s something, I’ll not be able to think of anything else and I’ll only tie myself up in knots wondering what it is and we both know I don’t sleep enough as it is and there’s no chance of me getting to sleep while -”

“- I was going to ask you to kiss me.” He blurts out cutting me off.

I blink at him for a moment. “Kiss you?”

“See I told you, forget it - please Ebby.”

“No wait. Hold on.” I scrunch up my eyes figuring out if I’d heard him properly. “That would help?”

It takes a long moment for him to answer. “Maybe. It wouldn’t have to mean anything. I just thought it might make me feel a bit bigger.”

“Bigger?”

“I feel so small Ebony. Disconnected from everything. I can’t help it I’m really trying. It’s hard to explain. I was just thinking out loud, please just forget I said it.” His hands are back in his hair.

“I wouldn’t want to put that on you anyway. It wouldn’t mean anything, I know you’re still confused about it all. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have -” He starts to stand up.

I grab his arm and pull him back down. No way am I about to let him leave in a worse state than I found him. If a kiss that doesn’t mean anything will help then - Shuck it.

He looks at me with his red puffy eyes in concern as I reach for his face. I have no idea how to do this.

I gently press my lips against his, I don’t know what I was expecting but they feel soft but firm. He doesn’t move. I hear his breath catch in his throat, wondering for a second if I’m doing it wrong.

I feel him relax slightly and he pushes against me, kissing me back. His lips move and I close my eyes, as if it’s the natural thing to do. I’ve never been this close to someone before.

I mirror his movements, our mouths working in sync with one another. I feel his soft hand on the side of my neck when his tongue swipes against my bottom lip, asking for entrance.

Something moves in the pit of my stomach. It’s new and unexpected. I let out a small gasp as I let Newt kiss me deeper. His tongue caresses mine carefully, moving more confidently as I mimic his actions. He tastes like strawberries. 

My stomach flips again and I feel something else twitch deep inside causing my breath to catch in my throat. The feeling is indescribable and it’s addictive. I want more.

I deepen the kiss, exploring every corner of his mouth. Bringing my hand up, I weave my fingers into his hair. He whimpers softly into my mouth causing me to twitch again - does he feel it too?

Too soon he pulls away from me and he stares at me in some kind of daze. Leaving me breathless, panting as he strokes the side of my neck with his thumb. A wonderful shiver runs through me before he moves his hand away too, I instantly feel the loss of his touch.

“Wow. That was - Thank you Ebbs.”

What? What was that? What did we just do? What is this feeling? 

A voice rings out causing me to jump slightly. “There you two are. Everyone needs to head to bed. It’s far too late you sorry shanks will miss the wake up.” Alby appears somewhere behind Newt’s shoulder. Did he just see? I don’t think so.

“Yeah, okay Alby.” I call back over to him so Newt doesn’t have to turn and face him. He nods before turning back towards the clearing.

“That was close.”

Newt helps me to my feet, I’m still unnerved slightly by what just happened. I try my best to cover it up.

“Well, goodnight Ebony love.” Newt says calmly after walking me over to my hammock and bag. 

I grin at him sheepishly. “Goodnight Newt.” I give him a warm hug for good measure, I’m really worried about him.

“Thanks for everything love.” He looks a bit better, but then again - I had no idea he felt so bad in the first place.

I’m almost afraid to look at him. “Um. Did it help?” 

He grins at me playfully. “Yeah. Yeah it did. Thank you.”

“Stop saying thank you Newt. It’s weird.” I had no other way of describing how alien this all was to me. I watch the line along his jaw while he talks.

“Don’t worry about it love, we won’t talk about it. No pressure remember?” He raises an eyebrow playfully, looking more like himself. 

I’m not entirely convinced although I like the idea of not talking about it. As awful as it sounds, he did say it wouldn’t mean anything. I don’t know what to think on that front yet so the less pressure the better.

“Alright. But you know I’m here for you right? No matter what.”

“Good that love.” He turns and leaves, scratching the back of his head with his long arm.

It takes me forever to get to sleep. My stomach won’t settle and my mind keeps reliving the kiss over and over. I swear I can still taste the strawberries.


	20. Hot and bothered

 I wake up to someone nudging my side with their foot. I haven’t slept for long enough yet.

"Go away." I bury my head under the fold of the sleeping bag.

"Since when do you miss the wake up?"

"Since now. Go away Paul."

"Not likely. Wake up.The doors will be open in a minute."

"Good, leave me be."

Paul kicks my side again. “Where did you disappear to last night?”

I bring my head out of the darkness and have to squint to see in the daylight.

It had taken me forever to get to sleep. Even after I got my mind to calm down, I was still jittery for a longtime. Seeing Newt upset like that must have had a bigger effect on me than I’d thought.

Looking at my watch I groan. I’ve only been asleep for 2 hours.

"Hello? You in there?"

"Slim it shuck head. I was talking to Newt."

"All night?" He grins at me, I’m definitely not in the mood.

"No. I just couldn’t sleep."

"Well you can’t sleep now either. Get up." He kicks me again.

"You do that one more time,  I’ll feed you to the goats."

"If you don’t get up, I’ll feed you to the goats. Sounds like they already have a taste for you so I wouldn’t risk it." I can hear the glee in his voice. I don’t suppose I’ll ever live it down.

I groan as I wriggle out of the bag, glaring at Paul for good measure. I am so tired.

I trudge into homestead afters ending Paul off into the maze, wishing I wasn’t in such a strange mood. I don’tlike sleeping in.

"There you are." Oh what now?

Winston claps a hand on my shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind but I told Paul that he could name the dog yesterday.”

I shake my head. “Course I don’t mind, it really cheered him up Win so thank you.”

"Oh good. I was a bit worried that you’d want to name her ya’see."

Winston could be sweet when he wanted to be. “I’m good Win. I’ll come round to see her later though if that’s okay.”

"Of course it is."

Well at least something good was going to happen today. I still feel a bit jumpy, as though my stomach won’t quite settle. I’m not even hungry.

"Guess who?" I almost jump out of my seat when a pair of calloused hands cover my eyes. Despite my bad mood I can’t help but grin. The gruff whisper in my ear gives me goosebumps.

"Hmm, well your hands are pretty soft. So obviously, you must be Gally."

"Oi! Cheeky shank." He prods my sides in retaliation sending a shock through my body. That’s never happened before. My gasp almost goes unnoticed.

"Are you alright?"

Quickly composing myself I nod. “Of course I am.”

"You sure? This isn’t like last week when you bruised your shoulder on the door and forgot about it is it?"

I roll my eyes at him. “That was one time! And it’s okay now. I’m fine Gal.” I don’t know if I’m fine, I feel funny. I normally get more sleep than this though. That must be it.

"Okay now? Already?" He takes hold of my shoulder, rubbing it slightly. I make sure I don’t wince, in all honesty it doesn’t hurt too much. My shoulder does feel sensitive though, tingling even after he takes his hand away.

My stomach flips. The jitters are coming back again.

“Anyone ever tell you how stubborn you are?”

I grin at him. “Me? Surely not.”

“Yeah well you still didn’t manage to get a dance out of me.” He has a smug look on his face.

“There’s always next month Gal. I’m a patient person. I can wait.” I stick my tongue out at him.

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, totally.” 

I need to get through the working day, then I can sleep and feel better. No slacking. Although, I’m strongly considering going to Clint at this rate. I can’t decide what’s wrong with me.

I’m having difficulty concentrating on anything. I’ve had to ask Zart the same question so many times today. He’s gotten pretty frustrated with me over the course of the morning. It wasn’t exactly my fault. Aiden looked like he was going to fall off the roof - I was watching him in case he fell.

“Just go for lunch Ebony. I’ll finish this.” He huffs loudly. 

“No I can-”

“Just go.”

I sigh, fed up with myself and stomp back over to homestead. There was really no point in getting up this morning.

“How you doing shank?”

“What?”

Frypan laughs at me. “Boy you’re not with us today huh?”

“I’m not a boy.” I frown at him. Why did he say that?

“Obviously.” He raises his eyebrows. “You alright?”

“Didn’t sleep too good Fry. I’m wrecked.”

“You look it.”

“Thanks.”

“Have you eaten anything today?”

I groan audibly slouching into a bench and closing my eyes, resting my head on the table. “I had a bit this morning but I’m not hungry. I just want to sleep Fry.”

“You need food. Wait here.” I’m pretty sure he rolled his eyes at me. I didn’t see it, but I felt it.

The next thing I know, someone’s hand is on my back gently shaking me awake. A voice whispers softly in my ear.

“Ebby love. Wake up.”

“I wasn’t asleep.” Opening my eyes I hear Newt chuckle quietly. I have to blink a few times before my vision clears.

“Of course you weren’t.” Again with the eye rolling.

I wasn’t.” I repeat groggily. At least I didn’t mean to be. Newt hasn’t moved his hand yet. The warmth in my belly is back and I squirm uncomfortably in my seat trying to get rid of it. I think I might be ill.

"Everything okay?

“Yeah I’m fine newt. Just tired.”

“More nightmares?”

“Um - no.” Now I’m stammering what is wrong with me. ” I’m uh. Just couldn’t sleep really.” I can feel my face heating up.

Newt nods solemnly, letting out a yawn of his own. Why was he tired? Maybe it was because of how upset her gotten last night. I hope he’s okay.

"Are you okay?"

“I’m good Ebby.” He smiles warmly at me finally taking his hand away. My back feels cold.

He does genuinely look much better. I grin at him. “Good.”

I find a plate of sandwiches in front of me, probably from Frypan. I’m still don’t feel like eating but I eat it anyway, taking as big a bite as I can.

“Hungry?”

I shrug in reply with a mouthful of food. 

“Ebony.” Zart comes across the room towards me, still looking annoyed. Klunk. Brian is trailing along behind him.

“There’s not an awful lot left to do out there. I’ve spoken to Brian and he could use your help for the rest of today.”

Oh shuck this was bad. Brian is lovely, but he’s keeper for the sloppers. I can only imagine what I’ll end up doing.

“Hey Ebbs. No need to look like that - I’ll keep it easy for you alright?”

“Good that Brian.” Apparently he knows I’m useless too. At least they didn’t say the actual words.

“You can take over on water duty.” Oh shuck. Shuck’s sake. Shucking hell I not in the mood for water duty today. “The cooks, track-hoes and med-jacks are done just the slicers, bricknicks and builders to do alright?”

I suppose this is what happens when I don’t pay attention. I hate water duty.“Sure thing. I’ll get to it as soon as I’m done.” I’m suddenly starving and shove more food into my mouth.

“Good that.”

I go to the bricknicks and builders first. They’re working on the same extension of homestead anyway.

“Alright shanks! Water!” They all turn to look at me at the same time.

“Hey!”

“Look who it is.”

“You training to be a slopper now Ebony?”

I roll my eyes. Huffing quietly. Their stares burn through me, making me feel very aware of myself. I shift about on my feet as they each come to get the water.

“Can’t stay away huh?” Aiden helps himself to a drink.

“Apparently not.” I deadpan. 

“Well I’m not complaining.” He winks.

“I am.” I mutter under my breath as he walks away. I hate water duty.

“Hey Girlie.” Gally comes round from behind me, grinning. 

“Hi, I-” I stop myself when I realise he has misplaced his shirt.

It’s not like I’ve never seen a topless Glader before. In fact, it’s an occupational hazard of living in this place. I’ve seen Gally like this before too but this time is different.

My eyes run over his torso involuntarily. Just like most of us, the months of hard grafting has defined his body but somehow he’s accumulated some impressive muscles too. He’s been hard at work today too so he’s covered in dirt and sweat.

“I…?” He quizzes, smirking at me.

I immediately look back down to the bucket. Passing him a drink. I try to remember what I was going to say. I have no idea.

“I’ve got water. Here.” My linguistic abilities are second to none. Obviously.

He eyes me suspiciously but doesn’t pass comment. I try to just concentrate on his face but his muscled shoulders end up in my peripheral vision anyway. 

“Hi.” I can feel my face burning. I’m definitely ill.

“Hi. He repeats slowly, taking a drink. 

“I’ll uh - see you later, gotta go to the Slicers.” Please let this day end. I walk off before he has a chance to reply.

What the hell is wrong with me? It’s as if I’m a casual observer, watching my own mind and body do all kinds of crazy things. I’m going to sleep well tonight if it kills me. 

“Winston! Water!” I don’t trust myself to talk properly anymore.

“Ebony?” Win sticks his head out around the door. “What are you doing here?”

I raise the bucket as well as my eyebrows. “Water duty.”

He grins at me. “Lucky you.”

“Aren’t I just.” I think I need to give Winston here a lot more credit than I do. He’s lovely albeit a bit strange but then who am I to talk? Miss-I’ve-had-more-nightmares-than-hot-dinners. 

He glances back into the hut before calling out to me. “Come on in. It’s all clear.”

“You sure?” The strange mood I’m in I don’t want to risk seeing something I shouldn’t.

“Yup.”

The room is still the same as it was when I sat with that egg for hours, with one small exception: There is an energetic ball of fluff bounding about a makeshift pen in the corner.

“Aww, Win! Look!” I make a beeline over to her, clambering over the chicken wire.

Her fur is so soft. The feel of it is addictive but she doesn’t seem to mind, enjoying the attention. 

The smell. Oh my word she smells amazing. I scoop her up and hold her close, only marginally aware of how creepy I might seem right now. Winston gets it though, grinning at me. 

“Cute huh?” 

“Isn’t she? Wow. I love her.” I laugh to myself. “Can I hide in here for the rest of the day Win?” It’s as good a plan as any. Pretty please?

“I dunno about that Ebony it’s not my call.”

“True. I was only told to give water to the bricknicks, builders and slicers though. After you lot I’m done.”

“It’s on your head shank.” Victory! I beam at him. Win is the best.

I shift myself so I’m sitting cross legged on the floor and play with the pup for ages. She chews my fingers playfully but she isn’t big enough to hurt me. 

“Paul still hasn’t got a name for her yet has he?” Win pops in and out of the room, carrying on with his own jobs. 

“Nope. He said he was going to think about it first.”

She is the cutest thing ever. I wonder if I can convince Alby to make an official job out of looking after this job so I can play with her all day. She’s putting me in a much better mood. I feel a lot more like myself - finally.

Winston enters the room again. “Do you mind feeding her for me? Stuff’s over there.”

“Good that.”

Win busies himself, making some changes to the dog’s pen while I top the bowl up.

“Do you name all the animals?”

“Sure do. Why’d ya ask?”

“What did you call that chick?”

He pauses for a moment. “Nothing yet actually. I’d had a think, but I couldn’t decide - got any ideas?”

“Me?” I probably shouldn’t be allowed to name anything.

“Well you did hatch her out.”

“Um.” I decide to go with the first name that comes into my head. Go with my gut. “Custard.”

“What?”

“Uh, yeah. Custard.”

“Why Custard?”

“Just feels right. You don’t have to call her that - I don’t mind.”

“No. No, Custard the chicken it is.” He shakes his head at me with an amused expression on his face.

I grin at him. “Thanks Win.”

“Cause it’s probably the only time we’ll ever get to eat custard - get it?” I look up to see Kenny come out from behind the slaughterhouse.

He’s covered in blood.

I instantly feel winded, unable to take my eyes off his stained apron. I’m going to be sick.

“Kenny get out!” I hear Winston yell at him angrily.

My vision goes blurry and I sway on the spot, unable to tell which way is up.

Someone is holding my hand, shaking me awake.

“Ebony. Hey wake up. Hey.”

I grip onto the hand in panic, I can’t see properly, it’s dark. Have the doors closed already? Where are the grievers?

“It’s okay. You’re alright, calm down.”

My eyes slowly adjust. I’m inside somewhere lying on a bed.

“What - where?” My mouth isn’t communicating properly yet.

“You’re in the med-jacks hut Ebbs. You’re safe c’mon now.” I recognise Clint’s voice now.

“Do you remember what happened?” I don’t know this voice.

What did happen? I try hard to remember.

“The maze - I couldn’t - I didn’t mean -” I’m out of breath again.

“Hey! No - no maze Ebby. You haven’t been in the maze for months now. You’re safe Ebony try and relax. Breathe okay?” Clint brings his hand up to the side of my face, soothing me gently.

I suck in a few lungfuls of air, forcing myself to relax. Clint helps me to sit up and the other voice turns the lamp in the corner up fully.

It’s Jeff. He must have started his trials with the med-jacks today. Seeing him help to bring me to my senses. No maze. 

“Sorry.” This is getting embarrassing now. The second Greenie to think I’m crazy.

“It’s alright Ebony just take a minute. I’m going to go tell Alby you’re awake okay. Jeff is here if you need anything kid’s a natural.”

“Good that.” I’m still shaking but I don’t want a big fuss. Clint leaves the room quietly.

“You were out of it for ages.” Jeff remarks, sitting himself on the stool next to my bed.

“How long?” 

“Five hours. You missed dinner and everything.”

I groan to myself. Frypan will think I don’t like his food anymore at this rate.

Jeff continues, now he’s gotten over his first night, he seems quite chatty. “You had Clint worried for a while.”

“I did? Why?”

“You were talking in your sleep. It didn’t mean much to me but he looked like it was important.”

Oh what have I done now. “What did I say Jeff?”

“Just some names. Sam, Jamal and it was either Tom or Tim, didn’t quite get that one.You were shaking and stuff too, was pretty spooky.”

“Oh.” I don’t know why I’d be dreaming about Tim but Sam and Jamal were both my friends. Both runners. Both dead.

“With us now are you?” Alby appears around the doorway, grinning.

“Think so.” His voice brings me out of my morbid thoughts.

“How’d you feel?”

“Like I’ve been hit in the face.” That pretty much sums it up. The jitters haven’t subsided but I do feel pretty sore now.

“Sounds about right, you fell on your face by all accounts. Shouldn’t have gone in the slaughterhouse hut Ebony.”

Oh yeah, Kenny and the blood. I remember now.

“Not the smartest idea I’ve ever had.”

“Nope.”

“Hey love, you’re awake!” Newt rounds the door next making Alby rolls his eyes Minho and Paul pile in behind him.

“Hey Kiddo.”

“There she is.”

“We go in the maze one day and you end up in here again.”

“Making a habit of it are you?” They both grin wickedly at me. 

“Leave her be you two.” Newt frowns, his grin giving him away.

“Ooh yes sir Newt sir.” Paul salutes him, winking for good measure. Newt gives him the eyebrow but says nothing.

"How you feeling?" Paul tries to feel my head but I bat him away. 

"I’ll live. I’m still half-asleep so ask me later."

"Don’t tell me you’re still tired." Minho gapes at me.

"So what if I am?"

"I called it before. She’s gone soft."

"Slim it Minho." I glare at him but I can’t hold it for long. I adore these shanks. 

I move to get out of bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” Clint comes back in with a bowlful of something. It smells good.

“To get up.” Obviously.

“Why are you such a pain to look after. Get back in bed Ebony.”

“Cause I don’t like being looked after.” I retort drily. The boys infront of me chuckle as I slouch back into the bed.

“Well you’re not going anywhere tonight.”

“Clint!” I whine at him, pouting for good measure.

“Ebony. Do as your told for once.” Alby has spoken. Shuck it.

“You’ve been acting odd all day then you faint. I’m not risking it, sorry.” He is most definitely not sorry. Cruel shuck. 

“Acting odd - What do you mean?” Paul furrows his brow in concern, everyone seems to turn to me.

“I don’t know! Don’t look at me.”

“Well you did sleep in this morning -”

“-That’s because I’d hardly gotten any sleep.”

“Fry said you didn’t eat much.-”

“- Because I was tired.”

“Zart said you kept forgetting things -”

“- Yeah, well I was tired so -”

“You fell asleep at the table -”

“-Because I was tired!” This is getting to be too much now. “Look. I’m just a bit off today ‘cause I’ve had next to no sleep in two very busy days okay? Slim it.”

Minho rolls his eyes at me but Paul doesn’t let up. “It’s not like you sleep much anyway Ebbs.”

“No. But maybe this is just it all catching up with me. I’m fine, honestly.”

“Well if that’s all it is some rest will do you good. Everybody out!” Clint seems to like exercising control in his little domain. 

I don’t want to be inside tonight but it’s better than nothing. I do feel slightly better now, even though my face hurts - and my shoulder.

“Good that Clint. C’mon you shanks. Leave her be.” Alby starts to heard them all out. They call out their goodbyes as they leave.

Minho slips under Alby’s arm and comes back to my side. 

He gently put his hand on my arm, stroking it with his thumb. “You get some good sleep now Ebby. We’ll have to toughen you up again.” His mouth splits into a wicked grin and Paul yanks him out of the room, laughing at his funny joke.

I feel my face burn up again, the pit of my stomach flares up unexpectedly. Whatever it is that’s wrong with me - it’s not over.


	21. Must be something in the water

I managed to sneak out of the Med-Jack’s hut unnoticed in the early hours of the morning. 

It had taken me a while to get to sleep - it felt weird settling down so early - but eventually my exhaustion took over and I slept for quite a long time. I’d woken up in another panic and had to check several times that I wasn’t covered in blood.

I’ve never been able to understand why blood sets me off like that. It first happened on my trails when I came to the glade. I suppose its the biggest and only clue we have about what happened to us before we got here. The others have their theories, but I just try to avoid the topic all together. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Now, I just feel restless. 

I set off into a slow run, completing a few laps before pushing myself faster. It’s been a while since I got a good run in. I ignore the dull ache that starts to form in my ankles and let my mind wander.

Yesterday was definitely weird, even before I passed out. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so jittery around my friends. They weren’t doing anything different were they? No. 

I start sprinting as I turn the south west corner of the glade. This feels good. The sweat trickles down my neck as I push on.

So what was different? 

“I thought you were supposed to be resting?“ I skid to a halt near the edge of the forest. Gally is resting his back against a tree with his arms folded across his chest.

At least he has clothes on.

"You’re up early Gal.” I dodge his question for now, not wanting a lecture.

“You’re not the only one who gets up early y'know. Why are you up? You’re supposed to be on bed rest.” Apparently he had no intention of me dodging anything.

“But Gally I’m fine now.” I whine at him like a small child pouting for added effect. “I felt fine yesterday too and I’ve slept a lot. Honest I’m better now.”

He frowns at me, not believing a word of it. “You were acting pretty strange yesterday even before you fainted so forgive me if I’m not convinced.”

I roll my eyes. This is what I get for playing down all the times when I’ve been ill.

“What time is it?” I ask him innocently changing the subject again.

“Couple of hours still before the doors open. Why? Where’s your watch gone?” He eyes me suspiciously but the twitching corner of his lip gives him away.

“Clint took it so I couldn’t clock watch. Something about me nagging him every three minutes I don’t know.” I shrug at him. “Apparently I’m bad at being an invalid.”

He drops the act and grins at me widely. “You? No. He must have you confused with some other girl who lives here.”

“Must’ve. Don’t see who else it would be.” I smile playing along. When he’s in the right mood, Gally had a brilliant sense of humour.

“You would never dream of being difficult obviously.” He adds, raising an eyebrow

“Me? No. Never”

“Thought not.”

I pull my best ‘innocent’ face which makes him laugh. “Well seeing as I’m not allowed to run anymore, I’m off for a shower alright?”

“Good that, you do smell pretty bad.”

I let my jaw fall open in mock disgust. “How dare you. I smell exactly how I’m supposed to. You try running in circles for ages, see how you smell.”

“I’ll pass thanks.” He winks at me as I trudge off into homestead.

I have to sneak clothes out of Newt’s room again because of my unexpected imprisonment in the med-jack’s hut. I clamber over the bodies, almost tripping over Kenny as he turns over in the same moment that I step over him.

I crack Newt’s door open slightly before pushing in, I can tell he’s still sleeping from the gentle snoring coming from the room.

I can’t help but smile at the sight of him, even though all I can actually see is his arm draped off the side of the bed, his foot poking out from under the cover and the top of his messy hair. He looks so innocent.

I manage to grab my stuff from his drawer without causing injury to myself this time.

Showers make everything better. No matter what problem I’m having, or how ill I feel, a shower always seems to do the trick. I can’t say I’m completely at ease, still not being able to shake the odd feeling I’ve had the last day or so but at least I’m clean.

When I make my way through homestead to find food, I spot Gally sitting in one of the benches.

“Hey stranger.”

“Hey Girlie. Feel better?” What can I say? The shank gets me.

“Yeah.” I don’t know how convinced he is but I’m not lying this time anyway. 

I slide into the bench across from him and watch him eat for a while. We sit in silence as I slip into my own thoughts.

There’s something about Gally I can’t quite put my finger on. It’s always so easy with him. Maybe its because he’s one of the only people in here who doesn’t treat me like I’m about to break. He’s not afraid to call me out if I do something wrong either. There’s a small bandage wrapped around his hand, I wonder what happened.

Gally says something to me, bringing my out of my thoughts. He’s eyeing me suspiciously again.

“What?”

“I said are you gonna eat something?”

Oh. “Yeah I will later Gal, not hungry right now.” I shrug at him.

He frowns at me as soon as the words leave my mouth, gets up from the bench and stomps off to the kitchen. I roll my eyes after him. He was so moody sometimes.

He returns soon after with a small plate of food looking pretty pleased with himself.

“I’m okay y'know.” I mumble, taking a large bite just to keep him quiet.

“Yeah I know you are. I’m getting tired of carrying your unconscious backside to the med-jacks hut though so forgive me for trying to prevent it from happening again.”

“Oh don’t exaggerate.” I mutter, waving him off.

“I’m not!” He protests. “There was the first week you get here, as well as that time Ross cut his arm when we were fixing the map room door. The time when Paul had to drag you out of the maze after Sam died - “

“- We don’t know he actually died Gally.

“-He died. The amount of blood on the floor? He died Ebby.” Harsh but probably true.

He continues on. “Then we’ve got the time you almost got yourself shut in -”

“-I made it out didn’t I? And I didn’t pass out from the blood that time, I was exhausted.”

“I’m still counting it. I’m also counting when you fainted after coming out of the slammer and yesterday too obviously.”

I huff slightly, that was a lot. “Well I’m sorry you’re the one that always gets stuck with carrying me around. That’s what you get for being so strong.”

He shrugs at me, grinning. “I don’t mind carrying you about - I just wish you’d be more careful.”

Something about the way he said that was different. I feel the warmth spread through my chest, catching me by surprise again. I didn’t feel sick. It was really nice actually.

Then it hit me. I remembered when those feelings started.

I feel the heat creep up my face as I remember running my hands through Newt’s hair, how it felt to have his mouth on mine, the feeling of being touched that I never knew I wanted until It was there.

Luckily, or not so luckily, Paul and Minho take that same moment to fall through the door. They’re laughing about something loudly until they see me and stop in their tracks.

 “What are you doing here?”

“Clint’s gonna throw a fit.”

“Alby told you to behave for once.”

“Can’t even do that.”

I roll my eyes at them both. “Keep your undies on shanks. I feel a lot better. Besides, Gally’s been playing med-jack this morning so I don’t need another lecture about my health.”

Minho snorts at that before wrapping the other keeper up in a conversation about the map hut. Something about the door again.

“You sure you’re feeling better kid? You’re burning up.” Paul mutters, feeling my head.

I swat his arm away. “Yeah I’m not sick.” I pause for a moment.”- actually, can we talk later?”

His brow furrows instantly. “Talk? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” I gesture for him to calm down. “Everything’s alright, I just need to talk about stuff - you said you’d help me figure it out if I needed you to and I need you to. Don’t think you can back out on me now.” I add for good measure. 

He looks at me for a moment carefully before rolling his eyes. “Alright Kiddo. There’s not a lot of time until the doors open though.”

“Nah tonight Paul.” I needed more time than that. “After dinner.”

“Good that.”

I try to sneak back into the med-jacks hut unnoticed before the doors open. I’d left the window open slightly so I could get back in later.

Hoisting myself through the opening, I land with much less grace than I’d intended. Resulting in a loud thud and a knocked over bucket.

“What the-” Clint rushes through the door. Catching sight of me, he does his best to scowl.

“Y’know, we have a door for a reason.”

“What? I’ve been here the whole time!” I exclaim, standing up and dusting myself off.

“Oh, right. So you’d just turned invisible earlier when I came in to check on you?” He gives me the eyebrow.

“Something like that.” I grumble. Totally busted.

With much complaining on my part, he eventually gives me my watch back and clears me for work today. Thank goodness, I’d go crazy just sitting in the hut all day.

Zart seems to have forgiven me for yesterday too. He acts like his usual friendly self and sets me to work with the vines. They need tying to the makeshift trellis now that they’re starting to grow properly. 

Something makes me suspect that the others had a hand in me getting light work to do today but I’m not too bothered by it. Keeps me busy at any rate.

The day passes quickly. Lunch was a short affair, I didn’t feel like eating really, but Clint was hovering around the field talking to Newt about something so I didn’t want to risk it.

I’m still not hungry when it comes to dinner either.

I watch as Minho takes a large mouthful of food. You can see the line his jaw makes as he chews, his Adams apple bobbing slightly. As he reaches over the table for a bowl, his arm flexes, showing his defined muscles. He laughs loudly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I like it. What do you think?” I snap my head up to see Paul looking at me expectantly.

“What?” I have no idea what he’s been talking about for the last few minutes. He rolls his eyes.

“What’s with with you today? If I didn’t know any better I’d say you didn’t like me.”

“Who says I do?” I grin at him wickedly.

“Ebbs, what’s wrong?” Stubborn slinthead.

“Later Paul.” I mumble, hoping he’ll get the hint.

He leaves it alone for now. “I was saying that I think I’ve landed on a name for the dog klunk-for-brains.”

“Ooh. What have you picked?” He’s got my attention now.

“Bark.” He claims proudly. 

I feel completely underwhelmed. “Bark?” Not exactly the most creative name in the world.

“That’s what I said.”

“Bark?” I repeat, testing it out. “It’s not very original.”

“Says the girl who called a chicken Custard.”

He’s got a point. “Custard is original. Who’s heard of a chicken called Custard?”

“Who’s heard of a dog called Bark? That’s right no one - ‘cause we only know one dog. It’s my choice, I can call him what I like. So there.” He pouts like a small child, I can’t help but laugh at him.

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is.” He grumps at me, not ready to give up the act just yet.

“Okay then shuck-wit. Bark it is, go tell Winston.” I wave him off but he just looks around casually instead.

“I’ll do it later. C’mon.” He nudges me out of the bench and we leave, mostly unnoticed by the others.

“So what’s eatin’ you shank?” He asks carefully as we near the forest, away from everyone else.

Where do I start? How do I start actually. I frown at my feet as we slow down. “Um. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Y’mean I threw my dinner down my throat and you haven’t even figured out how to tell me yet?”

“Slim it, you always eat like a pig.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out what’s wrong with you all day. Thought the least you could do was figure out what it is you’re trying to say.” He does his best to suppress a grin.

“Excuse me? I’ve been working all day too y’know. And I have been trying. It’s not easy. Not to mention embarrassing.”

“Alright then.” He sighs. “I take it this is about the whole ‘feelings’ thing?” He sounds uncomfortable when he uses the word.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” His tone eggs me on slightly.

“So I’ve been having feelings.” I can tell without looking that he’s rolling his eyes again. I hope they fall out of his head.

“Good. Who for?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Nope.” 

“Why not?”

I huff quietly, not feeling very comfortable myself. “I don’t know what feelings I’m feeling and it’s not just one person I’m feeling them for.”

He stops in his tracks. “What?”

I fold my arms over myself defensively. “I feel really weird Paul. I can’t concentrate properly either but It doesn’t seem to be because of any one thing.”

“What kind of things?”

“Well, it happened just then at dinner while I was watching Minho eat. This morning when I was talking to Gally, yesterday when Aiden nearly fell off the roof, when I was giving out water and when I kissed Newt at the bonfire.”

Paul does a triple-take, blinking for a few moments. “When you what?”

“Yeah.” I wince at his tone.

“So you like Newt then?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“What was it like then?”

I sigh, not really wanting to go into it - for Newt’s sake as well as my own. “Look, we both agreed not to talk about it. But he was upset about something and I did it to try and cheer him up.” It sounds wrong worded like that but I don’t know how best to explain it.

He narrows his eyes for a moment before shaking his head. I take the opportunity to sit myself down on the grass. He follows suit, sitting beside me before saying anything else. “You can’t just mess with people like that.”

I look up at him in alarm for a moment. Did I hurt Newt? He seemed okay yesterday. He even came to visit me in the hut.

 I shake my head in reply.“Yeah I know. It wasn’t like that though. We talked about it, agreed that it didn’t mean anything.”

Paul closes his eyes, huffing in reply. He doesn’t say anything for a moment.“So when did it all start then?”

I can feel myself turn red. “When I kissed him I think. I don’t understand it yet though.”

“ And what does it feel like?” He raises his eyebrows at me. I furrow my brow wondering where he’s going with this. Oh well, if I want his help in just going to have to tell him everything. It’s not like I don’t trust him.

“It feels good. Like, warm I suppose. But annoying because I can’t concentrate. I keep getting wrapped up in what someone’s doing. I feel tingly whenever they touch me. -actually, they’ve been pretty touchy feely the last couple of days.” I add as an afterthought.

“No Ebony, that’s definitely not a new thing. They’ve been like that for months.”

“They have?” He just nods in reply, letting me continue.

 "It’s like I’m really aware of everything they do. And myself, I’ve been feeling nervous, tripping over my words, making mistakes. It’s frustrating I don’t know what’s wrong with me.“ I there’s my arms in the air, having ran out of ways to describe it. I’m shucked.

Paul bursts out laughing.

"It’s not funny.” I told my arms across my chest defensively. “Stop laughing at me.”

I give him the benefit of the doubt and wait for him to calm down. He struggles to compose himself which annoys the klunk outta me. What a slinthead.

“Sorry. I’m sorry Ebbs. Give me a sec.”

A few moments later he huffs himself back to sanity. I glare at him do he knows he’s very close to crossing the line. Here I am doing what he asked, figuring out klunk and all he can do is laugh.

“I think I know what’s wrong with you.”

“Well go on then.”

“It’s the same thing that’s wrong with them.” He says it as though its the easiest thing in the world to understand.

“What?”

“Everything you’ve just said to me, I’ve heard about 20 different times from those slinthead back there. I guess girls aren’t so different after all.”

I resist the urge to punch his arm. “They all feel like this?” I’m mildly horrified, wondering how they’ve managed for so long.

He nods solemnly. “Sounds like it anyway. I guess it’s a good thing though.” He adds.

“How is it a good thing?” I feel pretty overwhelmed right now.

“Relax kid. I only mean that you like them, so all you need to do it’s pick the one you like the best and then it’s happily ever after our some klunk like that.”

There it is again. ’ Pick one’ I pull my face at the idea.

“Don’t look at me like that. You’ve known all along that that was the end game.”

He’s got a point. “But how am I supposed to know Paul? How do I decide something like that. It’s huge.”

He paused for a long moment to consider my question. “I dunno kiddo. It’s not something any of them had to figure out. When it comes to girls, you’re the only option so it was a no-brainer for them.”

“Great help you are.” I grumble, still no less confused.

“Hey, in here aren’t I?” He runs a hand over his face. “Give me a minute to think.”

I sit patiently, pulling at the grass around me. I’m more than happy to let Paul do some of the heavy thinking right now.

“Do you remember what I said after that gathering?”

“Which part?”

“Nevermind I’ll tell you again. You’ll understand it better now anyway. They’re are some slintheads who only like you because of your body okay? They don’t actually care about you. Not enough anyway. And they’re are others who care about you as a person. Y'know? They like you for being you as well as all the other stuff. With me so far?”

“Think so.”

“So I think you’d be best sticking to the ones who like you for you first off. Then I suppose you need to figure out who you like as a person too. If there’s more than one, I suppose its just whoever you can see yourself with for ever.” He shrugs one he’s finished, letting out a large yawn.

That’s actually really good advice. I nod slowly as I process the new information. I’ll have to give things a chance to settle down in my head before I make any decisions.

“Thanks Paul.” I smile at my shuck nugget of a best friend who looks exhausted. “You need to go get some sleep Paul.”

“Good that. Has it helped though?”

“A lot actually. I mean, my head is a bit overwhelmed with it all but I’m good.” I’m not even remotely lying this time. I feel an awful lot better.

“Good. Night shuck wit.”

“Night ya klunk bucket.”


	22. The joke is on you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Implied nudity, leering and discussion around ideas of feminism debate (not intended to offend at all, feel free to inbox me about anything)

It’s still early days yet, but I think my sleeping pattern is getting back to normal. The last week has been pretty normal too. The feelings hadn’t really gone away, but I’m definitely getting the hang of them. Maybe everything is settling down now.

I crawl out of my bag just before the wake up and trundle sleepily across the clearing into homestead.

Something catches my attention before I make it up the stairs into the building.

“Psst. Ebony.”

It takes me a few moments to figure out where the noise is coming from. Blinking sleepily, I spot Minho’s head poking out around the corner.

“What are you doing?”

“Slim it. Come here.“  
   
I immediately feel like I’m doing something wrong. I glance over my shoulder, wondering what was going on before towing around the corner. Paul is with him, grinning against the wall.

"Morning.” He nods at me casually.

“What are you two slintheads up to?” I try my best to look at them sternly but can’t quite manage to fight off the smirk on my face.

“Nothing much.” Yeah right. Minho looks like he night wet himself in excitement. What was going on?

“So why all the sneaking and hiding?” Raising my eyebrows I watch them both carefully.

  
“We just didn’t want you to get wet.” Wet? I frown, feeling like I’m not awake enough to be able to figure this out.

“Okay, whatever. I’m hungry so if you don’t mind.” I shake my head at them both and move to go back around the corner. Minho grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

  
“Ebby no. You don’t want to go in there. Not yet anyway.”

  
“What have you done?”

  
Minho and Paul exchange a look. Their bright eyes turn to me in excitement.

“Just wait here.”

  
“Watch the door.”

  
“You’ll see.”

  
These two can be so annoying. At the same time, they’re brilliant. If there’s one thing that we don’t get enough of around here it’s fun. I adore them both.

Rolling my eyes I nod slowly, turning around and crouching down to see around the corner carefully. No one approaches for a little while, it’s still pretty early.

Paul giggles away to himself, setting me off even though I have no idea what’s going on.

“Shhh! Slim it. The shanks are gonna hear you both.”

After a while, I spot Zart making his way over groggily, rubbing his face. I quickly back to Paul and Minho who are watching him intently, glee written all over their faces. Poor Zart.

He disappears from view as he climbs the steps into homestead. Paul lets out a squeak, unable to contain his excitement.

The next thing I hear is a loud wet splash onto the wooden floor followed by a loud screech belonging to Zart. In the same moment there sounded a large crash. Turning in surprise, I realise that I’m completely alone. Those slintheads have ran off, sending a metal drum crashing down in their wake.

By the time I realise I need to run away it’s to late.

"Ebony!” I’m faced with a soaking wet, angry Zart. It’s pretty funny. It’s not often he gets angry, it doesn’t suit him.

It’s difficult to contain my laughter. “Zart, I swear, it wasn’t me.” I manage to choke out, finally giving in and shaking silently.

“Slim it! There’s no one else here.” He scowls at me, hands balled into fists. Oh those shanks got me good. I totally should have seen it coming.

“It’s not funny!” His words obviously make it even funnier, I have to hold on to the wall for support.

“Calm down Zart, it’s only water. You’ll dry.” I huff through my mirth, trying to compose myself.

“Not the point. There was no need for it Ebony.”

“I told you, it wasn’t me.” I try to reason with him but its no use. He stalks off angrily, muttering to himself. Zart is definitely not a morning person.

Straightening up, I realise that I’m covered in dirt from the wall. I doubt it’ll come out, especially seeing as its white. Why would the creators send me white clothes is beyond me. How I’d managed to keep it clean up to now is another wonder entirely. I shrug it off, I’m working in the field so it’s only going to get worse throughout the day.

Shaking my head, I head back in the direction those two shucks went. I’m going to thump the pair of them.

I’m at a disadvantage with it being later in the morning than usual. By the time I spot them both by the Eastern door, the walls roar into life and they both disappear. Not before waving at me sarcastically, flashing their teeth for good measure.

I’ll get them eventually. They’ll have to come back sometime. I can wait.

Stepping over the large puddle, I finally make it into homestead. I get several looks ranging from amusement to annoyance and a still-dripping Zart glares at me.

“Morning.” I’m gonna kill those two.

I decide it’s best just to keep my head down for the rest of the day. There is enough work to do to keep me busy anyway.

Everyone knows not to mess with Zart before he’s had a chance to wake up. It’s an unspoken rule really. What were they thinking?

I know what they were thinking actually- ‘Lets wind Zart up because we’re not here during the day so we won’t have to hear about it. Oh I know, lets blame Ebony for it that’ll be really funny.’ Slintheads.

I hope he isn’t in a mood for long. I can literally feel his eyes burning into the back of my head as I pour the last of the water over the cabbage patch.

“Try not to drown the cabbages Ebony. I know you’ve got a thing for dumping water on things, but we need those.”

  
I wince at his tone. “It wasn’t me Zart.” I call out, not bothering the turn around.

“What’s the point in lying? I saw you.” I don’t answer him, his bad mood is getting old fast.

  
I work diligently, finishing off the carrots and onions in quick time. There are a few weeds cropping up that need pulling out so I sit myself down to dig it out.

Icy water comes crashing down on top of me sending electric shocks through my whole body. I let out some kind of horrible noise as I fling myself away from wherever it came from, landing on the floor as I lose my footing.

I can hear his laughter ringing in my ears already. I gasp at how cold I am, trying to compose myself.

Zart is stood almost exactly where I was sat, empty bucket in hand. He has a smug look on his face although it’s beginning to fade. He just doused me in water.

I look at him incredulously. “What the shuck Zart?” I growl at him, narrowing my eyes.

“Taste of your own medicine Ebby.” His grin falters slightly, unsure of for I’ll react probably.

  
I suck in a deep breath. “How many times do I have to say it? It wasn’t me!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

  
That does it. Something snaps inside my mind. It must have registered in my face because Zart drops the grin immediately.

“Look Ebbs, it was just a joke.”

  
My voice rings through the glade but right now I don’t care who hears me. “Shuck your buggin’ ‘jokes’ Zart! I don’t lie and you know I don’t so if I said it wasn’t me then it wasn’t me got it?”

  
He winces at my words which makes me feel slightly guilty. Still shaking and dripping wet, I turn my glare to the floor. Maybe I’m being dramatic.

“I’m sorry Ebby.” Zart comes towards me slowly, looking me up and down carefully.

The whole glade has taken silent. I can see faces in the distance stop to look over at us.

“You will be.” I look at him seriously got a moment, he falls for it too. “You’d better start running I’d you know what’s good for ya.”  I roll my eyes, deciding but to blow things out of proportion. It was Paul and Minho’s fault really.

“Hey, I thought I was getting you back. I- err. ” He stops mid sentence, looking over to the side.

 "It’s okay Zart. Don’t worry about it.“ I mutter shaking my head. It wasn’t Zart who started it anyway. ” Wanna help me get the real pranksters back? “

"Plural? Oh shuck. Minho and Paul right?” He slaps his hand to his forehead. “I should’ve known.”

“Yes you should’ve.” I nod. “Fighting about it isn’t going to help any.”

“Good that. We’ll get them later. Are you alright?” His voice is full of concern now.

“Yeah, only water right?” I grin at him softly, glad he’s in a better mood, even if I’m dripping wet.

“Want to finish for the day?” He asks me tentatively. “Peace offering?” I nod slowly and start picking up the tools from where I’d flung them.

“I’ll do that. It’s alright Ebbs.” Normally, I’d protest, but I’m not in the best mood right now anyway.

Leaving him to it, I wander past the new extension to homestead, deep in thought. Hopefully what’s left of the sun will dry my out. I’ve not got another change of clothes until Brian brings the washing around tomorrow.

“Watch out!” I duck just in time before a long wooden pole swings out where my head should have been.

“Chris you slinthead! Watch where you’re going!” I hear Aiden shout gruffly to the boy beside me who blushes instantly.

“I’m alright. No damage."

 "So that’s what he did wrong then?” Wait, what? I furrow my brow at Aiden who holds his hands up.

“I was just wondering what he’d done for you to cuss him out like that. You got pretty feisty y'know?” I’m not in the mood for this. He’s got a strange look on his face, some kind of grin but his eyes don’t match.

 "It’s definitely one of his finer moments. You did soak him first after all.”

A different wave of anger flares through me. I narrow my eyes at him. “I thought you were going to stop being a slinthead Aiden.”

“Hey, at least I’m being honest. The whole soaking wet look is working out well for you too.” His grin stretches across his face, his eyes boring into me.

  
Frowning, I turn to leave. “Aw c’mon, don’t be like that! I meant it in a nice way!” He calls after me but I carry on, shaking my head. There’s no point in talking to him.

Someone grabs my arm roughly.”What the-?”

Pulling me away to the side, I realise who it is. “Gally, what are you doing?”

He doesn’t look very happy. He’s acting weirdly too, looking off into the forest, not meeting my gaze.“You need to go inside Ebony”

  
I scoff at him. “ I’ve already made peace with Zart Gally, relax.”

His eyes meet mine for a second before looking away again. A blush creeps up his face. “That’s not- Ebby can you just- your clothes. Please just go in.”

What? Why does everyone go on about my-  oh shuck. Looking down to figure out what the issue is, it clicks.

  
Still soaking wet, my white shirt had become rather transparent - leaving little to the imagination. Gasping, I clamp my arms across my chest, feeling the heat rush to my face.

I don’t wait around for Gally to say anything else. Not wanting to draw any extra attention to myself, I take long strides towards homestead. Not that there’s much point, I can feel everyone’s gaze pierce through me as I pass them. Shuck it.

I dart into the building and head straight for Newt’s room. Luckily, he isn’t here. I wouldn’t have liked to kick him out of his own room. I can’t believe that I didn’t notice.

I let the rag fall across the window and shut the door before even thinking about relaxing. I’d actually thought that today would be a good day.

It had been pretty funny when I first became a runner, we had to ask for a different brace because the other ones either didn’t fit or weren’t any kind of comfortable. I’d realised then that they’re was an obvious difference between myself and the others.

We’d all gotten pretty embarrassed at one point and ever since then, the topic has been widely avoided in almost every sense.

  
I reach into my drawer after pulling out the last pair of shorts and rummage through for another shirt. Shuck. All my clothes were in the wash. Shuck. Looking around the room for inspiration, I spot Newt’s hoodie draped over the edge of the bed.

He wouldn’t mind, would he? I didn’t really see what other choice they’re was. Newt didn’t have any clean shirts either. Bad timing really.

I quickly strip off the wet clothes, tossing them to one side. The shorts stick to my damp skin but it’ll dry soon enough. I pull Newt’s hoodie over my head. It smells just like him. The soft fabric is pretty soothing actually. It falls down part my waist, covering most of my shorts.

I groan internally, wondering just how many gladers saw me like that. Zart, Chris, Aiden and Gally at least. Probably more.

Should I even be embarrassed? Those shanks can walk about with their shirts off all the time so that means I should be able to too. Not than anyone’s ever said that I can’t, it’s more a feeling that I have that it should be private. I run my hands over my face as water from my hair drips onto the hoodie.

If I don’t want anyone to make a big deal about it, which I don’t, the best thing to do is just to act like it never happened. If I don’t worry about it then no one else will either That’s the logic I decide on anyway. It can only be embarrassing if I make it right?

Huffing to myself again, I check myself over to make sure everything’s in order. I button up the hoodie to the second top button and bunch up the sleeves. It’s still warm outside. I need to go find Newt to check I can use it, there’s not really another option unless I go riding through everyone else’s things but hopefully he won’t mind.

I find him by the tool shed, wrapped up in his own thoughts. I take him by surprise when I tap his shoulder.

“Hey Newt.”

“Ebony Hi love. You alright?” His eyes flick over me carefully, a small smirk pulling at his lips.

I nod slowly, not quite sure of myself anymore. “It’s it okay if i wear this?” I gesture to his hoodie. “Not got the other clothes back yet and my clothes got soaked so I couldn’t -”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind Ebbs.“ He speaks softly, turning away to put the rest of his things away.

"Good that.” I’m glad he’s not making a big deal out of it anyway. “Have you seen Zart?”

“He was still out in the field last time I saw him.”

Thanking him, I head over to the field. Right enough Zart it’s still out there gathering up the last of the tools.

“So are we gonna give those two what’s comin’ to them?”

Zart looks up, relief washed over his face before he grins wickedly. “I sure hope so. About time someone got them back.”

He gave me a boost onto the flat roof of the map room. Dave had made it back early, but the rest of the runners would be back shortly so we had to hurry. It was hard work pulling up the buckets of water as Zart passed them up but I managed it.

I’d talked Dave into making sure Paul and Minho left the map room last. It wasn’t hard really, he was just glad that it wasn’t him that was being soaked. The idea wasn’t exactly original, but if it was good enough for us, it was good enough for them.

“Give me a hand Ebbs.” Zart grunts as he clambers up to the roof. I take his hand and help to pull him up. We lay down on the roof so that no one would see us.

“I’m sorry about before.”

I look at him carefully before shrugging against the concrete. “It’s alright Zart.”

“I swear, I didn’t know that it would- y'know.” His face turns red at his words. I supress the urge to roll my eyes.

“I know.” I chew my lip slightly wondering how best to put my thoughts across. “It’s only my body though, you lot walk around with almost nothing on. It’s not much different really. I don’t plan on doing that though, I just don’t see it as such a big thing. So it’s alright.”

He stares at me for a moment before shaking his head. “Yeah, I suppose but you don’t want us lot staring do you?” I frown at him, opening my mouth but close it again as he shushes me. They’re here.

. They spend a long time in there today. I’m tempted to just give up and bide my time, whatever Frypan is cooking smells amazing. At that point, Adam falls out of the door followed by Dave and the others.

Just like we’d planned, Paul and Minho are the last to leave the room. The others are waiting to see, tipped off somehow.

“What are you shanks waiting for?” Minho asks strangely.

Sharing a glance, Zart and I waste no time in dumping both buckets over the edge.

“Shuck!” They both throw themselves out of the way, not before being stretched though. I grin wildly at Zart, giving him a triumphant high five. Paul spots us ooh the roof, glaring at me.

“You’re dead meat.” He’s joking. Probably.

He makes a move to climb onto the roof. Oh shuck. I don’t waste time and lower myself down before tearing off into the woods. I can tell he’s close behind me. Hopefully he’s too tired to catch up.

It crosses my mind that now the maze does are shut, there isn’t anywhere to run to. I’m shucked basically, but I’m far too stubborn to let simple facts like that stop me.

“Shuck it - I know where you sleep Kid!” I skid to a halt. I was right about him being too tired to chase after me properly. He would have caught me by now otherwise. Glancing back, I grin at the sight of him shaking his fist at me before he turns away. His hair is stuck to his face, still dripping from my attack.

  
I’d made it through the forest by this point so I strolled across the rest of the way into homestead. It was almost too early for dinner but maybe I could find something quick to eat and make myself scarce before the ‘dynamic duo’ make an appearance.

I can see Steve disappear off into the kitchens leaving the room empty apart from Gally and Frypan who are leaning over a bench deep in conversation.

Fry rolls his eyes at Gally, who has a small smile on is face. Walking over to them both Fry smiles at me warmly.

“Hey shank.”

“Hi. Mind if I join you?”

  
“Go ahead.”

  
I slide into the bench next to Gally who nods at me when I meet his gaze.

“What makes me think that you’re after something?” Fry raises an eyebrow at me suspiciously.

  
I hold my hands up in defense. “I didn’t say a thing.” Pulling my best ‘innocent’ face, I add; “Seeing as you’re offering though - any chance of an early dinner?”

Gally barks out in laughter, causing fry to narrow his eyes at him. “Why would I do that?”

“Because there’s a price on my head and I need to hide before they can catch me.” I wink at him which makes him roll his eyes again.

  
“Who’s after you?” Gally furrows his brow.

  
“I may or may not have messed up Paul and Minho’s hair.” He smiles at me knowingly, dropping the frown instantly. I shrug, musing to myself. “They had it coming really, serves them right for dropping me in it with Zart this morning.”

  
“They should know better than to mess with you huh?” I can’t tell if he’s being patronising or not but I smirk anyway.

  
“Obviously.”

  
Steve brings out some food for me. Murmuring something about the soup catching on the bottom of the pan, he hurries back into the kitchen. I eat in silence for a few moments, feeling comfortable enough but it’s almost as if Gally is waiting to say something, running his nails into the wood. When he doesn’t, I break the silence.

“Thanks. Y’know for earlier.” I look up at him and we share a small smile.

  
“It’s okay. I just- ” He rubs the back of his neck, considering his words carefully. “Just thought you should know.”

  
I feel the familiar warmth spread through me. I can always count on Gally to look out for me, somehow he manages it without making me feel useless. Not quite sure how to reply, I lean my head onto his shoulder, trying to put my thoughts into the gesture instead.

He sighs as his hand reaches my waist and squeezes me slightly. I close my eyes, feeling content in the moment.

“Y'know, if you ever need more clothes, I’ve got some spares. Just let me know.”

“Good that Gal. Brian said it’ll be done for tomorrow but thanks.” I like the idea of wearing some baggy clothes again, they’re very comfortable.

Zart falls through the door in that moment, I lift my head back up to look at him properly. He catches sight of me and makes his way over.

“Ebony, they’re coming.” I can’t tell if he’s joking or not but either way I want to make myself scarce.

Taking the last bite of my meal, I nod to Zart. “Sorry Gal, gotta go.” I grin at him with a mouthful of food. He takes his hand away as I stand up and slip out through the kitchen.

I go the long way round to get to my hammock, the logic being that by the time I get there, Tweedledum and Tweedledee will be in homestead getting food.

Throwing myself into it, I watch the sky as it darkens. Today has been a pretty strange day. I let my mind wander instead, not wanting to go over it again.

I wonder if we can teach Bark some tricks, train him up to herd chickens or something? Winston can give her bones to chew on when she’s big enough. Paul and I can run with her - I suppose anyone else could really too.

I wonder how big she’ll get. She’s so tiny right now it’s hard to imagine her as a fully grown dog. We’ll have to be extra careful she doesn’t wander into the maze. Maybe we should put up a fence.

Loud noises travel across the clearing. I adjust myself so I can get a better view of the building, as though it would make a difference to the sound. It sounds like shouting although I can’t quite make out what the words are.

Internally, I debate whether or not it’s a good idea to go over and see what the fuss is about.

It’s from inside homestead whatever it is, so it can’t be something the creators have done. Hopefully anyway. I find myself frowning, worry creeping up on me. More shouting, more voices this time too. It’s a bit easier to make out although I can’t hear everything.

“Hey!”

“Stop- ”

“Get -”

“Enough!”

I sit bolt upright in alarm. Most likely, someone’s having a row with someone else. I can’t think for the life of me what it would be about but then again, I’ve been kinda self-absorbed lately. I wonder what’s going on.

Hopefully, Alby will be able to sort it out before it gets too bad. The last thing we need it’s everyone fighting. I decide to stay put. if anyone needs me I’m in the first place that they’ll look. I don’t want to be around the fighting anyway, it doesn’t happen much but it scares me.

I hope it doesn’t go too far.

A small crowd of boys fall out the building, it’s impossible to tell who’s who from here. The shouting dissolves leaving the glade quiet again.

As far as I can tell, no one’s been taken off to the slammer. That’s a good sign anyway. Mustn’t have been that bad.

Two more figures exit onto the clearing, walking across the way a bit, they come into a better view. Judging by their familiar shapes, I can tell that it’s Gally and Newt.

Newt has his hands on his hips while Gally gestures in the air sharply. Probably going over whatever just happened. I wonder if they’ll tell me later.

“Hey kid.”

  
I jump out of my skin when Paul sounds off behind me. I’d forgotten that I was supposed to be hiding from him. He didn’t sound like he was in the mood to joke around though.

“Hey chief.” I eye him carefully. It’s dark now, but he definitely doesn’t look right. It takes me a few moments to decide how best to go about asking him what’s wrong. I’ve never seen him upset before. In the end, I’m not very tactful at all.

  
“What’s going on?”

  
His eyes flick up at me from the floor. Without hesitating, I make room for him on my hammock and he lowers himself down.

He shrugs non-concomitantly. Running his hand through his hair, he doesn’t say anything for a few long moments.

“So I head what happened with Zart.” He doesn’t elaborate.

I sigh letting him change the subject. “Yeah he thought that it was me that soaked him this morning."

He ducked his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry.” I shrug back at him grinning.

“S'okay Paul we sorted it. - Why do you think we got you and Minho back earlier?"

He looks at me hard for a minute. I really don’t get why he’s being weird. "Not what I was apologising for."

I furrow my brow in confusion, what did he mean then? He’s not going to give me a straight answer. I’ll just have to get it out of him.

I huff impatiently. "What’s wrong Paul?"

He winces under my gaze. I’m hoping it’ll work cause I don’t know what else to do. Sighing again, he talks. "I found out what happened with your shirt."

Oh. "I might have- reacted badly.” The words don’t sound right as they come out. There’s more to it.

I blink, things falling into place. “That was you? The shouting?”

He nods slowly, concentrating on the floor. What a slinthead.

“Paul! What were you thinking? You could be in the slammer right now!” Or worse. I shudder at the thought. He knows better than this.

  
He frowns at me in annoyance. “Hey, you weren’t there! Those shanks have been pecking my head for weeks now.”

“Zart appologised Paul. He made it right, I dealt with it.”

  
“I know that now. He told me.”

  
“So why were you shouting at him?”

  
“It wasn’t him! He- It was.” He groans in frustration, standing up and rubbing his face before continuing.

  
“That was how it started. Then - someone decided to put their nose in and I, uh, I snapped.”

  
“Someone? Paul could you be any more vague? Spit it out already.”

  
“I’m not supposed to.”

  
“What?”

  
“I can’t tell you ‘cause apparently I can’t accuse people of things they haven’t done. It’s not the way we work.” Sounds like he’s been given a talking to. Alby.

  
“So, without mentioning names, what happened?” Maybe I can get around it and figure the rest out later.

  
“Alby dealt with it Ebbs.” Is he really trying to dismiss this?

“You can’t just say stuff like that then not tell me Paul!”

  
He groans again. “I’m making a mess of this.”

“Yes you are.”

I look him over again. This is not the Paul I know.

“You need to calm down. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“If you’d have heard what they said you wouldn’t be so calm yourself.”

“I heard the shouting from here Paul. You need to calm down or you’ll end up in the slammer or something. Alby dealt with it right? So let it go.”

He opens his mouth and closes it again. Waiting to get control of his thoughts before trying again. “It’s getting worse Ebby. Even caught Gally and Newt bickering about you earlier. It’s doing my head in. Wouldn’t be so bad if they all actually cared about you. Most of them do I suppose but.” He sits back down, an exhausted look crosses his face.

“It’ll be alright Paul. ” I decide not to talk about what he just said for fear of winding him up.

“Just need to keep thinking kid, the sooner you can pick the better. Glad you noticed about your shirt though. Doubt they would have told you.” His voice is laced with disgust.

“I didn’t. Gally told me.” I probably should have noticed but then again, I didn’t have a reason to really. It’s never happened before.

“Gally?” He rolls the idea over in his head, I can almost see the cogs turning. “He’s a decent shank. I’m glad he’s in the glade with you.”

I roll my eyes. “Thought you didn’t like him?”

Paul laughs loudly, sounding more like himself. “What gave you that idea?”

“Well I barely ever see you talk to each other, and you always call him grumpy.”

“Yeah, and I call you kid. Doesn’t mean I don’t think you can handle yourself. Gal and I are friends. Good friends. He used to be my running partner just like you were.”

This information is new. I suppose that would explain how he got stung, and why he’s so fast. It explains a lot really. I don’t know why I didn’t figure that out before actually.

“Don’t pester him about it kid.” Get out of my head. He knows me too well.

“Wasn’t gonna. I just didn’t know.”

“Alright then.” He stretches out, looking more at ease than he did when he came over. “Don’t worry about it. Like you said, Alby dealt with it. It’ll be alright anyway.”

I smirk at his change of attitude. Moody slinthead. “Good that.”

He makes his usual bedtime insults before wandering off with his hands in his pockets.

I realise that I never actually found out what was said, but if Paul gotten that angry, it must have been bad. Then again, he did say that he was already wound up so it might have just been him over reacting.

I decide that if it’s important, then someone will tell me. There’s no point in worrying over something that could be nothing.

I should probably just concentrate on figuring out which shanks care about me for me anyway.

After I figure out what that even means.

I’m not very good at this.


	23. Alarm bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Attempted rape/non con

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Attempted rape/non con

It’s as though the other night never happened.

  
The next morning had gone without a hitch. And the next few days after that. I’d decided that Paul was just being a massive drama queen as per usual, especially seeing as he was right as rain the next day.

Rain. Wonder what that’s like.

Tim had challenged Ben to a rematch last night. I hadn’t stayed for the grand finale, tiredness winning over, but pretty much everyone else had - meaning that I was the only one awake for the wake up.

Everything was still silent by the time I’d gone for a run and showered myself off. It wasn’t even like it was that early, I’d been sleeping just fine lately.

In the main room of homestead, every single shank was still snoring. I can’t help but roll my eyes at the lazy lot. Even Dave was still out of it, the maze doors not far off opening for the day.

I made my way through to the kitchen - no Fry. How late did they stay up? Making a beeline to Frypan’s larder I search for something quick and easy to eat. There’s usually something in the back worth eating.

“Y’know. Fry’s been trying to catch the shank raiding through his food.” A sharp voice behind me interrupts my rummaging.

Shuck. I’m that startled that I manage to crack my head on the shelf above me. Wincing, I cradle my head with my arm and turn to see where the voice came from.

“Maybe you shouldn’t sneak up on people Alby. Gonna bust my skull open one day.” I grumble - It’s not the best way to start off the day. “Besides, if the shank was awake when I wanted food then I wouldn’t need t raid of it would I?”

Alby chuckles at me, his arms folded across his chest. !I dont think this lot will be waking p any time soon. I left them to it shortly after you turned in and they were still going strong.”

I snort at the idea. “Thought you would’a sent them to bed?”

Alby just shrugs, saying nothing for a moment. “I figured they deserved a night to blow off some steam.”

“That something to do with the other night?” I can’t help myself. Maybe I’m not so convinced that it was nothing after all.

“No.” His unusually sharp retort tells me two things: one, something definitely happened that night and two, I’m not supposed to talk about it.

I hold my hands up in surrender, know ing that I won’t get any further with him -He’s even more stubborn than I am. “Okay, okay. Still - You gonna just let them sleep in?”

“Nope.” His voice is much kinder this time. “Wanna do the honors and wake them up?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

I waste no time in grabbing the largest pan on the shelf - and the two largest metal ladles too. This is going to be fun.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to seriously annoy everyone - I know that. At the same though, I kinda enjoy it. Everyone acts like I’m ‘miss perfect’ all the time so I feel like it’s my duty to remind them that I’m also pretty annoying.

I take my position in the doorway to homestead, directly in between the shanks on the floor inside and on the grass outside. The noise should carry out into the rooms too. Glancing over to Alby who gives me a curt nod, I pound the pan as hard as I can.

“Shuck!”

“What the klunk’s going on?”

“Aarghh!”

It’s comical how the gladers either shoot up onto their feet, throw their limbs about haphazardly, or just grunt and roll back over. I adore these shanks.

“Get up you lazy klunk-buckets! Day’s-a-wastin’!” I shout cheerfully at them all.

“Ebony you shuck-faced shuck. Go away.”

I wink at Kenny to annoy him even more and dodge the pillows as I jog off to avoid any further repercussions of my little wake up call. I sit myself down in the longer grass and pick at the bread I’d salvaged from earlier.

Paul had said he was going to to take Bark out for a run later. I wasn’t sure how successful he’d be seeing as she hadn’t grown into her stubby legs yet, but I was looking forward to it anyway.

“Yeah, if I were you, I’d be hiding too.”

I look up, squinting against the bright sky, to see Minho standing over me. “Morning.” I smile at him casually.

“There are nicer ways to wake everyone up.” He lets himself flop onto the ground beside me, obviously not in a good mood. Automatically, I tear off a chunk of beard and pass it over.

“Thanks.”

“Good night?”

He glances at me from the corner of his eye, a smirk threatening his face. “Sure. I won the arm wrestling competition.”

“Really?”

I don’t miss the smug nod he gives me. He flexes his arms, apparently very proud of himself. “Oh yeah, these bad boys are the best.”

I find myself looking at his muscles for longer than is probably necessary, watching them move under his skin. Catching myself I try not to make it obvious. “You even beat Gally? I’m impressed.” I huff a quiet laugh, trying to be sincere which is hard when the shanks do the whole macho thing.

“Yeah - Well, technically he forfeited.”

“Forfeited?”

“He went to bed before we started.”

“Ah.”

“But I still won.”

“Yeah you did.” I nudge him with my shoulder, grinning and pass him the last of the bread.

“Ya sure?”

“Yep. Consider it a peace offering for the wake up call, and a prize for having the best guns in town.”

He snorts with laughter. “Alright. Oh that reminds me -” Standing up, Minho quickly stoops back down to ruffle my hair, pulling it all out of place. I gave up fighting back a few days ago - it’s my daily punishment for ruining his hair apparently. Drama queen.

“Don’t you have a maze to run?”

“Running is better than watering potatoes.” He grumbles stubbornly.

“I’m not exactly arguing there shank.”

Minho looks at me carefully for a moment. “You miss it?”

It occurs to me that he sounds pretty unsure of himself when he asks me the question. Not normal Minho behavior. Then again, it’s the first serious conversation we’ve had since Jamal.

I take in a deep breath - Open and honest. I can do it. “’Course I do. I mean, being a track-hoe is great - it’s just not the same y’know? If I could run all day every day without having to go back in there I’d be one happy girl. Still - If I’m lucky, Zart wont send me out on slopper business for waking him up.”

“Best get your bucket ready then ‘cause he’s in a foul mood.”

I’m kind of grateful that he doesn’t concentrate of the first part of my reply. “Wonderful.”

“Minho! You comin’?”

I stand up, dusting myself off to see Paul grinning at us both. “Kid, you got a death wish waking us up like that?”

“Hey, don’t like it - take it up with our fearless leader. He told me to do it!”

The doors roaring to life drown out his reply.

“That’s my cue. See you tonight Ebby.” Minho winks at me, stuffing the last of the bread in his mouth.

“Alright. Stay safe!” I yell to both of the runners who wave back, jogging over to the west side.

“Enjoy water duty!”

I’d laugh, but there’s a very real possibility that that’ll happen.

It did.

“What?” I give out an exasperated sigh - this is the last time I do Alby’s dirty work for him.

  
“Just for this morning. There’ll be more to do in the field by the afternoon - you can come back then.” That doesn’t even make any sense, surely if I help it’ll be done faster. Whatever.

I open my mouth to answer back before snapping it shut again, there’s really no point. “Sure. See you later.” Zart eyes me suspiciously, probably expecting more of a fight but I know a lost cause when I see it.

It’s as awful as I thought it would be. Every single shank has something to say about me waking them all up. Not that everyone is annoyed at me, they just all want to talk about it - slow news day I suppose.

The Builders and Bricknicks were suspiciously quiet, busing themselves with another new extension to homestead. I didn’t know what the point was exactly, seeing as more and more Gladers were choosing to sleep outside but it keeps them busy anyway.

The Medjacks were pretty funny this morning, no one had hurt themselves and everything was organised so they ended up practicing bandaging my arms and head for a while.

The Trackhoes were all busy, confirming my suspicions that my water duty was some kind of pay-back. I convinced Ali, one of the Trackhoes, to find something for me to do by lunch so I didn’t have to play Slopper for any longer than I had to.

I called Win and the other slicers out of the hut this time. He brought Bark out with him so I was detained by the cute ball of fluff until Steve called lunch.

“We need more manure.”

True to his word, after lunch, Ali had found me a few light jobs to help with while Zart was sorting out what was left to do. It wasn’t taxing, but at least it wasn’t water duty.

“Manure? Oh man. It’ll have to wait a sec, I need to finish this.”

I find myself piping up, dying for something to do next. “I’ll do it.”

“You sure? Think you’ve been punished enough for one day Ebbs.” He grins easily at me, I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“Someone’s gotta do it right? I’m not exactly busy so I’ll take my turn.”

“Alright then. Take the wheelbarrow, a bucket won’t be enough.”

I nod at him grinning back before heading over to the back of the tool shed. It was a messy job sure, but someone had to do it. The tradition stands that the greenest track-hoe was the one to get lumped with the job, which technically was me, although they’ve never treated me like that.

For all the complaining I do, these shanks are worth their weight in gold.

It’s not a proper wheelbarrow, I remember that much, but it does the job. Ali told me about how Zart kept asking down the box hole for once. After getting no reply, he made a makeshift one with Gally’s help - it works well enough.

We keep the manure as far away from homestead as possible for a reason - it stinks. The hardest part about it is navigating the wheelbarrow through the roots, especially when it’s full. Yeugh.

It was the one place that was always quiet. No one came here unless they had to, or desperately needed some alone time.

There’s no point in taking my time, I set to work straight away, kind of enjoying the manual labour. Minho had a point about me going soft. I needed to toughen up a bit.

“Need a hand?”

I jerk myself around. Completely immersed in my own thoughts, the voice startles me. I mean, who would willingly come over here anyway?

Finding Aiden grinning at me, I try to calm myself down. “Shuck! Aiden - Ya scared me shank.”

He chuckles to himself. “Sorry Ebony.”

“S’okay.” When he doesn’t say anything else I add: “Can I help you? Or…”

“Just wondered if you wanted help with taking the wheelbarrow back?”

“Oh. Yeah, that’d be great actually - thanks.” I smile at him gratefully, taking it back is a pain in the backside so I’ll take it - independence be damned.

I turn back to the shovel, finishing up filling the barrow. I hope that volunteering for this will clear me of having to do it for the next forever to be honest. Did I mention that it stinks?

“This stinks.” Aiden comments dryly.

Why is it more annoying when he says it? I glance back at him again. “That’s because it’s manure - it’s supposed to.”

He smirks at me. “Dirty job huh?”

“Well someone’s gotta do it. ‘Bout time I took my turn.”

Aiden doesn’t reply, not that I mind. It’s not exactly riveting conversation. Turning back to the task at hand I try to block him out. It’s not that I’m ungrateful that he’s going to help me take it back, I just wish he acted a bit less slintheady.

Finally full, I straighten up wiping my brow. It’s a good job Aiden is here actually, this thing is going to be heavy.

Speak of the devil, I feel a set of hands snake around my sides. Spinning round, I find Aiden slowly coming even closer towards me, I take a few steps back instinctively but he keeps hold of my hips.

“Aiden - What are you doing?”

“We never get any time alone, just the two of us.”

The two of us? I hold back a shiver as the heat drains from me. “Yeah - well. That’s because I’m busy and you’re a slinthead.” I press my lips into a hard line putting my hand in between us both.

“Can I help it if I get a little jealous of those other guys?” His lips are twisted in a tight smile, not very funny if you ask me.

“I don’t really care Aiden - Can you move away please?” The tree behind me stops me from moving any further away. I feel rather trapped all of a sudden.

  
He doesn’t budge. “You don’t care? You should.” His tone has a dangerous edge to it, I’d never thought of him as a scary guy but looking at him now he was pretty menacing.

Time to go I think. “Look, I really need to get this back to Zart - he’ll be wondering where I am.”

  
“He’ll wait a while yet. Won’t have expected you to have finished so quickly.” My stomach sinks when I realise that he’s probably right, he’ll just think I was talking to someone on the way, or hit a snag in the roots maybe.

  
“Just you and me darlin’.” His face is very close to mine. My stomach churns sickeningly when he smirks at me.

  
“Well, let’s go back now and we can spend some time together after dinner yeah?” I don’t even know why I’m saying it, I just don’t want to be so far from homestead anymore.

  
“Nah. Let’s stay here. I wanna talk to you.”

  
Talk? I can talk. “Okay.” I murmur, not wanting to provoke him. “Whaddya want to talk about?”

He runs a hand up my side, the other keeping me firmly in place. I move to push his hand away, not that it helps any. “Aiden, get - don’t touch me.”

“You let me touch you at the bonfire.”

  
What? This shuck had gone mad. “That was different - we were dancing.”

  
“You didn’t mind me then.”

  
“You weren’t acting strangely then.” Not the best thing to say Ebony, get your backside out of here.

  
He chuckles, unnerving me even more. “I could tell that you wanted me then Ebby.”

“Wanted? - We were just dancing. I don’t think of you like that!”

  
Aiden’s face contorts in anger. “Don’t lie! I saw it. I saw you looking at me Ebony.”

  
His outburst unnerves me. Scraping the bottom of the barrel to change the subject, I look closely at his face, spotting the remnants of a black eye. “What happened to your face?”

  
He huffs a laugh. “No one tell you? Figures they’d keep you in the dark, Paul not wanting you to think any less of him.”

“Paul? He did that?” It all starts sliding into place now. The crude comments - arguments with Paul. ‘some people only want you for your body’. Paul knew this was going to happen. It’s not even close the end of the day, he won’t be back anytime soon.

  
“Sure did. He’s jealous of us Ebbs. Couldn’t handle it.”

  
I huff, forgetting myself for a moment. “There isn’t an ‘us’.”

  
“The will be when you stop fighting, denying what you want.”

  
“I don’t want -” Get out of here now.

  
“Don’t lie! Not to me - you can’t. I know you.”

  
So much for changing the subject. “Alby said-”

  
“-Alby doesn’t know klunk! Besides, he isn’t here so what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

My breathing starts acting up of its own accord, staggering out of me in shallow rags. I’m vaguely aware that in shaking too.

“C’mon Ebby. Just let me make you feel good. I know you want me - I saw it in your eyes. I want you. I want you so badly. Please.” He nuzzles his face into my neck, his hands keeping me pinned against the tree. This isn’t right.

“No Aiden. Get your hands off - I’m never going to want you!”

I let out a cry as he brings the back of his hand across my face, the force knocking my head against a large root on the ground. Dazed, I don’t have chance to move before he presses himself on top of me.

“Now see what you did? I didn’t want to hurt you. Don’t make me do it again.”

“Shucking - No! Get off!” I thrash against him, still managing to move when he grips my hands and forces them above my head.

“C’mon. Be a good girl for me huh? Stop fighting and just let me -” He howls as I bring my leg up between the gap he’d left between us as hard as I can. It’s enough for me to shove him off and to get scramble to my feet.

  
“Shuck!”

  
He grips my wrist in a last ditch attempt to catch me again. I twist myself wildly, feeling something pop as my watch digs in from his hold on me. I gasp in a mixture of pain and fear as I finally wrench myself free, falling to the ground before springing back.

“Come back!” Like that’ll happen.

  
I tear off through the forest, the adrenaline pumping through my body. Still disorientated, I weave through the trees clumsily, but I’m fast enough. It feels oddly as though I’m not even there - that this isn’t even real. I hope It’s not.

I feel slightly better knowing there’s some distance between us. Now what though? Where do I go to get away, where’s safe? Belting through the trees, someone catches me in their arms, taking me by surprise. Not again.

“No! Get off me!”

  
“Hey! Easy! What’s wrong?” The voice is warmer but I need to run. As far away as possible preferably.

“Let me go! No - No - Please!” I try to push him off me with little effect.

  
“Alright! Calm down Girlie. Just - What happened to your face?” He sounds upset.

  
I continue pushing him wildly, it’s more like hitting him actually - not that it’s having any effect.

“Get off!” Aiden was going to catch up with me at this rate.

  
He releases me and I fall to the floor, not expecting him to actually listen. Staggering to get back to my feet before anyone can touch me again.

“What have you done?” The blood pounding in my ears drown out the harsh growl leaving his throat.

I finally reach the clearing but don’t stop. It feels odd, like I’m merely an observer, watching what’s going on in some glazed-over kind of way, the overwhelming urge to hide taking over as I hurl myself into homestead. My chest heaving as my lungs threaten to explode from my chest.

“Hey Ebbs! Where’s the fire?” Someone dodges out the way.

I don’t even need to think about it - I know I’ll be safe in Paul’s room, it’s the only room without a window. Paul will find me here. I look around wildly, expecting something to jump out at me, but nothing does.

  
I throw the door shut and lock it behind me


	24. Locked doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Aftermath of attempted rape/non con -The worst is over but she's not in a good headspace so be warned - feel free to send me a message.

“Ebbs?”

“Ebby? You alright Love?”

The voice sounds concerned as it knocks against the door. It won’t budge though. I pushed the drawers against the door as soon as I’d locked it before sinking to the floor.

I’m hyperventilating again. My breath coming in harsh pants as I struggle to keep myself upright. Now would not be a good time to faint. I’d lost control to the panic inside a while ago now, all I could do was ride it out.

“Ebony. Open the door.”

I glance back to the door, wildly considering pushing something else against it too - just in case. It wasn’t safe out there. Not where Aiden could get to me.

“Ebony.”

“Where is she?”

“In Paul’s room. What the bloody hell is going on Gally?”

“Ebony?” Something pounds against the door.

“She’s locked it. Sounds like something’s against the door too.”

I catch a low growl from the other side of the wall. “Has she said anything?”

“No. What-”

“-Ebby let me know you’re awake. Say something. Anything. Please.”

The need in his voice is clear, it actually grounds me so I hold onto it. I don’t trust myself to speak yet though.

“Gally tell me!” The first voice is tired of being ignored apparently, sounding exasperated and confused.

“Ebony!” Gally’s voice startles me into action. I’m not up to much but a manage to find my voice.

“M’fine.” I don’t like how I sound. It’s a small whine really, Bark could probably sound better than that. It betrays me, sounding pathetic in the empty room. 

I don’t hear anything else for a few moments other than by own breathing.

“Gally -” 

“Aiden. That shuck’s done something to her. He did something Newt.”

“What?”

“She bolted through the forest - was gonna bang into me she wasn’t looking where she was going - so I caught her. Never seen her so scared Newt.”

“How did you know it was him?”

“She was thrashing about - crying - begging me to let her go. Even swung out for me when I didn’t. I was just trying to get her to calm down.”

“How do you know who it was Gally?”

“He was right behind her. Stopped in his tracks when he saw me. Said he could explain.”

“What? I’ll kill him.”

“Think I nearly did. Ben and Tim dragged me off or I’d have finished the job.”

“What did he do to her?”

“I don’t know. I don’t - He wasn’t very forthcoming with the information - so I kinda lost it.”

“Where is he now?”

“Alby has him. Told me to go cool off.”

“Why did you ask her if she was awake?”

“Because she’s got - She -” The voice lowers to the point where I can’t hear it anymore. What do I have?

“Ebony! Open the bloody door!” Someone pounds on the door, the unexpected noise making me jump.

“She’s not going to open it Newt. She’s scared.”

“But she needs-”

“- I know. I know but she needs to calm down. If she sees - Shouting at her won’t help. Why don’t you go check on Alby or something - She won’t open it ‘till Paul comes back.”

An audible huff comes through the wood. “I just - Fine. I’ll see if he’s found out anything. Don’t leave her alone Gally.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I don’t hear anything for a little while. The disembodied voices behind the door had helped more than I’d realised, giving me something to focus on even if I wasn’t processing everything they were saying.

The new silence unsettles me all over again. Needing something to do I crawl back up to my feet. Bad idea.

Really bad idea.

I feel so dizzy that I stumble backwards, hitting my back on the drawers before landing on the floor again. Wincing, I clutch my head waiting for the wave of nausea to pass.

“Ebbs? What happened?” He sounds like he’s about to break the door down.

“S’okay. Just fell. I’m fine.” Am I fine? 

Ignoring the huff from outside, I try to take stock of my injuries which isn’t easy - I hurt everywhere. Maybe taking stock isn’t a good idea either actually in case there’s blood or something.

Paul’s room is actually very neat. I suppose it makes sense, seeing as he’s hardly in here. On the other hand, he would be forgiven for just lobbing his things down in a mess seeing as he doesn’t have much time to tidy it. His bed is made, nothing is poking out from the cracks in the drawers, no dirty washing on the floor either. 

The room feels oddly empty without Paul here. Almost clinical. He’s good at filling in the silences. I hope he gets back soon.

I glance at my watch, hissing when I see the state of my wrist. It looks swollen and angry, I would probably have noticed sooner if my watch was rubbing against it.

My watch. It’s gone. 

Shuck. I hate not having the thing - somehow knowing the time of day helps to keep me sane. I don’t know how the gladers who don’t have them manage. Thankfully, no one asked for my one back after I stopped running.

The realisation seeps in as I sit in the quiet room, I don’t know how long I’ve been here, I don’t know when Paul will be back. I don’t know how long I need to wait.

What if Paul doesn’t make it back?

My breathing picks up again of it’s own accord. Maybe locking myself in here was a bad idea too.

“Gally?” My panicked voice is loud in the empty space.

“I’m here. I’m here Ebby.”

Not alone. I’m okay. 

“What time is it?”

He doesn’t respond right away. It’s probably only a few seconds but I’m not exactly being rational right now. Maybe I did pass out. Maybe Paul really hasn’t come back.

“Where’s your watch?" 

I swallow hard, taking in a deep breath to steady myself. "Out there." 

Even through the door I can hear Gally growl. Is he angry at me? "A few hours left til dinner Girlie.” He doesn’t sound angry. 

I breath a sigh of relief. “Okay.” That means that Paul isn’t going to be back for a while yet. Paul’s fine. I’m safe for now. Gally’s outside but Paul trusts him so that’s okay too.

I’m not liking how quiet this place is. Maybe it’s just because I’m not used to being inside, I don’t like being inside either. It makes me feel trapped, like in the maze, or being pinned to the ground by -

“Ebbs?” 

“Still here.”

“Just checking.”

“Okay.”

Something about Gally’s voice makes me wish I hadn’t barricaded myself in. Too late for that now, although it’s comforting to hear him say something -maybe it’s just ‘cause the silence is freaking me out. 

It’s too quiet.

“Gally?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you- Can you talk to me or something?”

I don’t hear anything at first. Maybe he thinks I’m being silly. Some silly slinthead girl who can’t handle herself. That about sums it up. He actually startles me when he starts talking. 

“We made a good start on the extension to homestead the last week or two. Got the frame for the building up yesterday, Ben was working on the panels for the floor. I’ll have to leave them to it tomorrow though - some slinthead broke a load of chairs up for firewood so Alby asked me to make some more - for the council hall. Don’t ask me why - lazy shuck head whoever it was.

“It’s not hard to make a chair really, the most frustrating part is getting the legs even so it does’t wobble y’know? I asked down for some more tools once so it was easier but they won’t give us any. Frypan gets as much wax paper as he wants, but I ask for sandpaper and ‘no-can-do.’”

I huff a small laugh at his whine, realising that I don’t talk to Gally enough. Or at least I don’t talk to Gally about Gally enough. 

“But I suppose nothing else makes sense here so that’s nothing new. -Remember that hole you made in the floor months ago?”

That wasn’t me but I’m not about to tell him.

“Well Tim managed to make one just like it yesterday in the medjack hut. Who knows how he managed it but he did and-”

“I hope you gave him a long lecture about it too - You made me miss dinner.” My own voice surprises me, sounding a lot more like myself. 

I hear him chuckle through the wood. “I did. The shank hasn’t spoken to me all day.

“Then Jackson decided to break his thumb, so that’s him out of action for a while. I wouldn’t mind - it’s not like we’re in a rush to get the build done - but I still need to keep him busy. He’s pretty accident prone everywhere else, his trials were even worse than yours.”

I hear another noise in the quiet, it’s muffled though. Sounds like someone shouting, a few people actually. The noise turns my stomach.

“Gal.”

“It’s alright Ebony. Don’t worry about it.”

The noise stops as soon as it starts, but I’m on edge again. It’s actually a wonder that I’d ever calmed down in the first place but I’m not complaining. 

“So I don’t know what I’m gonna do with him anyway.”

“With who?”

“Jackson. He hurt his thumb so he can’t really do as much.” Right, he’d just told me that.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I was thinking about asking Zart if there’s anything he can do in the field, but he’d probably be better with Brian. That shank knows how to keep someone occupied and -”

“Gally! Where is she?”

I recognise the voice instantly. Relief floods my veins but at the same time I panic, as though coming out of a dream. The reality of my situation hits me like a brick. Like a brincknick- 

“Paul’s here Girlie - She’s in your room.”

“Ebony? Open the door for me Kiddo.”

I don’t need asking twice. “Yeah. Give me a minute.” 

I wince again as I try to stand up properly, holding onto the drawer with my good hand for support. My head starts swimming as I stand up straight. This wasn’t gonna be easy.

“Ebby.” Paul’s voice is insistent, but not unkind. I come to the conclusion yet again that barricading myself in a room with no window was not a good idea.

“Yeah. I’m trying. Hold on. The drawer is in the way.”

“The shuck drawer? Oh for shuck’s sake. I’m just gonna bust it open-” He doesn’t sound very happy.

“-But she’s-”

“-Obviously I’m not gonna do it with her behind the door Gally. Can you reach the lock Kid?”

I look at the door. The lock is visible from the edge of the unit, I should be able to just wiggle it open.

“Got it. I think I can move the drawer, just give me a sec.”

I take the edge of the unit with both hands and give it a harsh shove. Great idea - or it would be if my wrist wasn’t shucked. I let out a sharp cry at the sudden spike in pain, confirming that I am in fact useless.

“Ebony! You okay?”

“Uh huh.” I grit my teeth as the white hot pain shoots up my arm.

“Nope. No you’re not. Just get on the bed Kid. Stop trying to push it. We’ll get it open from here now the lock’s off.”

Defeated, I trudge over to his bed, cradling my wrist. It shucking hurts, the pain radiating along my arm a lot worse now that I’ve aggravated it.

“It’s clear.”

With a couple of grunts from the boys on the other side, the door starts to wedge open. The drawers slide along the floor, opening up enough for them to squeeze through. I draw in on myself, he’s probably angry, all I seem to do is ‘cause problems. I mean, this is completely ridiculous. Here I am running away, locking myself into places that I can’t get out of, needing to be saved like a pathetic little slinthead.

My mind turns blank as Paul squeezes himself through, shutting the door behind him. He pulls the drawer away from the door completely before stepping around to the bed, pausing to look at me for a long hard moment.

I should probably be saying something right now but I can’t think of anything to say. All I can do is blink. What should I say? You were right? I messed up really bad this time? I’m sorry? Should I even be sorry?

“Ah Kid.” He stoops down, wrapping his arms around me gently. He kneels down on the floor by my feet letting me wind an arm around his neck and bury my face into his shoulder. The contact stings but I feel safe. Safe is good.

My mind feels like white noise, too jumbled up to make much sense of anything. I don’t know how long we stay like this but at some point my cheeks feel hot as the tears spill over my eyes. He doesn’t pull away, tightening his grip on me as silent sobs wreck through my throat.

I’m trying to cry out all the pain and the fear. I feel so conflicted, confused I don’t even know what happened really, or how it happened. It still doesn’t feel real but it’s everywhere - I can still feel him.

I flinch when the piercing sound of the doors echo through the Glade as they close for the day. It sounds so much louder today, so much more horrible. Paul hushes me quietly, rubbing circles into my shoulder. 

Eventually, everything dries up. Everything is so shucked. 

I sigh against his shoulder shakily pulling away from him. Taking a seat on the bed beside me, he runs his hand up and down my back gently, doing what he does best. I’ve made a mess on his shirt, but he still swipes his thumb under my eye, frowning slightly at something.

“Your head’s all banged up kiddo.”

That’d explain a lot. I offer up my arm feebly, making Paul hiss slightly in sympathy when he sees it. “My wrist is too.”

“Can I get Clint to check it?” He starts unwinding himself around me

I grab onto his other hand, making him stop in his tracks.“No don’t leave.”

“Hey, I’m here alright? I won’t leave. I’ll get someone else to do it - just wanna make sure it’s okay.”

I take a few moments to think about it. I mean, it makes sense, but I don’t really want to see anyone right now. Then again, Clint might be able to make this pounding stop. “Yeah.”

“Attagirl.” He raises his voice slightly without shifting another inch. “Gally? Go get Clint for me would ya?”

“He’s already here.”

“Good that. Tell him to come in.”

Clint presses into the room with an unusual sense of professionalism carrying a large pitcher of water. Am I really that fragile? Probably actually, at least right now. 

I mean, yes I’m a mess, and yes, I’ve just been crying for shuck knows how buggin’ long and yes, I’m all banged up from earlier but I’m still me. Still the only girl in this buggin’ place that’s pulled her own weight since day one right? I hope so anyway. Minho did say I was going soft.

“Can you hear me?” Oh shuck, he was talking to me.

“What? -Sorry.” He’s waving a cup in front of me too.

“Drink this for me Ebby. I was just asking where you’re hurt. Apart from your head - I can see that.” 

“My wrist. it’s kinda shucked.” He frowns as he sees how red and swollen the thing is, shuck it hurts. 

He gets me to move my fingers about - it hurts like hell but I manage it. “I don’t think it’s broken, maybe a sprain.”

“Maybe?” Paul scoffs beside me.

“Yeah, maybe. I got my job the same way that everyone else did Paul.” Clint chides him, obviously not in the mood for joking about.

“I can strap it up, take the pressure off it. Gonna need to clean your head up too - Good that?” He’s looking at me now with kind eyes, waiting for my approval I suppose. Clean my head? Just as well I didn’t check earlier.

“Good that.”

I was right about the blood. They make me close my eyes while Clint tidies the cut on my face, there’s a big egg under the skin too. Basically, everything hurts. I finish off another cup of water while Clint wraps up my arm, telling me all about Jeff who is clearly now his best friend. 

“He even came up with a few new ways to cool you lot down while you’re out in the field - Alby’s gonna go over it at the next gathering but it’ll work. - Sorry Ebby, I’m nearly done.” He adds as I wince again under his fingers. 

“S’okay Clint.”

He leans in closer, speaking barely above a whisper. “Y’know, I could always amputate it. It’d be no problem.”

“Shucking -” Paul stops mid-growl as I chuckle. You can always count on Clint to offer amputation. 

I grin at my friend who winks at me, not in as bad a mood as I’d thought. He’s a decent shank.

“Look, I know it’ll be the last thing you want, but can you try to eat something? It’ll do you good.”

“I dunno, I feel kinda sick to be honest.”

“Not surprised, but just try okay?”

I sigh shrugging my shoulders. Looks like he’s taking that as a yes because he soon disappears to produce two bowls of soup. 

“Thanks Brother.” Paul takes the bowls, setting mine on the side.

“I’ll leave you to it. Anything happens just come get me alright?” I get the feeling he isn’t talking to me there but he smiles at me anyway.

“Good that.”

I do try to eat but even thinking about food makes me want to yack up whatever left over from lunch. Eventually, or almost right away, I give up. Thankfully Paul doesn’t push it.

It’s kinda nice sitting here in the quiet with him. Almost as though nothing’s wrong, nothing’s happening, like we’re not stuck in a tiny patch of grass surrounded by miles of concrete. I hate my brain - this was nice.

I ache everywhere. It doesn’t take me long to lie down on the bed, laying my head in Paul’s lap. I start feeling drowsy when he cards his fingers through my hair. Shuck I’m tired.

“What happened Kiddo?” 

I snap my eyes open. How do I even start to begin to explain it. What did even happen? Was it something I said? I can feel his hand on me, his breath on my neck. I messed this up so badly. How can I fix it?

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay Ebbs. We won’t talk about it - not tonight okay? I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not okay Paul.” I sit myself up on the bed, screwing my eyes closed. “None of this is okay.”

“Yeah. I know.” He sounds deflated. “You’re safe now though alright? I’ve got you.” I loose track of how many times he repeats himself, soothing my sudden flare of panic. 

We don’t say anything again for a while. Maybe I shouldn’t have panicked - not that I had much say in it, it just kind of happened.

“I feel stupid.”

“Stupid? Why do you feel stupid?”

“Look at me - I’m a mess. I shouldn’t-”

“Nah, listen.” He tilts my head slightly to look up at him properly. “Listen to me kiddo. What happened - whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault okay? No one has the right to hurt you, ever. You’re upset and hurt so yeah - you’re a mess - but who wouldn’t be? You go right ahead and feel however you feel right now, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.

I nod slowly, a weird numbness washing over me. I think I’m just exhausted now really. The last thing I want to do is have to walk all the way over to my hammock now though. Maybe Paul will give me a piggyback or something. Actually, the thought of going out there, with everyone staring, with Aiden- no I’ll just sat awake for a while longer. I’m good. 

“You’re sleeping here with me okay?” 

“Good that Chief.” That makes things easier. Paul always has good ideas, apart from that time when he got bit by Win’s cow, that was just stupid.

Huffing a sigh I slide back down to lie on the bed. Paul follows suit stretching his arm out in an open invitation. Lying against his warm chest as it rises and falls helps a lot more than I’d like to admit. 

“It’s gonna be okay Kiddo.” 

I hope he’s right. 


	25. One of those days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for denial and self blame

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.”

  
Paul squints up at me, furrowing his brow as he probably tries to remember why I’m in his room at this ungodly hour. Scrunching his eyes shut, he rubs his hands over his face, stretching out on the bed.

“Timesit?”

  
Rolling my eyes, I reach out to take his wrist, pulling it across with my good hand so I can see the time properly.

“Time to get up. Maze will open soon, you need to get something to eat.”

  
He sits himself up, yawning as he blinks groggily. He looks at me for a moment before his expression darkens and he hisses through his teeth.

“Shuck kiddo. You look awful.”

  
“Thanks Chief.”

  
“No Ebony. Your face is a mess.”

  
“I know Paul.”

  
I didn’t need to be able to see it to know how bad it must look. There are no mirrors here, although I did manage to spot my face in a bucket of water once, the reflection was kind of distorted but it was good enough. I’ve never really been too concerned with how I look but now I can feel the swelling around my eye and the side of my cheek. There’s an egg under the skin along the side of my head too where it connected with the root.

It’d had taken a long time for any kind of rational thought to kick in last night. I must have listened to the sound of Paul snoring for hours before I managed to start processing what had happened. I suppose it’s my own fault, it’s just that no one’s ever hurt me before. It took me a while to get around that. It’s not just the grievers that are dangerous.

I’m trying not to move too much. Every time I make a sudden movement, the pain vibrates around my skull, making me feel sick. I haven’t thrown up yet though so that’s a bonus.

It doesn’t help that I’d barely slept either. Not that I remember having any dreams for a change, I just kept waking up in a panic, not knowing where I was. Paul is a restless sleeper too, he kept kicking my leg in his sleep. I’m not about to tell him though, I was grateful for the company.

“Yeah I’m not running today.”

  
I frown at him, ignoring the painful protest. “Don’t be so dramatic Paul.”

“Dramatic?” He growls, not sounding like himself. He opens his mouth to continue before snapping his jaw shut again. He swallows hard before saying anything else.

  
“I’m not running.”

  
I take in his stoic expression, realising that he’s in one of his stubborn moods. I’m not going to get anywhere with him.

“Suit yourself.”

  
Slowly, I ease myself onto my feet, stretching out the aching muscles that may or may not have anything to do with sleeping in an unusual place. Collecting myself, I take stock of my injuries now that I’m more coherent. Apart from my throbbing wrist - and my head which is swimming a bit now that I’ve stood up - I don’t feel too bad.

It’s awkward using one hand but I pull open Paul’s drawer and rummage through for a shirt. Turning away from him, I slip my own off, still misshapen and covered in dirt and pull his one over my head.

“Where are you going?” I look back over to the bed to see him glaring at the floor.

  
“I’m hungry. If I stay here I’ll only end up arguing with you and I’m not in the mood Paul.”

  
He sighs but doesn’t say anything, not even to grumble about me using one of his shirts. I hesitate before slipping out of the door.

Aren’t I allowed to be grumpy sometimes? I’m allowed to have bad days too right? I mean, it’s not my job to fix everything all the time. This one time, he’ll have to suck it up. I’m too sore, too hungry and too tired for this klunk.

The short walk to the kitchen seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, I’m thinking it isn’t one of my finer moments. I have to hold on to the wall to keep myself orientated, feeling lightheaded isn’t even close to how I feel.

Slotting myself into a bench, I lower my head carefully into the nook of my good arm. The throbbing behind my eyes subsides a little. I let a groan escape from my mouth, thankfully no one is around yet to hear it.

“Ebony? Are you okay?”

  
Okay so someone was around to hear it. I must look bad because Frypan sounds pretty worried. I make some sort of noise to let him know I’m fine.

“Ebony. You alright shank?”

  
Apparently that didn’t work either. “M’fine. M’hungry.”

“Not feeling up to full sentences today huh?” I hear him get closer before the bench creaks. He’s probably siting across from me now.

  
“No.”

“Someone’s grumpy.”

  
I lift my head up to squint at him. “No. No I’m sorry. Well yeah. I am in a mood actually. Sorry.” Frypan’s expression quickly turns from amusement to some kind of horror.

“Shuck Ebbs. You look-”

  
“I know. I’ve been told. I can tell anyway.”

  
“Sorry, it’s just-”

  
“Awful. Yeah I know.”

  
“Do you want me to go get Clint?”

  
I groan at him again, in frustration if nothing else. “Frypan I’m fine. I’m not the first shank to end up with a black eye and a busted head. I’ll live. Stop making a bloody fuss.”

He looks at me hard for a few moments before swallowing whatever else he was going to say. “Alright. You’re hungry right?”

“Starving.”

  
“Bet you didn’t eat anything last night either did you?” It’s not a question really. Frypan knows about these things.

  
“Not much.”

  
He tuts at me, getting up to his feet. “Good job I saved some bacon for you then huh?”

  
I let out a sigh of relief. “Shuck - Fry, I adore you.” I’m not even kidding. This shank gets me.

  
“Uh huh.”

  
He disappears behind a door to cook what will hopefully be my bacon. I love bacon. There’s no point in holding my head up anymore so I lower it back down into my arm. It’s nice and quiet now. I might even be able to sleep here.

I wince when the door swings open, hitting the wall with a loud bang. Screwing my eyes up - which does more bad than good - I listen to Minho who crosses the room, seemingly oblivious to me being curled up against the wood.

“Hey Frypan you up yet? I’m starving. Dave slept in again so I need his pack to take with me - he’ll be late otherwise. Don’t need one for Paul though - he’s looking after Ebby - today at least.”

The door opens letting a waft of bacon drift through the air. Smells so good. What’s that supposed to mean? ‘Looking after’ me? I don’t need looking after. I over reacted yesterday but that doesn’t mean I will today. I’m not a baby.

“Well he’s not off to a great start then is he?”

  
“Whaddya mean?”

The silence that follows is unnerving and I’m tempted to lift my head up again but I decide against it. I’ll only get annoyed - more annoyed anyway - if I actually catch them mouthing to each other about me.

“Here ya go shank.” Fry sets the plate down beside me. It’s loud but I don’t suppose it’s his fault.

  
I prop myself up over the plate, deliberately avoiding Minho’s gaze. “Thanks.” Fry disappears back behind the door after giving me a small smile.

Minho slides in the bench in front of me anyway. “Hey Ebony.”

“Hi.”

“How you- uh. How are you doing?” He looks at me sheepishly, drumming the pads of his fingers against the table.

  
“M’fine Minho. Stop fussing.”

  
“I’ve not said anything yet.”

  
I sigh, proud of the fact that I don’t roll my eyes. “But you’re gonna.”

  
He deflates slightly, rolling his eyes in annoyance.“Just go and get it checked again Ebbs. I know he looked at it last night but you need to-”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. You-”

  
“Minho stop. I’m not in the mood for being badgered about this - bet you didn’t make such a big fuss about Aiden after Paul hit him in the face did you? So stop.”

  
Minho’s eyes widen, pressing his mouth into a thin line, he looks kinda angry now - not something that happens a lot.

I’m definitely not in the mood for this. If every shank I see acts like this then I’m gonna throw a fit by the end of the day. Without sparing Minho another look a grab my plate and stand up to leave.

I’m about halfway across the room when I’m hit with another wave of nausea, I make it to the door frame clutching onto it as I find my balance.

“Where ya going shank?” I glance over my shoulder to Frypan who’s clutching the runner’s packs, frowning at me.

  
“To eat my food in peace.”

  
I push off from the door stubbornly and make my way across the clearing. Someone shouts my name but I keep going.

The fresh air feels good. I hate sleeping inside. I probably shouldn’t have stayed with Paul last night although I remember it felt like a good idea at the time. At lease I didn’t freak out at him like I did with Minho - then they’d be even worse.

I don’t get why they’re being so overbearing. Fights happen right?

I find myself by the slicer’s hut, still empty - the maze doors haven’t even opened yet so it’s not surprising. The pounding in my head makes me stop for a minute. Sitting against the wooden wall, I take a large chunk of bacon, almost groaning around it. It tastes so good.

The sun peers over the maze walls, finally bathing the glade in concentrated light. It’s as close to a sunrise as we get here, not quite the same but it’s nice. At least from what I think I know. Who knows how much of it is even real. The doors roar into life, rattling my head for good measure.

I’m not sat there for long before I hear a noise from inside the hut. It takes me a moment or two to figure out what it is, by which time the whining picks up. Bark must’ve heard me from her pen inside. I figure that it’s safe to go in right now, Winston and the other slicers won’t have started yet, and they spend most of the morning cleaning out the animals anyway.

I peer into the hut first anyway, just in case. the dimly lit room comes into focus and I push in further. I hone in on the yapping to find Bark in her reinforced pen - Win had to add more chicken wire to it the other day because she pushed it over, jumping at it. She’s grown a fair amount since I pulled her from the box.

“Hey girl.”

  
Bark throws her paws against the fencing, her tail shaking so wildly it rocks her whole little body. She’s exited as usual, only getting louder as I get closer to her. “You missed me?”

I swing my leg over the fence, immediately regretting the action when she rakes her tiny yet destructive claws into my leg in a bid for more attention. “Okay, okay. I get it.”

I sit myself down, leaning against the wall and let her jump all over me. In her tiny frenzy she snuffles and licks at my clothes, sniffing along my arm towards my breakfast. Catching onto her at the last second, I hold my plate up high out of her reach. She flops down onto my lap before trying to paw her way up my front.

“You only want me for my bacon. I see your games.”

I smile at her fondly anyway, it’s impossible to be angry when she’s bounding about on my lap. I have to hold my bad wrist out of the way so she doesn’t knock it which is when It occurs to me how awkward it’ll be to eat my bacon, stroke Bark and stop her from eating it will be.

Sighing, I wait for her to calm down slightly before putting the plate on the floor. I snatch up most of the bacon, leaving her a decent few pieces which she attacks as soon as she realises it’s there.

“Don’t tell Winston.” I murmur with my own mouth full.

  
“I think you’re secret’s safe with her.”

  
My eyes snap up to the doorway. I’m more taken aback than I’d like to admit that there’s someone here without me knowing but I relax when I see Newt’s familiar frame propping up the doorway.

I narrow my eyes at him. “But is it safe with you?”

  
He smirks at me, making his way into the room. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Good.”

  
I watch Newt climb over the fence and take the spot against the wall next to me. Bark dives for him, happy for the extra attention.

“Traitor. I gave you bacon.”  I grumble at her, only half joking.

Newt laughs at that, scooping her up in his arms and fussing her as excitedly as she snuffles into him. His eyes crinkle at the corners, ruffling her fur through his fingers. Glancing at me, his grin widens, shaking his head slightly.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

  
“Well I was here first.”

  
He scoffs at me. “And you’re not giving her the cuddles she wants.”

  
“I gave her bacon.” I mutter indignantly, wiping my hand on my shorts to get the worst of the grease off. “Besides it’s hard to pet her with this wrist and eat at the same time. You try it see how you do.” I hold my strapped-up wrist out as though it proves my point.

  
Newt frowns slightly at the bandage. “She doesn’t understand that though.”

  
“Yeah, well.”

  
He looks at me as though he’s about to burst out laughing, clearly amused with my inner turmoil. He’s lucky that Bark takes the same moment to prance back onto my lap - all the annoyance drains from me when she starts chewing on her own foot.

“Well?” Newt raises an eyebrow at me, expecting a reply.

  
“Slim it.” I cant stop the grin as I smooth my hand through her fur. She’s just too cute for her own good.

  
“Relax Ebby. She loves you.”

  
I scoff at that “So she should. She’s getting big.”

He hums in reply, reaching over to fuss behind her ear. “She’s gonna be even bigger when she’s fully grown.”

  
“Nice logic there Shank.” He winks at me, unfazed by my retort. “How long d’ya think it’ll take?”

  
Turning back to look at the floor, he shrugs. “A year, maybe?”

  
I consider him carefully, watching as he lets get chew his fingers, a fond smile on his face. Clearly I’m not the only one that Bark helps. “You remember much about dogs?”

  
He shrugs again, furrowing his brow but not really frowning. “Not really - she feels familiar I suppose. Maybe I had a dog once.”

“Maybe.”

  
A silence settles in between us. It’s not exactly uncomfortable but it doesn’t do much to take my mind off the ache in my head or the twinge in my wrist which I’m painfully reminded of as the quiet drags on.

“So why’d you follow me in here?”

  
His eyes widen, looking at me with an amused surprise.“Excuse me? I didn’t follow you. I was trying to find you.”

  
“Because that’s drastically different.” I murmur sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

  
“It is.” He insists, letting Bark chew his fingers.  It’s like he’s enjoying me being in such a foul mood, honestly. At least he’s not badgering me I suppose.

  
“Okay, so why were you looking for me?”

  
His face falls, looking serious again. He brings his hands back into his own lap, staring ahead. “Alby wants to talk to you.”

  
“Oh.” Newt’s sudden composure unsettles me. Would he joke around with me if I was in trouble? What does Alby want me for? I don’t want to go in the Slammer again. That was awful. I know I hurt Aiden yesterday but it was tit-for-tat really - even though between the legs is a low blow. Why do I need to talk to him.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No - Bloody hell Ebony of course you’re not. No. He just needs to ask you some things.”

  
“Like?” The boy beside me pressed his lips together, conflict crossing his features as he wrestles with what he’s trying to say. It’s as though he’s afraid to tell me something. I don’t need him to be careful, I need someone to act normally towards me.

“I’m not made of eggshells Newt. Please don’t treat me like I’m about to break.”

He meets my eyes briefly before staring down a bale of hay in the corner. He wets his lips before saying anything else. “Of course not - Look, it’s just - Aiden.”

  
It’s not exactly surprising that Aiden is the subject of all this drama - but still, I’d rather not talk about him. “What about him?”

  
“He’s not talking to anyone. Not one single word.”

  
I scoff slightly, maybe I was wrong when I said no one cared about him earlier. That wasn’t my problem though - it’s not exactly rocket science anyway.

“Okay, well Gally did thump him into next week - don’t look at me like that I’m not deaf, I heard what he said yesterday. Maybe he’s just afraid.” Newt looks at me as though I’ve grown a griever’s tail and he doesn’t stop looking. His brow furrowed, pulling his lip back in some kind of disgust. I don’t know what his problem is but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I look away before he does, turning my attention back to the ball of fur chewing at Paul’s shirt.

  
“Maybe he should be.” Newt eventually mutters darkly.

  
“Newt -” I start trying to reprimand him for - I’m not sure what for actually. It doesn’t feel right, hearing him say stuff like that though. He cuts me off anyway.

  
“-We don’t know what happened and we can’t decide on what to do with him until we know. So Alby needs you to tell him.” He says it so matter-of-factly that it stops whatever thought I was processing straight away. He’s not normally so abrupt with me.

  
I blink at him a few times, wondering if it’s just me and my busted head overreacting. “Do I have to?”

  
“You know how these things work.”

  
“Right-o.” I’m not in the mood to work around his change in demeanor. If he wants to be awkward, pulling rank on me for no reason then he can do that. It’s not like it’s a big deal right? Fights happen all the time. 

I hear him sigh beside me. “Sorry Ebby.” Maybe it is me. Maybe he’s feeling off today too. My head hurts trying to figure it all out.

  
“S’not your fault.”

  
Silence falls around us once again. It’s not the same anymore though, it’s tense. I’m half expecting him to say something else but he doesn’t. Maybe he’s waiting for me to say something.

I’m very aware of how close he is all of a sudden. His shoulder is almost brushing against my own. I get the urge to just lean into him, as though it’ll take a weight off my shoulders. The white noise in my mind won’t let me figure it out though.

The door to the hut swings open. Kenny stumbles in, his mouth wide open in an impressively large yawn. When he spots us he pauses for a moment, taking in the sight of us sitting against the wall in Bark’s pen before sending us a poorly attempted smile, trudging off behind the next door.

“I’ll leave you to it - gotta let him know I found you.”

  
Newt takes that as his queue to leave, getting to his feet stiffly. He gives me a small grin as he climbs over the fencing but he still looks deep in thought.

I yawn - Kenny’s fault - looking back up at him. “Okay. I wont be here though. Gonna go sit up on the tower probably- keep out of everyone’s way today.”

  
His brow furrows for the hundredth time this morning. “Good that.”

It’s not until I get to the tower that I realise how bad an idea trying to climb a tower with a shucked wrist is. Even if I got up, coming back down would be a nightmare. I don’t think I could handle the humiliation of having to be rescued.

The dilemma in it is that Alby is expecting me to be at the tower. So I need to stay by the tower at least, which isn’t my first choice of somewhere to hide for the day. I’d actually argue about not working today, but even I realise that I’m not in a fit state to be doing much.

In the end, I sit in the long grass under the tower. I don’t get why all this is so difficult to wrap my head around. I need to make things right with Paul - and Minho. Maybe Fry too. This is exhausting. I need to figure out a way to make things right with Aiden - or at least amicable with Aiden - we still have to live together. I need to - What do I need to do?

Maybe I should stop trying to fix things and just go along with the order - that’s what they alway say right? Follow the order, the order is there for a reason. Maybe I should just let Alby make all the hard decisions. Let someone else fix things - just this once.

It doesn’t take long for Alby to come over.

“Hey.” He sounds cautious. It reminds me of a months or two ago when  we spoke on top of the tower. He was afraid of scaring me off then - are things that bad now?

“Hi Alby.”

  
He seems satisfied enough, taking a seat next to me in the grass. I take back what I said, it’s actually pretty quiet down here. Everyone is busy doing their own thing - I don’t know where Paul is though.

“How’s the head?”

  
“Sore but it’ll heal.”

  
“Good that.”

  
We’ve got a pretty god view of the field from here. I can make out Zart and Henry passing along the tools from the shed. Michael has the wheelbarrow now - still full from yesterday. Newt isn’t there but I suppose he’s busy.

Alby doesn’t say anything else. Is he waiting for me to say something? What should I say? I don’t even know what it is he wants to know exactly - well, I do but still. I wish he’d just ask me.

“Go on then.” I can’t take the quiet anymore.

  
He runs his hand over his face, I’m used to him doing that around me now. “Don’t be like that Ebony. You know we need to know.”

  
I nod slowly. Maybe letting Alby run this one is for the best. He’s our leader for a reason I suppose. “What’s gonna happen?”

  
“Well you’ll tell me, then we take it to the Gathering-”

  
“-We?” I don’t want to make a big fuss about this. It sounds like I’m going to have to go over this again and again.

  
“Yeah, those shanks will need to hear it from you.” He pauses to look at me. There must be something about my puffy face that gives me away. “What?”

It takes a few attempts for me to get the words out. “I just don’t want to keep going over it Al. I just want to move on and forget it ever happened. You know I don’t want a fuss.”

  
Alby shakes his head at me. Again, I’m getting used to it. “It’s more serious than that Ebony.”

  
“Doesn’t have to be.” I mutter stubbornly. So maybe I’m not very good at going along with the Order.

  
“You really don’t get it do you? His disbelief makes me straighten up to look at him properly. He seems - sad? Stressed? Is it pity? I’m so confused.

  
“Get what?”

  
He doesn’t answer me, opting to concentrate on the beetle blade winding it’s way along the bottom of the tower. I buggin’ hate those things.

  
“So you only want to tell it once?”

  
“I’d rather not talk about it at all.”

  
“Ebony.”

  
“Yes I only want to tell it once.”

  
“Okay. Just do it at the Gathering then.” He makes it sound so simple.

  
“Good that.”

  
Slapping his hands against his thigh, he gets up to his feet. “I’ll set one up now.”

  
My stomach twists unpleasantly, it all seems really sudden. “What about Minho?”

  
“I’ve spoken to him already this morning. Paul’s gonna sit in for him this once.”

  
“Oh.”


	26. The Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be changing the title of this story to Keeping Afloat soon just to let you know. Also, I'm sorry it’s been so long for an update - hopefully the length of this one will make up for it (over 5k omg). Thank you to all the lovely people who have sent me kudos and messages so far, you give me so much motivation i love you all :) 
> 
> I'm hopelesstmblogger on tumblr if anyone wants to talk to me on there x
> 
> WARNING: (Spoilers) A recap of the attempted rape/non con in pt 24. so trigger warning there.  
> Also, OC character death - everything else is already in canon but it’s kinda intense. As in I kinda upset myself writing it. So yeah. Be careful lovelies x

It doesn’t take long for Alby to set it up. Maybe they were expecting it already.

Most of the keepers have already gone in - I watch them from my spot under the tower, file in one by one. Scratching at the back of my neck, I wait until Alby beckons me over before moving. This is going to be hard. 

I reach the building, standing next to our leader, as Gally rounds the corner. He face screws up in concern as he gives me a once over, pressing his lips into a thin line. When he realises I’m looking, he sends me a small smile but it doesn’t catch in his eyes. I must look bad even when I’m not up close. He drops his gaze, reaching into his pocket as he gets closer.

“Hey Girlie. Benny found this in the forest. Thought you’d want it back.”

He pulls out my watch, holding it out for me. A grin pulls at my face as relief washes over me. I hate not having my watch with me - I was worried that I’d never find it.

“Aw Gal - thank you. Remind me to thank Ben too would ya?” I reach out my hand to take it when I realise that it won’t fit on my usual wrist, and that I probably won’t be able to put it on my good wrist myself either. 

“Actually - d’you mind? I don’t think I can put it on.”

He blinks at me for a second or two before snapping out of it, shaking his head lightly. “Yeah - sure. Sorry.”

“S’okay.”

Gally wraps the watch around my good wrist. He’s being so careful it’s almost comical, especially because this wrist is just fine. I’d say something but I suppose he’s just worried. It’s kind of sobering actually, but at least I know he cares. 

“You ready She-Bean?” I glance over to Alby who has a small smirk on his face. He hasn’t call me that in a very long time. It’s kind of endearing, but at the same time it makes it seem like I’m this fragile little thing. Maybe I am. I feel sick. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

The hut falls silent as the three of us file in. I get a good few small smiles but no one can seem to manage any more than that. 

“Alright shanks, settle down. Let’s just get this sorted out.

“We all know why we’re here. Aiden broke our most important rule and hurt another Glader. He hurt Ebony. We need to decide what we’re going to do with him now.”

Alby turns slightly from addressing the other Keepers to look at me. He drops his voice too, watching me carefully.

“Okay, so we had a gathering yesterday after the doors closed but some of these shanks wanted some more information before we made a decision. So that’s why we need you to tell us everything that happened alright?

“Yeah. Okay.” Not like I have a choice anyway. Where do I start? Yesterday - or when I first started talking to Aiden? Or maybe when -

“So the last thing anyone knows is that you went to go get the manure for the field?”

Oh good. “Yeah. I was looking for something to do ‘cause I didn’t want to be on water duty all day again - no offence Brian.” 

I scan the faces to find him, sending him a short-lived grin. He huffs a laugh gently. “S’alright Ebbs.

“So I volunteered to go get it and took the wheelbarrow.” So far so good. 

“I made pretty quick time - it’s not the nicest job so I just wanted t get it over and done with y’know?”

He nods slowly, keeping his expression neutral. I concentrate on that that to steady myself. “So how does Aiden fit into this?”

“Well he turned up when I was almost done - I didn’t realise he was there until he started talking.”

“What did he say?” I’m actually really grateful for these prompts - I’d probably forget something important otherwise something bad could happen. The responsibility of what I’m doing hits me, churning my stomach. 

“Well, he said he thought I might want a hand taking the wheelbarrow back. So I said yeah because it’s a pain to take back when it’s full. I turned it over twice the last time I went to get it.” 

“So he was acting normal?” 

Apparently my failings as a wheelbarrow user don’t matter right now. “Normal for Aiden I suppose. He’s always kind of intense but yeah - normal.” Is intense the right word? He’s just a slinthead really.

“Intense?”

“Well, yeah. It’s just always strange around him, like his words don’t fit into the conversation or there’s some kind of weight behind what he says that I don’t always understand. It’s just the way he is I suppose.”

Newt and Ably share a quick glance to each other, both with identical frowns, before looking back at me. “Then what happened?”

“I don’t- well.” I swallow around the words while the event replays in my mind. “It was just - all of a sudden he was right behind me. He put his hands around my waist, saying something about how we never spend any time together.” I rush it out, not sure of myself anymore. 

The room falls silent as I speak. The small murmurs and rustling of restless fidgeting comes to a stop. Maybe they need to so they can hear me properly, my voice doesn’t feel very strong but I’m going to have to do this. 

The next sentence gets stuck in my throat, not that I’m exactly sure what I need to say.

“So you..?” Alby hints quietly, the sound filling the room.

“I called him a slinthead.”

Someone further back in the room snorts with laughter, but I train my eyes on the floor, frowning slightly. “ He just smiled at me and said he was jealous.”

“Jealous of what?”

“’The other guys’? I don’t really know, he kept moving forward and I ended up trapped between him and a tree so I was more bothered about that.”

In fact I was very bothered about that. The way his face got closer and closer to mine, caging me in with his arms so I had no where to -

“Go on Ebony.” I snap my head up, blinking a few times as I come back to earth. I shake my head lightly, which still throbs in protest.

“Sorry. I just wanted to go back, so I made up this excuse about Zart expecting me back but he knew. Said something like how no on would be looking for me any time soon.

“So then I said about spending some time together that night instead. I don’t know what it was, I just wanted to go back to the clearing. But he said he wanted to talk so I tried to listen to him.”

I have to stop for a moment. Everything feels too tight. None of this makes any sense. Why didn’t he just talk to me? 

Sucking in a deep breath, I continue. “But he didn’t say anything. He just kept touching me. But it was different. I don’t - It wasn’t like normal - Not like when I usually hug someone or when someone touches me. It was suffocating.”

My chest feels tight just thinking about it. I frown at the hole in the floor trying to make sense of it all while I rush out the words. 

“I asked him to stop but he just said that I’d let him touch me at the bonfire - that was different though right? I was just dancing. We were dancing. I dance with everyone. I didn’t mean-”

“Ebby? Love it’s okay. Breathe.” Newt’s voice interrupts my rambling and I gasp to catch my breath - I hadn’t even realised I’d gotten that bad. 

Steadying myself, I nod slowly. “Yeah. I’m okay. Just - I don’t know.”

Gally sounds calm even though his brow is furrowed. It helps, a little. “Take your time.”

“He said that he could tell I wanted him. It sounded different - the way he said the word. Like when Alby said about - well about you lot being in love with me.” I trip over my words, not wanting to talk about this at all. 

“It’s alright Kiddo.” Paul nods at me like he knows where this is going. I wonder how much of this he knew would happen, he doesn’t look very happy. 

“Well I told him that it was only dancing but he got angry. Said he’d saw me looking at him.”

“Looking at him? What does that mean?”

Maybe it would have been better to tell Alby everything first. Maybe then he could have filled the keepers in on this and I wouldn’t have to explain it. How do I explain something that I don’t understand yet? Is it fair to tell them about feelings that might not ever amount to anything? 

It’s not fair to hide this part from them though. It’s important that they know I’m the reason why Aiden did what he did. If I hadn’t looked-

What if I upset them like I upset Aiden? 

Maybe I don’t have to tell them. I lock eyes on my best friend. “Paul?”

He shakes his head gently, his face twisted up in conflict. “I can’t Ebb. You have to be the one to tell them.” 

The boys around me look at each other for an explanation. He’s right. I know he is, but I don’t want to hurt anyone else. 

“I don’t - can’t -” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose because it’d hurt f i run my hand over my face. 

Alby considers me carefully before talking. “Does it help explain what happened?”

“I suppose so.”

“Then you need to tell us.”

I’m just going to have to grit my teeth and get this over with. “Well, we agreed that I’d take some time and see if I felt things right?”

“Right.” The Keepers look pretty confused at the sudden change of direction, muttering between themselves but I try to get on with it. 

“I’m feeling things.” It falls silent again. Shuck I hate this. 

Clint pipes up from a few chairs to the left. “Who for?”

Grimacing, mostly because of the hopeful look on his face, I try to explain. “That’s the thing. I’m still figuring out - it’s been really weird. But he was right. Aiden was right. I have been looking.”

“At Aiden?”

“At a few people. Including Aiden.”

“So that’s why you’ve been acting weird?” Oh shuck they’ve noticed. How could they not notice I’m shucking transparent. I fight to keep my cool, scratching the back of my neck. 

“Uh, maybe? I’ve been trying to just get on with things, I don’t - I’m still trying to understand okay? I didn’t mean for anything to happen I swear. I didn’t want to hurt anyone Alby I didn’t-”

“Hey. Hey. None of this is your fault Ebby.” Newt looks like he’s about to jump off his chair to come over but he hesitates, giving me an encouraging smile instead.

“But if I-”

“It’s okay Ebony.” Alby interjects, cutting me off. Well if he says it’s okay then maybe it is. “Look, we’re getting off-track. Go back to what happened with Aiden. He said he’d seen you looking at him, then what?”

“Well I felt guilty - cause of that. So I tried changing the subject. I saw he had a black eye so I asked him about it instead.”

“So that’s how you knew.” Alby cuts me off which is kind of annoying seeing as he’s just asked me to start talking but okay, I’m confused anyway.

“What?”

“Sorry, Minho told me this morning that you knew about Paul and Aiden. I’d told everyone to leave you out of it.” Oh. well that makes sense. Sorta. 

My voice is a lot quieter than I’d like, I keep being shot down when I ask about it but I need to know.“Aiden said you kept me in the dark because you didn’t want me to think any less of Paul.”

“No. That wasn’t why -” 

“-Hate to say I told you so.” Alby sighs but he’s cut off. There’s a lot of that going on. Paul, who has glares at our leader, looking pretty angry which isn’t something I’ve seen very often.

Newt frowns at him, pressing his lips together in a tight line for a moment.“That doesn’t help Paul. Alby had to give him a chance. He didn’t know what Aiden would do.”

Paul scoffs, looking sour as his voice starts to grow, resonating in the quiet room. “Yeah well I did. I’ve been telling you for a while what he was thinking and you wouldn’t -”

“Paul-”

“I had to sit and listen to him and watch while you-”

“Paul that’s enough.”

In a burst of anger, he rockets to his feet, turning his stool over behind him. Newt, Gally and Brian all follow suit as though to hold him back while he jabs his hand over to me, gesturing wildly. “Look at her! Look at what he did!” 

I flinch, gasping at how bad this as all gotten. I’ve never seen them like this, this is awful. This isn’t the Paul I know, that wasn’t the Aiden I know. What is going on here? Shuck I’ve ruined everything.

“Paul! This isn’t about that right now.We need to know what happened okay? Calm down or leave.” Alby states sternly without raising his voice, he meets Paul’s glare without hesitation. It’s like some bizarre showdown. My eyes start to itch, threatening to well up. I can’t even rub them away because it’d hurt.

“She-”

“-Shank you’re scaring her.” Frypan shuts the whole thing down as they whip their heads around to look at me. I swallow hard keeping myself in check and try to give them a smile. 

Paul purses his lips together before running a hand through is hair. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry Kiddo I am.” He twitches as though to move across the room to me but doesn’t.

“It’s okay. I’m alright.”

He sighs, picking up his stool from the floor and takes a seat. The other gladers follow his lead, the tension easing slightly. “No it’s not - you’re not.”

“Can we get back to what happened yesterday please? After he told you about his eye?” Alby directs the question at me but manages to settle everyone back down at the same time. He makes a good leader, we’re lucky to have him.

“He said that Paul was jealous of us - Aiden and me. I told him there wasn’t an us which just annoyed him again. He wouldn’t listen. I- I didn’t - “

“Just try to breathe love.” Newt soothes while I nod, taking some deep steadying breaths.

“What happened next?”

“He got too close. Started saying how much he wanted me and how he would make me feel good if I stopped fighting him.”

“I panicked. I couldn’t move - I just started shouting at him so he hit me across the face and I fell into one of the roots on the ground.” Wincing, I touch my face carefully, the ache a reminder that this whole thing is even real. 

“I don’t know. He was just on top of me all of a sudden. Which was when I hurt him. I know I shouldn’t have - I’m so sorry but I was scared.” The slammer is going to suck so badly. Rules are rules though. At least I’m being honest.

“What did you do?”

“I kneed him in between his legs.”

There’s a beat of silence before Alby speaks. “Thats it?”

“Well. Yeah. It was enough to push him off me so I could run away.” 

Clint interrupts before Alby can say anything else. “Wait. So how did your watch end up in the woods and your wrist end up shucked?”

“He grabbed my wrist after that but I just thrashed about until he let go. Then I ran which was when Gally found me.” I look to Gally who is frowning again, this time at the floor. I’ve never seen these shanks frown so much in the 11 months I’ve been here. “I didn’t realise it was you I’m so sorry Gal. I shouldn’t have hit you.”

He looks up, fixing his face to give me a wry smile. “You didn’t hurt me Girlie, honest. I was more worried about how scared you were and the state of your head.” 

I shrug gently.“Yeah, well. That’’s it. The rest you know.”

No one says anything. the silence stretches out until it starts to be uncomfortable - no - until it’s even more uncomfortable. 

Alby breaks the quiet again, finally. “Alright Ebony. Thank you. Can you go back outside? We need to talk about this and decide what to do with him.”

What? “Wait - What about me?”

He raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Well I hurt another Glader too right? A keeper. That’s important.”

There’s a collective sigh in the room, not that I pay it much attention. Paul groans speaking up above them all. “Kiddo, It’s not-”

I cut him off, not wanting to be treated any differently. “No Paul I know you hate him but you’ve gotta be fair about this. It’s my fault too. Maybe I wound him up or something, I don’t know, but something must’ve happened for him to snap like that right?”

“Ebony this isn’t your fault and the fact that he’s a keeper makes it even worse on his part.” Alby retorts sharply. 

“But-”

“Look, did you tell him not to touch you?”

“Yes.”

“Did you tell him you didn’t want him to do and say the things he did?”

“Yes.”

“Did he listen?”

“No.”

“Then this is not, in any way your fault. I don’t give two shucks if you danced about naked in front of him. If you said no, then he had no right to go anywhere near you.” He gestures through the air as he speaks as though it proves his point. 

I furrow my brow, too confused to retaliate. If it’s not my fault, then why did he do it? 

“Can you wait outside please?”

Nodding slowly, I turn to the door. Frypan calls out to me before I make it though. “Steve is on his own for lunch prep right now - why don’t you see if he needs a hand?”

“Good that Fry.” I flash them a quick grin that doesn’t quite meet my eyes but I’m more interested in getting out of there. At least that’s over.

Huffing to myself as I feel another twinge of pain, I make my way over to the kitchens. 

“None of it makes any sense.”

“None of what?”

“Just - I don’t get why he did it. It doesn’t make any sense.”

It turns out that there isn’t much I can do to help Steve with a dodgy wrist. Thankfully, he is up for me keeping him company so I lever myself up on the worktop next to him while he shells the peas for later.

“You said that already.”

“Well I mean it.”

Steve lets out a good-humored sigh, dumping the waste into a bucket for the pigs. “Because he’s a shuck-faced-shuckhead.” I glance at him with a raised eyebrow. “What? He is.”

“No but I must’ve-”

“-Don’t.” He waggles an unopened pod in my direction. “Just don’t. I don’t know of a single thing that you could’a done to deserve that.” He gestures to my head and arm in disgust.

“He’s not right in the head that shank.”

I frown at my hands, picking a thread in the bandage on my wrist. “Maybe not but still.”

He scoffs loudly. “Still nothin’. I hope they banish him.” 

My head snaps back up to him in alarm, eyebrows shooting up my face I let out a squawk.“Steve!”

“No I do Ebbs.”

I can’t believe he just said that. To banish someone is the worst kind of punishment there was. Personally, I can’t stand the idea. We loose enough people in the maze as it is.

“He’s not the first person to hit someone and he won’t be the last.” I mutter stubbornly making Steve stop in his tracks to meet y gaze. 

“No, but he got you on your own to do it right? That’s not normal. I don’t know what happened and I’m not asking you to tell me but if you hadn’t ran away from him you’re telling me he would’a stopped at that?”

My brain hurts trying to understand it all as I shake my head.“I don’t know what he was trying to do Ste. I don’t - but banishment? C’mon.”

“I don’t want to live in this box with a slinthead that dangerous - and neither should you. You’re actually defending him.” He adds in disbelief.

“I’m not, I just don’t want anyone else to die! That happens enough out there without us doing it to each other.” It’s not a hard concept to understand. We’re only kids, we shouldn’t be dying at all never mind sending each other off to our deaths.

He turns his back to the counter, folding his arms across his chest. Screwing his face up, he sighs again before opening his mouth. “What about this then? What if, he stays - and one, day after it’s all calmed down, he gets you on your own again? What then? It’s not like we can keep an eye on you all the time - You’d hate it if we did anyway.”

This is so frustrating. I groan loudly, pulling my good hand through my hair. “I don’t know. Okay? I don’t have a clue about anything right now, I just - it’s all wrong Steve. It just all feels wrong.”

He gives me a minute after my outburst to calm down. “Yeah. Yeah I know.”

I can’t think of anything else to say but Steve doesn;t push it. He gets back to his prep after a moment or two and I just sit with him in the quiet, listening to him occasionally hum under his breath. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you.”

I find him looking at me sheepishly, as though he’s done something wrong. It occurs to me that he might be worried about what he said and how I reacted so I shake my head gently. 

“Seriously? Don’t apologise, you’re one of the only ones that have spoken to me like a normal person today. Everyone else has either patronised me or acted like I was about to break.” My voice sounds bitter but really I’m just exhausted. For doing next to nothing all day, I’m so tired. 

“They’re only worried about you.”

“I know. It doesn’t make things easier though.” He nods slowly in reply.

The keepers don’t emerge from the hut for lunch and I end up sticking with Steve. We move onto lighter topics of conversation, thankfully - not that they aren’t a little morbid. 

“You are totally attached to that chicken.”

“Am not.”

“So you’d be fine with it if we had Custard for lunch tomorrow would you?”

I gape at him for a moment before snapping my mouth shut. “No. She’s not fully grown yet so it’d be a waste. Besides, we need the eggs.”

“I still don’t think you’d like it. You love that chicken” He waggles his eyebrows playfully. 

I chuckle gently, not able to keep a straight face. “I haven’t actually seen that chicken since it hatched. I’m barely allowed in to see Bark when she’s in there so I think trying to visit a chicken would be pushing it don’t you?”

“Yeah, but you hatched it and you named it. A ridiculous name right enough, but named it all the same.” Slinthead. I narrow my eyes at him which only makes him grin.

“Doesn’t matter. If we need food then we need food.”

As he snickers to himself, I hear the door pop open. Newt’s tired eyes scan the kitchen before locking on mine and he attempts a grin.

“Hey Ebby? Can you come out? We’ve gotta talk.”

My stomach lurches, coming back to reality. Glancing at Steve who nods wordlessly, I hop off the counter. “Yeah. I’m not doing anything here anyway. Thanks for letting me sit with you Ste.”

He winks at me, carrot in hand before I slip around the opening. “No worries Ebbs.”

It’s bizarre to think that I’ve spent all day inside for once. I blink in the bright light as I wander down the clearing in step with Newt.

“So we decided.”

“Okay.” I keep my tone as neutral as possible, mainly because he sounds like he’s trying to tread carefully. 

He slows to a stop not far from my hammock to look at me squarely. “I just wanted to tell you before everyone else finds out okay? Just to give you a heads up.”

“Alright.” Something tells me this isn’t going to be good. 

He sucks in a sharp breath before dropping the verdict on me. “He’s gonna be banished when the doors close.”

It feels like Zart has dumped another bucket of water over me as I splutter my response. “What? No! - No he’ll die Newt.”

“We can’t give him the chance to hurt you again - or anyone else.” He has a hardened look in his eye, like he was expecting this but what else am I supposed to do? This is wrong.

“Newt please. There’s gotta be something else we can do.”

“No. We’ve been at it all day figuring it out okay? It’s been decided.” I furrow my brow, squinting at him. How did they spend all say talking and come up with this? This isn’t okay, we can’t just play God with someone’s life like this.

Nodding to himself as if he’s having an entirely different conversation, he turns on his heels and stalks off towards homestead. I reach out to him to argue my point but words completely fail me. What am I supposed to do?

I drop my hand and just stand there, feeling completely useless. Newt is already too far away and it doesn’t seem like anything I’d say would make a difference. 

I wander back to my hammock and slip into it, letting the swaying soothe me for a bit. It’s only been one night without my little patch of grass, but it feels like a lot longer. 

There’s still a while until the doors are due to close so maybe there’s still time. Would it make any difference? What was it that made them decide to send him out there anyway? Was it something I did? Is it my fault he’s going to die?

I didn’t make him hurt me. I didn’t ask for that. No one else has reacted that badly ad I didn’t even pay Aiden that much attention anyway. I don’t even like the slinthead. Paul said it wasn’t my fault and so did Alby so it’s not just because he’s my friend right? But then why did Aiden do it? What would he have done if I hadn’t ran away?

But even then, fights have broken out a few times not and no one’s ever been banished for them. Isn’t it a little harsh? No, it’s really harsh - it’s a death sentence. I hate this.

If there’s anyone who can turn this around now it’s Alby. I need to find him. I scan around the clearing from my spot but he’s nowhere to be seen. I ignore the ache that’s pretty much all over to an extent and haul myself to my feet, setting off to look for him.

Of course he’s at the top of the tower, the one place I can’t get to right now. I roll my eyes before shouting up, seeing as he hasn’t noticed me - or maybe he’s ignoring me.

“Alby!”

Nope, not ignoring me. He glances down to the ground and starts making his way down the ladder to me. At least he’ll listen if nothing else. I wait until he’s reached the second last rung before making my case. 

“Alby, you need to stop this. Please.

He sighs heavily, looking anywhere but me as he wipes his hands over his face. “Don’t start on me about it. I mean it.”

I shake my head incredulously, is he really trying to dismiss this? “But is what he did really bad enough to banish him though?”

“Ebby you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He’ll die out there!” He gives me a firm look, making me second guess my outburst but this is important.

“He can’t stay here anymore.” There’s a warning in his voice but I don’t let it stop me.

“Alby-”

“This is not your decision to make Ebony. You’re not a keeper, you don’t get a say in it.” His clipped, almost angry tone stops me dead in my tracks. With wide eyes, I gape at him. Did he really just say that? He’s never pulled rank on me before. He always values my opinion.

Shaking his head, he softens his expression, dropping his voice down a few levels. “The Order is there for a reason. To protect you. Us. Okay? No one likes it but this is what we have to do to keep the peace - to survive.” It sounds like pity and I hate it.

I can’t do this.I scowl at the grass at his feet before muttering under my breath. “Good that Alby.”

If he tried to call me back as I trudge away, I don’t hear it over the blood pounding in my ears.

There has only been one banishment in the whole time I’ve been in the glade and it was awful. I’d just started out as a runner and quite frankly, it was exhausting. I’d come out of the box physically fit enough to run, but the Maze is something else entirely. It’s a mental challenge too really, trying to remember all the turns and Paul was really trying to push me - just checking I was cut out for it apparently. So anyway, I was pretty tired out.

I didn’t even know what was going on until it happened. I didn’t know why either for a long time. He didn’t fight it. He didn’t try to stay. He just cried quietly and walked straight into the maze. No one saw him again after that.

It turned out that the stress of living here had drove Robert mad. He’d come up with this plan to get us all out. He thought that if it looked like we were all going to die of starvation or disease or something, the people who put us in here would save us. He started trying to kill all the animals and ruin the crops but they caught him at it. They’d tried talking some sense into him but he was hell bent on ’saving’ us. 

I barely knew him but the way he walked off without looking back haunted me for a long time. It’s just something that happens here. Zart had said to just try and forget it.

But how would I forget this?

Aiden was not quiet. I’d ended up at the doors with the others as the sun was beginning to set. It didn’t feel right hiding away when I was so involved with it. It’s only when we’re all gathered like this that I realise just how many people live here. 

I could hear him all the way from the Slammer. The noise grows louder until I can’t help but look. It’s taken both Gally and Tim to keep him under control though he’s tied with his hands at obscure angles behind his back.

“No! No! Alby please! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Don’t do this! Don’t put me in there! C’mon I’m sorry!”

The constant stream of pleas and cries for help fall deaf on Alby as his resolve doesn’t budge an inch. Whether they mean him to, or if it’s because of his struggling, Aiden falls into the dirt face first in front of the western door, spluttering to right himself. He looks a mess, besides the hysterics.

I struggle to keep my breathing in check just watching the whole thing. I’m not even that close to the door, trying to hang back a bit so I’m not in the way or in the firing line for any emotional outbursts, not that anyone’s said anything. Aiden has been here longer than I have, it’s impossible not to make at least one friend. I feel like I’m going to be sick, watching him beg for his life guts me from the inside. I hope I never get used to it.

“Aiden of the Bricknicks, you have been sentenced to banishment for attacking Ebony. The Keepers have decided and they know exactly what you were trying to do when you got her on her own. You can’t stay here anymore.”

I’m vaguely aware that there are tears rolling down my face. In his panic, he finds me among the bodies around him. His eyes pierce through me and I can’t help but let out a sob as he cries out.

“Ebony! Help me! Make them stop please! I’m sorry - I - Please! I can’t go in the maze! Not the Maze!”

There’s nothing I can do. He’s going to die and I can’t stop it. The burning realisation flares in my chest and I can barely breathe. 

The sound of stone against stone echoes through the Glade as the doors groan into life. Gally cuts the rope from his wrists and he drops forward, scrambling to his feet. Alby tightens his grip on his own wooden tool before calling to the other keepers. 

“Posts!”

“No! 

The keepers start to close in on him, giving him no choice but to back through the opening. He stumbles backwards, loosing his footing, pushing against the moving concrete until he’s on the other side. 

“No! No - Let me in! Please let me back in. Please!”

I can’t do anything. Not even to look away as I gape in horror as he becomes obscured from view.

"Ebony!"

The doors around the glade cease with a resounding crunch and everything falls silent. All I can hear is my own staggered breathing as I shake with quiet sobs, still transfixed on the door. The other gladers slip from view one by one but I can’t move. 

“C’mon Kiddo let’s get you inside.”

I’m so tired. Of this, of everything. I hate this. Who would put us here? Who would do this to us? Why? 

“Hey. Ebbs.” Someone shakes me gently by the shoulder. I look at him without really seeing but let him turn me around anyway.

“Ebony. Let’s go inside huh?”


	27. Falling back into rhythm

_“You can’t stay here anymore.”  
_

_“Alby Please!”  
_

_It’s no use. The doors shut with a sickening cackle and I’m plunged into the shadows. There’s only one thing left to do._

_Run._

_Nothing looks familiar here anymore and while I do my best to count the turns, I know it’s pointless. I have nowhere to run to._

_“Ebony!”_

_I stop dead in my tracks, unable to tell where the voice came from. Unable to tell if I should run from it or not._

_“Ebony.”  
_

_The voice is closer now. My blood runs cold as I register who it belongs to - but how? How could he still be alive?_

_I feel his breath on my neck, giving me the kick I need to set off again. Everything hurts._

_I make a left, then another left, darting through a gap on the right that leads to an even longer corridor. Then the walls start to move._

_Maybe that’s why nothing looks familiar. I have to dive more than once to avoid being crushed by the concrete but it’s not enough._

_Whrrr. Click. Click._

I jump out of my skin as I end up sat bolt upright in complete darkness, dripping in sweat. For a moment all I can hear is my own harsh breathing but I eventually catch on to something much more steady.

Paul snores. It’s not exactly news but when you sleep next to the shank for over a week it is both annoying and grounding - it just depends on what time of day it is. Right now, it helps. Last night, I wanted to thump him.

Trembling from the aftermath of yet another nightmare, I force myself to breathe - not that it’s that simple. I wish I could just shake them but it’s been a reoccurring thing since Aiden was banished. Sleeping inside probably doesn’t help but it’s been worth it so far for not being on my own if nothing else.

To his credit, Paul hasn’t even hinted at me going back to my own spot. even after considering how I’ve woken him up night after night. He’s getting used to it now, barely stirring when I wake up. He needs his sleep so he can make it back every day after all.

I slip out of the bed, padding over to where I know the door should be. There’s a lamp somewhere, but there’s no point in using it, it’ll just wake Paul up. The door whines as I pry it open enough for me to slide out but I hear the sheets rustling anyway, the snoring coming to an abrupt end. Paul’s voice is thick with sleep when he grumbles in the quiet.

“Y’alright?” I look back to see him poking his head from under the cover, just enough to see a single eye squinting back at me. I adore that shank really.

“I’m okay. Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay.”

After climbing over the sleeping bodies I make it outside, the fresh air always does wonders. I scrub my face with the water in a bucket outside and take some deep steadying breaths. Everything is okay.

The swelling has gone down considerably after that first day, the changing colours have morbidly entertained some of the gladers, but it feels better which is all I care about really. Clint says he think it was only a mild sprain with my wrist after all because apart from the odd twinge, I feel okay.

Stretching out in the cool air, my eyes adjust to the light - or lack of really, it’s still dark. Glancing at my watch, I know I’ve got enough time to get a decent run in before anyone starts to wake up. It’s had been ages since I’ve ran so it was taking a little while to get back into it, my body not used to the strain after so long. Surely enough I’m getting there but it’s nice to feel that rush again - I do miss it really.

I tire a lot faster than I used to, which is annoying but I suppose it’s to be expected when you suddenly switch from running marathons every day to digging up weeds. Even then, I’ve still been circling the glade for a good hour before the burn in my muscles starts to become too much. I’ll push on for a little while longer anyway, it helps.

It’s strange really how running helps to clear my head, it used to be different when my thoughts were consumed with counting the turns and making sure I knew my escape routes back to the Glade. Now, I just focus on my breathing and put one foot in front of the other.

“Morning!”

I flinch, almost diving into the wall I’m running alongside when the loud voice startles me. Minho’s hand darts out to pull me away and somehow we keep up the pace as I fall back into rhythm.  

“Shuck Min, warning would be nice.”

He grins widely, it’s kinda nice to see to be honest. Things have been too serious lately but now I think it’s starting to get to some kind of normal.

“S’not my fault, I called you twice before I started running.”

Oh. “Alright shank.” I really must have been in a world of my own. Still, he doesn’t seen to phased by it as we career around the perimeter of our home.

Minho brings me out of my own head again and I have to laugh at myself for being in such a daze. “You okay?”

I nod, him a quick grin. Because I am, all things considered, just like everybody else. “Yeah, same old klunk y’know? Just getting a run in before everyone wakes up. I’ll stop though and we can go get some food, you’ll be running enough today.” The last thing I want is to make him even more tired, not that he can’t handle himself, I just don’t think I could live with myself if I hurt his chances of coming out in one piece. 

He shakes his head. “Nah. Don’t stop yet, it’s been ages since we ran together.”  

He picks up his pace a little and I catch him up quickly enough. As soon as I do he drops back behind me. I can’t help but smirk, remembering the times when Paul would play the same game on our early runs into the maze - just to make sure I was paying attention.

When we’re level again, he winks at me. “I’ll race you to homestead.”

“That’s not fair! I’ve been running for ages.” I protest but really, I’m excited. I love running with Minho.

“S’not my fault you’re soft either. I’ll go easy on you c’mon Ebbs!” Without any further warning he veers towards the building. I tear off behind him, putting everything I’ve got into it - ignoring the burn and ache in my legs which I really should have listened to earlier. Hindsight is a marvelous thing.

He beats me there of course but I’m not to far behind him. My lungs feel like they’re about to explode though. I bend down, bracing myself on my knees trying to get my breath back. “You’re such a slinthead.”

Minho chuckles. “Stop being so hard on yourself, you did good for someone who’s not ran in ages.”

Righting myself, I roll my eyes, giving him a fond little smile for being sweet - he always knows what to say. The sarcasm still makes it’s way through though. “Sure I did.” Spinning him around by his shoulders, I nudge him inside. “C’mon food.” 

It’s still early enough for most of the Gladers to be asleep, but Minho and I grabbed the bench at the back anyway, just in case anyone overhears us talking Maze. 

“So you’re saying it’s been mapped?” 

“Again. From scratch. Completely.” He frowns, picking at the wood.

I nod slowly. We’d started doing that again not long before I stopped running. I suppose it’s easier the second time around. “And?”

He throws his head back, letting it hit against the wall behind him.“And nothing.”

“Nothing?” 

“Nothing new.” He starts taking a long drink of water. I haven’t seen him this agitated in a long time. 

I frown, trying to rack my brain for anything helpful. “That can’t be it. We’re missing something.”

“Well if you figure it out, fill us in would ya?” He scoffs almost bitterly, shaking his head.

“Minho. You know it’s not like that.” Honestly, I’m disappointed that he’s taking my words like I’m just a Greenie who doesn’t know any better. I’m not saying it because I think he’s missed something, I’m just trying to figure it out.

He sighs dejectedly, meeting my gaze and I just know he gets it, and that he’s sorry for snapping. “Yeah, it’s just frustrating.” 

“I know. It’s gotta be in the pattern. That’s got to be it.” It’s like the answer is staring me in the face, I haven’t given it much thought since giving up the Maze but the familiar sense of frustration seeps in as though it’d never left.

“But what though? I just -  I can’t figure it out. It’s like it’s right there but I can’t - Everyone’s depending on me to figure it out and I -”

“Hey.” I reach out and grab his hand across the table, stopping him from digging his nails into his palm. “Hey Minho c’mon. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure it out. We will. Maybe it isn’t just the pattern, maybe it’s something else as well? We don’t know what they want us to do but it’s not just on you okay?”

Still caught up in his frown, he drops his gaze to our hands, giving mine a gentle squeeze before running a thumb across my knuckles. “It’s just everyone’s getting tired and frustrated but we can’t afford to miss a day in there, just in case. I don’t even blame them.”

Pressing my lips into a thin line I frown at the table, trying to think of a solution. “I know. I just wish I could do something.”

He huffs a small laugh, letting the corners of his mouth twitch up in a small grin. “You are doing something. You’re more help than you realise y’know. I just need to figure it out.”

Obviously, he means something by that - but what? Furrowing my brow, I go to ask him but the door swings open in the same moment as the first wave of gladers pile in, filling the quiet space with their chatter.

“We’ll talk later okay? I gotta go get ready anyway.” He gets to his feet, slipping his hand away.

“Good that. Be safe.”

“Always am.”

With a look that I’d probably deny later, I watch him disappear round the door, bumping shoulders with Paul who tries to trip him up on his way past. Couple of slintheads, honestly.

“Minho okay?”

Gally startles me though he shouldn’t have really, sitting across from me in the same space  that Minho as just occupied. I take a second to swallow, collecting my thoughts. “Yeah. He’ll be alright. How’s things?”

“Alright. Unless you count Jack chewing my ear off about being on slopper duty. It’s not my fault he broke his shuck thumb. I don’t know why he’s cryin’ so bad about it - the job really isn’t that bad.”

“No, but I suppose it’s not what he’s used to so it feels wrong. That’s pretty much what it’s like for me anyway. I can relate.”

He huffs a small laugh, shaking his head at me in some kind of fond confusion. “What about you?” 

Bobbing my head in agreement, I take a quick sip of water. “I feel better. Just looking forward to the day we actually get out of here y’know?”

He hums thoughtfully, taking a large bite of his food. We share the space in a comfortable silence as I absently chew through the rest of my breakfast. I even have time for a quick shower before the day really starts, feeling even better after that.

I’m on vine duty again, Clint insisting that it’s good exercise for my wrist no matter how much I insist that it’s better. I’ll give it another day or two before I up the complaining though because it at least keeps my mind occupied when I concentrate properly. Zart of course, does what Clint says and refuses to let me do anything else. He’s being extra careful with me lately, even though I told him earlier in the week that what happened wasn’t his fault. I don’t think he’ll let me go get the manure any time soon - not that I’m in a rush.

I spend my morning cutting off the dead leaves, and reattaching the stray vines to the frame - it’s pretty methodical. I still take my time because I’d have nothing to do otherwise and that would definitely jack me up. I think these peas will be ready to go soon, they’re almost fully grown.

“Ebony !”

“Hey Ebby!”

I whip around to see Ben and Tim heading in my direction, grins etched on their faces. I look them over carefully as they jog over, they’re probably up to something but not knowing what puts me out of sorts a little.

“Whatever you shanks are up to, you better not get me in trouble.”

Tim squints at me suspiciously, probably wondering how I knew if they’re up to something they shouldn’t be anyway. Ben just flashes his teeth, not missing a beat. “We need you to settle something for us.” 

I roll my eyes, must be another one of those ‘tough guy’ competitions again. I’d pass comment about it being pretty useless seeing as they’re both big softies, but it’s pretty amusing to watch. We need more of that around here anyway. “Go on then, what is it?”

“Who looks older?” Ben wriggles his eyebrows suggestively for added effect.

It’s my turn to squint, wrinkling my nose at them both. “What?”

“Which one of us looks older?” Tim repeats the words slowly and I’m inclined to thump him for it but I suppose I don’t really know him well enough to encroach on his personal space like that. Yet.

“I-”

"Say it’s me ‘cause this shank has a baby face and starts shuckin’ crying every time someone taps him.” Tim shoves his friend playfully who glares at him in mock disgust before defending himself. 

“I do not! Besides, my hair is longer than his is and I’ve been here longer too.” Nodding along with them both, I realise I’m not going to get much of a word in. Maybe if I walk away then won’t notice.

“I’m taller.”

“I’m faster.” 

“I can carry more logs than you can.”

“But I can hold my breath for longer.”

Shuck it. “Oi! Shut your shuck mouths for one second and I’ll tell you!”  They both snap their heads around to me, jaws still flapping even though there’s nothing coming out anymore.

“Go on then.” Righting themselves, Ben juts his chin at me as they look on expectantly.

I huff a laugh at how ridiculous they both are before putting them out of their misery. “Ben. Ben looks older.” I add as an afterthought, just to clarify what I meant.

“Ha!” With a smug grin, Ben prods Tim in the chest.

Tim, on the other hand, looks at me like I’ve grown a griever’s tail. “What? Ebony are you seeing his face? He has dimples!”

He does actually -they look good on him too. Especially when he laughs. Like now for instance. Catching myself ogling after the semantics of Ben’s smile, I clear my throat. “So? Dimples aside, Benny’s just got that look about him.”

“What look?” Even Ben cocks an eyebrow at that one.

“An older look?” I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore. 

Shaking his head, Tim has apparently lost any doubts he had about my sanity. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I scoff at him in good humor, waving him off. “Go ask Jeff or something then. Get a second opinion.”

“The Greenie?”

“That’s the one.” 

Newt’s voice comes out of nowhere. “He’s your best bet. He doesn’t know either of you well enough yet to be biased. Just don’t scare the kid - it is his first month.” When did he get here? And how -How long has he been standing there?

Shoving his shorter companion’s shoulder playfully, Tim smirks.“Fine. You’ll see. I look older.”

“Sure ya do slinthead.” Ben relents, only adding half-hearted sarcasm and an eye roll to boot. These slintheads.

“Race you to the Medjacks.”

“It’s on!”

Watching the dynamic duo set of for Clint’s hut, I eventually turn to face Newt who has the ridiculous klunk-eating grin like he just won the all time breath-holding record and made Minho cry.

Why is he looking at me like that? He’s obviously teasing me about something, at least in his head but what about now? “Don’t start.”

“I didnt say anything.” He pulls his face as though I’ve offended him but I know better.

“You don’t need to.”

He chuckles, biting down on his lip in a lame attempt to contain himself. Ducking his head down before he squints at me, obvious glee in his eyes. “Didn’t realise you had a thing for dimples though love.”

What? Ah shuck he must have heard the whole thing. Must have seen me staring too. Shuck. Blinking at him in disbelief, it takes me an attempt or two to actually find words “Did you seriously just say that?”

He just flashes his teeth at me, completely unfazed and waggling his eyebrows for added effect. “Something wrong?”

“Slim it.” Ugh this is embarrassing. Isn’t it bad enough that I had to admit about my ‘feelings’ to everyone the other day? 

Newt only cocks his head to the side, looking at me with a smirk - it doesn’t suit him. Well it does, but he’s a slinthead. “No no. Don’t think I will this is getting interesting.”

“Newt.” I let out an exasperated whine as I go back to my tools on the ground. He follows behind, rather enjoying himself.

“Yes love?”

“Go away.”

He actually laughs, just a quiet one but he snickers away to himself. Maybe he gets the message finally though because he takes the vine beside mine and makes himself useful. It’s actually nice working next to him like this - easy to share the space anyway, even if it does mean I’ll have less to do later. I almost get 5 whole minutes of peace. 

“You’re blushing by the way.”

I groan loudly, letting the tool drop onto the floor before glaring at him incredulously. “Y’know I expect this from Paul but from you? It’s just weird.” I gesture haphazardly towards him to prove my point and it stops him short of whatever he was planning on saying next. Good, even if I’m only being half-serious by this point. Newt joking about it is actually making this feel less awkward. 

My face does feel rather hot though. 

The next few moments are completely quiet. “So,” He eventually muses, “does that mean you don’t want me to make you a list of who has dimples and who hasn’t?”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Sighing, I go to retort when I hear someone shouting. Scanning over the glade I spot Zart on the other side of the field. “Go get some lunch Ebbs!”

Saved by Zart, who would have thought? I call back over before turning to the shank beside me. “Yeah I’m going. Gone in fact. Goodbye Newt.” I wink at him for added measure, leaving him to put my stuff away - ha!

Frypan laughed at me when he saw my face. It only made it worse. 

My afternoon was incredibly dull by comparison. Newt must have found something better to do because I couldn’t see him. He had finished the vines though, which meant I had to spent the rest of the day organising seeds and bulbs. It was thrilling. At least someone bobbed in and out every so often. I’m pretty sure they were checking up on me but it was good to have someone to talk to when they did.

Needless to say, when I was relieved to go on watch, I was incredibly grateful. Like clockwork, each runner files into the glade right on time. Technically, it was my turn last week to do this, but Win swapped with me seeing as I couldn’t get up the steps. So long as I’m careful, I’m good. 

Okay, so maybe it took me a little longer than it should’ve to get back down.  But it has only been about a week right? Maybe the sprain was worse than I thought. Not that Clint is right - ‘cause I’m fine, but still. 

“You got a sec?” I’m sitting with Paul in Homestead, filling him in on the latest escapades of Benny and Tim when Minho taps me on the shoulder. 

“Sure what’s up?”

“Not here - I’ve got an idea to run by you but Alby wants me to do it at the Gathering.”

“Okay.” I murmur slowly, letting Minho pull me along. Another one? Really? Paul shoots me an amused look and I pull my face at him, klunk-bucket. When he leads me outside I give him a once over- trying to see if he’s alright.

“It’s nothing bad alright?”

“Sure.” I huff, not convinced in the slightest. It’s not tht I don’t trust Minho - I do. It’s just that Gatherings lately have been more hassle than they’re worth, always something else to worry about. 

Crossing through the door into the council hall, we find all the other keepers there already. I can’t help myself as I grin at the sight. “Wow you weren’t kidding about another gathering were you? You shanks should just own up and start calling it a pajama party.”

Alby rolls his eyes although if he’s trying to look annoyed, he’s failing miserably. “Slim it, it’s just a quick one. Sit down already so we can start.”

I grin before squishing into the gap between Frypan and Gally, shoving them to the side a bit to make more room. Minho passes us to stand at the front, clearly taking the lead on this one.

“Alright this shouldn’t take long. Basically, I’ve been having some problems with the runners lately. They’re getting tired and I need to do something about it so they don’t loose focus - it’s not safe for the if they do, and we cant afford any mistakes out there.”

He talks to the whole room and we all nod collectively. It sounds like he has a solution so no one interrupts, I can’t help but wonder what I’ve got to do with it though, it’s not like I’m a keeper. That was made pretty clear the other day. I wonder if it’s weird for the other keepers not to have Aiden here too.

“It was easier when there were more runners. Someone could pair up or they could swap out so they got a day off every week or two. But since Jamal died, there hasn’t been enough runners to spare anyone. The maze is too big and we need to cover as much of it as we can to make sure we don’t miss anything.”

He’s careful about what he says, even among keepers, because it’s not common knowledge that we’ve mapped the maze already. Alby said he didn’t want to panic anyone or make them give up hope. Hope is important right now and it’s hard to understand why mapping the whole maze doesn’t mean it’s a dead end when you haven’t actually been in there. There’s more to it than simply finding the right path - there must be more to it, otherwise what’s the point?

Clint breaks the silence for us. “So what’s your master plan then?” 

“We need another runner.”

The boys around me break out into calamity almost instantly. it’s hard to make out any actual words over the buzz.

“Who?”

“The only people who are fast enough are Gally and Ebony . I thought we’d all agreed they weren’t to run anymore.”

“Is that why you brought her here? I don’t think she should go back in.”

It doesn’t take long for Minho to tire of it. “Everyone shut your shuck mouths, I can’t hear myself think!”

The rooms falls quiet once again, Gally eventually speaking up clearly. “Look Minho, I agree that more runners would help, but I’m not going back in there and neither is she. Maybe the next greenie will be fast enough to make the cut - can’t they hold on ‘til then?”

Gotta admit, I’m not crazy about being spoken for. If it wasn’t for that fact that I don’t actually want to go back in there, I’d maybe say something. I suppose he knows me well enough. 

“Can’t rely on that Gal, there’s no guarantee they’ll be fit enough. But I’m not asking you to go back in - or Ebony .” That’s a relief. I didn’t really think e’d ask me to, but at the same time, I don’t know where he’s going with this.

Brow furrowed in confusion, Newt leans forward on his stool, resting his elbows on his knees. “So what are you asking?”

“That we find someone who’s willing to switch.” From the way he’s talking, I’d bet that Minho has been sitting on this idea or a while. Actually, knowing him, that’s exactly what he’ll have been doing. Working out all the kinks to make sure it’s the best possible plan before bringing it up. Maybe that’s why he was stressing out this morning.

“But no one else is fast enough.”

Minho flicks his eyes over to Clint lazily. as though he’s already gone over this. “No, so they train up and get fast enough.”

It makes sense to me. Someone who we can spare from working in the Glade, trains up, becomes a runner and makes their lives easier and helps find a way out of here. 

But then why did he ask me to come to the gathering if he wasn’t going to ask me to run? It’s a good plan, but he could have told me tomorrow or something, later on tonight even. “Good that Min, but that still doesn’t explain why you wanted me to sit in on this.”

The slinthead actually rolls his eyes at me, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh shuck. I just wish I knew someone who wanted to run all day without having to go into the maze.”

Well I do, but what - oh. Wait, what? 

He juts his chin towards me, shooting me a withering look. “You know anyone who would want to do that Ebony ?”

Frypan cuts in before I can actually process what he’s really asking. Slow, I know. “Wait, so you want her to train the newbie?”

So that’s what he wants me to do. Could I do it? That’d be a really good job. I’d get to run all the time, go back over the maps like they mean something again and actually help the runners. The more I think about it as an actual posibility, the more exited I feel about it. I’d be able to run without having to face the maze, without anyone looking at me funny for running round the Glade too.

“If she wants to. Really it only can be her - Gally has too much on his plate, especially now he’s looking after the Bricknicks until they sort out who’s gonna take over as keeper. But I could just make them run drills all day if she doesn’t want to, so no pressure either way.” He adds quickly, sending me a glance that’s a lot more sincere. 

“No I’ll do it.” Maybe I blurt it out a bit too quickly, judging by the chuckles I get in return.

“Ya sure?” If it was anyone else, I’d say they were just teasing me, but Alby almost looks concerned. 

“Yeah, I think it’ll do me some good anyway.” An understatement and a half - I’ve felt out of sorts with myself ever since I stopped running. Of course, that could have been the aftermath of the near-death experience, but it’s all the same thing really. I’ve missed running.

After a short moment, he nods, satisfied. “Good that.”

“So how are we gonna decide who the new runner is going to be?” Brian changes the subject onto something more practical. It’s good point, who would want to be a runner?

“For now, just ask the boys you take care of and see what they think - don’t shoot the idea down, I know no one is keen on going in there, but we need more runners.”

Sounds like the rest of the meeting is going to be more about strategy and tact, not something I particularly need to be here for. “Do you need me to stay for anything else?”

“Nah, we’re good. But you should pick up your training again, get yourself back up to speed - no one will care how long you’re running around the Glade when they realise it’s your new job.”

I nod, having come to that conclusion myself though it’s good to have some confirmation anyway. It’s kind of hard to keep the grin off my face soI chew my lip to distract myself. I will need to push a bit harder with the running too though - like Minho said. It probably won’t be a permanent thing now I think about it. “What about when there’s no one to train up?”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “Then you can do your trackhoe thing, right Zart?”

Zart hums, picking some dirt out from under his nails. “Right. Guess you get to multi-task after all.” He adds, looking up to grin at me. That makes me scoff a little, doing odd jobs here and there rather than have a set job wasn’t ‘the way we do things’ a few months ago. It’s funny how that’s turned out.

“Good that. I’ll leave you shanks to it.”

With that, I slip around the door, actually feeling really good for a change. With no one around to judge, I let the smile break out across my face. This is exactly the kind of thing I’ve needed - the kind of thing I’m good at.

I consider running to Paul to vent my excitement, but what I really need to do is talk to Minho. If I’m honest, I’m kind of in awe of him. He listened to what I said, even if he didn’t acknowledge it at the time and actually did something about it. I didn’t even think there was anything that could be done and he just goes and does this? Maybe that’s why he ran with me this morning, just to check I’d be up for it. 

I wait in my hammock for the to tumble out of the building seeing as it’s a good view. I miss this thing. Maybe I’ll start sleeping out here again soon. I really do feel better, at least right now I do anyway.

It doesn’t take very long for them to emerge so I make my way around the back as quickly and quietly as I can. As usual, Min is the last to leave. I wast no time in creeping up behind him and launching myself against his back.

“Woah hey!”

“You’re the best Minho.” I mumble into his shoulder as he staggers slightly, wrapping my arms around him tightly so I don’t fall. 

Catching up with himself, he laughs, hooking his arms under my legs to keep me in place before starting a slow walk off to homestead. “Thank you.”  I add, because I need to say it, even if it’s obvious. 

“So it was okay?” Leave it to Minho to sound sarcastic and nervous at the same time, as if I’d agree to do it if it wasn’t. I suppose he’s just making sure too, there’s been a lot of that lately.

“Of course it was, you know how much I miss running. And it’s a really good idea that’ll help you lot out.”

“It was your idea ”

“Yeah but you listened to me and figured out a way to make it work.”

He comes to a halt, letting me go so I slide back to the ground. Brows knitted together, he looks serious again. “I wasn’t kidding about needing more runners though - it wasn’t just for you Ebby, they really are struggling out there. ”

Nodding slowly, the weight of what I’ve agreed to hits me. I’ll be responsible for making sure someone is fit enough to survive in there. It’s more important than I’d given thought to. Apparently I’m getting better at dealing with responsibility - I think it’s probably for the best. “I know, but I’m still glad you figured out a way I can help.”

“Don’t worry about it Ebbs.”

I don’t know how else to say it so instead I lean forward into his chest, looping my arms around his back, hopefully conveying the warm feeling in my chest. Hearing  him hum to himself, Min wraps his arms around me and we stay like that for a few moments. It feels good. Safe. 

When I pull away, I feel pretty tired. Glancing over to homestead I can already see some of the other gladers finding their sleeping bags in the grass. I give Minho a small smile, sighing contently. 

He glances down at his watch - I’m guessing it’s pretty late. Still, he gives me a lingering look I can’t quite place before starting off again to homestead. “C’mon, let’s go get Paul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaydoke so thank you for staying with me so far through this story! I love getting your feedback it's so helpful - thank you so much. As much as I'd love to update regularly, I'm realising it's not really something I can promise. I'm working my way though it as best I can though. I really liked writing this chapter so hopefully you'll like it too. :) x


	28. The past is never in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So so so sorry it’s taken me so so so long to update this. Thank you again for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> ALSO: ON THE 11TH OF FEB, THIS STORY TURNS ONE YEAR OLD!!! SO ALL NEXT WEEK ON MY TUMBLR - HOPELESSTMRBLOGGER (BEGINNING THE 8TH OF FEB) I WILL BE DOING ALL THINGS KEEPING AFLOAT RELATED TO CELEBRATE: PICTURES, WRITING, ASKS - TO ME OR THE CHARACTERS - LITERALLY ANYTHING GOES. SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN AND SEND/TAG ME IN STUFF! I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! XXX
> 
> Warning for rape/non-con references - pretty vague but idk I still feel like I need to tag these.

“You don’t have to do this.”

I roll my eyes at him, smirking a little. It’s not often Paul acts so serious, I’d gotten used to him joking about again so it makes me think twice about winding him up. “I know I don’t - but I have to get back to normal at some point. I want to go back okay?”

“Well you know if you want to come back and stay with me again-”

“- it’s no problem, you don’t mind, not even if its the middle of the night and no one would think any less of me. I know.” Not like he’s mentioned it before or anything.

He raises an eyebrow, hopefully satisfied that I’m okay. “Fine. Take your klunk outta my room then, slinthead.”

“Ooh, all of one pillow, how will I carry it all?”

Refusing to accept defeat and move into Paul’s room permanently, I’d left all my other things - my clothes namely, with Newt. Which I’m rather glad about now, cause it makes it easier for me to finally get myself back on track after all this mess and find some kind of normal. The less upheaval the better because despite appearance I’m not really looking forward to being alone tonight.

I’m probably not fooling anyone actually, but never mind. I’ve just got the feeling that tonight will be hard - though it’s a necessary evil if I’m going to get back to how things were before.

“Seriously though-”

“Paul c’mon. I’m going to be alright. I just want to get back to normal.”

“Yeah I know Kid, but things change. I just want you to know it’s okay if it’s not the same as before. It’s been a crazy month.”

I nod solemnly, it most definitely has. It feels like much longer actually, and it’s not even greenie day yet. It’s hard to think that it was only a few weeks ago that I was sitting with Newt in the deadheads.

Maybe he’s right, things do change. Doesn’t mean I can’t sleep in my own bed, in my own spot though.

Paul tries to linger a little longer, I can tell he’s kinda apprehensive about me leaving, but I manage to put him more at ease. It’s not like I’m even going far, the big baby is just over reacting. He’s just worried though I suppose.

Everyone else trundles off to their own spots and Paul is still hovering about, telling me about some Griever marks in the concrete that he’d found, not exactly a new thing, but a rare enough sight to make a point of mentioning it.

“Everything is going to be just fine Chief, relax okay?”

“Yeah yeah. Slinthead.”

“Shuck nugget.”

“Just remember, no shame in needing help okay? You’re not alone.”

I huff slightly, stubbornly refusing to entertain his mollycoddling. It feels really nice though. The amount that this shank cares about me really makes me feel all warm and safe inside.

“Go to sleep Paul.”

“Going. Shuckwit.”

“Klunk-bucket.”

After watching him trudge of towards his own bed inside, I settle down in the bag. I’d ideally want to sleep in the hammock but I know better. Last thing I’m in the mood for is bouncing my head of the floor after falling out of it.

I huff quietly, just waiting for sleep to wash over me or something. It’s funny, it’s almost like I’ve forgotten how to go to sleep.

It’s quiet. That’s what bothers me the most. I’m nice and warm in the bag, but I cant shake this overwhelming feeling that I’m being watched. Staying out in the fresh air takes some of the edge off, but it’s far too quiet.

Because while, yes, there is the soft white noise in the background of the fire and any other kind of movement in the glade, but it’s practically silent. Dead even. Nothing like in Paul’s room where I could hear every breath he took or every shift of the blanket. I could even hear Newt snoring on occasion. But now nothing.

I didn’t hear anything when Aiden snuck up on me either.

It’s silly to think that he might do it again, mean he’s gone. Completely, never to come back. They didn’t find his body exactly, but they found enough to make them believe he was dead. Not sure what it was, but then I’m not sure I want to know either. Why wouldn’t he be anyway, no one ever survives a night in the maze.

I turn over, looking for a more comfortable position and end up facing into the forest. I can only see the first few rows of trees before they disappear into the darkness.

I mean, he’s gone and it’s just some shuck trees. Right? Nothing to cry about.

Something about that darkness makes my chest feel tight though. I’m not quite sure what it is. It makes me feel kinda angry actually. Because why am I so bothered about the forest anyway? I’ve always slept here, always. This is my spot. Mine.

I growl in frustration, shifting about again in the bag. I’m tired of feeling angry, or confused or scared. Part of me wants to go and march into the forest just to see what the big deal is.

But maybe that’s not such a good idea.

Stop being such a slinthead Ebony.

Shuck it. Untangling myself from the bag, I soon find myself stalking through the trees, towards the manure patch. I’m oddly determined, wanting to face this head on. A weird mixture of anger and fear - at myself mostly.

I know these trees like the back of my hand. I could probably take a pretty accurate guess as to how many steps it would take me to get to Gally’s spot, or the manure patch. When you live in a box, you get to know it pretty well.

As it happens, I know exactly where I’m headed.

There’s something about the manure patch that just won’t leave me alone. There’s not point in denying it anymore, and while Zart won’t send me there, there’s nothing to stop me taking the trip myself. I don’t know exactly why I want to go there either, there’s just something about it.

I stumble over a root or two on my way over. Something I’d do in the daytime nevermind the dark. It’s almost pitch black with the trees blocking out the light so considering that I don’t think I do that bad a job of navigating. Eventually, the smell takes over and I know I’m close.

I don’t know what I was expecting. The spot looks exactly the same as it always has, smells the same, even sounds the same. I glance over to the offending tree - which looks completely unscathed. As if nothing ever happened there.

I wander closer to it, my eyes scanning over the bumps at my feet. I don’t even know which one I hit my head off - I suppose it doesn’t matter. Or does it? Someone died because of this. So that would make it pretty important.

It makes me think about everyone that’s died in this shucky box. I mean, apart from a crossed out name on a wall, or a rare spot in the deadheads, it’s like they never even existed. We’re the only ones who’ll remember them and even then, for the ones that died before we arrived, like Isaac, they’ll never be more than a story to us. It’s sad really - I mean, what’s the point? We deserve better. 

I feel at a loss for something to do. Like I’m just waiting for something that isn’t going to come, or like I’ve finished everything and am now just standing here like a newbie. Huffing to myself, I give the place one last look over and trudge back towards my hammock.

I don’t know why I thought that would help. It did satisfy my curiosity I suppose, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say I feel better. Uneasy maybe.

There’s no way I’m going to be able to sleep tonight, which is only going to make tomorrow harder. I flop down into the hammock, it’s not like it’s cold anyway and I can sway and watch the stars instead for a while.

Is it always going to feel like this now? I know things change, but I don’t want to feel this awkward and guilty all the time. I don’t want this weight behind everything I’m trying to do, or say, or think for that matter. I wish I could just forget about what happened, like those trees but I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s something. I don’t even know what that something is. I can’t wait until we get out of here.

This is going to be a long night.

Maybe I should go and find Paul.

But then I’d have to go back inside. I don’t want to sleep inside anymore, I like sleeping outside. It’s a shame Paul hates it. Besides, he needs all the sleep he can get, I know he’s a good runner, the best really seeing as he and Minho are on par with each other but still.

He did tell me it would be okay to get him though. Maybe he knew how hard I’d find it. Groaning to myself yet again, I run my hand over my face. Things are supposed to go back to where they were before, I don’t want to need someone. I want this whole mess fixed. 

I’ll just sit here for a while longer. Swaying my hammock, I look up to the stars which never seem to move. I’ve made pictures out of these things a million times. Some are things I’ve never seen but I remember with disturbing accuracy, others are more familiar; bikes, a giraffe, that thing that I thought was a weird carrot but now it looks more like a griever.

Maybe I should just count them instead. Maybe they’re the same stars every night, which - come to think of it - is kind of weird. I’m sure they’re supposed to move. But then, what would I know?

The swaying is nice…

The air is thick. I can’t see a thing.

Something is pulling me down, trying to stop me from moving. I flail in the darkness, fighting with heavy limbs, feeling dizzy.

“Get off me!”

The next thing I know I’m plummeting to the ground with a shout.

Where am I? I yank away the fabric over my head. Instantly disorientated, I grab at the ground beneath me, pulling at the wires under me trying to make sense of my surroundings. I can’t hear Paul, or Newt. Nothing except a distant thrum of indistinguishable noises.  

Where did I go to sleep? I can’t remember going to sleep. I was - I was in my hammock. For shuck’s sake. Blinking, the blurry world comes into better focus. My eyes adjust to the darkness and things start making more sense.

Groaning, I flip onto my back, panting hard. It’s still dark, a quick look at my watch confirms that I haven’t been asleep for long. Not that I’m sure exactly when I fell asleep.

That nightmare felt like it lasted forever though. I groan again.

Running my hands over my face, wiping the sweat from my brow I try to calm myself down.

“You okay?”

Jumping more than I care to admit, my vision darts towards the voice to see Gally sauntering closer to me. I consider straightening myself up, at least so he’s not upside down to me, but then he’s already seen me now so there’s no point.

Giving a lop-sided nod, I eventually prop myself up on my elbows. When Gally get to me, he doesn’t try to pick me up like I’d first assumed, he sits himself down next to me instead, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Nightmare?”

I watch him for a moment, willing myself to be more awake and present, before shrugging gently.

The good thing about Gally is that he never pushes. Maybe he’ll ask questions, but there’s never that pressure to explain myself and he never makes me feel like I owe him anything. I eventually nod and we fall into that silence that always seems comfortable when we’re together. We don’t even need to talk and I already feel a little better. It’s nice.

“You wanna talk about it?”

I look him over. I know that I could tell him no and that would be it, he’d nod and pull his lips into a tight smile and I’d know it was okay, that he understood. Maybe he understands more than I realise - he is awake at this ridiculous time too after all.

“Paul got banished. It was awful.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. I ran in after him though, tried to bring him back.”

“Did you find him?”

“No. I thought I’d heard him, but the maze looked different, I didn’t know where I was.”

He nods, I catch it from the corner of my eye while I stare down the grass at my feet. “It was part maze, part forest. It was weird.”

“Sounds it, must’ve been confusing.”

“It was I suppose.” Swallowing hard I continue. “Aiden chased me off the cliff. I fell for such a long time.”

“And then you woke up? Falling from your hammock right? I thought you weren’t gonna sleep there anymore.” He looks pretty amused - no sympathy from Gally then.

Narrowing my eyes, I huff at him. “I didn’t think I was gonna fall asleep.” I grumble as though it’s obvious. “But no, I didn’t wake up. I ended in this ocean or something, only the water was red. I can’t swim apparently. Then I woke up. And then fell out of the hammock.” I add finally after frowning at the floor for a moment. Drowning is an awful feeling, if that is what it feels like. I don’t know why I would know what it feels like, it only leaves me with more questions really but I could go on forever thinking like that.

Groaning, internally this time I realise I’m oversharing - probably. I don’t think I’ve every told anyone so many specifics about my nightmares before. Well, no that’s a lie, I used to talk to Jamal about them. Can’t do that now.

I sneak a quick look to find Gally watching me, brow furrowed. He looks kinda sad. Shuck. that wasn’t why I told him - I don’t want him to be sad. What do I say now? Haha nevermind?

“Red?” He’s struggling with the fact that the water was red? Out of all that?

I shrug, trying to make light of it. “Yeah? I dunno I was more interested in not drowning.”

It falls quiet again only it’s strange. Thankfully, it’s short-lived because Gally soon nods and starts toying with my fingers, stopping me from pulling up the grass.

“Y’know, Aiden isn’t going to hurt you again. He’s gone. And Paul isn’t going to be banished, shank has his head screwed on the right way - never gonna happen.”

It’s nothing I don’t already know really, but hearing it from someone else really helps. I don’t say anything though, nodding instead.

“And neither one of us is going back into the maze until we find a way out, so no one’s going to be chasing you off the Cliff. Okay? You’re safe here now. No one will hurt you even if they wanted to - which they don’t for the record - but nobody wants to be banished.”

It’s true in a sad kind of way, Aiden was an example of what would happen if anyone hurt another glader, or hurt me maybe. Something about that doesn’t feel right, but then what’s the alternative?

“I know, I just can’t shake the feeling like something’s wrong, or something bad is going to happen.”

“A lot of bad stuff has happened. It’s normal to feel like that.” When did Gally get so wise? “Any luck you’ll feel better after today, gonna be a busy one.”

“Why’s it gonna be busy?”

He stops tugging at my hand, sitting up properly to look me in the eye - as though I’m missing something completely. “You find out who you’re training remember?”

“But that’s not until Greenie day.”

He rolls his eyes at me. “Ebbs, today is Greenie day.”

What? Already? “It is?” I squint at him a little,

He huffs a laugh, chuckling to himself in the end before starting to get to his feet. “Yep. All day.” Slinthead. Shuck this month has flown.

Gally wearily takes a step or two back once he’s standing so I can actually see him rather than him towering over me. “I’m gonna try and get some sleep Ebby. You should too, it’s still way too early.”

“How come you’re up?” I squint up at him, finally realising that it’s a bit odd for him to be up at this time, never mind by my patch of the forest.

“You’re not the only one who has nightmares Girlie.” He gives me a small smile before turning on his heels and trudging off, shoulders hunched around him even though it’s the same temperature it’s always been. Part of me wonders if I should try and talk it out of him, but then, Gally isn’t really one for being pushed. If he wants me to know, then he’ll tell me. Hopefully anyway.

There’s not much chance of me going back to sleep, though I do feel better after talking to Gally. 

“Hey shank.”

“Hi Ebony”

“You’re up early.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Huh. Sounds like there’s a lot of that going around tonight. I can’t say I know Tim well enough to say that it’s unusual for him or not. Either way, I don’t normally see him so early in the day, let alone in homestead.

“Wanna talk?”

His eyes flick up to meet mine, dragging them away from what must have been an interesting spot on the table. He does look really tired. I wonder if I look that bad - not that I’d know, I’ve only had distorted reflections in the water bucket to go off.

He sighs, looking like he’s having some kind of internal debate as to whether or not he should tell me. I can wait though - it’s not like I don’t have time to kill anyway. Besides, Tim and I see to get along well enough, if I can do something to help him them I want to.

“How come you’re not a runner anymore?”

Oh boy.

I figure this isn’t going to be a two minute conversation so I make my way over to sit across from him.

“What makes you ask?”

He digs his nails into the wood a little more before replying. “I didn’t even know you were a runner, but someone mentioned it - y’know, with all this new runner klunk. But no one would talk about why you’re not a runner now, they said it was your business.”

I suppose it’s pretty refreshing to be protected from the rumour mill. I still guess I thought it was a juicy piece of information but I suppose everyone has more respect for me than that.Maybe I should give everyone more credit really. They’re a good lot.

I suck in a deep breath, realising I’ve never actually spoken about this before. “Being a runner is one of the hardest jobs here for a reason. It’s not for everyone.”

“But you were a runner right? so what one day you just didnt feel like it anymore? ‘Cause I don’t think that was it. I remember what you told me on my box day-”

It hits me unexpectedly, right in the gut. Box day. Gally had been looking at me funny for a reason. It’s my box day. It’s been 12 months since I was the new greenbean. I’ve been here for exactly a year.

A year? Already? A whole year? I’ve live here that long? But it doesn’t seem right. I mean, on one hand, it feels like I’ve been here an entire lifetime - which i have been technically ‘cause this place is all I’ve ever known but on the other hand, the time has gone so fast - and a year seems so final, not final, but it just feels like a big deal. I don’t even know how to feel about that. Should I have been paying attention? It feels like I should have realised before now. 

This time a year ago I was somewhere else, getting ready to come up here presumably. Were there people there to see me off? Did I think coming up here was a good idea? Why can’t I remember? So many questions and who knows if there’ll ever be answers.

“- and it seems like some people are just signing up without knowing that they’re letting themselves in for y’know? Ebony?”

Shaking my head as I come back into the room, I find Tim looking at me strangely. Oh yeah I was supposed to be saying something. “Sorry.”

“Was it that bad you can’t talk about it?”

“No. Well, no I was just - it’s my box day. A year I mean, it’s been a year.”

He squints for a second before he gets it. “Since you came outta the box?”

“Yeah.”

Tim grimaces, hesitating before saying anything. “I don’t know if I should say congratulations or not.” 

I huff a laugh, ducking my head as I smile at my feet. “No it’s okay, I’m not sure either.”

I take another minute before pulling my thoughts together. Tim wanted to talk so I was going to do my best to help him. “We need runners, whether or not we want to do it, we need to do it. We’ll never get out of here otherwise. But yes you’re right. Something happened, but It was okay and I was fine after it. I just can’t go back in there.”

“Why not?”

I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. It’s hard, because he’s obviously asking for a reason, but we need a new runner and I don’t want anything I say to jeopardise that. But then, I can’t lie to him. Shuck.

“Because when you go in the maze, you have to constantly be on your toes, keeping a level head, always remembering where you are as well as looking out for new things.”

“Makes sense to me.” I whip my head around to see Jack, Henry and Patrick. Looks like everyone’s up early this morning. They probably came in when I was in a world of my own. Still can’t believe I’ve been here for that long. Well. I suppose they’ve probably heard most of this, so there’s no point in stopping now.

Of of the newcomers beat me to it. “Well yeah I mean, have you seen how tall the wall is? I bet it’s that high the whole way through. Of course you have to concentrate.” Henry scoffs, sounding pretty sure of himself.

“Yeah, and if you can’t do that, then it’s dangerous. That’s why I can’t go back in.”

“Wait what? why can’t you do that anymore?” 

“Because I lost my nerve.” I take a deep steadying breath. Mostly, I don’t want to talk about this but I know that I should be honest with them. Besides, if I’m going to be training one of them, then I’ll need them to trust me too.  “I’m too scared Tim. I won’t be able to focus enough to stay safe. Besides, no one else wants me to go back in anyway.” I shrug as an afterthought. Even if I did want to go back I wouldn’t be allowed.

“Why not?”

“Because we thought she had died.” Newt’s voice materialises somewhere behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I follow him as he comes to perch on the end of the bench next to me. “We sat by the door, thinking she was still inside the maze, not knowing if she was alive or not, but knowing it was only a matter of time until she was.”

A couple of the boys who were here for that nod solemnly. I can’t decide if it’s sweet or sad. Maybe both - I adore these shanks really.

“Nobody wants to risk anything like that happening to her again. Besides, like Ebby said, it’s dangerous to go into the maze if your head isn’t in it. She’s not the only one either. There’s a few shanks in here who used to be runners but aren’t allowed back in. It’s not for everyone, but it’s still something that we have to do.”

“So- how did you end up at the other door then Ebbs?” Jack breaks the silence that had fallen around us all. 

Tim furrows his brow at Jack’s question. “What other door?”

Henry supplies the answer before anyone else can. “The runners always come back through the same door they leave from. But Ebony didn’t. That’s why we thought she’d gotten locked in, but Gally found her by the other door.”

“Oh.” And then everyone’s eyes are trained on me once again.

After another deep breath I figure out how best to explain it all. “I couldn’t go back the same way I came, because there was a griever in the way. I had to figure out a different way back and it took me to the other door.” I’m omitting the part where the shuck thing started chasing me down, but there’s no point in scaring people.

“Grievers are a big problem in there right?”

I shrug non-committedly. “Not especially. That was the only time I ever saw one in there. In fact, as far as I know, the whole time we’ve all been here, there’s only been a handful of griever problems. The most dangerous thing about being a runner is getting back before the doors close. So, as long as you’re careful and keep a level head. You’ll be fine.”

The group around me fall silent, seemingly deep in thought. 

“You really think the way out is in there?”

I’m not sure what’s gotten into Tim I’ve never seen him look so unsure - unless you count his box day, which I don’t. I just want to help him. “Yes. I do. We have to work together and help each other - but yes, we can figure it out.”

“Y’know, it doesn’t sound that bad when you put it like that.”

“It sounds hard is what it sounds like.”

“Sure it’s hard, but then what part of any of this is easy? We do our best and make the best of things, but would you honestly say that living here - in this, is easy? Our freedom is worth fighting for is it not? So yeah, it’s hard, but it’s worth it.”

Shrugging, I glance up to look at the other gladers. They all look pretty deep in thought. At the back of the group of faces, I spot Minho, probably just trying to come in for the daily packs. Did he hear all that? Was it okay? Newt didn’t stop me so I guess it can’t be that bad.

Oh wait. He’s smiling. I feel pretty relieved when i see the corners of his mouth turn up. He nods slowly at me too and I know I’ve done the right thing Maybe this is what people needed, some information about what they might be letting themselves in for. Some kind of motivation even.

I wonder if Tim has put his name forward to be a runner - he was pretty fast after all. Maybe all these shanks had signed up for it. I’d find out later, the keepers are supposed to be having a gathering tonight to go over it all and then the plan is to tell us at the bonfire later. I’d made a point not to ask anyone. It’s not something I’d want to talk someone into. Or maybe I just did, though, all I did was answer their questions.

Either way, everyone seems satisfied enough. It’s not long after that that the runners say their goodbyes or the day and the smell of a decent cooked breakfast drifts through from the kitchen. Shuck I love greenie days.

In the field, Zart and I are lugging buckets of water to and fro, watering all the crops. We fell into silence a little while ago, but I can feel that he’s just ding to say something. Part of me wants to ask him, but then again, I figure I’ll just wait until he bursts. It’s kind of funny really, trying to guess how many more trips it’ll take for him to come out with it. 

two trips later I’m dumping the drags of th bucket onto the lettuces when he finally speaks. “Do you think it’s going to be a girl?

“Is what going to be a girl?” Are we having new animals that I don’t know about? Maybe the goats came up in the box pregnant or something.

“The new greenie shank. Do you think the new greenie will be a girl?”

Oh. In all honesty the thought had never even crossed my mind. I think I’ve just kind of accepted that it would always just be e, the idea of another girl coming in here just never seemed possible, but then again, if they sent me in here then what’s to stop them y’know? They just seem to do whatever they like to us anyway. Next supply day, we’ll get that wheelbarrow wheel Zart was asking for months ago probably. If they’re crazy enough to lock us all in here and surround us with maze and grievers, then I’m pretty sure there’s nothing they wouldn’t do

We’re back by the water pup by the time I form a reply. “Uh. Y’know, I’m not sure Zart. I guess I haven’t thought about it.Why do you think it’ll be a girl?”

he hesitates for a second, squinting up at me as he crouches down. “You do know it’s been a year since you came up right? 

“Yeah.”

“Well, maybe we get one of you a year.”

Walking back, I have to actually stop to huff at him. “One of me? Zart really?”

He shakes his head, waving me off with his free hand. “Not what I meant. But I’ve got a point. Though, Gally wasn’t the first one here so it wasn’t exactly a year that you arrived anyway - but it could still happen.”

I take a little while to mull it over, we finish up with the lettuces and move onto weeding out the soil. “What does Gally have to do with it?”

“Hm?”  Zart turns away from the stubborn root he was trying to pull up to look at me. “Oh, you share the same box day. It was his year anniversary when you came up.”

What? So it’s his box day too? I guess that means he came up the month after Newt. Is that why he was up so early? 

“I guess we’ll just have to see what happens when the greenie gets here.”

“I’ve got bacon riding on it being a girl, so they’d better not disappoint.” I can’t help but roll my eyes at him for that. It’s his own fault if he doesn’t get his bacon later. 

It takes half an hour for the box to come up, or at least half an hour for it to arrive once the alarm goes off. I remember that journey all too well. it felt like an entire lifetime. Probably the most terrified I’d ever been - and that’s saying something. There’s just something about not knowing that makes it so much worse, the anticipation making you sick to your stomach.

Not knowing if you’re safe, what’s going to happen to you, where you are going, why you are there, who put you here, who is out there, if you’re locked in there forever, desperately trying to see and find a way out through your stomach lurching and the way your legs seem to be made of rubber, making you fall and stumble the whole time.

I remember desperately trying to hold onto memories, how it felt as they slipped away from me anyway. I don’t know what they were, but they were important. Feels like they should have been important anyway. 

It’s kinda sad to think that that’s what the new Greenie is going through right now.

A few shanks are waiting by the box already by the time I finish up and join them. Glancing at my watch i see there’s still a little while left before they’ll be here.

I wonder if Zart is right and there’ll be another girl in the glade. Mostly, I doubt it. Mainly because I arrived in the glade in an unsuspecting month, no milestones or anniversaries so it just doesn’t make sense that they would wait a year exactly for another girl to arrive. I think - and who knows really because they just seem to do whatever the shuck they want without thinking about it - that if there is going to be another girl, it’ll be when we least expect it. Still, it sounded like he wasn’t the only one who was thinking it. Who knows really. I guess we’ll just have to wait to find out.

I remember how bright the sun was. It hurt to open my eyes, yet another pain to deal with. I was so scared. All I could hear were voices shouting, then everything quiet. deadly quiet. I swear I could hear my own heartbeat.

The faces were blocked out by the sun, I could just see rough shapes when I did eventually open my eyes but not well enough. I just backed into the corner as tightly as I could, hoping the metal grate would swallow me up.

I was in there for a while, hushed voices murmuring words I couldn’t make out. I guess they didn’t know what to do with me - not that I even knew I was a girl, never mind what a big deal that was to the others. In the end, I considered making a run for it but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to jump up onto the edge. I tried to when someone made a move to come and get me, not wanting their help. I didn’t get very far but someone grabbed my arm. It turned out to be Gally and he lifted me out of there, keeping a grip on me so I couldn’t move.

He stared at me for a while, most of the others had gone - I’d realise later that he’d told everyone to clear off. Eventually, he was the one who showed me around, kept me close to him while he tried to figure out what to do. By this point, he’d explained why I was different, and why things were strange - like I’d know if things were different from normal at that point. It was all so overwhelming.

I didn’t meet Alby ‘til a lot later. I don’t remember much about that- I was so tired. I thought at first Gally was the one in charge, seeing as he took the lead on pretty much everything when I first got there, but Alby was just busy with something. I didn’t meet Newt either, not for a few weeks after that - but I don’t blame him. His leg was shucked pretty badly. I wouldn’t have been feeling up to playing nice with the new greenie either. We got along pretty well in the end though. Obviously.

“Ebbs? Earth to Ebbony?"

Who? Bringing myself out of my daze I look up to see amused faces grinning at me. “What?”

“Box is here. You ready?”

Oh. Right. Dusting myself off, I get to my feet as Ben and Chris pull the metal grate open.


	29. Our family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story turned 1 year old in February so I did a thing on [tumblr](www.hopelesstmrblogger.tumblr.com/ka+week) and I was asked to write a little from each of the boys about how they feel about Ebby so if you're interested, then I posted it on AO3 [ here. ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6126382)Time wise in this story, it comes in just about right now, between chapters 28 and 29. As always, feel free to come talk to me and ask me whatever I'd love to hear from you!
> 
> Also, a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has left kudos and comments. It means so much and really helps motivate me. Thank you for staying with me and my lack of regular updates xx

“Like taking food from a shuck baby.”

“Thanks for the bacon Zart.”

“Shut your shuck faces. You’ll get it.”

The noise that erupts around me is positively gleeful. I don’t bother hiding my smirk at Zart’s pouty face. Serves him right for betting at all really.

Looking down at the greenie, who was most definitely a boy, I can’t help but feel a sense of dread. Not for him - I mean, sure it’s sad and all but in all honesty at this point it’s more like a right of passage for everyone anyway - but how much longer is this going to go on for? How many new faces am I going to see come up here, terrified out of their minds.

I don’t have time for this - it’s probably just the one year blues hitting me. If that’s even a thing. I look over to Gally who still seems to be sizing the green bean up. Maybe he’s thinking about the same things I am? Is the second year harder than the first? Newt didn’t take it too well. I hope Gally’s okay. Or maybe he’s just trying to figure out if it’s safe for me to go down.

I mean, Green-Bean looks okay, scared out of his shuck mind but that’s nothing new. He’s crouched in the corner, blinking furiously against the bright light trying to get a good look at us. The voices laughing and cheering won’t help though - he won’t realise it’s not for him. Chris is taking his time to mess up Zarts hair now and a few other shanks have taken to pushing each other about. I suppose now it’s not a girl it’s not that interesting. Slintheads.

I’m just about ready to voice my thoughts on the newbie when Gally catches my eye shaking his head. With a furrowed brow I look again to see what it is that is different about him. Why on earth would he stop me from helping? It seems to make a big difference - or at least it hasn’t made things worse seeing as no one’s told me otherwise.

Is he being paranoid? After everything in the past month does he not think I can handle it anymore? Like I’m weak, pathetic, too fragile to handle any kind of responsibility? - No. No it won’t be that. Out of everyone Gally is probably the least likely shank to do that to me. But then what is it? He looks pretty much exactly like Jeff did. Maybe is it that. Shuck. 

Carrying on regardless, because it needs doing anyway no matter who does it, Gally drops down onto the metal grate with ease. Startled, the greenie flings himself backwards into the side of the box. That can’t have been comfortable. 

“Easy now Greenie. Let’s get you out of here.”

“No!”

It happens almost too quickly to make out. The new boy suddenly lashes out, shoving Gally hard, managing to knock his arm out of the way. Lunging forward, there’s a flash of limbs and Gally rears his head back out of the way. I think the Greenie got a swing at his nose - it’s hard to tell. 

But there’s a reason that Gally hasn’t been beaten by the Greenies in the ring before and it shows. In the same moment, Gally manages to twist him around by his shoulder, knocking his feet out from under him. They both drop to the floor where Gally keeps him pinned down. I can’t hear anything over the racket the others are making at first but I soon pick out their voices.

“Stop struggling. Just relax.”

“Get off of me!”

“Hey!” I try to call down to them but the noise just gets drowned out in and amongst the racket that others are making. Sucking in a deep breath I bellow at the top of my lungs.“Slim it!” 

The shanks around the box falls into silence to let me speak. It’s almost ominous considering how loud it was a second ago but never mind. The newbie squints up at me as best he can, craning his neck from his pinned position on the floor. “It’s gonna be okay! We don’t want to hurt you.” 

He doesn’t say anything, still trying to wriggle out from underneath the stranger on top of him. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, because he really doesn’t know any better but I don’t feel the most patient right now, I do my best to keep my voice clear and calm. “We just want to get you up here safely. But you’re not gonna hurt us either okay? That can’t happen -so cut it out.”

The greenie seems to sag slightly, hopefully in defeat. “Okay! Okay. I’m sorry just - get off me? Please.

Gally flicks his eyes up to me, nodding slightly before turning his attention back to the boy. “Alright. We’re gonna try this again. Do it without swinging for me this time.”

Hauling him up to his feet, Gally keeps a firm grip on his arm while Zart lowers down the rope. A moment later the greenie is safe and sound scrambling up from the ground. He turns on the spot slowly, trembling, before throwing up on the grass. The Gladers closest to him recoil in disgust. Bunch of babies. It’s really not that big a deal. It’s a lot to take in for the green-bean.

“Gross.”

“Dude no!”

“I am not cleaning up that klunk.”

A new voice makes its way through the crowd towards us. “Right shanks shows over. Back to your business.” Rolling his eyes, Alby steers him towards homestead after he’s finished coughing up whatever his last meal was and just like that it’s over. The greenie portion of the day is done, until tonight anyway. 

In a way, it feels rather anti-climatic. I guess Zart’s hunch got to me more than I’d care to admit. What if it was girl? I’ve never met one before, I don’t think I count from my own perspective at least. Would it even matter? She would just be another person anyway right? Or maybe it would change things. I’m only just getting my head round things the way they are now. I suppose I’m not very good at change. But then, I’ve supposed that I’m not very good with a lot of things that I’ve managed to do anyway. Maybe having another girl around would be nice. 

While he’s down there, Gally starts passing up the supplies that came up with him to the keepers who stayed behind. I grab a box that seems to be full of wax paper. I swear, the creators make no sense. Fry hardly uses the paper he’s got. There’s like a full chest of this stuff already.

“Ebbs?”

Humming in reply I flick my eyes up from to box to see Gally looking at me expectantly. Checking to see what I’ve missed this time, I find that the others are nowhere to be seen. I furrow my brow glancing round for them. 

“You gonna stare at that box all day?”

“Might do. That okay?” I can’t help but deadpan, Gally is that stoic it just has to be done.

His lip curls slightly and I feel a sense of accomplishment. “You’re jacked up.”

“Probably. No use cryin’ bout it though.”

“Good that.“ Huffing a laugh, he helps me to my feet grabbing one of the boxes and motioning for me to follow along. “C’mon, let’s get all this stuff to Frypan.”

“Maybe the creators are trying to get him to bake cookies.”

“Who knows?”

Falling into sync with a crate of my own in tow, I take a moment to process the latest events. That Greenie took a really good swing at him, but Gally hardly seems phased at all. If that had been me down there, well. It probably wouldn’t have gone so well. 

“Are you okay?”

He glances over to me for a moment furrowing his brow quizzically. “Yeah? I’m fine. I’ve had a lot worse - don’t worry about it Girlie.”

Nodding, we fall into silence but my thoughts won’t let it rest. He should know better than to think I’m just going at act like that didn’t just happen anyway. “How did you know?”

Gally just shrugs nonchalantly. “I could just tell.”

“But how?”

One long suffering sigh later, he slows to a stop and glares at me. I’d worry about it but I can’t seem to find the motivation to. I highly doubt he’s actually annoyed anyway. Gally likes playing the tough guy, he forgets I’m still not used to the whole greenie routine yet. “I’ve had a lot of practice I guess. You eventually figure out how to tell the ones who are gonna take a swing.”

“But you still go down anyway?”

“Someone’s got to. Besides, I can take it, and it’ll stop someone else from getting hurt or the greenie hurting themselves.”

“Huh.” The noise escapes me before I have the chance to catch it. I hadn’t actually thought of it like that before. I kind of feel silly for being annoyed with him for not letting me go into the box now. “Well, thanks.”

“Good that.” Deciding that I must be satisfied with his answer when I don’t have anything else to add, Gally carries on toward the kitchen and I have to jog a little to catch up.

I spend most of the afternoon doing laps around the Glade. It’s been a slow morning since Zart asked me to give them a hand in the field before the box came up so I hadn’t gotten any running in yet. I’ve had this itching under my skin ever since I’ve stated running again to feel the adrenaline flow through my system.

Now I have a good reason, I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard - going for longer and longer. Faster too. I’m not up to par yet, it takes longer than that but it’s not such a big deal. I only need to be faster than whoever the new runner is going to be. the rest will come in time. 

Covered in a sheen of sweat, I try to keep my breathing steady. It’s not easy by any measure, but the powerful feeling coursing through my body as I push myself harder is addictive and exhilarating. I was right about it helping. Running is a funny thing; for it to ache and feel good at the same time doesn’t really seem logical and yet here I am, willing myself to make it round the Glade at least one more time before I take a break. It’s only when you have to count the laps that you realise just how big the Glade actually is. 

I speed up when I finally near homestead. Might as well give it all I’ve got just for the last leg. It hurts and I know I’m probably cursing away to myself under my breath like some jacked up shank but I’ll be shucked if I’m gonna make things easy for myself. I want to get back to being as fast and being able to run for as long as I used to be. Things worth having are never easy anyway.

I’m not ashamed to admit that when I finally stop I end up lay on my back in the grass, panting something fierce. My legs shake and my whole body feels like a lead weight. Running is weird. You can feel powerful and strong while simultaneously feeling like you’re fighting yourself to keep putting one foot in front of the other then when you finally stop, you wonder why your body didn’t give out on you at some point. Have to admit though, I hate this shaky feeling. It reminds me too much of the last time I was in the maze for my liking. I’d come out of the box a lot fitter than I am now so training wasn’t such a big deal back then, it was more about learning how to count the turns really. Still can’t believe it’s been a year. Shuck. 

Can’t say how long I’m lay there, catching up to myself, but at some point Newt must have made his way over to me ‘cause the next thing I know he’s stood over me with a klunk-eating grin on his face. 

“Tired?” Slinthead.

Taking a minute to gather my thoughts, I prop myself up on my elbows. One hand is resting against his hip while the other is wrapped around a large bucket. I give him a withering look before flopping back down. 

“Water duty?”

“Slim it. I could always just take this back and make you go get your own y’know? Here I was, thinking you could use a drink and what do I get in return-”

“-Aw c’mon Newt don’t leave! I’m so very sorry.” Somehow I manage to keep a straight face through all the sarcasm. Minho would be proud.

“Better.” Looking rather smug, he sits himself down, handing me a cup of water. “Besides, I’ll have you know that Sloppers have a very important job. They don’t deserve half the klunk they get about it.”

“True. We’d soon notice if they weren’t there.”

“Exactly. Doesn’t hurt to help them out now and again.”

Toasting to each other, we sit in a comfortable silence. It’s more relaxing laying here when I’m not on my own. 

“You did a good job this morning y’know.”

Glancing over, I can see Newt squinting up at the sky, propped up on his elbows too. “Think so? I was kinda worried I’d put them off the idea.”

“Nah, I’d say they were bloody inspired love.”

I have to laugh at that. “Good that Newt. It’s Tim I’m more worried about though, he was acting really off. I mean, Minho probably won’t take him anyway, cause he’s a cracking builder but still- ”

“He didn’t put his name in for it.”

He didn’t? But then why is he acting really weird? And why would he be asking me about being a runner? Surely it’s not important. Unless it’s about the whole thing with Aiden. I mean, it’s probably not, but then he was okay before wasn’t he? 

I should just ask rather than get myself all worked up about this in all honestly.I try to keep my voice steady but I’m not quite sure if I manage it.“No? So then-”

“-Ben. Ben did, that’s probably what he’s jacking up over. I heard them arguing about it the other day.”

“Ah.” That? That actually makes a lot of sense. Ben and Tim have gotten really close - even though Tim has only been here a couple of months. He’s been really up and down too - Benny is good for him I think. Shank’s been here longer than I have anyway. It makes sense that he’s upset if Ben wants to be a runner but it’s not the end of the word anyway. If Ben ends up running that is. Won’t find out until later but I’m sure he’s not the only one going in for it. 

“Yeah. I reckon he’s just freaked out about it - I mean, Jamal. Then Aiden. Shank doesn’t have much of a good impression of the maze.”

“True. But then who does have a good impression of it?”

Newt huffs a quiet laugh. “Not me love.”

“Me neither.”

I flop down back onto my back and look at the sky. It’s so bizarre that there’s a sun but no clouds, stars but no moon. It makes me wonder where we even are. The silence stretches on but it’s a good kind of silence. Despite it all, I feel rather hopeful today.

“One day though.”

He makes a noise of agreement somewhere off to my side. “Yup. One day.”

More laps and a long, cold shower later, I make my way down to the bonfire which is already underway. I managed to catch a second wind of sorts and managed to power through long enough for the runners to get back in from the Maze. Minho had been the one to stop me for the day. In all honesty, I hadn’t even noticed how late it had gotten.

Sneaking up on Paul, I manage to launch myself at his back. He staggers slightly in surprise before catching me, jostling me about slightly to get a better grip.

“Really? Again?”

I make a noise of indifference, grinning into his neck. Minho and Adam just look on amused, but I know what’s coming next.”

“Good that Slinthead, you asked for it.”

Stepping away from the fire and the other gladers, Paul starts to spin. Twirling himself harder and harder while I clutch onto his shoulders for dear life. 

“Paul!”

“Nope. I’m not going easy on you this time Kiddo.”

He starts to sway, losing control as he grows more and more dizzy. At this point I’d screwed my eyes shut tight giggling to myself, just hoping that things stay the right side up. I tuck my face into his shoulder as best I can while clinging to his back. Of course, if I had opened my eyes then I would have realised that Paul was following this through until the end because he doesn’t stop until he’s toppling over, sending us both crashing to the ground.

“Argh - you shank.”

“Suck it up Shuck-wit. Serves you right for jumping a man when his back is turned.”

“Since when were you a man?”

“Klunk-face”

“I know you are but what am I?”

Snapping his jaw shut tight, he looks straight into my eyes and I look into his for several long moments. It’s almost painful to keep a straight face but I can feel the laughter begging to burst through. I only need to hold it in longer than he does. The small curve of his lip twitches, not much longer now. 

I can’t do it. After holding it in for what seemed much longer than it actually was, we both burst out laughing. Lay in a pile on the floor, tangled up in each other’s limbs, I laugh until my ribs ache. I adore this shank, he always knows how to make me laugh. 

“Can I tempt you Girlie?”

A short while later, eyeing the jar in front of me with a smile that still hasn’t faded, I consider my options. The last time I’d drank the stuff it turned out to be horrible. Not at the time, but afterwards. Then again, compared to everything else that’s happened in the last month or so, that was nothing. Even then, the shanks here drink this stuff all the time and never seem to complain - I’m sure I would have heard about it by now if they did. Maybe I just had too much last time.

“Maybe just a small one.”

“Really? So much for never touching the stuff again huh?” He raises his eyebrows for added effect, his lip pulling down in a smug little smirk like he told me so. Even though he totally didn’t. Slinthead.

“Hush your mouth. I can do the thing. It’s a special occasion.”

Huffing a laugh, Gally pushes a jar into my hand, clinking his own into mine. Before turning to give out the rest of them. “Good that girlie. Cheers.”

“You gonna actually dance with me tonight?” I have to call over to him a little seeing as he’s walking away.

“Yeah good luck with that one.”

“Stop trying to fight it Gally! I’ll get you eventually.” I will. I’ve decided.

The only shank who doesn’t seem to be enjoying himself tonight is Tim. I’m getting kind of tired of his moods to be honest now. I’d noticed him again, sitting away from everyone deep in thought. It takes me a while for me to go over though, after this morning is there really anything else I can do? I decide to just try and cheer him up instead.

“"Y’know, it’s about time someone took Gally out of the ring. Feel like trying again? I reckon you have a decent chance.”

“Would you bet your bacon on it?” He murmurs, shooting me a sly grin.

I laugh openly at that. “I, Timmy, am a sensible shank and do not endanger my bacon for anyone. So no. But I still think you should try.”

I nudge his shoulder playfully and for a moment I think it’s worked. But then he sighs heavily and rubs his hands across his face. 

“How do you do it? Keep going when so many bad things happen.”

Suppressing a groan, I suppose I should be more patient with Tim. Things haven’t been the best in the glade since he came up, but things will pick up eventually. They always do.

I sit myself down on the log next to him and take a swig of the amber liquid, stretching out a little. It isn’t so bad when you get used to it.

“I’m scared EbonyEbony.”

“You just gotta give it time Tim. Things get better in time. You’ve just got to wait long enough - ride it out. Everything will be okay in the end and that’s what you have to hold on to. We’re in here for a reason. It can’t always be bad right? Everything happens for a reason.”

“Even Jamal? Even Aiden?”

Huffing slightly I try not to cringe at the thought. I miss Jamal so much, and everything about how he died was unusual and unnatural. I’m not sure we’ll ever figure that out. As for Aiden? I still have no idea. I just have to believe things will get better. That’s what Jamal always said and he was right then, so he can be right now too. Right? I take in another mouthful, it’s only the aftertaste that’s rough really.

“Don’t ask me what that reason is - cause I’ll be shucked if I know.. But yeah. It must have been, everything else has.”

“I don’t want Ben to go in there.” So Newt was right. Not that I thought he was wrong, it’s just that there seemed to be more to it than that. I guess it just the way he deals with things.

“Not trying to be a slinthead about it Tim, but he knows just as well as you do what’s involved. Better even ‘cause he’s been here longer. Things like Jamal and Aiden don’t actually happen a lot. Besides, Benny a big boy and he can make his own decisions but it’s not like it’s the end of the world. You’re still going to see him every day, still going to wind everyone up with you’re tough guy competition and finally get one over on Paul and Minho. If Ben does get picked, and there’s no guarantee that he will, it doesn’t mean you’re going to loose him okay?”

He looks at me a long moment and I give him a small grin. When he returns it, I figure that’s about as good as I’m going to get right now. Minho will be picking a runner later tonight anyway so he won’t be kept in suspense for much longer.

“C’’mon Tim. It’s Greenie night - You’re supposed to be having fun! Go find Gally and try and get used to the stuff in the jars or something. Relax!”

Huffing a laugh, he nods and sends me a warm smile. Things seem to pick up again after that.

A short while later I’m sprawled out leaning against a log, watching the flames dance and flicker towards the sky. I really want to know where the moon is, it’s unnatural really. Maybe something happened to it? Or maybe we’re just in the wrong place to see it. Who knows. Maybe the moon isn’t even real and my memory is even more faulty than I’d first thought.

“Wanna dance?”

Clint has his hand outreached with an easy smile on his face. It feels warm but I hesitate, returning his smile with one of my own, even if it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. 

“Umm. I’m okay just now Clint. Thanks though.”

After missing only half a beat, Clint perks right up. “No problem.”  Nodding quickly, he winks at me before finding Jeff in and among the slicers. I can’t help but feel guilty as thought I’ve let him down. That was exactly what I was trying to avoid.

“C'mon kid.” Paul gripes, sitting himself down next to me on the log. Berated, I huff in annoyance. It’s like the slinthead can hear my thoughts. 

“C'mon nothing Paul. Leave it.”

“You love to dance.” 

“And I’ll dance. Just not right now.”

His eyebrows shoot up in sarcastic disdain. I’m almost offended but I’m distracted by how much he looks like Minho. Those two spend too much time together. “You have no intentions of dancing tonight. Don’t pull that with me.”

I suppose I really am transparent. What am I supposed to say though? That I’m too afraid I’ll hurt someone to relax? What if it all happens again? If I could stop anything bad from happening just by not dancing then it would be worth it. That all sounds pretty pathetic though and if I’m honest, I’m getting sick of hearing myself now.

“So what if I don’t? It’s probably for the best anyway.” 

“For the-? Shuck’s sake. Dance with me.”

“No thanks, I’m good.”

“Nope. You’re dancing, right now.” 

“Paul!” 

“Don’t Paul me. C’mere shank.”

He pulls me to my feet and practically drags me towards the open space by the fire. It’s warm and the smiling faces of the shanks that live here feel infectious. It’s not long after he twirls me around and sways with me that I give in and join him. He is such a ridiculous dancer, I love it. Flailing limbs and over dramatic choreography that never fails to make me laugh.  

Eventually, I loose myself in the sounds of laughter and the rhythms and sounds that fill the air. I love bonfire night. It always makes things better.

When we finally stop, I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. “Thank you.” I wonder if he realises just how many things I’m grateful for.

“Just remember not to let the bad things stop you from being you. Never be afraid to live okay?” Of course he gets it. He always does. I’d maybe think about arguing my point with him but I know him so well that I know I’d never win. He’s right really though. I can’t let what happened affect me so badly.

“Yeah Chief, I hear you."

I ruffle his hair and he barks a laugh before heading off to find Minho. I make my way over to where the medjacks and slicers are gathered round a crate of Gally’s jars.

“Get over here Clint.” I grin at him and he sets his jar down, taking my hand and flashing his teeth for good measure.  

Clint informs me that the new Greenie’s name is Malik. He wasn’t crazy about wrestling Gally in the ring - especially after this afternoon, but we managed to coax him into it. To show him there’s no hard feelings if nothing else. Gally goes easy enough on him to make it last longer than two minutes and the Greenie seems to perk up a little by the end of it, even with a face full of sand. All in all, the mood sees to lift even more by the end of it. Bonfire nights are great for letting off steam like that. 

When Minho eventually takes his stand to put everyone out of their misery, I’m pretty tired from all the dancing. It’s been worth it though. I’m glad that slinthead talked me round - dragged me round.

“Alright shanks, listen up. I know you’ve all been whining like a bunch of shuck babies about this whole new runner business and I get it. It’s a new thing. So I’m just gonna put you all outta your misery and tell you who we’ve picked. They’ll be training up with Ebony until they’re ready then joining us in finding the way out of this box.”

We all gather round Minho who is stood up on one of the logs so everyone can get a good look. The boys around me cheer with as much gusto as they can manage. I can’t help but grin. Greenie nights are the best for that. Everyone finally lets loose. It all quietens down pretty quickly though. I suppose this is a big deal for everyone. It’s times like this that I realise that even though we’re all different and have our own different jobs and separate routines, everyone is fighting for the same thing. It’s a sight to see when we all come together like this. 

“Ben? You’re it Dude. After tonight you’ll be a runner.”

The cheering that erupts is deafening. I do my own fair share and my voice feels  bit rough by the time I’m done. There might be a whole load of conflicting emotions among us all, but right now, everyone is celebrating. Celebrating being alive as if that wasn’t reason enough. Celebrating having each other. Celebrating the fact that we’re all in this together. We’ll get out of this place one day and for now, that’s enough.

When the crown dissipates and everyone goes back to the bonfire I find Gally off to the side, He’s stacking the almost empty jars into crates, something that usually doesn’t happen until the morning.

Wandering over to him, I reach around him to put my own in the crate. It’s still half full but I’ve been cradling it for the last good while, feeling the effects buzzing under my skin. He mustn’t have heard me coming up behind him because I seem to jar him from his own thoughts. Jumping slightly, he raises his eyebrows in question. 

“You finished?”

“Yeah I reckon I’ve had enough.”

He huffs a laugh. “So you won’t need me to carry you back this time?”

I grin at him, snorting a little. “I think I’ll manage. I thought you were sick of having to carry me places anyway.”

He chuckles despite himself, taking a swig out of his own jar before shrugging. “I’d manage.” I flash my teeth and help him to pick up the discarded jars. We wander further away from the fire following the trail of glass - lazy slintheads just throwing them about. It’s nice though, easy.

“You okay?” I’d told myself that I wouldn’t pester him but the words leave my mouth against my own volition

Sucking in a deep breath he sighs, though he just seems more tired than annoyed. “Yeah.” He opens his mouth to say something else but closes it again.

Watching him carefully it looks to me like he does want to talk after all. 

“I’ve just had a lot to think about lately.”

“It’s hard to believe it’s been a year huh?”

“Yeah. Time flies I guess.”

“Two years I mean, for you right?” The words sound awkward leaving my mouth and hang over us both.

Gally pauses, jar mid air and turns to face me. The expression on his face, soft. “How did you know?”

“Zart mentioned it earlier. When he was going on about his girl theory.”

He nods at that, but doesn’t say anything else, turning back to the task at hand.  I can’t see any more jars in this light so I give up,  sitting myself down in the grass. It kind of feels like a dam has been broken Now that I’ve openly acknowledged this whole year milestone thing, I need to talk about it.

“I can’t decide if it’s gone really fast or taken an entire lifetime.”

He hums in agreement, setting down the crate to join me on the ground. “The first year felt longer to me than this one. But then, things are better now so that’s probably something to do with it.”

“They’re better?”

“Yeah, things picked up around the time you got here.”

I nod slowly, deep in thought. I don’t really suppose I knew any better when I first got here to know if things were bad or good. Everyone was weird around me anyway because I was a girl.

Coming back round, I nudge Gally’s shoulder playfully.  “You didn’t like me at first.”

He scoffs at me with this incredulous look on his face, scrunching his features. “What? No. I didn’t - not - like you. I just- It was just a lot of different things happening at once. I didn’t really know what I was doing I just- I’ve never not liked you okay? I mean, you do a lot of stupid things sometimes, but y’know. That’s just you.” He adds nudging me back. 

“Slinthead.” I poke him in the ribs and he wriggles a little to move away.

“Tell me it isn’t true.”

“Nah. You’re right. I mean well though.”

“I know Girlie.”

For a while, we just sit there on the grass, the sounds of the fire and the other boys echoing round the glade. I remember Alby talking about the dark days but I figured that was really long time ago.  It’s hard to imagine it only being a year ago. Things weren’t that bad were they? 

“Gally?”

“Mm?”

“Was it really bad?”

Wetting his lips, he sucks in a deep breath, staring blindly at a patch of dirt. “We were getting by. Most of the fighting - y’know, the stuff Alby talks about sometimes? Most of that had stopped. We had started to figure things out and set up some kind of order. Things got better after that but it was hard. Everyone was pretty miserable but it was a better alternative than being at each others throats all the time. 

“The month or two before you came though, things got worse.  Something happened in the maze and Newt got hurt. Nick died. I got stung. Everyone was jacking up. Paul, Minho, Sam and Dave were the only ones going in the maze so they were having a hard time. The animals had started dying and the crops weren’t doing too good either - that was all Robert though.”

I remember Robert, however briefly. It’s one thing knowing about it and another thing realising just how many things were going wrong at once. I had no idea things were that bad. “Sounds awful.”

“It was, I mean, I was a runner then so I spent most of my time in the Maze - Y’know how it is.  So I wasn’t around it a lot I’d just heard about things from Benny and Fry mostly. We all still had our decent moments though. Like when we finished mapping the inner circle of the maze? That was a good day. It was terrifying but it was exciting too. Figuring out the best way to do things was a lot of trial and error but it felt good to be making some kind of progress.

“A lot has changed since then. It does feel like an entire lifetime though.”

“A lifetime that’s flown by.” I add, flicking my eyebrows.

“Pretty much.”

Huffing a laugh I give Gally a small smile, pulling at the grass at my side. Things sounded really bleak back then. I had no idea. I was there, and had no idea. I don’t know why it bothers me so much considering I wouldn’t have known any different but it does. I should have realised or something. 

“So you still want this dance?” Gally catches me off guard, lost in my own thoughts. He had stood up at some point, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

Furrowing my brow with a smile creeping up on my face, previous thoughts already forgotten, I hold out my hand for him to pull me up. "You’re offering?”

“Hey, if you don’t want to-” He shrugs before hauling me to my feet.

“Now I didn’t say that did I? I do. You know I do.” 

He grins and inclines his head back towards the fire. Falling into step, I walk back to the others with him, crates in tow. 

The bonfire is still going at full force. Tim and Minho are doing handstands over to the side much to the amusement of a small group of boys crowded round them. We pass them to join the shanks round the fire where the singing is louder.

Without further ado, Gally takes my hand and spins me round so fast I squeak in surprise. Grabbing onto his arms I laugh, throwing my head back while he chuckles at me. We shimmy side to side in time to the music until he spins me again and I trip over my own feet. He catches me before I trip all the way and laughing it off, I hug him tightly, wrapping my arms around his neck, still swaying slightly.

“Not that I’m complaining. But how come you decided to dance with me?”

“Like you said. It’s a special occasion.”

I smile into his chest. “Good that.”

For the rest of the night, I just sit back and watch the boys laugh around the bonfire until it starts to burn out. These shanks are my family and to be honest, I adore them all. They’re a bunch of slintheads, but they my bunch of slintheads. I can’t wait til we get out of here, but for now, this isn’t so bad. It could be worse. Definitely worse. If anything I’ve learned anything tonight it’s that things can always be worse. They can always be better too though.

“Here’s to you kiddo. One whole year of putting up with our klunk.” Minho raises his near empty jar into the air, swaying in a way that has very little to do with the music.

“Or one year of putting up with her klunk - depends on how you look at it.”

I bark a laugh at Paul and Minho, waving them off with one hand as they toast a drink in my honor. “Yeah yeah, I love you shanks too.”

“Obviously. Whats not to love?”

I sigh happily, an easy smile on my face. “Exactly.”


	30. Running in squares

It’s ridiculously early when I creep into Homestead. 

Climbing over the sleeping bodies, I do my best not to wake anyone up. I’d never hear the end of it if I did and it’s not like I haven’t got time to kill so I can be extra careful.

I’ve been up for a while already, feeling so restless I couldn’t get back to sleep. No crazy morning after sickness this time, not even any nightmares which made a nice change. Just an anxious humming under my skin that won’t leave me alone.

I’d wanted to do this when I first woke up but I’d made myself wait until it was closer to the wake up. Figuring that Minho needs his sleep otherwise he won’t be fit to run for one, and that he’s less likely to kick me out of his room if it’s not so early for two.

Yawning slightly, because I’m still kinda tired myself, I reach his bedroom door, hesitating for a moment. Maybe I’m just being stupid. No, I probably am. It’s probably nothing and I’m making a big deal out of this when I really just need to relax.

But I can’t relax. What am I supposed to do? What if I mess things up? I’ve never trained anyone before. I haven’t even been in the maze in months and what if things have changed or something? What if I don’t do it right and when Ben goes into the maze he dies?

Somewhere in between rants while I’m Internally freaking out, I realise I’m still hovering in front of his door like a jacked up slinthead. Minho did want me to talk to him about stuff anyway right? Sighing softly, I just decide to shuck it and push the door open, slipping through the small gap I make for myself. 

Minho is facing away from the door so I don’t see his face, only his bare shoulder and the hair on the back of his head peaking out from under the fabric. He doesn’t snore like Paul and Newt do. The room is quiet, messy, but quiet. It’s funny how it contrasts to Paul’s immaculate space; Paul doesn’t have time to mess things up and Minho doesn’t have time to put things away. 

I should probably just let him sleep. It’s not fair of me to wake him up just to whine like a baby. He needs his sleep anyway right? I suppose I can talk to him later about it all. I’m not looking forward to spending the hours ‘til the wake up on my own though. There’s no point in running seeing as I’ll be running with Ben later and time seems to drag when you don’t want to. Shuck it. I’ll live.

I’m just about to slip round the door again when the body shifts under the sheet, twisting until Minho’s face is blinking at the ceiling. I hold my breath, hoping he’ll go back to sleep but he must catch a glimpse of me out of the corer of his eye because the next thing, he’s blinking at me, sitting himself up slightly.

“Ebby?” His voice is rough, thick with sleep.

I duck my head sheepishly, pulling my face at being caught. “Yeah. Hi.”

“Did’a miss the wake up?”

“Nah not yet. I was uh - I was just gonna go, I mean it’s early so-” I gesture halfheartedly back to where I came from.

Min furrows his eyebrows, rubbing his eyes for a second to wake himself up a bit more. “Are you alright?”

Edging towards the door, I put on a smile, wishing I’d just left him alone. I feel bad about waking him up so early. “Well - yeah. I mean, I’m just-” I such in a deep breath and huff, holding my hands up as though there’s something to placate. “I’m good. Everything’s fine. You should go back to sleep. You’re dreaming anyway, I’m not even really here so -”

“Ebony.” I guess he’s not buying it. He sounds more awake now.

Stopping in my tracks, I wet my lips, my mouth feeling pretty dry. “Yeah.” It’s not really a question.

He pats the empty space on his bed and tilts his head back to beckon me over. I slink over to him while he asks, “What’s eatin’ ya?”

I sit myself down, crossing my legs on the bed. There’s a tiny hole in the cover and I’m tempted to poke at the stitching but I play with my fingers instead. “What if I mess this up?”

“This?”

It occurs to me then, that Minho probably has no idea what I’m talking about. It’s not like he’s been privy to my inner panic that I’m been subject to since I woke up or anything. “Sorry. I mean Ben.”

“Oh.” Minho nods like he gets it. “You won’t.” He shrugs flippantly.

I squint at him, trying to decide if he’s serious or if it’s just ‘cause he’s half asleep. “How can you even say that though Minho? I mean, you don’t know. I haven’t been in the maze for months - what if I mess things up, or forget to tell him about stuff and he goes in there and dies or something? I mean, I really don’t know if I’m qualified to do this. I know I thought it was a good idea at the time but Minho, it’s important! What if i do it wrong?”

He waits fora moment, probably waiting to see if I’m done cryin’ about it before casually retorting once again.“You won’t.”

He really doesn’t get it does he? “Listen, Minho-”

“-No you listen shank. You won’t and you know how I know?.”

Dejected, I decide to humor him. “How do you know?”

“Because I know you. Okay? You care too damn much about this to ever dream of messing it up. And besides, you’re not alone in this. I’m gonna be checking in with you both to make sure everything is going along nice and smooth-like. You know what you’re doing - have a little faith huh? You ran in that maze for almost 9 months. You know every little thing you need to know in order to survive out there. You know Ebbs.

“Do I really need to remind you that you, not anyone else but you, managed to navigate an entirely different path out of the maze while being chased down by a shuck griever. Have you forgotten about that already? That took guts, and brains. I know was teasing you about being soft, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You can do this.”

Looking into my eyes the entire time, he talks with such sincerity and conviction that I really don’t know what to do with it. I’m at a loss for words. I try opening my mouth a few times, only to give up and close it again. Eventually I settle on something and sound about as small as I feel despite how hard he’s trying. 

“I’m so scared of messing it up.”

“And I get that, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t freak out at the slightest hint of responsibility. But I wouldn’t have given you this job if I didn’t think you could handle it. You trust me right?”

Rolling my eyes lightly, I purse my lips together before replying. “Of course I do.”

“Well then, trust my judgement. I know what I’m doing.”

Snorting slightly at the cocky look on his face I nod, letting his words sink in. He really thinks I can do this. Maybe I can. But I still have no idea how I’m supposed to go about it. It was different for me, I learned everything whilst running the maze. 

“Where do I even start with him?”

He leans back on the bed, shrugging with ease and a small smile. “That’s easy. You start, by getting him geared up. Follow the usual routine. Gear, food, running. See what he’s made of. Take him in the map room and show him stuff in there maybe. Let him watch us map later. It’s his first day, so just see how it goes.”

I nod again, committing it to memory, it’s a better plan than what I had anyway- which was no plan at all, and Minho almost always seems to have these things figured out. There might be a problem if I show him the maps though. “What if he asks about how far we’ve gotten?”

“I’ll tell him tonight okay? Just tell him you’re not sure or something. As far as he knows, you could be out of the loop on that one.”

It sounds like he’s already thought of everything. I feel myself relax, sagging slightly and glance back to Minho with a small smile that feels a lot more genuine.

“Okay. Okay, good that Min.” I actually do feel a lot better, surprising myself. I guess I just needed a plan or something. I probably should have talked to him about this sooner. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” I add, scrunching my face in guilt. 

He snorts, shaking his head. “I’m not.

I chuckle quietly, the sound filling the small room and move to get up from the bed when there’s a hand on my arm.

“You can stay if you want - it’s not like you’re gonna go back to sleep anyway.”

Raising my eyebrows in a question, I glance over to him. He’s watching me carefully again. “What about you? You need your beauty sleep.”

Gasping in mock disgust, he shoves at my shoulder. “Shuck-face.”

I grin, looking down at my feet before glancing back to him. “You sure?”

“’Course. Get over here.” He budges over to the side, leaning back to make some room. Smiling, I creep over to the empty space, lying on my side next to him.

“Everything’s going to be okay Ebby. I promise.”

Looking up at him, I can tell he means it. What’s more, I believe it too. Stretching an arm across his chest, I give him a squeeze. He wraps his arm over my shoulder and after a little shuffling about to get more comfortable, I’m resting in the crook of his shoulder. 

“Good that Min.”

I don’t plan on falling asleep again, but in my defense I was still pretty tired. Between that and the way Minho strokes his thumb along my arm, I struggle to stay awake.

“Minho. Wake up ya lazy slinthead!”

I jolt awake with the pounding on the door, flailing slightly but strong arms catch me.

“It’s okay. S’only Paul.”

It takes me a moment, blinking groggily while I register what’s going on. When I do, I twist my back, stretching while I rub my face.

“Sorry, didn’t plan on falling asleep.”

“Don’t worry about it. You looked like you needed it. At least there were no nightmares this time huh?”

“Mhmm.” I’m not awake enough yet. Having a second sleep usually makes things feels worse, though it definitely felt like a good idea a couple of hours ago. I can’t say I feel that bad though. I hope Minho is okay, he seems it.

I slip out of his room, leaving him to get dressed. Paul does a double take when he sees me, raising an eyebrow with a grin on his face. He doesn’t say anything - yet anyway, pounding on another door along the hall instead.

“Wake up Benny! Day’s a-wastin’!”

“S’not wake up yet.” Ben sounds pretty annoyed already, the sun is only just coming up outside so it must feel early to him. I don’t know exactly seeing as I’ve always relied on my watch for the time - along with the fact that I’d been waking up at this time from my third week in the glade - but I can guess.

“It is now runner boy. Now get up - you’ve got a big day ahead.”

Paul and I both snort with laughter at the growl that comes from his room before making our way to find food in the kitchen. Frypan isn’t around yet so Paul takes his turn rooting through his larder to find us something to eat, passing out the packs to the Dave and the other runners as they emerge one by one. 

“So I was thinkin’- We should take Bark out for a run tonight. She’s been going out with Kenny and Steve, but I figure she should get a real run y’know?”

Sitting across from him I nod. The way he glances at me while he mentions it makes me think he wants to talk about something. Either way, I love taking bark out for a run, she’s grown so much already since she came out of the box and she’s still a little baby. 

“Sure thing chief.” He smiles, tucking into his food and for now, that’s it.

 I’m almost finished with my own breakfast, enjoying the familiar chatter, when Ben makes an appearance. Shuffling into the bench, he grumbles something before propping himself up on his arm.

“Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed today hm?”

“Slim it. If i’d have known I had to get up this early I wouldn’t have been up so late.”

Chortling, Dave ruffles Ben’s hair, placing down a plate in front of him. “Poor Benny.”

“Sucks to be you dude.”

“Sucks to be Ebony more like.”

The runners go back and forth, until Minho, who emerged not long after sleeping beauty, slaps Ben on the shoulder. “Ah, suck it up shank. You’ll be fine. Just wake yourself up some.”

“Yeah yeah.”

I share a look with Adam and Dave, grinning. That seems to be as much as we’re getting out of him for now. I suppose he’s just not a morning person- yet. At least he’s not a bad as Zart. 

Soon enough it’s almost time for the doors to open. I follow the boys out to watch them go.

“Be careful.”

“Always am.” Paul winks at me, grinning at me like he knows something I don’t.

Minho is the last to leave homestead. Walking beside Ben, they make their way over to us. “Ebony’ll take real good care of you Benny. Don’t worry about it.” I’m not sure which one of us he says that to in the end, but I smile at him anyway. 

“We’ll be fine Min.”

“’Course you will.”

The runners split off towards their doors. Paul, walking backwards so he can see us both, yells. “Good luck with the green-been Ebby!”

Furrowing his brow, Ben squawks indignantly. “I heard that! I’m no Greenie shank.”

Paul cackles, throwing his head back before calling over the noise of the doors splitting open for the day. “Don’t cry Benny baby, everyone has to start somewhere!”

A quick wave later and the boys are gone for the day, leaving the two of us standing there. It feels kind of awkward though I’m sure that’s just me, I don’t really know Ben all that well after all. 

“Should I just start running now?”

I turn to Ben who is looking at me expectantly. He seems kind of nervous too, maybe I’m not the only one who’s a little on edge this morning. 

“Not yet. C’mon.” Giving him a smile, I incline my head over towards the map room and he falls in step beside me as I make my way over to the wooden shed just behind it. We pass a couple of Gladers, sluggishly making their way to homestead. I hear Ben grumble a little behind me about how early it is.

“Let’s get you kitted up.

The shed is a little smaller than the tool shed for the Track-hoes, but then they have more things to stow away. Everything is still where it was from the last time I was in here, hung up on hooks and packed neatly into boxes and crates. We have Paul to thank for that.

Filing in behind me, Benny takes a good look around at all the equipment. “Do I really need all this stuff if I’m just running round the glade?”

I’m rummaging through the braces, trying to figure out which one look like the best fit for him, pulling my own out too - for solidarity or something. “Yep. Might as well start as you mean to go on, besides, it does help with the running. There wouldn’t be any point in using the stuff if it wasn’t useful.”

“Good that. What do I need?”

“Hold out your arms shank.”

He raises an eyebrow but he soon realises I’m not joking and obliges so I can start piling up the things he’ll need.

“Brace, shoes, pack, watch and these.” I add, throwing a small pile of fabric onto the top.

He cranes his neck a little to get a better look. “What are they?”

I shrug, trying to be casual though I feel more like giggling. “Minho calls them runnie-undies. Trust me, you’re gonna want to use them. Chafing is no joke.”

“Good that.” The words trails off with a degree of uncertainty. He’s probably processing or something. I guess it’s a lot to take in, but we’re just getting started.

Realising we’re about done, I fill in the silence. “Go get all this stuff on, put away and meet me back here. Normally you get ready first before breakfast but today’s the exception.”

Ben raises an eyebrow. “Even if all we’re doing is running round this box?”

“Even if that’s all we’re doing. That isn’t all we’re doing by the way, but like I said, you’re gonna start as you mean to go on.”

He huffs slightly before turning to get changed. I hope he’s not going to do that all day because it’s going to get old fast. I delve into a box at the back that has more shoes, trying to find a new pair in my size, most of the others are too big. I could probably get a little longer out of the ones I have, but I’d rather get some new ones.

“How goes it?”

Jumping so hard I whack my head on the shelf above me, I spin round to see Alby leaning against the door frame. I need to take a moment or two to compose myself, not my most dignified moment but at least it’s only Alby. I grab a pair that looks good before I turn back to him. He seems relaxed enough so I doubt anything’s wrong.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Sorry. Just checking to see how you’re getting on.” He looks apologetic, scrunching up one side of his face but I shrug it off. No need to make a big deal out of it.

“Ah. So far so good. Not had chance to do much yet but he’s off getting ready then we’ll see. 

Alby nods slowly, squinting across the clearing for a moment before turning back to me. “And how are you? It’s been a while since I’ve had chance to talk to you.”

Scratching the back of my neck I give it some thought; It has been a while since I’ve properly spoken to Alby. I suppose he’s just been busy and I’ve been keeping myself busy too. “Yeah, I’m alright. I was jacking up a little this morning I guess, but Minho talked it out with me.”

“Good that. Worried about taking this on?”

Unceremoniously, I plonk myself down and start striping off my boots to don the running shoes. It gives me time to think a little. “I just don’t wanna mess it up y’know?”

“Yeah I get it. You won’t though.”

I huff a laugh smirking at how he’s managed to say the exact same thing that Minho said earlier and nod. “So I’m told.”

Getting to my feet, I slip on the brace. It still feels exactly the same as it did the last time I had it on. I don’t know what I was expecting of course. It’s only been four months since I stopped running in the maze. It feels like so much longer though, so much has happened.

“You’re handing things really well y’know.”

Alby interrupts my train of thought. I do a mental double take because it’s not often he takes the time to pay someone a compliment. Something about the way he says it makes me think he’s talking about more than taking Ben on. 

“I am?”

“Sure, I mean - last few months, you’ve been through a lot. I just wanted to tell you that, y’know, I think you’re doing really well.”

“Oh. Well, thanks Alby.”

He shrugs and I figure that’s that. He isn’t one for grand gestures like that anyway so just the fact that he brought it up shows he means it. It comes across more as awkward really but I get it. I don’t really feel like dwelling on it all though, there’s not much use in that. Best to just forget about it and move on. This training with Ben is a step in the right direction with that. I think.

Alby stays with me until Ben makes a reappearance, idly chatting with me about the little things like Steve’s inability to stay out of the med-jacks for any length of time and how they found out who was breaking up the chairs for firewood. It was Josh coincidentally, he really should have known better but I doubt he’ll do it again if Alby was being serious about the talking to he got for his troubles. I’d wager that Gally roasted him for it.

It’s nice to just keep things light for a change and not have to try and figure things out; Normally Alby only has time for the serious stuff. It makes me realise just how long it’s been since we’ve spoken. I’ve kinda missed the shank.

When Ben does come back and Alby makes himself scarce, I lead him to the wall by the back of homestead where it’s nice and quiet. Seems a good a place as any to talk him through some things and get him thinking about counting the turns. Even if it’s a bit monotonous running round a square, he needs to learn how to keep count and remember these things. The more he does it the better he’ll get at it so it’s best to start now.

“Okay, so what we’re gonna do is just start off running and see where you’re at with - “

Ben cuts me off with a smirk in his voice. “No offence Ebony, but I’m a pretty good runner already. I don’t need your help with this part.”

Affronted, I shake my head a little. He’s actually dismissing me. Doesn’t he realise it’s more than that? I literally said we’d be doing more than running not half an hour ago. Slinthead. 

Shuck it. If he thinks he can do it, then let him try. I don’t see any good in arguing with him about it because he’s so stubborn. Maybe he’ll stop being such a baby if I let him figure it out for himself anyway. “Oh? Well then, go ahead.” I gesture off to the stretch of grass around the perimeter of the Glade.

Ben does a double take, as though that was the last thing he was expecting me to say. “What?”

“Start doing laps. If you’re as good as you think you are, I’ll tell Minho.”

He opens his mouth and closes it, like he might want to say something but decides against it before just setting off at a run around the corner. I watch him until he’s out of sight. He’s running too fast for himself, like he has something to prove, he’s gonna burn out pretty quickly at that rate. I was going to pace him and build it up slowly but never mind. Slinthead.

Grumbling in frustration, I scrub my face with my hands, stalking off inside homestead to go unwind on the benches for a bit. If he thinks he can do it on his own then let him try. He can come find me when he figures it out. 

It strikes me as odd just how wound up I am about all this, part of me wonders if I’m over reacting. I suppose I’m just frustrated that he didn’t listen to me. Maybe it’s just because of how worried I’ve been about this going wrong and this isn’t something I have much control over so it’s frustrating. 

“I thought you were training Ben today?”

Newt slips out from round the door to the kitchen, finding me just sitting there. I suppose it would look kind of strange.

“Apparently not. He says he does’t need my help.” I scoff, propping my chin up on my elbow.

He furrows his brow as he slides into the seat across from me. “Did you tell him that it’s not that simple?”

I nod and shrug halfheartedly. “He’s running laps as we speak. He can figure it out the hard way.

Newt chortles, flashing his teeth. “Poor shank.”

“Serves him right for being a slinthead.” Maybe I’m a little bitter.

“True.”

Contorting my face, I lean forward, gesturing haphazardly. “I mean, I get it, he wants to prove himself or whatever bravado makes him compete with Tim on basically everything, but I never said he couldn’t do it.” I’m not used to managing people like this, how am I supposed to get through to him?

He simply nods, eyebrows raised like he knows exactly what I’m talking about. “I don’t doubt it love. He’ll come around.”

Humming, I rub my face again. “I hope so.”

Chatting idly with Newt, I start contemplating going to find Zart to see if he has any jobs for me. I don’t want to be slacking and I enjoy being busy anyway. This morning has been a lot slower than I thought it was going to be. I’m just about to ask Newt for his opinion when Ben appears. He’s drenched in sweat and panting furiously.

I check my watch to find it’s only been about half an hour since I watched him run off. Maybe that would have been enough for the morning if he had let me work with him - it’s not like he’s used to running, but he made such a big deal about being able to run already that it just grates on me even more.

He falls into the kitchen, fixing himself a drink by the sounds of it before sitting himself down next to Newt, nodding at us both.

I wait a moment, a great restraint on my part seeing as I’m so annoyed, before passing any comment. “So why did you stop?”

He looks at me like I’m stupid. “Because I’m exhausted!”

“Okay. How many laps did you do?” I manage to keep my voice nice and calm. Again, a feat. Newt just watches on with a small smirk pulling at his lips.  

Ben falters for a moment, furrowing his brow. He doesn’t sound as cocky when he mumbles. “I dunno. Didn’t realise I was supposed to be keeping count.”

It registers in the back of my mind that I’m supposed to be mature about this. I’m the one who’s teaching him so I should be more restrained. It’s so frustrating though, he’s not taking this seriously. If he’d just listen to me-

In the end, I just give it to him straight. I’m not there to baby him right? He needs to get a grip and realise how daft he’s been. It might not be life or death right now, but it could be one day. We all need to rely and trust each other. Tough love never hurt anyone anyway right?

“Right-o. It’s just - I thought you said you were good at running?”

Ben whips his head up and for a second, I can see the hurt pinch his eyes before it hardens into a glare. Scowling, he pushes off from the table muttering to himself and storms out of the door, slamming it behind him. 

That’s great. Just - great. Really helpful. Dropping my head to the table with a thud, I groan loudly in frustration. This day really isn’t going according to plan.

A tentative hand reaches out to take mine in his own, running a thumb across my knuckles. I feel like I should say something, ask him for advice, anything but words fail me. I only just about hold in another groan about how shucked this is. I don’t really want to see Newt’s face now he’s seen just how badly I’m screwing this up either. 

Instead, Newt is the one to break the silence. Giving my hand a squeeze before getting to his feet.

“I’ll go talk to him. It’ll be alright love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger wasn't intentional I swear. But the length of this chapter was getting away from me and I found a nice cut off point. It also means an earlier update for the first time in months so yay! Thank you all for sticking with me! x


	31. Like a fungus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry it's been a while I have been writing a lot lately though. Drabbles and edits for #mazerunnerweeks on [tumblr](http://hopelesstmrblogger.tumblr.com/tagged/mazerunnerweeks/) and editing this story so I have been working away quietly.
> 
> There's a few things to update you lovelies on. :)  
> Firstly, this story now has a beta reader! The lovely [Shroomsmush](http://shroomsmush.tumblr.com/) is going through my many mistakes and the updated versions will be posted as soon as possible.   
> Secondly, the first chapter: Prologue, has been rewritten because I wasn't very happy with it. The story itself hasn't changed just how it was written. Any feedback on that would be amazing.   
> And last but not least, we have a final chapter count! There should be 10 more chapters after this one. The end is in sight my friends.
> 
> I'm also considering changing Ebony's name to Aliza. It's a Hebrew name that means Joy. ~~(I might have discovered My Immortal and been put off the name forever)~~ Anyway, we'd still have the nicknames like Liza and Allie or whatever. Any comments or suggestions on that also would be amazing I'm still rather undecided.
> 
> I know I don't talk on here enough but I just want to thank you all for your support so far with this story. The hits, kudos - comments especially, have all been a driving force in keeping me motivated throughout the last year and a half. If it wasn't for you, I would have given up on this a long time I go so I wanted to take a minute to express how grateful I am. It means so much. You make a big difference. <3 Stay safe x

I end up in the kitchen helping Steve and Fry get ready for lunch, figuring that at least I’m doing something and I wont have much to put away if Ben does come back.

If I’d kept waiting for Newt and Ben to return I would’ve only felt worse and luckily, they never seem to mind having me around. After gearing myself up for a busy day, I’d been too restless to just sit around doing nothing so I was grateful for something to do. 

Cooking is something that I actually quite enjoy; I wasn’t that bad at it when I’d tried it out either but trying it and helping out now and then is entirely different from feeding an army of Gladers three times a day every day. At least Steve and Fry aren’t the only cooks, there’s a few other shanks that work in the kitchen though they just keep to themselves - I don’t know them very well. The Sloppers help too sometimes if it’s really busy so the work always gets done.

“So then, the slinthead starts waving it around, getting the klunk everywhere. We were still finding it a week later.”

I choke with laughter, throwing another peeled potato into the pot. The two cooks have spent most of the morning filling me in on some of the more memorable Greenie trials - not just the ones in the kitchen but stories from all around the Glade, as told by the other keepers. It makes me feel much better about my own - although my incident in the Medjacks hut is still on Steve’s top ten. I’m still adamant that anyone could have knocked over that candle though. Clint really shouldn’t have left it there. At least I managed to put the fire out before anything serious happened, Newt was in the next room after all.

The laughter dies off rather abruptly when Ben’s voice reaches us. He’s leaning half-way inside the door looking rather sheepish but it sounds like it’s not the first time he’s tried calling. “Ebony, can we talk?”

Drying off my hands, I nod. “Sure.” Flicking my eyebrows and giving them a small wave, I say goodbye to the other boys.

Slipping round the door behind him, I follow Ben outside into the sunlight. For a few moments all we do it walk aimlessly. I can feel the tension easing a little so I think things are going to be okay. I don’t know what Newt said to him but I’ll have to find him and say thank you later. He always seems to know the right thing to say to get things working again. 

There’s just something about Newt that makes you want to do better, try harder. He just has a knack for putting things into perspective and making things that seemed pointless a little more worthwhile. 

“This is kinda awkward now huh?”

Coming out of my reverie, I glance over at Ben. He does look kind of awkward, shoulders hunched up, an unconvincing smirk on his face. The false bravado grates on me but I can tell he’s trying - I don’t want to throw that back in his face. I suppose he’s feeling bad about how things are going today too. I’m sure we both could have dealt with things better now that I think about it. 

But then, if he wasn’t so damn stubborn in the first place and desperate to prove something, then things would have gone so much smoother. Instead, he’s just wasted half a day doing his own thing then going off in a huff when I opened my mouth about it.

That won’t help things though.

Huffing slightly with a small smile, I shake my head lightly. “Look, you’re the one who went off in a strop Benny. I’m not here to fight you on everything; I’m here to get you ready. It’s only gonna be weird if you make it weird.”

Ben scratches the back of his head, chewing down on his lip with a frown. “Yeah. Yeah okay. I’m sorry for y’know, running off on my own and not listening to what you said earlier. You know what you’re doing.” 

His admission makes me wonder what exactly Newt talked to him about. Maybe I wouldn’t find out. I trust Newt though, I’m sure he would tell me if I’d done something wrong.

“I guess I just wanted to prove I could do it.” His voice is quieter, like he’s giving away a secret. Thinking on, I realise that maybe that’s exactly what it is. We all have things we’re insecure about here. All that bravado seems less pointless the more that I think about it. We’ve all acted braver than we feel at one point or another. 

I reach out to clap his shoulder, giving him a small smile in what I hope is encouragement. “You can do it Benny okay? I have no doubt about that at all. But you don’t have to do it on your own.” We all really need to stop thinking like that. We’re all in this together after all. No one’s really alone in this place. 

When he doesn’t reply, I sigh a little, trying to move on seeing as there’s not much point in crying about it now it’s been dealt with. Taking a look at my watch, I come up with a new plan for the day.

“Alright. Well, It’s almost lunchtime, you’ve been running for a while already - so how about we grab an early lunch and I’ll talk you through what plans I’ve got and stuff?”

“Sounds good.”

Frypan raised a weary eyebrow when I tried to pry him for an early lunch. He gave in in the end anyway, most likely because he had an idea that this morning wasn’t exactly going smoothly. Food remedies a lot of problems apparently.

“So what’s all this counting the turns stuff? You mentioned it earlier and Newt said it was important.”

Sitting across from Benny I swallow down my mouthful before answering, gesturing as I go. “It is important. Okay, so when you’re in there, you’ve got to remember where you are in relation to the door right? So you know how to get out most importantly and also so you can write down the route you take when you get back.”

“Can’t we just write it down? There’s pen and paper in the pack so I thought that was what it was for.”

“True, you can do that, but in all honesty, you spend most of the time running so you don’t have time to write down everything. What you would do, is write down a few main things as you go then maybe some more while you’re eating your lunch; Like if you passed a crossroad, or if something seemed out of place.” 

He furrows his brow in concern. “So I have to remember the whole way out in my head?”

I shake my head, taking a drink - trying to act as calm about this as possible. I don’t want to freak him out any more than I already have. “Relax Benny. While you’re running, you’ll cut down a piece of vine every so often and leave it on the floor. When you come back, you follow those as well as your memory. You just have to remember to kick them to the side when you’re running back so no one gets confused the next day.”

I can practically see the cogs turning in his head, trying to commit it all to memory. He needs to calm down and I’m not doing a very good job of it. I consider reaching out for his arm or something but I don’t feel like I know him well enough for that. If it was Newt or Minho or something then of course, but it doesn’t seem appropriate so I think better of it. I’ll just have to use my words instead. 

“Don’t stress out about this Benny. We’ve got time for you to learn this stuff and get better at remembering, and we can go over old maps as well so you have a better idea of what I’m talking about. Everyone’s got a different way of remembering it all anyway so we’ll figure out what works best for you and go from there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the way that I counted the turns and kept track of where I was, was the same as how Paul does it - he was the one that trained me. But it’s a lot different to how Dave remembers things. Minho does it differently too. You’ll get a better idea when you talk to the other guys about it and you’ll see what I mean. One way might be easier than the others, or you might come up with your own way.

“We’re gonna go in the map room later and I’m gonna show you around. Then you can see the other runners write their maps too. Remember it’s your first day, no one expects you to pick this all up right away. Even when you do go in the maze, you wont go in on your own.”

He makes a sound of acknowledgement, going back to his food. I’m not exactly convinced he’s okay but Ben is a big boy and I’m doing my best so we’ll just have to get on with things. I’m kind of sick of talking anyway. 

The whole thing makes me wonder if Paul ever felt like this with me, it was such a long time ago - it feels like a long time ago anyway. I’ll have to ask him later. 

“You should have seen the mess I made of things when I started.” I muse out loud, waving and apple around. “I had trouble remembering and stuff- but Paul soon whipped me into shape. I’m not telling you this is gonna be easy Benny, but you’re gonna be fine. I hated that slinthead for weeks.” I add, grumbling around my meal. Ben snorts a laugh into his food and after that, the whole conversation feels a lot lighter.

We both finish our lunch in a much better mood than we started. Ben letting me in on the plans he and Tim had for Minho and Paul which I honestly couldn’t wait for. It was about time those two got a taste of their own medicine. It would be nice to have some fun around here again after how serious everything has been.

Motioning for Ben to follow suit, I set off at a slow jog along the maze wall. Almost everyone has headed in for lunch themselves now so it gives us a little privacy - not that he would admit it anyway, but I figure that if I feel better running without an audience then maybe he will too. 

We spend the next few hours alternating between running and walking round in circles - squares? Whatever. I can tell he’s tired but make the decision to push him anyway, reckoning he’s capable of more than he thinks. He takes it pretty well - he hasn’t started swearing at me yet anyway. All the while, he’s counting every time we pass homestead. I do the same so we can get an idea of how easy it is for him to keep count. 

It’s different running with someone round the Glade as opposed to going round on my own. Instead of getting lost in the rhythmic pounding of my feet against the ground, I’m constantly aware of myself, the boy beside me and all the other movement in the glade. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, seeing as how I’m supposed to be working with Ben not just running with him but it is different.

The whole thing still feels a little strange but I reckon that’s just cause it’s new. I suppose it’s just a matter of time - and then it’ll feel weird again when he heads off into the maze and I go back to the gardens.

I have to admit though, I was a little worried that he would complain about it being boring running round the same four walls all the time - I think I’m a little defensive over it seeing as I run around then all the time, but he hasn’t complained at all, at least not about that.

By the time we finish running for the day, I’m pretty impressed with him. The shank is exhausted and did nothing but whine for the last few laps but he did really well. His counting was pretty decent, only a few out - assuming that I got the right number, after all I’m a little rusty too. He’ll hate me even more tomorrow when he feels the burn from today but I can’t bring myself to worry about it. 

A quick glance at my watch tells me the runners will start coming back in about an hour or so, so I figure it’s a good time to take him into the map room and show him around. Minho had said to let him watch them draw the maps so it should work out okay time-wise. 

After hauling myself upright, I pull him up from a heap on the floor, motioning for him to follow. Ben groans loudly pulling a face.

“Relax ya big baby. You’re done running. Minho wanted me to show you the map room.”

He perks up a little at that, probably wanting a glimpse into the illusive little hut. Not many gladers are allowed to see what’s inside - Alby’s decision - and for that reason alone, everybody wants to see it. Obviously.

Just as I’m about to breach through the door, I turn back to face Benny. He’s a lot closer than I’d estimated and I have to push against his chest so he doesn’t bang into me. Apologising, he falls back a step or two.

“What is it?”

“This might be obvious, but you can’t tell anyone about the maps. Details I mean. Minho is gonna talk to you more about it later, but I just wanted to make it clear first okay?”

He acts like he already gets it. “Yeah.”

“Even Tim.” I add, raising my eyebrows as though to emphasise my point. It’s not that I think he’ll say anything really, he just needs to know it’s important.

For a moment, he looks kinda sad, glancing down at his feet with a frown. “Sure. He’s in a mood with me anyway.”

With a grimace, because I probably should have been more thoughtful about mentioning Tim, I clap him on the shoulder in solidarity “Don’t worry about Tim, he’ll come round.” 

“Hope so.” 

I think it’s just a matter of giving it time in all honesty, Tim needs to get over it already. Nothing is easy in the Glade. The more time we spend moping, the worse things get.

Dropping the subject, I push my way inside, gesturing as I go. “So this is the map room.”

“This is it?”

I snort at his disappointment. “What were you expecting Benny?”

He simply grins, shrugging in answer. While Ben is looking round the room I go ahead and open up a chest and dig out a few maps from section four. It’s the most straightforward - if that’s even possible - of the lot so it’s as good a place to start as any.

Arranging them haphazardly on the table for us both to see, I start to explain. “Okay so, Every day, the runners run their sections of the maze, come back and draw their route. Then they get labeled and filed into these chests. One for each section.”

It occurs to me once that maybe I shouldn’t have worded it quite like that. It implies that we know about all the sections in the maze and I was supposed to be avoiding that particular topic. I wait awkwardly with baited breath for him to ask how we know how many sections the Maze is but it doesn’t come. 

“These are from the same section right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why are they different? Or are they different parts of a whole kind of thing?”

I’m actually kind of impressed by his question. It shows that he’s definitely thinking and trying to figure this all out. Feeling a small smile creep on my face, I straighten out the maps across the worktop for something to do with my hands.

“All the same section. It’s different because the walls inside the maze move at night. It’s the main reason it’s so hard to figure out the way out.”

“Move?”

“Yup.”

He doesn’t say anything else for a few moments, seemingly deep in thought so I leave him be, leaning with my back against the table. Trying to put myslf in Ben’s shoes, I figure this day must feel really long for him. A lot of new things and a lot of information to try and process. For all my complaining - and his - I suppose today isn’t going that badly.

“What if you made a model?”

Jarred from my thoughts as he breaks the silence, I scrunch up my face quizzically, not quite following his train of thought. “Whaddya mean?”

“Like a model of the maze, with wood and stuff, then you can see a mini version of it and the glade, maybe it could have walls that come out so when they change in the maze the model can change?”

The idea is so simple but it’s brilliant. None of us had thought of it before but he’s absolutely right. Being able to see it in a different way might just be the thing we need to figure this buggin’ thing out. It makes perfect sense that it’s Benny that thinks of it too, being a builder for so long. The whole thing is just spot on and I feel the excitement creeping up on me.

“Just a thought though, we don’t have to or-” 

Shuck I must have taken too long to answer. Quickly, I move to reassure him. “-No no. It’s an amazing idea.”

“Really? I just thought it might help get a different perspective.”

“Absolutely. It’’s brilliant Benny! It could be just what we need. Make sure you tell Minho about it later. He’ll love it.”

“You’re sure it’’s not stupid?” He doesn’t sound very sure of himself, but he still looks rather pleased - quite rightly so.

“Of course not. No one else has thought of that before as far as I know. This is really good. Maybe it’ll help us see things in a different way and we can figure out how to get out of here faster.”

“Good that.” The genuine smile on his face is the best thing I’ve seen all day.

We spend the remaining time until the other Runners arrive going over the maps and just getting him acquainted with the whole concept. Every so often he’ll ask a question and we’ll go off in a tangent about the maze or the runners. Sometimes I think it’s hurting more than helping but he seems determined to take in as much information as he can.

It’s almost peaceful standing around in silence when the other boys come in to draw their maps from the day’s run. Ben watches in fascination while I look on in a weird kind of nostalgia. I miss this part of being a runner the most - actually having something to bring to the table that might get us out of this mess. It makes you feel very useful.

After they’ve deduced that there’s no change yet again, Minho turns to us both, looking tired but determined as usual.

“How’s he been Ebby?”

Glancing over, I notice Ben looks pretty tense. Maybe he’s worried about what I’ll say. He should know though, that this morning was dealt with already. No matter what we need a new runner anyway so there’s no point in crying about it, it’s about survival after all.

I nod, a tight-lipped grin on my face as I try to be positive about the whole day for all our sakes. “Yeah, it’s been eventful but we got a good run in, went over some maps, talked about a lot of stuff. As first days go it wasn’t so bad.”

Huffing a small laugh, as if he knows exactly what kind of day I’ve had, Minho grins, clapping me on the shoulder. Nodding to himself as an afterthought, he motions for Ben to follow him.

“Good that. C’mon Benny, got some more stuff to talk about.”

That would have been Ben’s queue to gripe about being tired if it was me that had said it but instead he simply nods and falls in line. I guess the boss man commands more respect than I do.

Stretching out my back, I wait for Paul to finish filing away the day’s maps. He flashes his teeth at me in a smile when he’s done and I roll my eyes before we head towards the smell of whatever concoction Frypan had made for the evening. It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve properly spoken to him, even though it hasn’t at all. 

“Was I a slinthead when you were training me?”

A little later, Paul and I are outside the Slicer hut with an energetic Bark running around our legs. We’re taking it in turns to throw the tennis ball that had materialised from the box supplies a few weeks ago. She’s actually really good at playing fetch, Kenny and Steve have been great with her. Maybe one of them asked down for it or something.

“Yep.” He puts a lot of effort into his pitch and Bark disappears into the darkness - I hope she can still see the thing.

“Ben was a slinthead this morning. I wanted to thump him after the first half hour.”

He smiles widely, enjoying my whining like it’s karma coming back to bit me on the backside. Probably is by the sounds of it. “Yeah, you were a total pain in the ass. I pretty much hated you for the first week or two.”

Bark barrels towards us, only narrowly missing my legs as she circles round to drop the ball by his feet. Dozy dog. I make a big fuss out of her all the same, she’s perfect. 

“Then I grew on you right?” I ask, looking over to Paul expectantly.

He snorts, not even bothering to turn in my direction, following the ball with his eyes as it disappears once again. “Like a fungus.”

“Klunk-bucket.”

“I know you are but what am I?”

We dissolve into soft chuckles. It really is relaxing just taking it easy and not having to be so serious all the time.

“You’ll get there with him. Don’t worry about it.”

I nod slowly. “Yeah I know. The second half of the day was better. It just feels like everything I tell him just jacks him up a bit more.”

“So just focus on the training then, don’t talk about the maze.” He makes it sound so simple. Maybe it is. Now the first day is over and he knows a lot more about the maze and how things are going to go, it should - in theory - be a lot easier. We can just focus on the running, and the memory stuff and Minho can fill him in on anything else.

“Mm, good that.”

Eventually, Bark wears out and flops down in a panting heap on the floor. I fetch the water bowl for her and we take a seat on the grass beside her. Paul absentmindedly strokes his fingers through her fur while I fill him in on the rest of my day.

“He suggested we make a model of the maze y’know.”

His eyebrows raise in pleasant surprise. “A model huh? Best thing that’s come out of his shuck mouth yet.”

Huffing a laugh I nod before lounging back on the grass. Closing my eyes I revel in the quiet. “Agreed.”

“Speaking of shuck mouths, have you thought much more about these feelings of yours?”

My eyes flick open at his question and I do my best to suppress a groan. I suppose I should have known he was going to bring it up but the question takes me by surprise all the same.

He takes my silence as a confession. ”Thought not. Slinthead.

I squawk indignantly, propping myself up so I can get a good look at him. “Y’know, I have actually. So hush your mouth Shuck-nugget.”

Raising his eyebrows in pleasant surprise, Paul’s mouth turns up into a grin. "You have? Good. Bout time klunk-face. So?”

I flop back down onto the grass covering my face with my arms for good measure. It’s not like I haven’t tried. It’s just that every time I try and figure it out, all I get is jumbled white noise. I still have no clue how I’m supposed to decide. Maybe the ground will swallow me up if I wish for it hard enough. I open and close my mouth a couple of times searching for the words. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Uugh - I want to thump you sometimes. Why can’t you just decide already Ebby it’s killin’ me.” The slinthead is so dramatic, acting like I’m doing it on purpose. As if I’d enjoy this. 

Scowling, I kick at his foot. There’s no real fire to it though, I know he’s just messing around. He’s still not being very helpful though.

Looking over to me, he expression softens. He pulls his face in thought, the joke over. “I mean, I don’t blame you after Aiden, ‘cause I kinda figured it would put you off but Kiddo, you can’t-

“-It’s not that.” We’d had this conversation already at the bonfire. Not everything has to be about Aiden, he’s gone after all. The less I have to think about that the better. I’ve decided that that was probably something I’ll never understand 

“Then what is it Kiddo?”

I sigh, trying to figure it out. Maybe it is the same as the other night. Not because of Aiden but because I care too much about the boys who live here. Every time I so much as entertain the concept of liking someone more than others, I just picture telling everyone and I feel overcome with guilt about how they might feel. What if it hurts them? What if I loose the friendships I’ve got? Or what if I make the wrong choice and mess everyone around even more? If it’s already causing problems now, what will happen if I do decide? What if it makes things worse? 

It takes me a while to find a way to voice it but Paul just sits there patiently. “Someones going to get hurt aren’t they? No matter who I pick, someones going to be let down.”

He blinks at me a couple of times.“That’s whats stopping you?”

His tone makes me think that maybe I’m thinking about this the wrong way. “No. Yes but - It’s - I don’t know Paul. I’m just worried. I don’t want to hurt anyone. We all have to live together at the end of the day.”

Paul huffs, running a hand over his face. He doesn’t reply right away, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “Everyone knew what they were getting into Kiddo. It’ll be alright. if you pick someone or if you don’t then that’s up to you okay? But don’t let the fear of what might happen stop you. The ones that matter won’t let anything change if you don’t pick them okay?”

“It’ll make things awkward at least.” I persist, pulling at the grass.

“Yeah maybe at first - but then everyone will get over it. Everything will be okay in the end if you just give it time. It’s obviously not just gonna be like an overnight thing. But what’s the point in dragging it out or denying what you want to do based on something that might not even happen? Give them some credit Kid. You’re not the only one that wants things to be okay.”

I hum noncommittally, mulling over his words. He makes a good point about giving them more credit. I suppose I’ve made a few assumptions along the way. Maybe it won’t be so bad. I’m still going to worry but then I figure that’s just me. I’d worry no matter what anyway.

Smiling softly at the boy sitting beside me, I nudge his knee with my own. “How’d you get to be so wise klunk-for-brains?”

He puffs his chest out, preening. “I’m clearly the best Shuck-wit.”

With a snort, I shake my head at the drama queen. “Slinthead .”


	32. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry it's taken me so long to update. I have excuses but i figure it'll be much better to just give you the latest chapter. It's a little over 7k words so hopefully that'll compensate a little for the hiatus. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy it!

For the next two weeks, we all fall into our new routines.  

Ben and I spend longer and longer each day running laps around the Glade. He was finding it really hard earlier in the week, but he seems to be coming into his own now. We’ve still got a while to go, but I’m rather impressed by him really. When we’re not running, we’re going over the maps and making the model of the maze on the big table in the map room. I say we, but it’s Ben’s baby. I just help out now and then, Ben has done the most work on it. He spends a lot of his free time in there too. I don’t think Tim has started talking to him again yet properly - slinthead - so he’s keeping himself busy.

Most evenings, Paul and I take Bark out for a run. She managed to break the tennis ball so we’re down to sticks again. Maybe we’ll get another in the next batch of supplies. Sometimes Minho joins us too and we all race against the furball. She always wins which frustrates Minho who is far too competitive if you ask me - I mean she’s a dog y’know?

I’ve managed to avoid any more serious feelings klunk since the other night. Knowing Paul it’ll only be a matter of time but for now I’ve got time to figure it out.  The days have been so busy I’ve not had much time to go over things properly yet though. By the end of the day I’m just too tired.

Which, funnily enough, is mostly the reason why I find myself wide awake and restless, staring up at the branches of my tree well before sunrise. I’d decided to go to sleep extra early last night and apparently that means I have to wake up extra early too. Damn body clock.

I’d abandoned the thought of going for a morning run when I started running during the day. It makes no sense to tire myself out when I need the energy later, but it means that in situations like this that I’m at a loss at what to do.

Paul had already organised the supply hut and map room a couple of days ago so there’s nothing to tidy. Ben would thump me if I messed with the model when he wasn’t around so that’s off the list too. I’m not sure what jobs need doing in the field either so I’d better leave that be.  It’s not like anyone else is up at this time to go and talk to either and it’d be selfish of me to wake someone up just ‘cause I’m bored.

In the end, I decide to kill time and head off for a shower, gathering up my things and heading off across the clearing. It’s better than nothing and a shower always seems to make me feel better. Not that I’m in a particularly bad mood mind you, but it wouldn’t hurt.

It’s when I’m drying off and getting changed again that it occurs to me that I could do with some of my old shirts for running in. They were definitely more comfortable, but then, I’m pretty sure they were given to the other boys when I didn’t need them any more. 

I could probably just ask for some without it being a big deal but I’d rather not make a fuss. Maybe I could just go and steal a couple of Paul’s - I’m not bothered if he’d mind or not. But then Gally did say a while ago that I could use his if I ever needed to. I don’t exactly need to but he did offer. It wouldn’t hurt to ask anyway.

It’s a little closer to the wake up by the time I wander back across the clearing, this time in the direction of Gally’s hammock. I have no intentions of waking him up, I just figure that he might already be awake. He’s mentioned a few times that he gets up early and stuff so it’s entirely possible. If he’s not, then I’ll just talk to him later - but at least it’s something to do.

I take my time, navigating the way through the trees easily, eventually finding the outline of the hammock and the crates on the floor in the dim light. The sun has started to rise now but the thick layer of trees filter most of it out making it harder to see.

Slowing down to try and gauge if he’s awake, I start to hear something. It’s hard to make out exactly what it is so I carry on. I’m certain it’s Gally but the words are too low to make out. No pattern to it either. Either Gally’s singing is worse than mine or something is going on. In the end, I end up crossing right in front of him to see, being careful of the mulch underfoot so I don’t wake him up in case it’s nothing but I soon realise that something is definitely wrong.

Gally’s face is covered in a sheen of sweat, quirking in a series of unpleasant expressions. The nonsense coming from his mouth sounds pained, forced and broken and his body twitches randomly, swaying the hammock underneath him.

He’s having a nightmare.

Without even deliberating it, I move forward quickly to wake him out of it. Hold on to his shoulders and shake them.

“Gally?” 

I push against him harder, my voice a little stronger. “Hey wake up.”

Sucking in a deep breath Gally startles awake, gripping onto my arms and jumping to his feet, pushing me back a few feet, as though I was trying to attack him or something. Whirling backwards with the force of the movement, unprepared, I almost loose my footing before my brain kicks into gear, catching up with the sudden movement. Shuck that boy is strong. Although I know better, I can’t help the panic that floods my body. 

I push against him on instinct, spluttering. “Woah - Gally! Gally stop it’s just me!”

He stops still at the sound of my voice, blinking furiously trying to figure out where he is presumably. His grip loosens thankfully and his arms give a little but he doesn’t let go, pulling my closer to him instead, eyes searching all over me like he’s looking for something.

“Ebony Are you okay? What’s-” He sounds desperate, almost pleading, eyes still probing for something.

With a different kind of panic washing over me, I do my best to placate him. I’ve never seen him like this before. I realise after a beat that he’s probably worried about grabbing me so hard. “Relax you didn’t mean it everything’s- ”

He cuts me off, furrowing his brow like I’m the one who’s not entirely with it right now. Seemingly unsatisfied, his voice verges on hysterics, louder than before. “Are you okay? You’re- You’re- ”

The way he asks makes me think that his reaction is actually nothing to do with our current position and more to do with whatever he was dreaming about. Maybe he hasn’t fully woken up yet - It’s not as if I haven’t done exactly the same thing before. “Hey I’m okay. Alright? Nothing’s wrong. It was just a dream - you were dreaming.”

I can literally see the point where my words click into place. He exhales sharply, swearing under his breath, letting his now trembling arms drop before gripping onto his hair. He moves backwards to slump into the hammock, looking rather shaken by the whole thing.

Finding myself trembling too, sliding down to the ground and lean against the tree. It all happened so fast.  

“I’m sorry.”

I look up. Gally is holding his head, elbows propped up on his knees, staring into space. Drawing a breath, I try to think of something that would make him feel better. It’s not like he actually hurt me or anything. 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay. Didn’t even hurt y’know? I just got a shock more than anything. You didn’t know what you were doing. It wasn’t real. ”

He scoffs bitterly, rubbing his face harshly, getting his breath back. It must have been a bad one, I wonder if it’s always this bad for him, he looks pretty rough. It’s at that point Gally pauses, his eyes landing on me in distress.

“Shuck. I just- are you alright? I’m so sorry EbbyEbby.”

“Hey, relax. I’m alright.” I scramble to my feet and move over towards him, slowly enough so he can say no but he doesn’t and I end up sitting beside him in his hammock. “You were having a nightmare it wasn’t you. I probably shouldn’t have woken you up like that anyway.” 

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he’s maybe thinking of saying something but he eventually gives up and trains his eyes on the ground. For a good while we just sit there, he doesn’t ask me to leave so I don’t, not that I want to anyway. I’m worried about him. 

Eventually he clears his throat a little. “Did I miss the wake up?” 

“Uh no. I was just coming to see if you were awake yet.”

He nods, still frowning at the fallen leaves and snapped twigs. “Right.”

Another pause. I feel like I ought to say something. Suddenly I feel more like an intruder. “Sorry for giving you a fright.” My voice is kind of smaller than I’d like.

He shakes his head resolutely. “Wasn’t you.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Normally I wouldn’t push, but he seems really out of sorts. Maybe it would do him some good. 

He shakes his head sharply. “No.”

His abruptness catches me off guard. I mean, I get he’s upset but he doesn’t normally bite my head off for just asking. “Oh, okay. Well, you know where I am if you ever-”

“No, it’s not that. I want to it’s just - I literally can’t talk about it.” Gally grumbles, rubbing his face again, like he’s struggling to find the right words.

“Whaddya mean?”

“I just can’t talk about some things. My head gets all messed up and I can’t get the words out.”

“I’m not really following you.”

Huffing, he takes a moment to collect his thoughts, glaring at the dirt now. “Stuff from the changing.”

“The changing?”

His reply sounds pretty forced. Not exactly sentences either. “When I got stung. I saw things - memories from before.”

At first, I nod absent-mindedly. mulling the words over in my head. But then - Wait. What did he just say? Memories? As the penny drops, the realisation shoots through me as though I’d been doused in icy water. I splutter trying to make my words keep up with my thoughts.

“Wait. What? You have memories?” 

Gally spins round to snap at me. “Keep your shuck voice down.”

I duck my head, chastised but too exited to really stop. “Does anyone else know?”

“Not everyone. Most of the keepers and a few others.”

His voice trails off and I wait for him to elaborate. When he doesn’t say anything else I cant help but blurt out. “Well?”

“Well what?”

I blink at him incredulously. ”What did you remember?”

He shrugs. Actually shrugs. Like this revelation is not a big deal. “I can’t talk about it.”

“Why not?” I swear if this is another ‘Alby says’ thing I’m going to flip. 

“I just can’t. Every time I tried it - it just goes badly.”

I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. “Nothing at all?”

Gally sighs, adjusting himself like he’s preparing for something, his mouth even quirks up in that way it does when he’s doing some hard thinking. It gives me the impression that there is more to it than not being able to say anything at all. 

“It won’t do you any good. I can’t talk about it.” So there is something.

I huff, perplexed while I gesture haphazardly to prove my point. “I’m sorry It’s just - you can’t say you have memories and expect me not to want to know. Y’know? I can’t - not ask.”

He doesn’t say anything. A long pause stretching out between us and for once I’m reluctant to break it. It’s a good thing I don’t too ‘cause he eventually sucks in a deep breath and breaks it himself. 

“I’ve seen you before.”

It takes a couple of seconds for it to register. “Saw me? Wait. Before? Before what?”

“Before you arrived here.”

I feel winded. “You saw me, out there? Out - Out there?” There really is no eloquent way to describe a place I have no idea about.

“Yeah.”

My mind starts reeling, going too quickly for me to keep up - trying to process this new information. “Well - What was I doing? Why was-?”

“Ebony - You gotta stop.”

“Why didn’t you say anything Gally? All this time and you never -”

Gally’s sudden outburst cuts me off. He looks rather frantic. “Because it’s not fair okay!? It’s not fair on you because I can’t tell you anything about it and it’s not fair on me because it’s not - it’s just not fair.”

He’s panting a little, obviously struggling with something. I take a few moments in the quiet to compose myself and get a grip, at least a little. I’m pretty frantic myself. He’s just told me to stop. I’m pushing. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Breathing deeply, I nod solemnly. My gut twisting unpleasantly  I guess I’ll just never know - frustrating as the thought is, I have to do the right thing. "Alright Gally. Okay.”

For the first time that I can remember, the silence that falls around us feels awkward and unnatural. I kind of hate it. I can’t figure out what I should do, or say to make it any better.

Just when I’m about to make my excuses and  leave, unable to stand the tension any longer, Gally speaks up. “You were coming to see if I was awake? Couldn’t sleep or something?”

It takes me a moment to sort through my thoughts enough to remember why I came to Gally’s spot in the first place. It already feels like a long time ago. Even my voice feels awkward now. “Oh. I was wondering if it’s still okay if I use a couple of your shirts? For running, in yknow?”

“Sure.” Gally bobs his head a few times, reaching over to one of the bags on the floor. He pulls out a few - he must horde them or something - and gently hands them to me. When I look up, he has a soft smile on his face, almost apologetic. 

I give him a small smile in return, as warm as I can manage. Part of me wants to stay here and figure out how to make things right, but my head is swimming in white noise, indecipherable thoughts about what I’d just learned. I actually think I need some space.

Using my knees as leverage I get to my feet. “Thanks Gally. I’m gonna head out. Wake up soon and all.”

“Yeah okay.” He looks disappointed but what else am I supposed to do?

With a little sigh, I start heading back to the clearing. I’ve not gone far when Gally calls from behind. “Ebbs?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m uh - I’ll see you later.”

What was he going to say? I groan internally, I should probably do something, but I can’t figure out what. So after a beat, I call back to him. “See ya Gal.” I’ll figure something out later.

Maybe I would run this morning after all.

For the majority of the morning routine I feel as though I’m on auto pilot. Methodically waking Benny up, eating breakfast, waking Benny up again, getting my gear on, threatening to kick Benny’s door in if he doesn’t wake up. I do spot Paul and Minho in some kind of heated discussion though. I would say they were arguing, but the never argue. So it must be something else. 

“Alright?”

Startled, I find Newt sitting on the step next to me. When did he appear? I don’t think he was saying anything before that.  “Hey.”

“Looked pretty deep in thought there.”

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I was just - thinking.” I answer lamely, my brain not quite caught up yet. In my defence I’ve got a lot on my mind. Something tells me that it won’t do much good to bring it up. I’m pretty sure that Newt would know about it already, but still. 

“Okay.” He nods, his mouth turning up in a smirk and he looks across the clearing where some Gladers are starting to crawl out of their sleeping bags.

I take a minute to look him over, we haven’t had much time to just sit and talk lately. Mainly because of how much time I’ve been spending with Benny, either running or in the hut helping - well. Passing him tools and chunks of wood mostly. I’ve kinda missed our little chats. 

“Everything okay?”

He turns back to me and smiles. “Peachy love.”

“Good.”

Leaning back, Newt drags a hand through his hair. “I was watching you with Ben yesterday.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, looks like he’s doing a lot better. Be ready before you know it.”

“True. I’m only just getting used to working with him.”  

Something about that makes me feel kind of sad. He is doing really well in such a short space of time. And of course, the whole point of me even running with him was to get him ready, it was never going to be a permanent thing. We’ve still got a ways to go yet, but I already know I’ll miss doing it when he’s ready. 

Rubbing my face, I sigh. ”Thank you for whatever you said to him by the way it helped a lot.”

Newt just nods. “You’re doing a good job y’know.

Meeting his gaze, I can’t help but smile. He always knows what to say, “Thanks Newt.”

He smiles too.

It’s not long after that that I find myself running along the maze walls with Benny. I’m doing my best to act normal and keep going, but the more I seem to act normal the more out of sorts I end up. Either he doesn’t notice or he doesn’t care, but Benny keeps at it, letting me push him harder - not entirely intentional but it won’t hurt him to go a bit harder anyway.

Maybe Ben knows - he is one of Gally’s friends after all. But then, maybe I shouldn’t ask him, just in case. It’s none of my business really. Gally didn’t want me to talk about it right? So I shouldn’t. If he wanted to tell me he would right? 

But what did he mean, it wasn’t fair. What did he mean that he can’t talk about it? Don’t we deserve to all know? He said it always ended badly when he tried talking about it, so he must have told someone, but he should know that I would never judge him for whatever he was going to say. It’s not like it’s his fault anyway. 

But then, he did tell me it wouldn’t do me any good to know. He said that it wasn’t fair too. What if it was bad? Whatever it was? That’s the must frustrating thing about it. This information could be about literally anything - my mind has already ran through countless possibilities. It’s crossed my mind that things could be even worse out there - wherever there is. But how could it? With the death and the monsters and the concrete prison we’ve been trapped in for years now, how could things be worse?

Do I really want to know? Would it help?

There’s only so long I can go round in circles before I start getting far too frustrated. Every new thing I think of only leads to more questions. I need to think about something else. 

Something else. 

What something else? It’s literally all I can think about.

With a groan, pounding my feet against the ground, I turn my thoughts to the one thing I’ve been avoiding. Paul would be happy at least. 

Love klunk it is. 

I’m probably pushing it a bit with how long I’ve been putting it off, it’s been a few months now since the night they all told me how they felt. Not only that, but I have been kind of getting sick of it looming over my head. Dealing with it for once and for all would be best for us all. 

I realise that I’m probably looking at it with a bad attitude, it’s just, nothing good has come from this ‘feelings’ klunk so far. I mean, look at Aiden. And Paul was saying about how everyone’s getting tense and arguing over it. The whole reason Alby wanted it sorting was because it was distracting everyone. I feel a twinge of guilt at that. I should have sorted this out by now.

Maybe Aiden would still be – no. 

But then, it’s not all been bad has it? No, there’s definitely been some good things too. Shuck this is hard.

“What’s the number Benny?”

Ben flicks his eyes over to me, trying to keep his pace even as we run along the edge of the glade. “Seven.”

“Good. how many left turns?”

He hesitates for a moment. “Uh, this is the thirtieth.”

“Nope.”

“What? It is!”

“These are right turns slinthead.”

“Ahh shuck it. Wait no. These are left turns shuckface.”

“Gotcha.”

Ben growls at me, fuelling my glee. I totally get why Paul loved winding me up so much, it really is fun.

“Just keep going. You’re doing great. We’re gonna switch soon so pay attention.”

I’d been working hard to improve Benny’s confidence with his decision making - getting him to believe in himself a bit more. It’s important he learns to trust his gut and his decisions. They’ll save his life one day. 

Speaking of gut decisions, maybe I should have tried to apply that thinking to my other situation. It wouldn’t have dragged out so long if I had. But then, thinking back to how I had felt about it in the beginning, I would have told them all no and be done with it.

It’s at that point I realise that I hadn’t considered picking no one at all for a long time. I guess I do want to be with someone. But who? I suppose I figured out that I could have feelings like that - different than just friend feelings when I kissed Newt. But then, it’s not just Newt is it? - otherwise it would be an easy decision to make. 

But what separates a friend from being more than a friend? I can’t just go around kissing everyone. The boys are so different and yet there’s a lot of things I like about them - a fair amount of things I don’t like but let’s be positive about this. The question is, do I like those things in a friend way or a more than friend way. I think that’s it anyway. 

Because Zart coming over and talking to me is different to Newt coming over, and sleeping next to Minho feels different to sleeping next to Paul, and borrowing clothes from Gally feels different to the they way it does to the time I had to ask Brian for clothes and the way Tim smiles feels different to the way that Clint does. So there’s that. Something about it is more meaningful. Is that what I’m looking at? Is that the whole feeling’s thing? 

Paul said to figure out who liked me for me, and then see who I liked. I reckon they are pretty decent, and kind. Paul likes them, and he’s always looked out for me. Sure, we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but it’s not like I’m right all the time anyway. Everyone knows how stubborn I can get.

But I could say that about them all. There’s more to it than that I suppose but generally speaking.

Is that even the right kind of feeling to be in love with someone?

Maybe I’m over thinking this.

As luck would have it, the box alarm provides a helpful interruption in my thoughts, the noise cutting through the air. It’s early The supplies will be up in half an hour - a welcome distraction from all the heavy thinking. 

“C’mon Benny, another lap and we’ll take a break and help with the box supplies.”

Squinting, Ben looks at me like I’ve got two heads. “You’ve got a twisted idea of a break.”

“Quit cryin’ ya big baby. We’ll go get lunch after.”

“Now that’s a break.”

“Uh huh.”

We finish that lap faster than anticipated so I manage to get another out of him. If the grumbling and swearing under his breath was anything to go by, he wasn’t very happy with me. I might be spending too much time with Paul, but I found it rather funny.

Ben and I get to the box just in time for the box doors to be pulled open. I can’t help but feel a little awkward weaving myself between the boys to get a good look inside. After the things I’ve just been thinking about some of them I feel a little self conscious. which is silly really. It’s not like they can read my mind or whatever. 

Newt catches my eye from the other side of the box and it feels like he can see right through me. Shuck. Feeling my face tingle a little, I give him a quick grin and try to concentrate on the supplies.

There’s no animals today again, just an array of crates and a few bags. Tim and Chris hop down inside the box and start passing things up. One by one the crowd clears as they boys take the stuff it is designated place. There’s actually a lot of supplies this time, makes me wonder what people have asked down for. Or maybe this is just what the creators wanted to give us. 

I see pretty much every shank in the glade at one point, reminding my just how many of us there are here. It also makes it kind of obvious that someone else isn’t here. Maybe he’s just busy but Gally doesn’t make an appearance. Usually he’s one of the first to arrive - I think he likes being the one to go in the box personally. But not today. 

It reminds me all over again about this morning, making me feel unsettled once more. Thinking about how scared he looked - The way he totally freaked out? It was kind of scary. I guess I’m just used to him always being okay. The strong one y’know? But then, we’re all just kids. It can be easy to forget that sometimes with everything that goes on. And maybe the things he remembers aren’t -  shuck who knows. I hope he’s alright though.

Grabbing a bag of flour, I’m one of the last to go. Hauling it to the kitchen is hard work but I manage, thankfully I can see the door is already open. One less thing for me to deal with anyway. The closer I get the more I’m aware of a banging noise which wouldn’t be weird. Only everyone usually uses the box supplies as an excuse to down tools for a while - especially ‘cause it’s lunchtime.

Scanning for the source of the banging I find Gally up on the roof to the new extension, hammering the slats into place. He notices me looking and stops for a moment. I want to shout something over to him but just like this morning it feels awkward all over again. The words die in my throat and i end up just looking at him until he turns back to his task and the banging resumes once again. Talk about awkward. What is wrong with me today?

Grumbling to myself I head into the kitchen. I need to fix this. I just need to figure out how. 

“Just ignore them.”

A short while later I slide into the bench in homestead for lunch in the space between Zart and Winston. They were all talking at once when I got there so I’m not sure what they’re even talking about but Zart’s griping catches my attention.

“Ignore them about what?”

“Zart keeps cryin’ ‘cause he misses you Ebby.”

I raise my eyebrows in teasing surprise. trying and probably failing to keep it out of my voice. “Is that so?”

“Slim it shuckfaces. I was just sayin’ it’s weird without you in the field. Gotten used to you being around that’s all.”

“Aww Zart. I never knew you cared!”

“Yeah yeah.”

I nudge him with a grin taking a large bite out of my sandwich. He just rolls his eyes. I feel a twinge of guilt, being reminded of the whole love klunk for a moment but brush it off, determined to be positive about things. Or try to be at least. 

It’s good to just sit with the guys and catch up. lately, Ben and I have been having lunch at a different time to most of the gladers, just depending on when we take breaks really, so I haven’t seen the boys as much. Looking over to Benny who is in deep conversation with the builders, it seems that he feels the same way. 

It’s all going so well that when Henry decides to pick an argument with Win, we all notice. Though, in all honesty, it’s more entertaining than anything.

“We’re not killing the chicken and that’s the end of it!”

“The shuck thing isn’t laying any eggs, we don’t have a cockerel to make more chickens anyway so we might as well just eat the thing.”

Winston shakes his head. “We’ll get one eventually. That’s what everyone said when I asked down for goats but they turned up in the end didn’t they?”

“She’s still useless.” Henry grumbles, pulling apart the crust from his bread. There’s less fire in his words now though. 

“She’s not old enough yet. She’ll start laying in a month or two.”

“You sure?” I roll my eyes at his scepticism. I doubt Henry knows the first thing about looking after the animals. He’s acting like a slinthead, talking about killing my Custard. Over my dead body. I make a mental note to not give Steve the satisfaction of knowing that though. 

“That’s what the other one was like anyway. You know I got my job the same way you did shank.”

“Yeah yeah. I just want some chicken.”

“Well you’re not having any anytime soon. Get over it.”

Both boy glare at each other and the room feels a lot more subdued. Just when it looks like they’re going to start all over again, Newt pipes up, interrupting them both.

“Guys give it a rest already. No one’s killin’ the bloody chicken. If you want some good news Hen, you’ll be happy to hear we got some of that syrup stuff again in the supplies so fry can cook us up something nice.”

Everyone murmurs in agreement at that, Danny piping up above the rest. “Yeah if he doesn’t poison us all.”

We all laugh at that and business returns to normal. I nudge newt under the table and he gives me a small grin.

“Nicely done.”

He snorts, scoffing at himself. “I try.”

After lunch Ben and I go to the map room and work on the model for a bit. It would make more sense to do it at the end of the day, only that’s when the other runners get back so the room will be busy so we can always run more then instead. 

It’s coming along quite nicely. Took us a while to figure out how to make it so the walls move and by us I really just mean Benny. I’ve been going over the maps instead, as well as my own memory and making sure things are accurate. Ben decided on making sections of the maze so they can be pulled out and rearranged - kinda like a puzzle. It’s a good idea, if not time consuming. But we’ve gotten quite far along already.

The task keep my thoughts occupied for a few hours which I’m rather grateful for. Ben grumbles when its time to start running again, but honestly, he’s going to have to get used to running all the time so I’m unfazed by his pouting. Big baby,

We run for hours until it starts going dark. By the time I let him rest for the night I'm positive he hates my guts. On  the plus side I end up feeling a lot better. 

“So, I hear Gally told you about his weird memories.”

Watching Bark bolt after the stick I furrow my brow, turning to squint at Paul. He seems as casual about it as Zart is when he talks about radishes. Considering how big a deal it is, I find it rather bizarre to say the least.

“You know about that?”

“Yeah, he was worried he’d jacked you up about it, so I told him I’d talk to you.”

Stick in tow, Bark bounds back towards us, dropping the stick at Paul’s feet who passes it to me. The pup barks in excitement, waiting for me to throw it. I’m somewhat envious of how simple things are for her. Which is just stupid. She’s a dog after all.

Launching it towards the trees, I purse my lips. That wasn’t what I was getting at. “No, I mean - you knew he had memories? That he’d seen me before?”

“Well yeah. We were both runners when he got stung, and he’s my friend. Obviously I knew.”

It makes sense that he knows really. It probably shouldn’t have surprised me but I can’t help but feel a little hurt from being kept in the dark. It’s pretty important. 

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“We figured there was no point. It might hurt more than help y’know?”

I scoff bitterly and scowl at the ground, irritated that they kept something like that from me. I mean, it’s about me too right? Surely I had a right to know,

Paul takes one look at me and frowns. “C’mon kid. Did finding that out make you feel any better? Honestly?”

Did it? I take a moment to really think. All I know is that he saw me somehow before we were in this maze. Not when, not where, not how. I don’t know what we were doing - or anything really. And I should know, I’ve spent so much of today going through possibilities, knowing I’m probably wrong too.

Sighing, I shake my head. “No. Not really. It’s just frustrating.”

Nodding along, Paul shrugs. “Exactly. It’s hard for him too y’know - that he can’t talk about it. He wants to, we tried pretty much everything, but the last time he tried to talk about it it took three shanks to stop him from braining himself with a hammer. So in the end we all agreed he shouldn’t try anymore.”

A hammer? Alarmed, I let out a small gasp. 

“why did he-?”

“- he didn't want to. It was like he couldn't control his own body. It was scary.”

“Why does it happen?”

“Who knows? It’s the creators anyway, they’ve messed with his head somehow. Maybe they can do it to all of us? Or maybe it’s part of the changing. I don’t suppose we’ll ever know.”

“There’s a lot of that going round lately.”

Paul lets out a frustrated grumble and palms his hair flat, which is useless because it springs back instantly. “Look, there’s no point in going on about it Kid. He can’t talk about it and to be honest, I don’t think it’s going to be anything good anyway if how he reacts is anything to go on. ”

I suppose I hadn't considered that. He was so terrified this morning.  If whatever he sees scares him that much, it can't  be anything good. Gah! What is it?

Bark returns yet again and bounds over to Paul instead of me so I take the cue to flop down onto the grass as he flings the stick into the darkness once again. He sighs and sits on the boulder to my right, eyes watching the forest edge for the pup.

“I'll fix it tomorrow.”

“Good.”

I lounge back, laying against the cool grass, my fingers pulling at the reeds by my sides.  It's a comfortable silence and I let it wash over me, feeling at ease for the first time today.

I flick my eyes open, remembering something. “Hey guess what?”

“What?”

“You'll be proud of me.”

“I will? Why?”

“I was thinking about the love klunk earlier.”

He turns his full attention to me then, eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise. “Without anyone forcing you to? You feeling okay kid?”

“Shut up.”

Paul chuckles, the sound makes me smile. It’s only when I go to explain what I’ve been talking about that it suddenly feels like I’m back at square one. Why is it so hard to talk about this stuff? 

“Well?”

“Shuck I don’t know Paul.”

“Yes you do. C'mon. It’s just me here.”

He’s right. I can talk about this stuff with Paul. I can talk about anything. Sucking in a deep breath, I push past the lump in my throat and my burning face. “I’ve been narrowing it down.”

“Oh?”

I hum in confirmation. “You said to think about who liked me right? Then see who I liked. So I’ve been trying.”

“That’s great kid. Wanna tell me who?”

I swallow thickly, feeling nervous. If I tell him it’ll make everything more real. But it’s not like the problem is going to go away. Shuck it.

“Okay so Newt.”

Paul rolls his eyes, scoffing lightly. “He was a given.”

“No he wasn’t.” I mutter defensively, scrunching my eyebrows together

“You kissed him Kid. C’mon.”

I suppose he has a point. Huffing dramatically I throw a tiny pebble at his feet and push onwards. “Slim it shuckface. Newt – Clint –“

“-Clint?” He sounds genuinely surprised.

“Yes Clint, He’s always lovely to me and he makes me laugh with his bad jokes. It’s more than most people do.” I feel oddly vulnerable lying there staring up at the stars, the sooner this klunk is over the better.

He holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright then, Clint it is. Go on.”

I glare at him for a moment, he isn’t being very helpful. This isn’t easy. Once I think he’s done interrupting me, I continue.  “Minho-“

“Minho? Really?” He almost sounds sarcastic and it grates on my last nerve. Is it so hard to believe that I might like him? 

“Are you going to interrupt me for all of them?”

He laughs running a hand through his hair. “No, it's just Minho is being – Wait. How many are there exactly?”

I shrug, not exactly having counted them all. “Less than a handfull.”

“That’s such a stupid saying. How can you fit one person in your hand never mind a few of them.”

“Paul?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Sorry.”

I chuckle lightly. I guess it isn’t exactly a short list. Sighing, I decide to reel the rest of the names off before Paul can go on about it anymore. Rip it off like a band aid. “Newt, Clint, Minho, Gally and Steve.”

Bark, who had grown tired of waiting for us to throw the stick again, saunters over and licks my face. I push her away a little and rub behind her ears. Throwing her weight down she flops at my side and digs her paws into me as she turns around onto her back. I’d be grumpy about it but I don’t actually mind.

Scratching her belly absentmindedly, i notice how quiet the glade is tonight. It’s pretty peaceful. I realise how much lighter I feel just by getting their names out into the open. I was worried that making it more real would make things worse by for once I can see that things are going to be okay.

“I approve.”

“What?” His comment brings me out of my thoughts but I cant do much more than blink at him. 

“I approve.” He shrugs easily smiling like its the easiest thing in the world. He approves of my choices? I didn't really think I needed it but I guess its reassuring to know he thinks they'll be okay. I trust his judgement.

I sit myself up and pick at the laces on my shoes. “Good for you shuckface but now what do I do?”

“Whaddya mean?”

Looking at his furrowed face I shrug, trying to communicate how difficult I'm finding this whole thing.

“Well – I dunno. How do I pick one of them?”

“It’s not that simple kiddo.”

Of course its not. Great. “Why not?”

When Paul doesn't immediately offer anything up I continue, trying to talk it out of my system. “I like them, for different reasons, more than the others but I have no idea if it's cause I love them or – or something else.”

I look over to Paul,  looping my arms around my knees, hugging myself tightly. I suddenly don’t feel sure at all.  “How am I supposed to know?”

He watches me for a moment, his face softening into something more serious. “I reckon you’ll just know. It’s no good trying to force these things.”

“That’s helpful.”

“Hey, I try.” 

Sending him a quick grin, I sigh softly and concentrate on my shoes again. I'm tired. 

“Don’t sweat it kid. It’ll be okay. I’d bet my bacon that you already know who its going to be,  just haven’t realised it yet.”

When all I do is nod, he gets to his feet and crosses over to me, kneeling in the grass and offering his arms out in invitation. “C'mere.”

Without hesitation I lean into him and am immediately surrounded by his warmth. He feels safe.  “I just want it to be over already Paul.”

“I know. I know kid but it'll all be alright in the end. Okay?”

I nod against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me through this story. Any thoughts you have on it are always welcome - I'd love to talk to you all. I'm hopelesstmrblogger on tumblr if you want to come find me! :) x


End file.
